In this week’s episode of Conversations of a Dom, I chat with Seren Sins, a London based female Dom, and Mistress of Experiences. You’ll learn what drove her to become a Dom, the kinds of experiences she offers, and some incredible tips on how YOU can embrace your desires and implement a little bit of kink into your relationships if you’re just starting out. So without further ado, let’s get started!
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[00:00:44] Chief: Hello, and welcome to another episode of conversations with a Dom with me, Chief. And today we’re joined by Moineau and also Seren from serensins.co.uk. Hello. Hello, thank you for joining us today.
[00:01:02] Seren: You’re welcome. Hello. Nice to see
[00:01:03] Chief: you.
I wanted to talk a little bit about how this came about, actually, because I think the last time you spoke to Moineau, she was bent over a spanking
[00:01:11] Seren: bench at a very good time at the events
[00:01:17] Chief: we went to with you doing some great paddle work and flogger work on you, which, um, do
[00:01:24] Seren: you remember? I
[00:01:25] Moineau: do. I do fondly. It was great fun.
[00:01:27] Seren: I was going to say people don’t forget.
[00:01:31] Moineau: Good grand old time
[00:01:32] Chief: crowd as well.
[00:01:34] Moineau: That was seeing the crowd. I was, I was a bit occupied.
[00:01:37] Seren: You were
[00:01:37] Chief: facing the other way. So, yes because of that, I thought you’d be a great guest to have on our show. So thank you again.
I went on your website, had a little bit of a hunt around to see what it is that you do after that experience. And you have yourself listed as a mistress of experiences, which I thought was very, very mystic. And some of the things you offer are sensual massage for couples and women, ah, you’re a dungeon master at kink events, which I guess is like the one where you went to.
And you’re also the London event manager for Skirt Club. So that’s quite a.
[00:02:15] Seren: It’s quite a lot of hats to wear, isn’t it? A daily basis? Yeah. Well, this is it. And this is why I kind of like to use the mistress of experiences because I think it’s, it’s highlight isn’t it? That there are so many different things you can do in the world and enjoy and, and encourage people to, to enjoy as well, rather than just one thing.
It’s I thought if I say my mistress, it tells one story. If I I’m a mistress of experiences, it opens a lot more doors, so it’s great.
[00:02:39] Chief: Yeah.
I read a couple of passages from your website, which I wanted to read out, uh, to hopefully give the listeners an idea of the kind of things you do, but also maybe how you ended up doing what you do.
the passage says I spent many years trying to understand my own sexuality and sexual preferences. It took time and patience, a lot of experimenting and an openness to explore each new experience. That came my way with a happy, open heart. And I’m so glad I did in undergoing my journey. I discovered that that blissful joy, a sense of empowerment and deep satisfaction can be found in both sensual massage and BDSM.
And I realized more and more how much I wanted to share this enjoyment with others, which I loved when I read that. I really loved it. Could you just tell us a bit more about that?
[00:03:26] Seren: Yeah. Thank you, Boston. I am, yeah. It’s it’s big. It has been, I want to say it has been a journey.
Like it’s, it’s one that is ongoing. Like I always think the journey doesn’t end, you know, when it does, that’s the day to give up president, but, um, it’s been a wonderful journey of kind of figuring out what life was about for me. And I went for a long time, have always been really interested in sex, and king and just like alternative sex lives.
Not necessarily for myself, but just understanding people’s interest in them as well. I’m really fascinating subject. I was the kid used to like, stay up to what you are trash when I was a kid, you know, like, No, I didn’t know. I was watching episodes a bit lost on a random
[00:04:08] Chief: breast. That was my goal is
[00:04:12] Seren: by everybody not blame it, but I definitely hold responsible for it, for who I am now, because I think I took the young interest in sex.
Um, even before I really understood what sex was. I think just knowing that there are so many different ways of exploring it and understanding it, but in my real life, I mean, for many, many years, I was very much doing the kind of heteronormative monogamous. The normal life. I was already in the path. I had the plan.
So, you know, buy a house, get married, have kids so anymore. Um, you know, it’s time to realize that that wasn’t for me and to figure out what was for me and I still, every day I am figuring out what is to be, because I think these things are fluid and they change. And it’s lovely to know that in life, you don’t always have to just be one thing on one journey.
You can explore that. Um, so me, so for me, it was. It was very much a realization that I wanted something else to live. I wanted to explore the world. I’d always taken an interest in, even if it was just to go and view it as opposed to be part of it. Um, but in doing that, I did become part of it. And I learned lots of things.
I went on a bit of a mission to kind of not say no to anything, um, just to say yes and embrace it and learn. Um, and it has been a really fun and I think part of. He and hour, I am do more. I am helping others in the same way. It’s it was a journey that I never gave it very much on my own. You know, I went out there with the confidence to explore it and to trust it and to trust myself to do it.
But I think a lot of women, especially, I mean, men too, but women, particularly in couples, um, they don’t necessarily have that confidence, know that they have the power to explore on their own. And certainly, um, one of the things I noticed, so in the early days of going to play parties, I would go to events like for example, killing kittens.
And I would go as a soda, female, and the soda females and the women in the, in the room there I go past, you know, there’s not many of them. And even the ones that are single women that we’ve met, they find me or play partners to take wisdom because I. Strange kind of, um, I don’t know if it’s an expectation that a feeding amongst women that I can’t quite do this alone and you still need someone by my side, that protector or that support or something.
And I didn’t, I was very much like, no, I’m here by myself doing my thing. Um, so I think, yeah, that’s kind of how I got to this point is now what I like to do in all the different work I do wherever it’s Massaad wherever it’s BDSM, whether it’s educating others or skirt club, whatever, it’s a big part of it is this focus on showing women that you can do this alone.
And it’s okay to be so low in this world and explore things for yourself and figure it out. You and if you find partners in funnel along the way then great, but it doesn’t have to rely on someone else to show you the way. Um, but I
[00:06:49] Moineau: think that’s great. I think that’s really courageous of you. You know, I, I find, I mean, we obviously had a bit of a different upbringing, um, in terms of sexual, um, awareness, I suppose.
Uh, I was listening to your podcast that you did with skirt club and hearing about how. In school, you know, you would have those school age experiences where you’re kind of like perhaps, um, playing with the idea of, uh, sexuality and everything. And I found that absolutely fascinating because at that same time, I think.
Completely unaware of anything having to do with, with sex in general, you’re like completely out of tune with my experiences and my body. So to hear the other end of that is, is really quite interesting as a woman, but I appreciate the idea of like exploring it as like a solar. A female. That’s great.
[00:07:52] Seren: Yeah. Thank you. Yeah, totally. I think this is the, I think at a young age, some of us just don’t know we can and we don’t, or we’re taught by society or our upbringing, our parents schools, we go to the communities that, you know, sex is bad. Sex is taboo. Sex must only be enjoyed with a partner and, and things.
And not just those lessons did come my way in some respects. I also just was too busy watching TV and finding out that actually, no, you don’t have to do that. And I think, yeah, it’s having that opportunity to really explore it. Um, which I don’t think for a lot of women comes to later in life. So it’s just knowing that they, they do have permission.
It’s not shameful. It is okay to own your sexuality, whatever that looks like. Um.
And I think it’s, it’s permission to, I mean, a lot of the women’s that needed skirt club, you know, the women only things is it’s so liberating to see females in a room together when not only can they explore their sexuality, but they can actually have a conversation because even, you know, you go to the kink clubs and then you get to the fetish things where it is my own female.
And you’re very much, you’re there for a party. You walk in the door, the music is loud as a playroom. It’s look, wait, this is great. Don’t get me wrong. You have a wild time, but actually being able to have conversations and still wasn’t that accessible to you. You can come to something like the policies I’m part of where women can sit in a room and can actually just sit with other women and say, let’s talk about this.
How are you doing this? Do you have partner? Do you not have a partner? How long has your journey been? And they actually talk. And that’s so important just to have women. Like I’m very lucky in my life. I have a wonderful, wonderful group of women behind me that we are friends. Kind of met for this community.
And when I try and explain what they’re like to other people, I’m like we are an age range of about 20 years. Some were married, some are single, some are gay, some are predominantly straight, some are exploring. Some are not, some have got kids, some haven’t on the paper. We all lead incredibly different lives.
We don’t have a common factor. The only thing we have in common is the fact that we are all open to exploring the sprout and not judging each other in it. And having those women behind me for this journey of my own and knowing that whatever was going on, I could tell them about it. I could talk to them and ask what their experiences were.
And that was our thing we had in common, which is empowering to just know these ladies get me. I lives might not be the same, but they understand. The I’m on a, uh, on an exploration right now and they support it and they listen to it and they offer advice and vice versa. And that’s very much what I now try and do with people was to say, okay, could might live different Wells.
I know the world I live in now is a lot more extreme than most of the women. I mean, of course. Just knowing that they can feel safe and confident to talk to me about their life and not feel intimidated by it. I think some people feel intimidated by the king scene because they’re very much like, oh, I don’t want long hair, or I don’t know what to wear or what will people think?
And so extreme, it’s so extreme. And, but it doesn’t have to be, it can just be a case of, you know, what, I might be extreme within it, but I also respect that you’re not. I want to talk to you about it so that you can feel safe to explain. So, you know, to figure out where you belong in it and find it for yourself.
[00:10:45] Chief: Mm. Cause there’s so many different types of events. And I think people just have this idea of a Roman orgy. Right. And that’s their, that’s their one idea of what the parties are. But we like, we do like going to events just to speak to people. Like one of the things you want to go is to just find other subs, to talk, to,
[00:11:02] Moineau: to get to know other people.
And you know, it’s difficult to do that. There’s only so much you could do online through FetLife or what have you, or forums it, but actually trying to get to know other people who are interested in it, it’s actually. Quite a challenge. You know, you have to go to events that do you allow that sort of conversation and like openness to explore and to have these, you know, these thoughts and, and conversations.
[00:11:31] Chief: Normally a lot of them are loud music. Like say you can’t talk people up there for exactly. Exactly. Which again, nothing wrong with that. It’s just, sometimes you do want to ask. In-depth conversation with someone and find out if you actually liked them before you, you play with them. Um, so yeah, I’d love to explore a bit more about the things that you offer.
Um, the one that intrigued me the most was the BDSM session. I know you do one for couples and for single women. So I’m curious what people can expect, what happens in those sort of sessions. And why do people come to you for. I’m not
[00:12:08] Seren: sure what happens in three sessions.
[00:12:13] Chief: You don’t have to give away.
[00:12:15] Seren: It’s good. So with BDSM, I, I more predominately work with females on the road. If I work with them as a couple, it’s more because they they’ve asked cause they want to learn to be together as a couple. But most of my sessions in terms of king, it tends to be in terms of BDSM.
It tends to be females that come to me. So mostly of women that want to explore pain that want to explore, um, impact play and being hurt in a safe way. Um, And partly it’s because they’re also exploring their sexuality within it. They’re coming to me because I’m a female and they’ve got some curiosity around bisexuality or being with a woman.
Um, but a lot of it is, is just more the curiosity of the actual BDSM version. You know, they want to know what does it feel like to be spanked? What does it feel like to be flogged? And most of them are first timers in that situation. Um, so for me, what can they expect? I mean, my session is a very, very playful and fun.
I am not one of these women who dorms and who is. Dressed up in leather and he’s like calling him a whore and a bitch and all this, and that’s not, my style is some people’s style and it’s cool. And it’s fine if I actually thing, but it’s not mine. Like I like to have fun. I like to be very, um, where I do the massage as well, or there’s a real central side to me as well.
So I like to do things with women where they feel that there’s essentially reality to it. There’s a sense of safety and security. There’s nurturing, but it’s also really, really fun and it’s colorful and it’s playful. We giggle. And quite often in some of my sessions, we just end up, I end up in Sarah.
Sometimes we’re just laughing really hard for the pair of us because of the situation that we’ve got into that, how funny is that, you know, I’m hitting them or playing games and it’s, it’s just really kind of amusing. And, and that for me is a much more fun way to dominate someone, to show them that they can, they can have fun.
It doesn’t have to be this sense of. I think when you talk about dynamics of sort of females, um, having sessions together compared to a male female session, I mean, one of the reasons I got into this was because, you know, you go to clubs and a lot of the time the house Dom’s and the clubs are men, there are men that are there.
And if there are women it’s women that actually are dominant in over male sups, because that’s that whole opposite dynamic. Fun. But again, it’s, it’s a, it’s the stereotype of either the female Dom with the male sup or it’s very much the men that are there to serve the women. And I think women just kind of fall into the submissive role with them where they don’t feel they can have fun.
They feel like they have to go in very inwards as a sub and, and just, um, Yeah. Yeah. It’s like, it’s all kinds of levels of, of this sense of ownership and power play. And I just tried to explain, like, I might be dominating you, but it’s not a power thing for me. It’s more about a fun thing. It’s more about how can you experience it.
And, um, yeah, the whole reason I ended up training even in, in doing this was because I had a, I had a female friend at the time who perhaps she really, really enjoyed impact. Uh, for herself and her own expression, she really needed to explore what it was to be hurt. You know, some people start pew tick and it was for her.
So we would go to clubs together and she would seek out the house dorms. He was always a man and she’d put herself on that bench and she’d let herself get beaten black and blue, and then she’d walk away and there was nothing more came to it and we would go home together and we did not like sort of spooning up and come in and out.
Hi. And I start to feel like, why can’t I deliver that to her? Like, why does she need to go and seek out these men at the clubs to do that? But actually me as her friend, I can see she needs this right now. And if I can do that for her as a friend to, to give her that, that, you know, like you give you a hug when they’re down, like she needs to click on the button when she’s down and I’ll do it.
It’s amazing. It was so fun to realize that. And then sit to explore that. And I didn’t even see myself as dominant. It was. Giving to others. Um, and that’s all I’ve got to now, but these ladies, when they do come to see me and what happens in our sessions is not necessarily this desire to hurt them or them to be hurt, but just this desire for them to find that part of themselves to feel safe, exploring it, understanding, feeling pain, and know that they’re in safe hands.
And actually I’m going to look off of them in the process and they can talk to me about it and we can have a chat and a giggle and go for cocktails after you know, and that, so, yeah.
[00:16:17] Chief: It’s a tangent. Yeah. I think that the thing that struck me is when you say helping someone explore, because that is my style of dominance as well.
Like I get a kid, I think my kink is almost. Pushing someone’s boundaries, but it’s almost like I’m a comedian. I like to know what, yeah. I like to know what they’re into and then I give that to them. And that turns me on. Whereas I think the, the, like you say, the, the stereotypical image. You can’t laugh.
It’s gotta be super solemn and stern and you can’t
[00:16:55] Seren: all the time
[00:16:56] Chief: protocol probably cause of films and porn. And that’s what, that’s what it depends, but you know, and I have people emailing me in my like, oh, We were doing a scene and then I started laughing and it, and it’s like, yeah. And like, w if that’s your style, then do it.
There’s nothing wrong with that. And, uh, people seem to get that. Yeah. So, so,
[00:17:16] Seren: right. I always say to people, I encourage laughter like if you’re going to laugh and I know you’re having a good time, it tells me actually you’re enjoying even more than if you decided, you know, Yeah. I
[00:17:24] Moineau: remember fondly yet at the priority that we were at.
I mean, it was, I remember laughter almost as much as the nice sting on my behind.
[00:17:35] Seren: Yeah.
Oh, I remember that bit thinking about you Chief by that point. Yeah.
[00:17:43] Moineau: I was in my own
[00:17:44] Seren: world.
[00:17:47] Chief: As you normally do in subspace.
Have you noticed an increase in people wanting to experience BDSM in the last few years potentially because of.
Mo it becoming more common in, in society and films and 50 shades of gray. Have you seen that? Have you seen people more and more people want to expose.
[00:18:11] Seren: Definitely definitely loose, like daily, almost more and more people are coming into our scene as the cooler, like, you know, they are getting involved, they want to try stuff.
They want to come and explore. We, we, you know, we laugh about certain events where we have like the, the kink tourists that come in, because they’re just like intrigued and they want to see, I love that. I love the king tourist thing. It’s pretty good, but it’s like, it’s coming beyond that. Our people are actually not just there for tourism.
They’re actually like genuinely wants to be part of it. And I think you’re right. I think it’s becoming more accessible. Um, and also renormalize in it more, you know, like when I came on this scene a few years ago and I started doing stuff, I thought I could talk about it with people. You know, I could talk about it with the people I was meeting on it, but friends of old and stuff, it was like this big secret club.
Tell them about it. And some people still have that. Whereas now I’m just like very, very open about what I do. I’m open about the clubs I go. My parents know I go to the fetish clubs because I go home and I’m shock my latex, like hanging up in the shower,
but he’s like, they don’t need to know what goes on there necessarily. They don’t get those details, but I’m normalized it in a sense of saying, I go to places that are a bit more. You know, we, there are people out there that are interested in different things and that’s okay. Like it’s not as brutal as it used to be.
Like, some of the content can still be a little bit severe and that’s part of the turn on, but it’s not too big. It’s not as alternative as we think it is. It’s actually more commonplace. And I think that’s why more people are coming into the scene, whether it’s BDSM or whatever, it’s more the swinger scene.
It’s just because more and more. There is more and more acceptance happening right now. And people having conversations where they suddenly go, oh yeah, I’m actually really into that. You want to try it? Cool. Let’s do it. And then someone goes, oh yeah. I went to something every day and they’re like, oh my God.
I didn’t know instantly. It’s the conversation. Um, yeah, it’s definitely, it’s probably normalizing it all. We’re thinking a little bit differently.
[00:19:56] Chief: What would you say are the biggest mental hurdles that you see. Women men. I mean, many I most about women, because those are the clients that you work with, or even at skirt club that you see, what are the kind of biggest mental hurdles that you see women have that are maybe stopping them, explore what they want to.
[00:20:17] Seren: the first thing for a lot of people is that sense of, um, shame. Can I do this? If I do this, all my friends judged me, but will people think, oh my gosh, am I having trouble? You know, and I think that’s the first step. And then once they realize that actually that’s not the case. And by the time they reached me and was at the point of where you’ve already jumped at her, because you’re now here, um, And if I get an email sometimes from a woman, they’ll send me an email and say like, you know, I’ve always wanted to explore this.
I’m not sure. I remember having one lady who she emailed me, her inquiry, and it was very much like, oh, I’ve always wanted to do this, but I’m scared or nervous. I didn’t want to. And it’s taken me like two months. I started a website before I find the email and I know I’m here. And I’m like the first thing I’m going to say.
I think well done well done for sending the email. Like that’s the first step you haven’t even got into the dungeon with me yet, but you’ve sent me an email. That’s amazing. So it is that first thing. Women’s first had always that sense of it’s okay. To want to explore this. It’s okay. To accept it, to recognize it in myself and now do something about it.
And that particular woman, I remember saying to her at the end of our session, when she was so filled with herself, what she’d done. And I said, but there are so many women who would have had the same thoughts you’ve had, wouldn’t have done anything about it would never have acted upon it. They would have lived the rest of their life.
Always wondering, and you haven’t gone out and done it. That’s incredible. So the first thing is just that sense of courage and knowing that it’s okay. Even if it’s a little secret for now, that’s fine. It’s still the first step. I think the second hurdle then is just that thing. Like I was saying earlier of understanding that they can do it alone.
They don’t need someone to hold their hand. They don’t need a partner there to support it. I mean, they might have a partner supporting it and that’s great. And a lot of women come to me that there’s a boyfriend or a husband back home saying go like, go and about your fantasy. I want me to feel confident, blah, blah, blah.
Yeah, it’s that sense of knowing that they can and taking that empowerment and then having a culture to do it. And then we start to move into the little hangups or things like body confidence and stuff, but I don’t even think the body confidence is as big as situation is actually just the competence.
You know, they, they have that power, you know, a lot of the women that come to me are body confident, but that’s not, what’s affecting them necessarily. They get over that bit very, very fast. Once they’re in the session. Maybe just the way they feel with me. Um, I hope part of it is, or whether it’s more just that that’s just not the bigger issue for them and that stage.
[00:22:35] Chief: Yeah. I guess if you’re one-on-one I guess the, the mental hurdle is the biggest when you’re at a party in front of a lot of other people there, maybe the,
[00:22:43] Moineau: I dunno, I feel like as a woman, the mental hurdle is so like leagues above body image and perhaps that’s the difference in. Our perspective as modern woman, but like, uh, even though I have my own body image issues, that’s, that’s so far down the list when I do actually go to play spaces and I still feel intimidated.
I’ve been to a few now, but I, I get quite caught up in the idea. I can’t believe I’m doing this, even though I’ve been that person who’s like on the cross getting spanked by multiple different people. I still like go in there. I’m like, oh, can I do this? Like, is this okay? You know, this, this isn’t this acceptable.
And to go alone, I feel like that’s, that’s, I’ve not crossed that bridge yet, so that I can’t even describe that. You know, that’s seems quite scary still, even though perhaps it’s something I’d like to explore. Definitely.
[00:23:36] Seren: Definitely. I don’t know, but it’s even, it’s hearing you say that and knowing that you already have those thoughts, that is the first step, isn’t it?
It’s knowing I’m already halfway there because I’m already thinking about it. And it’s just getting to that point where you just go, you know what I mean? I’m doing it and I’m doing that and you go for it. I want you to hit that bit. There’s no going back. Oh, you just do it one time and you’re like proud of yourself enough to be enough as well.
All done. That’s fine. Okay. Back.
[00:24:01] Chief: Do you ever instruct dorms, do you give tips to Dom’s who, or people who are just starting.
[00:24:07] Seren: Yeah all the time. Absolutely. It’s there like with a BDSM, obviously when a woman comes to Ms. Datto, she comes to be the submissive person in that situation.
But if I have a couple comes to see me, it’s usually because they want to learn together. And if one of them is dominant, one of them is submissive and we spend the session, me teaching them festivals, literary technique, you know, Properly how to use the blogger, but also to show them techniques and tips as to how to be more dominant.
Um, there’s a lot of people out there that, that have the dominance in them, but they don’t know how to execute it. So it’s just showing them the different ways of doing it and, and, and also teaching them to find their own style to also, like I say, you know, for me, it’s about laughter Giggy, goodness, and playfulness.
And I had a woman come to one of my. Who messaged me then off was. And she was like, I was intrigued about being dominant, but I didn’t know if it was in my character. And she was like, I haven’t, when I watched you, cause I ended up dancing and everything. Like, I guess I get really involved in the music and I’m dancing as a flung in and I’m having a hard time and she was like, what you need to just be so playful and laughing because like that was, I didn’t expect that.
I never thought that was possible. So she learned that for herself to then take it all with. The original question now that’s gone. Oh, teaching people. Yeah. So absolutely I do. I love, I teach people in the sense of, I hate it drives me mad when I see people that can’t do it. And if I see someone flogging someone really badly, I’m like, oh my God, I need to step in because I want them to do it.
Well, I want them to have a good time to do a good job of it. Um, but yeah, just also to give them those tips and how to be that person and find their own character in way. And, uh,
[00:25:37] Chief: For me as a Dom was getting over the fact that your essentially bossing someone around potentially inflicting pain on them. When you brought up to be super respectful to everyone. And you’re you’re then saying, actually, I’m going to, I’m going to create this power dynamic or this, this differential between us, um, for me, and maybe for a lot of the Doms that reach out to me, that’s their mental block.
They’re like, oh, how is my partner okay with this? They really want me to do that to them. My partner wants me to do X to them. How do I become more dominant? These are the kinds of questions that I see a lot.
And a lot of it is a mental thing.
[00:26:17] Seren: It completely is. And I think a lot of it is just, yeah, recognizing again, it’s finding your way. Like I, the same when I do have clients and I say to them, are there any particular words or names you want me to call you? And they tell me to call them like a whore and a bitch and all this that I actually struggled to do that.
Like, I will not push myself. I’m like kind of squirming a bit inside because it’s not my character. I mean, I’m a nice person. And like, I love being friendly to people. I love welcoming people. I love hosting people and looking after them, I’ve got this real instinct to care for people, which is why I do what I do.
I want to care for them in that process. So the idea of them asking me to actually be nasty to me, call me a name. I find it really hard and I ended up laughing. I’m like, this is silly. I can’t do it. So I think those people that like yourself that feel that like that’s okay. Like, recognize it. It’s okay.
To feel a bit awkward because it shows you actually do care and you are probably doing a really, really good job because you’ve also got the nurturing side too. And a good Dom should be nurturing to their sub regardless of how extreme the situation is. You don’t just beat someone up and then fuck off and walk away from them.
Like you, you hold them off. Would you give them off the character? And neither Dom knows to give good aftercare to check in with us regularly, you know? And so having those feedings yourself, Shows that you have that capability and anyone else listening to this, that’s thinking, I really feel like I’m talking and I want to upset my partner.
Like I said earlier, me coming into this, just because I could see how much somebody needed that pain. And I wanted to give them it, it wasn’t because I wanted to slap around the face and call in the hall it’s because I wanted to give them what they needed as a nurturing person. So I think you have to have a place of care.
It came from a place of care. Exactly. And I think a lot of people. I am because they worry that because they’ve got the care, they’re not good enough to be a Dom. That’s not what being a dominance.
[00:27:58] Chief: It makes. Yeah, it
[00:28:01] Seren: does. It does. How
[00:28:02] Moineau: did he get in, like, did you start off as a submissive, in play spaces and then have a moment where you breached into dominance or did you go straight? You, you saw that your friend was a need and you went straight to learning how to be dominant.
[00:28:19] Seren: I don’t think I’d ever hugely explored it in myself as to what I was before that, because it was new to me and I just hadn’t really thought, I didn’t think that was.
I was interested in it. I found it fascinating, but I didn’t think it was my way of playing. And actually, I always try to explain to people that I am, I am actually very dominant with women in a, in a place situation. If I’m actually playing with women, I can’t be dominated by women. I find it really difficult.
But with men I’m actually more submissive, in my relationships and stuff, I tend to insects take that more submissive role. That’s just the role that was fallen into. So I think they, we saw I was the sob and then realized that actually, but no, I’m not because. I’ve got have a side. So if anything, I would say I’m personally more switchy.
It depends who I’m with. So exploring that I think, because I just didn’t know how to do it. And then once I started learning, I went to see, I knew a master and I had met him through, through my journey of exploration. I met him and I emailed him. I said, if I have a friend and I see her and I’d love to know how to do it properly, so I’m getting it right.
Could you teach me. And that’s how I got into then learning. And then went on this journey to become. Well, I am now. But I think it was, yeah, it was in actually actively doing it that I’ve now realized that there is the part of me. Um, and now I love it. I, I get absolute joy. I had a, I had a client that came in for a BDSM, um, a session to actually do what very much spanking.
Not spanking Harbor so hard.
the same guy who trained me. He says the same thing. When he came into this, he was like, I didn’t think I was a king. This wasn’t my thing. But now I, if I see a butt, I don’t want to hit it. Because it’s just now, like, it’s our stuff, this to people like, it’s you just want to do it. So I guess, yeah, it’s kind of just naturally evolved in me that I’ve got is more dominant side in a way that is quite different.
Um, but I’m also very submissive and impersonal situations, which is what I try to explain to people as well as this is also a role. This is also a job sometimes. And let’s just say I care a lot about it. And the people I work with and I really do care for my clients. It’s also a job. I’m also putting on a hat in that moment and play in a row.
And I think that’s the thing to also remember is how far you take it into a real life and how far you take it into your play, like from recognize that we often in roles in these moments, you know?
[00:30:26] Chief: Yeah. I wanted to come back on the point. You mentioned as well about the caring side of it. The new people who tend to visit my website are more on the romantic slash caregiving, Dom side of the scale.
What I always say. Are both people getting mutual benefit from the situation.
The benefits might be different, but it’s not about a Dom just inflicting pain on his sub because he feels like it. And he’s had a tough day if she doesn’t enjoy that because she’s not getting a benefit. Whereas he is, um, there has to be both benefits. And again, I see a lot of people who are submissive and they end up with Doms or people who think they are.
And they make them just. Do everything in the subs like, oh, I have to do whatever he tells me. And it’s like, well, what are you getting out of this thing? Have you, do you actually enjoy this? Do you enjoy this part of being a submissive? And they’re like, oh, well sure. I do. And you’re like, Hmm, you might need to like, I,
[00:31:22] Seren: A good dom sub relationship is one that is a shared experience. Both people are equally benefiting from that moment and something. I always try and remind people when I do my work, I ask people, wait, show me by show of hands. Who’s the person that’s in control. Is it the dome or is it the stuff who’s really in control of the situation?
It’s the sub, the sub is in control, the subsets, the boundaries, the subsets, the consent levels, the subsets, the sub is the one that says read when they want to stop. And everything C says like this up is in control, not the dome. And I think the people that understand that are the ones that end up having really good, shared experiences, but they work together as a team in that.
My message is just having really good sex. Great, great staff. It’s when two people have good chemistry and what together to have a shared great sexual experience where each person, even if it’s one person has given to the other, as long as it’s like, that’s, what’s understood as being, you know, the, what they both enjoy and want.
Then, then that’s a great shared experience. And that’s the thing with subs and Doms is it’s about sharing the experience, sharing the emotional ride and the, and the part of it, if you’re just going in as a Dom, because like I’ve had a shit day and I want to beat someone’s ass up. You’re not a good Dom
you’re terrible. Don’t actually like in fact, you should be balanced. In fact, if I see where my club I’m sending you out, like this is not safe and it’s not fair, and it’s not fair on the stuff you can have that power dynamic, you know, it might be a wild Dom and a sub that’s super submissive. And that if that’s the agreed consensual thing and actually.
That is the shared experience, then that’s fine. But as long as that’s, what’s been agreed and, and, and discuss, and they both understand that then that’s okay. So yeah, I think you, it, it’s a shared, it’s always, always a shared experience and it’s, it’s recognizing both as sub and Dom that the sub is always in control, ultimately, and as long as you know, that you will have a good time always going to have a really good.
[00:33:06] Moineau: I think that’s why I like the term dynamic as well. In a Dom sub dynamic, there is this sense of, this is something that is a mutually beneficial, um, coming together to highlight whatever needs to be highlighted in order for us to enjoy the experience.
And I do think it ends up, I mean, it is like adults play. It is it’s roleplay. It’s literal.
[00:33:29] Seren: It’s completely that passion is a shared experience. And whether you’re a couple that have been together a long time and exploring it together, or whether you’ve just met in a club, had a consensual conversation going into that situation. Or even if you were. Uh, you know, a participant, a club coming up and seeing the house, Don who’s there to work.
It’s still a shared experience. It’s and that’s what it has to be. And yeah, as soon as it stops being that is when it’s just, it doesn’t work and it is there’s that playfulness, it doesn’t matter how serious or how dark the situation might seem or extreme in terms of the BDSM content. It’s playful, it’s play it’s roleplay.
It’s it’s exception that this isn’t lifestyle. Yes. To some degree, but it’s also, it’s, it’s fun. It’s play.
[00:34:10] Chief: What would you say if you had a new sub and a new Dom who come to you. What would be your most basic tips if they completely need to it? Maybe like a couple of tips for the Doms, couple of tips for that subs. What would you say.
[00:34:28] Seren: First first biggest thing of always communication in any respect, in any respect, communication. Um, it’s the most important, it’s almost like a C words guy and there’s some great ones out there. Kim, for me, communication is as great as consent because you can’t have consent without communication.
It’s all in one. So that is always my first biggest tip is communicate, have a conversation, have a talk, like make it fun. Like have the conversation be part of the session. You’re part of the experience it’s actually talking about. What are your wants and desires? How far do you want to go? What are your boundaries?
Not only what are your hard ‘Nos’, but also what are your hard ‘Yeses’, what you want to gain from this experience, right? That’s just as important. So the biggest, biggest tip, I would give anyone starting out in this as a couple or a single is communicate with the people you’re playing with. Find out what’s going to tick for you both and make sure you’re on the same page.
And if you’re not on the same page, then you’re not compatible to play. And that’s okay as well. Like. Um, I always talk about as well with, with consent. And we talk about, um, this idea of like a sublease, the consent to the Dom, doing certain things to them. It also needs to go the other way round, you know, for subsist to a Dom.
I agree. Want you to choke me? For example, I cannot subs given the consent for being. Maybe the Dom doesn’t feel comfortable with that. Maybe that’s too extreme for them to feel like I don’t actually, gosh, I was ready to dominate you, but she’s, I didn’t want to, that’s a lot for me to take off. So consent is a two way thing too, but that’s the next piece of advice I would give.
And again, this comes for communication. Every single rule, I think when it comes to any kind of Attica or just consensual issues with BDSM and kink and sex in general. Communication talk like being very clear on each other. The second thing in regards to that, as well as non negotiation. I always say to people, okay, so have your conversation talk about what, what it is you want, what you desire, what you hope to receive in the session or what you don’t want to receive at the session.
And once you’ve got those things established, stick to them, do not renegotiate in this. Because for anyone who is very new to this, something that people really need to understand is when you will go through to business up, you know, if you’ll be in put through a very impactful, um, powerful, playful, even, um, session, your brain chemicals or whatever, you’re going up and down, all kinds of Heights.
Um, When you said at the start of the session, I don’t want to be choked and suddenly everybody’s getting wild. And it’s crazy too, when you’re only going to choke me out. No, you do not because you are not thinking straight anymore. You’re carried away in a situation, your brain chemicals, all the way over, you might consent now to something you don’t really want to consent to because you’re caught up in a moment.
So in that situation, my tip for anyone go into that kind of world, it’s the thing. Okay. So you’ve just asked me to choke you now. We said we weren’t going to do that. You weren’t keen. So not going to do it today, but let’s talk about it tomorrow. When all the chemicals have come down again, when we no longer see subspace.
So we haven’t done a sub drop and roll pass, we’ve had a hug and it’s cool. Let’s talk, don’t worry about the fact you just asked me to do that. And if you still feel like actually, yeah, I would’ve liked to have tried it and then we’ll do it next time, but not this time. So that, that’s a really important thing as well.
I think that’s
[00:37:29] Moineau: extremely important. I mean, we’ve talked about this previously.
[00:37:34] Chief: You’ve said at times, oh, you could have done
[00:37:36] Seren: anything. Yeah. When
[00:37:37] Moineau: I’m in sub space. Yeah. As soon as I hit sub space, I reached this limit where I’m like, yeah. You know, he could do anything to me and I’d I’d, I’d say yes. Yeah. Like I know.
Outside of subspace. I know that that’s just the chemicals going on a little joy ride. It really is what it is. But, and in the moment though, it’s like, yeah, I want it. And I S I especially want it because the dominant wants it. And I think that is quite the tricky position to be in. It does talk it’s it touches on co consent and coercion .
Cause it’s, subspace, you know, everything’s out the window.
[00:38:14] Seren: It’s everything. It is kind of thing it’s like, you may, in that moment go and do something you did keep wanting to do and actually really enjoy it and have a good time and come away going in.
Brilliant. And I loved it, but you also don’t wake up tomorrow and go, oh my. Did something I really didn’t want to do. And I’ve triggered something in me and now I’ve heard and I’m upset and was psychologically damage. There’s so much damage that can be done from that. That’s why I would always say just, you have to, people have to recognize an add-on needs to recognize that as well.
The sub is the one going into that chemical imbalance that may not be able to make conscious decisions that are correct. The dominates, the recognize that, and again, a good, a good job. Again, it’s that nurturing thing to know. I need to take care of this person right now.
[00:38:50] Chief: Yeah. So those are, those are some good tips. Thank you very much. We’ve got a quick fire round as well, where I’m going to ask you a couple of, X or Y questions you give your first answer. Now Moineau has tried to predict which, which you’ll give.
And I didn’t tell you, but I’m very one. You get wrong. You’re going to get a spank
[00:39:13] Seren: so
[00:39:13] Moineau: yeah, I will. Yes. I consent to it now. We have the dynamic where this is. Okay. Yes.
[00:39:21] Seren: Communication is, I didn’t tell
[00:39:23] Moineau: you. I’m surprised
[00:39:26] Seren: I
[00:39:27] Moineau: have a free use spanking situation going on. So yes, he can spank me whatever
[00:39:32] Seren: he
[00:39:32] Chief: wants. Yes, it would be more of a funishment is
[00:39:37] Seren: known
[00:39:37] Moineau: as, oh, I should have made some wrong.
I mean, well, who knows?
[00:39:49] Seren: well, you haven’t
[00:39:50] Chief: even written down your answers, so I have to trust you that. You have it? You’ll
[00:39:54] Moineau: see it. You’ll see
[00:39:55] Seren: the evidence I
[00:39:56] Chief: have for you to go.
[00:39:58] Seren: Oh,
[00:40:00] Moineau: oh, now gold star in one hand or think on the other. I actually can’t.
[00:40:07] Seren: Yes.
[00:40:10] Chief: All right. So, romantic or passionate? Passionate. Okay. You just keep a score, even idea, a lust or love.
No inside or outside.
[00:40:24] Seren: Oh,
this sounds like
[00:40:32] Chief: you can interpret these as, as, uh, however you wish have you give or receive. Okay. Yeah. I think checking you for your reaction. I’m not even
[00:40:44] Seren: sure. We’re not, I’m just saying
[00:40:49] Chief: it’s is all good? A wax or ice?
[00:40:54] Seren: Yeah.
[00:40:57] Chief: Get punished or be punished.
[00:41:00] Seren: Be punished. Oh, I
[00:41:03] Moineau: wasn’t expecting, I wasn’t expecting that either.
[00:41:08] Chief: Right. Or flogger. Yup. Yup. Domo sub switch. We did think about putting that as an option. They have to choose if you had to choose one, which. Uh, central or rough
Yeah, fair enough. I’ll tell you that. I’ll tell you that. So, uh,
[00:41:38] Seren: I think
[00:41:39] Moineau: I got two wrong.
[00:41:44] Seren: Well, maybe it can be five spanks each.
[00:41:48] Chief: You setting your own rules. Now
[00:41:50] Seren: it’s always in control.
[00:41:54] Chief: five times. That’s 10. We’ll see, I was going to do it live on air, but. It’s a bit difficult with equipment around here, but
[00:42:02] Seren: we, everybody imagine what’s going to go on now.
[00:42:11] Chief: We got big enough desk here, so we’ll sort that out afterwards. so yeah, it’s Erin, is there anything else you wanted to share or any other, uh, things that are. Doesn’t cover that you’d love people to know about.
[00:42:23] Seren: I mean, I had took on this subject forever. For me, as I say the most important thing with any asset to BDSM, which has people, first of all, having a really good understanding of it.
So whether you’re new on the scene or if you’ve been around for a long time, it’s just really, really knowing and being very clear about what is consent, what is etiquette? What are these relationships? What are these dynamics and how does it work? And I think once you understand all of that better, and I think every person listening to this or exploring it or not.
Just under, just take the time to really educate yourself a little bit before you start playing, because it’s so, so important and you’ll have a better time. That’s the most important thing I can say, but, um, but in terms of when I love working with women, um, you know, for me personally, I’m bisexual. I love playing with men.
I, I, I think it says it. I don’t think it says it on my, because I’ve already said it probably in my podcast, but like I am, I. And I’m never going to know, like I can’t live without it, but I love working with women because I love the sexuality of females. And I love seeing women empower themselves in a way that I think for a long, long time, they have not been able to do or has been taught that they can’t.
They’ve been taught that we have to, we have a as females, we have this maternal inbuilt instinct that we have to care for everybody else and please everybody else. And that. Pleasure needs and our needs pleasure in all senses. Let me just sacks, but our needs come second. And actually what you, women start to realize that no, they don’t have to come second.
They can not only, they can only be equal, but they can also come fast. And now that women are realizing that and that people like myself and other ladies out there can help them on that journey to really own. That is wonderful. It’s such a beautiful thing to witness and the confidence that you see in women’s lives.
Generally once they realize that is just so incredibly powerful. So
[00:44:08] Chief: that’s all I have to say. I love it. I think the world would be a bad place if everyone was more open about what they wanted and didn’t get shamed or judged for it. And, uh, so yeah, it’s exactly the reason why I love having people like.
Talk about this too, to normalize it, as you say, to make it, to make people realize that you don’t need to be ashamed of what you want and go after it. In
[00:44:32] Seren: fact, it’s exciting.
[00:44:34] Moineau: You know, I want to explore more with women now. It’s like, especially after listening to your podcasts and having a little browse on your website, it’s like, oh yeah, there are there’s so many more experiences to be had
[00:44:46] Chief: so much in a session. Oh, I’ll send you that.
[00:44:50] Seren: Yeah.
[00:44:54] Chief: Great. So on that note, where can people find out
[00:44:57] Seren: more about, can you find out more about me? So my website is serensins.co.uk, and my Instagram is @seren.sins. I always welcome people to contact me, send me an email, say hi, even if you’re like, I don’t really know what I want and I’m scared and I don’t know what to do.
Just send me that first message. It’s the biggest step. And yeah, from there onwards like rubber essential message, wherever it’s BDSM or whatever, it’s just to have a little chat or always come to Skirt Club. Let’s the abruption too. Um, yeah, there’s lots of ways to find me and, but everyone is. Well, you’re forever out in a club and you see me DMing at something I’m normally wearing something girly and latexy, which surprises people, not their enemy black lever.
That’s not me, but consciously come have a chat. I love meeting new faces,
[00:45:41] Chief: so, yeah. Perfect. Amazing. And just to it’s S E R E N.
[00:45:50] Seren: Exactly F E R E N like the number
[00:45:52] Chief: seven.seven with an
[00:45:58] Seren: R. Lovely.
[00:46:01] Chief: Great. Well, thank you so much for joining us tonight. It’s been a pleasure to have you and
[00:46:07] Seren: the planet. Thank you for
[00:46:08] Moineau: asking me until next spanking session
[00:46:11] Seren: until next week. Yes.
[00:46:18] Chief: Great. Thanks once again, Seren, and for joining us here today, if you want to find out more about Seren and of course go to serensins.co.uk. And if you want to find some more tips for beginner Dom’s and subs, then head over to kinkyevents.co.uk, where you can download my free ebook.
And you’ve also got sensational scenes, which will give you a great guide on how to give someone that incredible mental and physical experiences in and out of the bedroom. So go check that out at. Sensational scenes on kinky events. So thank you for listening. Hope you’ve enjoyed it. And until next time stay kinky.
[00:46:57] Seren: Bye .