Slave Training: A Master’s Complete Guide to Training His Submissive

how to train your submissive slide - a complete guide to bdsm slave training

So you want to know everything there is to know about BDSM slave training…

You’ve come to the right place, my friend.

Sit down, strap in, and let me walk you through what I’ve learned in the past few years about owning and training a submissive slave.

I recommend reading this slave training manual in full from top to bottom for complete context, but I know there are some ADHD rebels out there.

If that’s you, use the table of contents to jump to a section which appeals to you the most.

Just don’t forget to come back and read the entire BDSM training guide at a later date.

This guide talks about a male heterosexual Master and a female submissive slave. That’s what I write about because that’s what I know. That said, these training techniques are still appropriate for any gender and sexual orientation.

An introduction to slave training

Before we dive in, let’s make sure we are all on the same page regarding what slave training actually is.

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What is BDSM slave training?

A BDSM slave is someone who is in a Master/slave (or M/s) relationship and enjoys serving the other person as part of their D/s relationship power dynamic (See a more in-depth definition here).

In order to learn how her Master wishes his slave to act, she must undergo some form of slave training to learn his preferences.

Training? In a relationship?

Yes! BDSM slaves thrive on having a set of rules to follow in every type of situation. They enjoy knowing what they are supposed to do and when. They enjoy the feeling of having given up their power completely to their Master.

They no longer have to think, only act. This is extremely alluring for people who worry too much or think a lot. They get a sense of calm, a state of mindfulness, from not having to make decisions (similar to subspace or littlespace).

Why is slave training a thing in BDSM?

Nobody wants a sloppy slave. Each Master has their own unique way of doing things.

In order for the submissive slave to know what she is supposed to do, she needs to learn his rules.

She may have had a previous owner who did things very differently, and needs time to learn to adapt to her new Master’s needs.

Slave training is also useful to determine boundaries and hard limits. During the training, the submissive may uncover things she doesn’t want to do and conversely stuff she really enjoys doing.

This is especially true if you or your slave are new to the kink world and starting to experiment. You won’t necessarily know exactly what turns you on or off at this stage, or exactly what style of Dom and sub relationship you are after.

The slave training process is also useful for YOU. A Master should constantly be figuring out how to improve himself. As you get deeper into your slave training exploits, you’ll need to work on yourself, improving your assertiveness, confidence, self-control, vocal projection, dominant sexual skills and much more.

This is a two-way street. You might be in charge, but you owe it to your slave to be a good Master for her.

How do you go about slave training?

bdsm slave kneeling before master
A BDSM slave in training kneels before her Master, awaiting instruction.

First of all, you need a willing participant. For the sake of this article, I’ll assume you already have a partner you want to train, and they have expressed an interested in BDSM and being submissive.

Submissive training requires work, a good knowledge of yourself, and effective communication as well as a good training plan.

Below is a set of basic steps you can follow to get good results.

  1. Determine what type of slave you want
  2. Discuss boundaries and wants / desires
  3. Agree on protocol
  4. Sign a contract
  5. Teach them the submissive poses
  6. Train them on their duties
  7. Punish them if necessary
  8. Conduct a trial run period
  9. Collar them if all goes well

I’ll describe each of these training steps in more detail.

Step 1: Design your ideal Master/slave dynamic

A submissive slave dynamic can take several forms depending upon what the Master wants and how the submissive finds pleasure.

Decide what type of slave you want

What type of slave do you want?

Do you want someone who never speaks and obeys you with no regard for their own safety or pleasure? This is a big responsibility and not to be taken lightly – can you handle it?

Or do you want a bratty little slave who will answer back when you give her commands and require constant punishment for misdemeanours?

Or do you want your slave to only serve you sexually in the bedroom? The rest of the time you have a bog-standard couple’s relationship,

submissive slave in training, bound with rope for her dominant

Here are a few ideas to get you started.

  • House/Domestic servant. They are responsible for maintaining the running of the Master’s household, including washing, ironing, cleaning and cooking.
  • Sex slave. The Master’s property to use as he wishes sexually. This may include bondage and free use kinks.
  • Toilet slave. Some kink parties have a toilet slave in the public bathrooms who is responsible for keeping the toilets clean and washing people’s hands.
  • Kajira or Gorean slave. Expected to fulfill the roles of a domestic servant and sex slave rolled into one.

This is by no means a complete list. You should mix and match styles to create your own D/s relationship dynamic.

Decide on low or high protocol

Protocol is simply how you agree to do things. What are the rituals, behaviours and routines you expect from your slave in the relationship.

Examples of protocols would be:

  • When I come home from work my slave should be waiting by the door with a nice cold beer for me.
  • My slave is not allowed to sleep in the same bed as me unless they ask my permission.
  • When in public, my slave won’t talk to anyone without first asking my permission.
  • Before we have sex, my slave should stand before me naked for one minute to allow me to admire her body.

There are two types you’ll hear referred to: high protocol and low protocol (although most won’t ever really say low protocol).

What’s the difference?

In a high protocol BDSM Master/slave relationship the slave is expected to carry out duties to an extremely high standard.

Think of it as the equivalent of going out for a meal with your mates down the pub, versus meeting the Queen of England for afternoon tea.

In the first scenario you’re behaving, but not as formally as you might. At Buckingham Palace you’re on your best behaviour and doing everything perfectly. If you don’t you’re likely to be escorted out or locked in a dungeon (funishment, anyone?).

Low protocol is a more informal style of Master/slave dynamic. You don’t expect your submissive to be in slave mode 100% of the time. You may have a code word that signifies the start of the dynamic.

I recommend starting with low protocol until you have a lot of experience under your belt. I find lower protocol much more enjoyable because I want a fun, happy and extraverted girlfriend. If they were a high protocol 24/7 slave you are stripping them of showing their personality, which isn’t my ideal relationship.

Decide on 24/7 versus occasional

Decide how often you want you and your partner to enter the Master/slave dynamic.

You can do this in various ways:

  • Occasional, low protocol. You agree a time and date and a duration for which the dynamic will be enforced. If your partner only wants to be a sex slave, then this will probably be in the bedroom, but most slaves like duties that extend around the household.
  • 24/7, low protocol. You have a 24/7 relationship but it is low protocol. In other words, your submissive partner is always ready and willing to be your slave, but won’t be acting as your slave until you ask something of her.
  • High protocol at home, lower protocol elsewhere. When you are at your house then high protocol is enforced. When in public you switch to lower protocol.
  • High protocol, 24/7. This is the extreme end of a Master and slave dynamic.

Again, remember there is no right or wrong way to go about a dynamic, and this list isn’t complete. You’ll need to feel out the dynamic as you go, improving and refining it over time until you get to something which feels right.

If you need a recommendation, start with occasional, low protocol.

Step 2: Talk to your partner

You’ve decided the type of dynamic you want. Now it’s time to talk to your partner to understand what they want. (Assuming, of course, you didn’t do step one with your partner).

Just because they are your slave doesn’t mean you can get them to do everything you want them to do.

Yes, there are some BDSM slaves who have no limits, but they are very rare. Your slave will almost certainly have some. As a responsible Master and human being you MUST have an in-depth conversation with your slave before submissive training begins to understand what they want to get out of the relationship with you.

Yes, you heard me right. Just because you’re a dominant doesn’t mean everything is about you and you can forget about the other person (read up on how to be a Dom). As their Master, you are obligated to take care of your slave.

Start by sitting them down and having a conversation in a neutral setting, where you have time.

You should look to discuss:

  • Hard limits. What will your slave absolutely not do under any circumstances.
  • Extent of dynamic. Talk to them about what style of dynamic you want, based on what you learned in the previous section. What are their thoughts? Does that sound like a turn on to them or are they hesitant? Make sure you are both in agreement.
  • Desires. Is there anything your BDSM slave really wants. What gets them hot under the BDSM collar? What do they particularly want from being your slave?

As a submissive, they may have difficulty expressing their needs. Make sure that your dominant personality is not pressuring them into agreeing with something just because they think you want it.

Explain that during this discussion it is important for them to speak their mind, in an authentic and truthful fashion, and that you are there to listen and not judge whatever they say.

Give them time to think about the questions.

[convertkit form=1471620]

If they struggle to convey their desires via words, have them write them in a notebook, or send them to you via text. Not having you in their presence may alleviate some of the pressure and will free their mind to be more honest.

Make sure you make a note of what they’ve said so you don’t forget and can refer to it in the future.

After the discussion (probably several discussions), you’ll both have a good understanding of:

  • What they want out of the relationship
  • What you want out of the relationship
  • What the hard limits are for both of you
  • What dynamic the relationship will take

Step 3: Sign a BDSM slave contract

a slave contract can be written in a book

By now you’ve discussed your desire to have a slave with your partner (or they have discussed wanting a Master) and you’ve both given consent to enter this type of relationship.

You also have a good idea of where their boundaries are and how far they want to take the dynamic.

Now it’s time to write everything up in a submissive slave contract so you are both clear what has been agreed.

What is a BDSM slave contract?

A BDSM slave contract is a document which names the slave and their owner. It contains all the information detailing the Master/slave dynamic and upon what you’ve agreed.

Contract formats vary. It could just be one page with a few simple bullet points detailing what you expect from your slave. Or it could be a fully fledged long document with absolutely everything the slave needs to know.

Why would you want a BDSM slave contract?

A contract cements the relationship. It’s the equivalent of a business handshake. It’s not a formal or legally binding document, and neither person is under a legal obligation to follow it.

But it does make the whole deal seem a little more real.

Plus it acts as a reference, so you can check back in on what you agreed just in case you forget.

How to create a slave contract

You can make your own slave contract or buy a template online.

I recommend you create your own in Google Docs so you can easily share it with your slave. Creating your own will also give you more flexibility. This is your slave after all, and there will be things you want to put in the contract that aren’t in a standard template.

Sample sections of BDSM slave contracts are listed below. Pick the ones that take your fancy, and leave out the rest.

  • Duties and responsibilities. What do you expect your slave to be responsible for? What are their duties in the relationship, around the house, when you’re in public, etc.
  • Expectations, wants and desires. Write down everything discussed in the initial conversation.
  • Other people. What’s your policy on interacting with other people? Are you in a monogamous relationship or can you or your slave play with others?
  • Veto power. Under what circumstances does the slave dynamic end? Typically there will be something around when the Master or slave falls ill or there is a medical emergency.
  • Goals. What are the main objectives of having this BDSM slave relationship? Is it a short term casual thing? Is it to bring you closer together in a loving relationship? Maybe it’s to train your slave up so she can join a group of other slaves all living together.
  • Referring to each other. What should the slave call her Master? What are you going to call her? Are there any words that are off limits? Some slaves are fine with being called a slut but cannot stand being called a whore and vice versa.
  • Verbal and non-verbal commands. What commands will you give and how should your slave respond? This can include a list of submissive poses to adopt.
  • Punishment. What will the slave’s punishment be if they don’t carry out their duties as requested? And what are some rules to prevent your slave from being harmed during punishment?
  • Training schedule. Getting really fancy, you could create a complete training programme for your submissive slave, laying out exactly what her BDSM slave training will be over the next weeks and months.
  • Progress chart. Everyone likes seeing a gold star next to their name. Why not create a progress chart or reward system where your slave can see how well they are doing.

Examples of BDSM slave contracts

Below are some examples of BDSM slave contracts to get you thinking about your own. Copy what is useful and discard the rest to create your own contract which works for your dynamic.

house of khaos bdsm slave contract
House of KAOS Slave Contract. A high protocol manual for slaves to refer to.

Mistakes to avoid

Don’t get caught in the trap of thinking your slave contract needs to be perfect. You can always refine it over time.

There’s no single correct way of creating a contract. Remember, it’s simply a document detailing how you want your Master/slave relationship to be carried out so everyone has clarity.

If you are not enforcing high protocol then you may not even need a detailed slave contract. A bullet point list of what you expect from them may suffice.

If you and your slave can read the document and know what each other want, and are enjoying your relationship together, then it has served its purpose.

Step 4: Learn the slave positions and commands

submissive naked woman has ankles and wrists cuffed
What would you name this pose?

Now you’ve agreed upon the boundaries of your BDSM relationship with your partner, it’s time to start the real slave training. This is the fun bit where you get to teach them commands and expect them to respond appropriately.

Let’s start with slave poses.

What are BDSM slave positions?

Slave positions are poses your submissive will take when you give a command. The number and type of positions you want to train your slave to do is up to you.

Each position should have a simple command that is easy to remember. As soon as the command is issued the slave should adopt the position and remain there until otherwise instructed.

A large part of BDSM slave training is practising the commands, watching as your slave adopts the positions, then correcting her posture until she is doing it just the way you want.

Why make your slave adopt various positions?

If you have a 24/7 Master/slave dynamic then a lot of the time will be sitting around doing usual couple stuff.

Watching Netflix.

Reading a book on the sofa.

Going out for lunch at the local pub.

Meeting friends for a night out.

How do you make these seemingly innocuous activities into something more slave-y?

Simple! You make your slave adopt various positions whilst you as the Master enjoy these activities. The positions emphasise her submissiveness to you.

Examples of slave positions with commands

Let’s take a look at a few common positions you’ll hear about. How many of them you train your slave to do is up to you. The command words are given in bold.

Simple slave commands

Stand. She stands with her feet together, hands by her side or clasped behind her back. Head bowed and awaiting your instructions.

Sit. She sits on the floor cross-legged.

Kneel. She kneels down, bum on ankles, head bowed. Arms can rest on her thighs or be clasped behind her back.

All fours. On all fours, ass facing me, knees shoulder-width apart. If wearing trousers they should be removed. If wearing a skirt it should be pulled up over her arse and underwear should be removed.  This is a good command for a sexual slave girl.

Advanced slave commands

Spread. This is more of a command than a position. When I say spread, my sub spreads her legs, in whatever position she is in. For example, if she is in the standing position, she will move her feet from being together to being just wider than shoulder-width. If she is kneeling, she will spread her knees. This command and position combination is used when you want to inspect your slave’s body, or simply derive sexual gratification from knowing that her pussy is exposed for you. And why shouldn’t you – she’s your property after all.

Display. The sub must perform a series of positions one after the other, only moving on to the next one after approval of their Master. These positions are for the Master to enjoy looking at his slave’s body. A routine might look like this.

  1. Breasts. kneeling, knees together, arms behind back, breasts pushed out.
  2. Mouth. Kneeling, knees together, hands on thighs, mouth open, head titled up, eyes closed. 
  3. Pussy. Sitting on bum, legs spread and out in front, feet flat on floor and knees bent. Hands resting on floor behind, head back looking at ceiling. If ‘spread’ command is given in this position, you should reach forward with one hand, and place fingers either side of your labia, spreading it.
  4. Ass. On all fours, bum facing me. If ‘spread’ command is given in this position, lower your head and torso to the floor, and reach backwards with your hands, one on each arse cheek, and pull them slightly apart for better viewing.

Feel free to come up with your own commands and poses.

Mistakes to avoid

When you begin slave training, your slave won’t have the positions or commands memorised. Give them time to learn and practise the art of patience.

As the weeks go on you can become stricter if they are still not performing the positions exactly as you want them. Punishments can be used to sharpen her mind and help her focus.

Avoid overloading your slave with all the positions at once. Choose a couple of them at first and get her comfortable with those. Once she’s perfected them, add a few more in. Eventually, she’ll have memorised all the positions perfectly.

Step 5: Give her some rules and duties

So you’ve got her following commands and posing well. That’s all well and good, and might be enough for a sex slave, but you should also set some rules and give her some duties.

What are slave rules and duties?

Slave duties, chores, tasks and rules are all very similar. They’re things your slave does for you, either agreed upon in advance or when you give an order.

For example, a permanent slave rule you agreed upon at the start of the relationship might be: “I am not allowed to order food at a restaurant. My Master will always order for me”.

But on a Sunday evening, you might give a one-off command such as “I want you to iron my shirts”.

Why have rules and duties for your slave?

Do you even have to ask?

This is the whole point of a Master and slave relationship. The Master thrives on being in control and ordering his slave around with his dominant personality. The submissive slave enjoys knowing she has structure in her life and enjoys the freedom of not having to make decisions, as well as knowing she is pleasing another human being.

The rules, duties and chores you set her provide that structure.

How do I set rules, duties or chores?

For permanent rules, I list out what I expect and send them to her in a document, email or text message. You can also add the list of rules to your slave contract, depending on how formal or long a slave contract you decided to go with.

If you are in a more low protocol relationship then I prefer a simple list I can update over time, and the contract is kept minimal.

For more ad-hoc chores, you simply command her to do something you want to be done. You can do this in person or over the phone or via a dominant text message.

Your submissive slave should first focus on perfecting her regular duties – things which she needs to do all the time. It’s your job to train her to ensure she is following the rules as you’ve set them out, and doing them to your standards.

Once she’s perfected the rules, she then can focus on learning your preferences so when you give ad-hoc chores she hasn’t done before, she will automatically know how you like it.

As an example of an ad-hoc chore, I might say “Go to the shop and buy some snacks for us”. A good submissive slave will have learned from past behaviour what snacks you enjoy eating. Although you haven’t got guidelines for this in your slave contract, she will still know what to buy. She’s self-trained.

If she is unsure what to buy she can ask you. If she buys the wrong thing, you provide constructive feedback so she learns.

Tracking your submissive’s training progress

If you want to ensure your slave is performing her chores as requested, there’s an app called OurHome. It’s designed for families to manage their homes, but it works great in a BDSM context too.

You and your partner both have the app on your phone. The Master can add tasks and assign them to his slave, who checks them off once complete and gets reward points for doing so.

She can then redeem those points for a reward of her choice (set by you of course).

Examples of slave rules, guidelines and duties

General rules

  • I will learn the commands below and adopt the positions quickly and accurately when instructed.
  • In public, I will do my best to look as good as I can so He can proudly show me off.
  • I will accompany Him to kink events when requested, knowing He will keep me safe and look out for me.
  • In public, I will make an effort to wear clothes I know are appealing to Him and emphasise my femininity.
  • I shall think up creative ways to show Him my submissive side when He is not around over text or email. 
  • I will learn his routines and do everything I can to anticipate his needs and provide assistance through service. This may include everything from sexual services to housework.
  • I will learn how to massage His feet and provide foot rubs when requested, practising the art with focussed attention and mindfulness.

Personal growth rules

  • I will take the time to communicate my thoughts and feelings, preferably in written form, so He knows which parts of my service I enjoy and which areas can be improved.
  • I understand that failure to comply with these rules will result in punishment and re-training. Punishment will depend on the severity of the infraction.

Sexual duties

  • I will respond with “Thank you, Daddy” after every orgasm I have in His presence.
  • I will keep my private parts smooth and hair free for His viewing pleasure.
  • I will inform Him via text of any orgasms I have without Him straight afterwards, and what I fantasised about.
  • In private, if I require oral comfort or pacification at any time I shall inform Him by kneeling and saying “Please may I make use of your cock, Daddy?” and wait for an answer.
  • I will learn how to massage His cock expertly with my hands for sexual release and be available to provide this service when requested. 
  • My holes are available for free use at any time, including whilst I am sleeping.
  • At His house, I shall be naked at all times unless otherwise requested.

House rules

  • I will be in charge of keeping a tidy house.
  • I will iron his shirts every Sunday evening.
  • I will ask him what clothes he wants laid out each evening before bed.

Step 6: Punishing your slave

Female slave is punished by her master

There comes a time when your slave isn’t performing to your high standards and needs to be reprimanded. How do you punish your slave in an effective way?

What are slave punishments?

Slave punishments are a way of correcting bad or improper behaviour in your slave, forcing them to learn if traditional submissive training techniques are not working.

Punishments should be something which you have previously agreed upon with your slave during your initial contracting period. They should be things your slave does not enjoy but are within their boundaries and limits.

For example, spanking that leaves bruises might have been an agreed upon punishment, but spanking that draws blood may very well be a hard limit.

To learn more, read my ultimate guide to submissive punishments.

Why punish your slave?

All slaves will need punishment at some point. Additionally, they may sometimes crave discipline and punishment. If they do something that you don’t like or isn’t according to your rules, they could think less of you as a Master if you do not punish them.

Sometimes you’ll have a bratty slave on your hands. It’s rare, as most brats prefer a DDLG style of relationship, but it happens.

If you let a brat get away with stuff, they will only get worse and lose faith in you as a Dom.

A submissive cries out for her dominant to take the lead and help her grow. No punishment means no growth (as no one is so perfect they do things right all the time).

How should you punish your slave?

Like everything in this lifestyle, that’s up to you. But here are some ideas.

Verbal reprimand. A harsh word from you telling her you are displeased with her service is often punishment enough. For someone who is very service orientated, it’s a massive blow, so don’t be too unkind. Just let her know she hasn’t done as requested and needs to be better.

Revoking privileges. The slave is no longer allowed to have or do certain things they enjoy. For example, they cannot talk for a period of time. They can’t use their phone for a day. They aren’t allowed to use the furniture and must sit on the floor.

Humiliation punishments. Holding a sign saying “I’m sorry” whilst naked and sending you a photo. Wearing the sign around their neck whilst they are in your presence. Making them stand naked in front of a window for 10 minutes where other people might glimpse them.

Physical punishment. Spanking, caning or whipping could be used. Having your slave kneel on rice for ten minutes. Tell her to sit on the stairs in silence until you call her. Have her stand in the corner, nose against the wall.

Mistakes to avoid

Submissive women often LOVE being spanked or physically punished, especially if she’s a pain slut. A punishment is not meant to be enjoyable, otherwise it’s a funishment. Don’t make the mistake of giving them a funishment.

That said, deep down a slave will enjoy being corrected. It’s in their nature and they thrive on serving you to the best of their ability. Therefore, although they don’t enjoy the punishment at the time, it should be something they look back on and are thankful for receiving, because it made them a better slave and more able to serve you correctly.

Step 7: Collaring your slave

Leather o-ring BDSM collar on submissive slave

No self-respecting slave would be complete without her slave collar. I’ve written several articles about BDSM collars and their uses, which I advise you to read.

What does collaring mean?

Collaring someone is a symbolic and physical act. They accept wearing a collar to signify their submissive status to you, and that they belong to you.

During the slave training process, you may wish to make use of a training collar. This represents that your slave still needs work, and is under instruction by her Master to learn his preferences.

Once she has passed her submissive training, she can be officially collared. Some people have an official collaring ceremony, which can be in private or witnessed by others.

What type of collar should I choose?

The ideal collar for a collaring ceremony isn’t a chunky leather BDSM collar, but a subtle item which you can wear all the time.

You are signifying your devotion to your Master, just like a wedding band. Day collars are perfect for this. If you read my article on the different styles of day collar available you’ll notice that they may just be simple pieces of jewellery, including rings, bracelets or anklets.

When in private or at kinky parties you can opt for a more traditional slave collar. They are typically heavier, chunkier, made of metal, and may have a leash attached.

Personally I have three types of collar I use regularly.

When should I collar my slave?

Collaring a slave is a very important part of a D/s relationship and should not be taken lightly. Not only does it signify she has passed her training but is also symbolic of the love, respect and devotion between the two of you.

Although your slave may wear a collar for you on a regular basis, you should only officially collar your slave when the time feels right.

Slave training summary

If you’ve made it this far, congratulations. You’ve got some great knowledge on how to be a good Master and train your submissive slave correctly.

  • You’ve learned how to decide what style of BDSM slave is right for you, and what your ideal relationship dynamic is.
  • You’ve understood what your partner desires and have come to an agreement, writing the details up in a contract.
  • You’ve trained her to follow commands, including performing various poses. She also knows your preferences, and you may even have some rituals in place.
  • She’s performed well and you may have even collared her.

So what’s next?

The BDSM world is your oyster, my kinky friend.

Why not take your slave to a kinky event and show her off (obviously check if that is one of her kinks first).

Or host a kinky dinner party where she serves your guests naked, sitting by your feet when she’s not serving.

There are so many options!

Best of luck to you and your submissive slave. If you’ve enjoyed this slave training guide, do check out my other BDSM guides.

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