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Ah, the bratty submissive… The brat submissive is one of those I both love and hate as a Dom.
They are unruly, demanding, pushy, disobedient and often leave a Dominant feeling quite exasperated by all the bratty antics! Brats need constant attention to prevent them from acting out and require a strong hand to keep them in line.
If that sounds like fun to you, and you want to learn how to be a bratty submissive, then this is the guide for you.
What is a bratty submissive?
First up, what exactly is a bratty submissive (sometimes affectionately referred to simply as a brat)?
You all know that a brat in everyday language typically means a badly behaved, ill-mannered, annoying child. The phrase spoiled little brat springs to mind.
Well, a bratty submissive is exactly that (except not the child part).
A bratty sub thrives on acting out for various reasons and loves it when the Dominant puts him or her back in their place.
Bratty subs might act out for a variety of reasons, including:
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- Wanting attention. We all want to be the centre of attention really, right? Bratty subs are no different. Perhaps your Dominant isn’t giving you as much attention as you feel you need or deserve. Perhaps he’s been away for a few days and you’ve been left to your own devices. Whatever the reason is you feel you haven’t had enough attention, you’re determined to make him pay for it (in a fun way)!
- To generate energy. The polarity between your submissiveness and his or her dominance is what I believe creates erotic energy. The larger the gap, the more intense the erotic energy is between the two people. Being a bratty sub is a way to force your Dominant to up the intensity of his or her dominant energy, and therefore gives you the rush of submissiveness in your own body, putting you quickly into a subby mindset.
- Anxiety. The world can be a scary place. So many unknowns and obstacles to overcome. Part of the reason subs enjoy being submissive is to escape from that anxiety by allowing the Dominant to make the decisions. Fewer decisions equal lower anxiety. A bratty sub is no different, except for how this anxiety manifests itself. A bratty sub won’t ask directly for the support of the Dominant, but instead act out to force the Dominant to take charge, thereby offering the submissive the mental escape from decision making.
- For the fun of it. Sometimes brats just want a little fun. They have cheeky, mischievous personalities and simply want to wind their Dominant up for no real reason except to watch his or her reaction.
What types of brats are there?
I broadly classify brats into type types.
- Natural brats. These are the people who typically have bratty personalities in everyday life. Whether their upbringing or beliefs has given them this type of personality, who knows. But it spills over into their relationship and causes them to act up. This type of sub might act up subconsciously and wants a Dominant to help tame this bratty side. I’ve found this type of bratty sub typically has quite an outgoing and dominant personality in normal life.
- Part-time brats. These are the subs who are sweet and innocent in everyday life, but as soon as you get them into bed or a BDSM scene they want to play.
Both types can be lots of fun to deal with as a Dominant (or a right pain in the ass).
How to be a bratty sub (6 ways)
If you’re reading this article then I assume you want to know how you can be a bratty sub.
If you were a natural brat you’d probably already know how to do it instinctively. I’m going to teach you a few methods you can use to embrace your inner brat and get your Dom riled up (in a good way) in no time.
There are many styles of brattiness you can adopt. Choose ideas from the list below which come more naturally to you, as otherwise, it may feel incongruent.
But before you read them, take note:
- Go easy when playing with a new Dominant. Some of these ways of being a brat can be pretty intense and they may not know how to handle you!
- Everything must be consensual. Using these techniques on someone who has not consented could be seen as emotional abuse. Only act this way if you know your Dominant enjoys it. You should have communicated your desire to be a brat upfront (read How to Talk to a Partner About Your Kinky Desires Without Fear (8 Proven Steps) for details on how to do this well)
1. Adopt a bratty attitude
The general attitude of a bratty sub is one of constant challenge. The thought process of a brat goes something like this:
- You want me to submit to you? Pah! Like that’s gonna happen.
- Want me to call you Master? Sure. I will…when you start acting like one!
- Call that a spank? Try again, but harder.
The attitude of a bratty sub can be any or a mix of all of these:
As I mentioned, I’m not a huge fan of rude, demanding, or relentless brats. But I do have a soft spot for a sub who can push back in a clever, creative, or witty way. It demonstrates intelligence, humour, and playfulness, all of which are attractive qualities to me.
Other Dominants may want a rude and aggressive bratty sub who is physical (biting, scratching, pinning down) and/or insulting (calls you names, tells you to fuck off, etc.)
Neither type of brat is better or worse. It’s all about creating the type of sub you want to be, then finding a partner who appreciates that in you, and enjoys it too.
2. Question everything
You know that annoying five-year-old who is always questioning everything you ask them to do?
That’s how you want to be.
- When your Dominant asks you to do something, ask why.
- When he or she explains themselves, answer back with an ‘I still don’t see why I should’.
- When he or she gives you the ‘did you just say that?’ look with raised eyebrows, respond with ‘What are you gonna do about it’?
In business, there’s a technique called the 5 Whys. When you are trying to get to the bottom of what something means to someone, you keep asking them why after each response to get to the core issue.
A brat uses this technique against the Dom.
Dominant: I’d like you to make the bed please.
Dominant: Because I said so.
You: But why?
Dominant: Because I want the room to look tidy.
You: What for?
Dominant: Because we have guests coming over!
You: So what?
And so it goes until your Dominant loses patience and gives you a playful spank, hair pull, or simply forces you to do it! (consensually of course)
3. Taunt them
Teasing and taunting your Dom is all part of the process.
You’ll have to decide how intense your taunting is going to get, but I advise against anything too personal or insulting (unless your Dominant also has a humiliation kink which would make them more of a Switch I guess!?)
For example, telling your Dominant you’ve seen bigger dicks on a hamster probably isn’t what they meant when they said they enjoy a bratty sub.
Instead, you might say “Aww you’re dick’s all soft. I could help get it hard, but maybe I should just play with myself instead”.
Try these ideas for bratty subs:
- Send him a message in a foreign language and ask him to translate it for you. Full credit to the Reddit user u/Thisismemak18 for this creative idea. She sent her Dom a message in Portuguese and asked him to translate it for her. Little did her Dominant know that the message said “If you took the time to translate this…guess who’s in charge now, Bitch”. A perfect example of a creative, witty, teasing way to taunt your Dominant.
- Kiss chase. Say “Bet you can’t catch me” and run around the house naked, making him chase you and pin you down.
- You can do better. Tell them whatever they are doing isn’t good enough and you know they can do better. This technique is both annoying and encouraging at the same time!
- Teasing texts. Send them racy texts or photos implying that you are ready for action but because they aren’t around they can’t take advantage of you. A tame example would be “I’m lying here naked on the bed. Shame you have to work today and won’t get to use my body. I guess I’ll just have to find other ways to entertain myself”. A more intense example would be “Last time you fucked me I barely felt it. You gonna do better tonight?”
- Deliberately misinterpret instructions. A timeless classic, and a staple of being a bratty submissive.
- Your Dominant tells you to be waiting in bed when they get home from work. When they return they find you under the covers, fully clothed. “Is this what you meant, Sir?” you say.
- Your Dominant tells you to face the wall as a punishment. You stand with your back to the wall, and when asked what you are doing, respond “Well you didn’t specify which wall to face, did you. I’m facing the one over there”.
- Your Dominant asks you to wash the dishes. You wait until the next day and when asked why you haven’t done them, respond with “You never said when I had to do them by”.
4. Tell them what to do
A sure-fire way to annoy your Dominant is to tell them what to do.
- Tell them to tie the ropes tighter than they tie you up (“That’s not tight enough. Do it better”)
- Tell them you’ve been naughty and that you need spanking (“Aren’t you going to punish me for being so naughty? You’ve lost your touch…”)
- Shout “I can’t even feel it. Do it harder” when they are flogging you
- Berate them for being terrible at turning you on (“I can’t feel anything. I thought you were supposed to be good at this” when they are performing oral sex on you).
- Say “Is that the best you’ve got? Fuck me harder” during sex.
5. Show your disobedience or indifference
Make them question who’s really in charge by showing your disobedience.
- Roll your eyes at them (guaranteed to get a reaction!)
- Shrug your shoulders like you don’t care (Dom: “I’m going to spank you for being naughty, little girl!”. You: *shrug*)
- When asked to do something, say ‘No’ and storm off or give them a ‘what are you gonna do about it?’ look
- Turn your head when they go to kiss you
- Refuse to adopt a position or come when called
- Push them off you physically during sex (be careful with this one)
- Move about when they are trying to restrain you (for example, moving your leg around, or kicking out so the Dominant can’t grab it)
6. Generally Top from the Bottom
Topping from the bottom is when you (the Bottom) attempt to control the interaction with your Dominant (the Top).
Examples of topping from the bottom might be:
- Disagreeing. Your Dominant suggests a restaurant and you say “I don’t want to go there. Let’s go to this one instead”.
- Deliberately getting things wrong. Maybe you’ve been trained to adopt a position when a verbal command is given, such as sit or kneel. Deliberately putting yourself into the wrong position would be an act of defiance.
- Telling your dominant what to do. See the section above.
- Changing agreed-upon rules, contracts, or protocols. If you’ve agreed to interact with your Dominant in a certain way, but are constantly trying to change things, it could indicate you are topping from the bottom.
Note: There is a fine line between topping from the bottom and communicating effectively with your Dominant. If you feel unsafe or are not comfortable with the dynamic, you should speak up. However, if you are doing the above purely because you can or want to, that’s more like topping from the bottom.
Do all Dominants like bratty submissives?
In short, no!
Dominants who specifically want relationships with bratty subs are known as Brat Tamers. They get a real kick out of seeing their sub go from full-on brat mode to a little pussycat in an instant. It’s a thrill because it makes the Brat Tamer feel powerful and in control.
Most of the time, the Dominant probably isn’t the one in control even when they think they are anyway! The brat will often have the upper hand, and when they don’t, will be thinking up new ways to act up to get it!
Other Dominants find it all too much. It’s too much of a hassle and too much hard work. I fall into this category. Whilst I enjoy some bratty behaviour, I prefer a more mild-mannered and ‘good girl’ sub who isn’t always attention-seeking and loves to please me because it’s her natural personality and she simply loves doing things for people.
So if you currently aren’t a bratty sub, don’t feel you have to become one!
Summarising how to be a bratty sub
- Determine how bratty you want to be, and check your partner wants this too. If not, find a Brat Tamer to play with.
- Develop your bratty character. Decide if you want to be witty, intense, annoying, and anything in between.
- Question your Dominant constantly
- Tell them what to do and that they are doing it wrong
- Take any opportunity to show your mischievous side through disobedience, Deliberately get things wrong and misinterpret instructions
- Tease and taunt your Dominant when you get a chance. Wind them up sexually when you aren’t around. Hold off on pleasuring them when they are around.
- Top from the bottom in some situations, although be careful not to overdo this.
- And above all, make sure everything is consensual, even if you are playing with themes of consensual non-consent and being ‘forced’ to do things
Get out there and practise being a bratty submissive today! And leave a comment with the details of how you wind up your Dominant to help others.