I Asked My Readers What Being a Submissive Means To Them. Here’s What They Said

what being a sub means to readers

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I love talking to other dominants and submissives about their experiences of D/s relationships. Be it beginners just starting out or seasons pros, listening to their stories is fascinating. There is always something to learn, new ideas to try, and horizons to expand.

I’m also aware I write from the viewpoint of a dominant man. Even when I write articles about submission, I am still looking at things through that paradigm.

I want people reading the site to have a well-rounded view of what it means to be in a dom sub dynamic, and all the varieties that exist, in order for them to be able to craft their own unique relationship style.

So I sent out an email to my subscribers identifying as submissives asking for their answers to two questions, and permission to share them anonymously on the site:

  • What does being a submissive mean to you?
  • What is your ultimate submissive fantasy?

Thank you so much to everyone who responded. Your openness and authenticity came across in the words, and it was a pleasure reading all your responses.

I hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

What does being a submissive mean to you?

Being a submissive to me means letting go of the stress in my life and giving all of myself to my dom. For me it’s a big stress reliever.

Submissive A

Being a submission is being able to serve my master doing what is being asked to do.

Submissive B

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I’ve always been a pleaser. I always wanted to be the very best in the bedroom. When I was introduced to this world I was scared and nervous but now I can’t imagine sex any other way. I love the anticipation of what’s coming, knowing I belong to someone. It’s erotic and so sexy! It’s so much more than sex, it’s a very intimate and intense relationship. My dominant can make me orgasm without even touching me. I like to be treated like princess and I love to have a man make choices for me (no panties, or no orgasm without permission). Knowing that I’m giving my Dominant everything he needs gives me a sense of pride and joy. I love to be called ‘good girl’ after our sessions. I believe a true submissive has all the power.

Submissive C

Being a sub? What it means to me…. that I surrender my will, my body and my mind to My Dom… I am his property, he owns me, his possession….. What he says, goes! He doesn’t need my input. My objective and purpose is to serve him, be a help to him. My body is his to use as he pleases… punish, spank, put in bondage as he wants, chooses and pleases…

It is a daily struggle not to think of my own well being, having a submissive mindset, a change of my thinking processes, that my sole and only purpose is to do his bidding, being physically available at all times, fulfilling his sexual pleasure, taking care of his needs, obeying his rules. Obedience is expected, following thru in a timely fashion with the proper attitude of service to him. If not, punishment via spanking, orgasm denial, bondage, or whatever he deems suitable for the offence. BDSM our way of life, suited for us.

As we delve deeper into BDSM, fine-tuning it to suit us, reviewing our commitment to each other, because this life choice is who we are. I’m committed to being the best submissive I can be for My Dom, so he can be the best Dom for his sub.

K. A.

Being a sub for the first time at the ripe old age of 70 has unleashed my inner dreams and aspirations. Luckily, I am very fit and well, I had my first experience a few months ago as an agreed one off with an experienced Dom and it was fantastic. I was very close to subspace but he looked after me and didn’t push me deep into it for my sake. I felt totally looked after and will always be grateful to him for introducing me to the lifestyle. Now I have a Dom boyfriend who is learning and I make sure that I pass on any relevant emails to him that you send through. It is working really well.

Being a Sub is the most freeing thing I ever did. It gives me peace of mind and makes my whole body sing. Unlike Vanilla, which can get boring as you get to know someone , this just gets better and better. We are now going to look at the art of Shibari. The sky is the limit. It’s the best experience of my life.

Submissive D

Being submissive to me is finally being able to relax and stop stressing over the outside world. I allow someone else to be in charge. It also helps that some of my rules help me stay on track with cleaning, exercise, and improving my self with daily affirmations. Being a sub has brought a certain peace to my relationship.

Submissive E
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Being owned is a sense of security. I feel safe in my ownership. When I hear my Master say she owns me I feel peace and contentment.

Our life is busy and has its own elements of stress and frustration but when I hear that phrase everything washes away, the stress and the frustration is gone and all I’m left with is utter security, contentment and happiness. I feel at home. Like there isn’t any other place in the world I’d rather be because everything I need is provided for.

I feel that being Owned is a sense of commitment. All we have in our relationship is honesty, trust and communication. What we have is what we say to each other. Right now we have committed to exactly that: being honest with each other to continually build trust while opening ourselves up in some of the most vulnerable areas of our lives and keeping each other together through continual communication; we are committed to working together through everything, to not throwing in the towel because things get tricky.

Having someone tell you they own you means they want to own you. It means they accept you and they are willing and committed to owning you. There is responsibility in deciding to own someone and the understanding is therefore that they accept and want this commitment.

I feel confident. For once I feel like I have purpose. I have a place. I have a place that’s desired by someone other than me. I feel like I have a place and a purpose.

But my submission is an opportunity for me to selfishly escape from my life and my work and journey back into myself and give me something I want. My submission is putting me first and I feel guilty in making that decision, I feel guilty in having someone else fulfill my desires and assist in providing for me – it is a luxury. Being owned works to eliminate the selfish guilt I feel because being owned means you want this just as much as I do.

What does being owned mean to me?

It means I am cared for and respected. It means I am loved. It creates in me a sense of security and contentment like no other. It allows me to journey into my submission. To face some of the scariest things I have in my closet because it allows me to open my body and my mind to the deepest of vulnerabilities. It allows me to trust, even blindly.

Submissive F

I am a beginner. I have only just dipped my toe into the world of being a sub.

I met my Dom in June. A post I placed on an adult site caught his eye and that was that.

I was terrified at first but he put me completely at ease. I am submissive by nature and really enjoy the way he takes control.

We see each other when we can, due to current circumstances. When we are together there are always fireworks.

I have learned to accept my punishments and learn from them. With my Dom, I always feel safe and cared for.

Submitting means that I can remove the intense, thinking part of me and place myself in his hands.  I am incredibly lucky to have an experienced Dom who is measured in his every action.

Submissive G
submissive fairy woman in forest fantasy

What is your ultimate submissive fantasy?

My ultimate submissive fantasy would be a a CNC scene. We are still pretty new to d/s dynamic but it is the one thing I want to try when we get more experience. There is nothing sexier then having my dom force himself onto me and just taking what he wants. Thinking of that alone just makes me wet.

Submissive A

My fantasy is going to a party with my Dominant who dresses sexy as fuck and my face is covered with mask. I have my plug in my ass , my clamps on my nipples and clit, I’m all waxed and ready to play and please. I’m gaged so my Sir talks for me. He allows another submissive woman to lick my pussy and ass while I’m sucking his cock. Then he takes my ass and fucks me hard and another Dominant joins and takes my pussy. I can’t hold my orgasm so my Sir punishes me with spanking but it only makes my pussy wetter and makes me squirt all over!!

Submissive C

My submissive fantasy is for my Dominant to use my body for her pleasure at any moment whether for pleasure or pain, to do with as she pleases at any moment.

“It is like a vacation. I don’t have to manage anything; I don’t have to be in charge.”

I don’t know what is going to happen next.

I don’t have to take responsibility for this erotic pleasure.

I get to feel my partner “want me.”

Submissive F

My fantasy is for him to take me to a dungeon where he can have all the toys he wants to use on me. Just me and him and time.

Submissive G

A typical day as a sub in my fantasy would look like this:


I would wake quietly and go to the kitchen to prepare the breakfast he selected from the menu I presented the evening before. I would also shower, shave, perfume and do my hair etc for him but only wear stockings, suspenders, agent provocateur stuff. Once everything was ready and everything was tidy I would gently kiss him on the cheek to wake him up. I would kneel by his bed until he woke up. When he did I would ask if I would be having breakfast that day. If he said yes I would climb on top of him and suck him until he came in my mouth, giving me my breakfast for the day, paying attention to licking every drop of cum he gave me.

I would then put on the dress he had chosen and I had laid out the night before and sit with him whilst he ate his breakfast, tending to his needs by getting the paper for him to read or playing the music he chose.

(If he was working from home I would bring him tea throughout the day and shoulder massages as and when needed and make him lunch etc. He could help with chores but it was never ever expected of him to tidy up after himself) I would complete any exercise routines my Dom had planned for me. (I also have a job where I can work on zoom to see clients so I can actually book clients around when my Dom would need me which is helpful.)


Then (if he worked away) greeting my Dom at the door on my knees every day, asking if he wants to fill my mouth up today. Then I imagine he would slap me, tell me I’m a good girl and that I may unbutton his trousers. I would take off my dress and take him to the armchair where I would give him the best blowjob, (lots of care, attention and perfected from months of him correcting me to do it exactly as he liked. Probably not for too long so he wouldn’t spoil the evening plans. He would tell me that’s enough.

I would put on my dress (maybe a slight hint to a 1950’s housewife dress but still sexy and showing my figure off) then I would present his meal, I would always make enough for both of us but he could tell me when I was finished eating at any time. I don’t know why but that idea turns me on quite a lot, the control of it is quite kinky I guess. Even in the middle of the meal, we would have a code word he would say and I would clear the plates to the side and bend over the table, exposing my suspenders and heels and no underwear. He would rip my dress off and take my butt plug out and choose the hole he desired most that evening. If the meal had been good or if he felt generous he would put on a strap-on so he could double penetrate me so hard my mascara runs. Then he would pick me up and take me to the bedroom where he would tie me up. I don’t think I need to describe the next scenes of this but I would add lots of slapping, lots of looking up at him with running mascara and just lots of domination and control.

The backstory of this might be that I am his cum whore and he knows that and everything I do is to get him to fill my holes and he knows that, giving him power over me and essentially making me do everything he wants me to. That is the small but important distinction between me and others I guess, that I wouldn’t be on my knees because I am dirty and belong there, it’s that I want to be on my knees because I love cum dripping down my throat and will go to any means necessary to get it and when my Dom does provide me with what I need he knows I’ll lick up every drop and that he is doing me a favour essentially.

Submissive H

Thank you once again to everyone who contributed. If you would like to share your thoughts to be added here, visit the contact page and email me.

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