I frequently get berated in comments on articles or via email about my lack of inclusivity.
Some people feel that because I refer to Dominants as male and subs as female that I am not including their relationship style, or that I don’t believe men should be subs or women should be Doms, or transgender people can’t participate.
This couldn’t be farther from the truth.
I write about the Dominant being male because I am male and I am a Dom.
I started this website to help beginners get an understanding of dominance and submission (a subset of BDSM) and how that plays out in a relationship or whilst dating. And because I have experience in what it means to be a male Dom, and how to interact with female subs, that’s what I write about.
At the beginning I wrote mainly about my experiences, and therefore would describe myself interacting with female subs. Over time I realised people also wanted more general guides, and so I switched to writing articles that weren’t talking about myself directly, but tips, concepts, philosophies and techniques I’d learned over the years I’d be practising.
As a habit, and for ease of writing (not constantly having to write he/se and him/her) my language in these guides sticks with what I know – Male Doms interacting with female subs.
I’m not against female Doms!
Because I only talked about men being Dominants, some people took that to mean I had something against female Doms (or Dommes), or male submissives.
I don’t at all!
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My whole philosophy is to encourage people to be more open about their sexuality, and to express their wants and desires, so they can have the most fulfilling sex life and relationship with their partner.
I don’t care if that is two women, two men, a man and a woman, two transgender people, or any mix of the above!
If you’re a woman who wants to learn the art of being dominant for your partner, I’m all for that!
I need you to know I am not against this in any way shape or form.
The same goes for male Subs! Just because I write about interacting with females subs in most of my articles, it does not mean I think men can’t or shouldn’t be subs. I encourage you to be whatever you want to be.
Who is this website aimed at?
I also need you to know that you are on a website written solely by me, a straight white male.
And because of that my audience is primarily male Dominants and female submissives.
That’s my core audience and who I write for.
Much like GQ magazine is written for men and Cosmopolitan magazine is written for women. You can’t buy a copy of Cosmopolitan as a man and then complain they aren’t diverse enough because they don’t spend 50% of their content talking about men’s issues.
The same goes for this website and email list. My content is mostly for male Dominants and female submissives, and the words and language I write is for that aim.
I hope that although I often refer to the Dominant as male, those female Dominants can still learn from the article. Just reverse the pronouns as you read.
And sure, sometimes I give techniques which will only work for a man doming a woman, which can’t really be switched, but you can easily use your imagination to make it work for your gender.
As an example, if I suggest female submissives offer to suck their Dom’s cock each morning, it’s easy for a male sub to switch this example to ‘offer to lick their sub’s pussy’ each morning.
Can and should I get more diverse?
Should I change my writing style of be more generic in order to include everyone and keep everyone happy?
This is a tricky question.
My overall mission is to help ALL people talk about sex more openly, and because of this I should probably write more generic articles covering topics which will help all 4 groups (male Doms, female Doms, male subs, female subs).
But sadly this just isn’t realistic for two reasons:
- Time. This website is a passion project, not my full time job. I have little time to write any articles, let alone multiple versions catering for everyone.
- Experience. This is what I keep coming back to. Who am I to write an article on how a female Dom should interact with a male sub? Or what the mindset of a male sub is? Or things a female Dom should do when pegging a male sub? I don’t have experience of any of these things, and therefore my writing wouldn’t be authentic, and would most likely be wrong, or pushing generalisations I’ve read about on other websites. I want my content to be based on my first hand experience – stuff I personally do or have learned as a male Dom. that’s why I invite people like Seren Sins (a female Dominant) to come and talk on my podcast.
Does that mean this website is ONLY for male Doms and female subs?
Absolutely not!
I fully believe that even if content isn’t directly aimed at you, there is plenty that can be learned from it.
Just because I use the word He doesn’t mean you can’t swap it for She when you are reading.
Wrapping up
So there it is folks. My rationale as to why my writing leans towards talking about female subs interacting with male Doms.
I encourage you to take what you like from my writing and leave the rest. I’m cool with that.
And if there are other websites that speak louder to you, or someone who has more experience with the challenge you are looking to overcome, then I highly encourage you to check it out! I don’t pretend to have all the answers for you and I’m not perfect.
I obviously hope you DO stay and enjoy my content, but I also want you to be satisfied!
So do what’s best for you 🙂
Gender neutral language is not impossible, (even simple things like the singular use of ‘they’ is nothing new a lot better saying ‘he or she.’) Being more inclusive isn’t going to inherently make content more generic, but refusing to diversify could cause stagnation.
Perhaps it’s a generational thing though…