Want to reward your sub for being good with a super intense orgasm? In this guide for a dominant man in a D/s relationship with a submissive woman, I’ll explain some techniques, and give a brief description of how I would run a simple BDSM scene using all of these factors.
Four factors for an intense orgasm
There are certain things you can do as a dominant (or any guy for that matter) to make your submissives orgasms more intense.
- Submissive positioning
- Build anticipation
- Dominant commands
Let’s look at each one of these in turn and how they combine together to create an intense female orgasm and can be used to spice up your D/s relationship.
I’m a firm believer that a huge component of orgasm (more so in women than men) is mental.
In Come As You Are, the author explains orgasm can only occur when the accelerator is applied but your foot is off the brake.
Positioning your submissive in a…well, submissive position is one way to apply an accelerator. If that is the dynamic they enjoy, then any position where the power dynamic is in your favour, and they are not in control, is a good thing.
Kneeling, bent over, tied up, across your lap…these are all submissive positions that will help you assert your dominance and kick start the arousal response in your sub.
Another accelerator towards sexual pleasure is anticipation.
You know that feeling you get when you’re fully clothed but know sex is on the cards later that evening, but you have to wait? That’s the feeling you want to instill in your sub.
She knows she’s going to get an intense orgasm at some point, but doesn’t know when it will be or by what method you are going to give it to her.
Anticipation can be built many ways, but I normally choose:
- light touch, stroking everything but the most sensitive areas she really wants you to touch
- using toys without letting her see them (a fun game would be to identify the toys by touch use alone)
- blindfolds, and using rope, tape or cuffs to tie her up
For example, have her lie on the bed blind-folded, tied down using under bed restraints. Lightly stroke her legs, breasts, arms with your hands, or perhaps a feather or flogger.
Ramp up the tension by starting far away from her pussy, and slowly getting closer to her inner thighs, higher and higher each pass.
Avoid touching directly between her legs.
You’ll notice her becoming agitated (in a good way), maybe even wriggling on the bed, gasping when your fingers work to within an inch or her clitoris, but then let out a disappointed groan when they retreat.
This is how you know what you are doing is working.
You may think this isn’t worth it.
What’s the point? Does this really make a difference?
Think about if it was you lying on the bed. Your sub is naked on top of you. She’s kissing your chest, slowly getting lower and lower. Her bodyweight is on you, but skilfully avoiding any cock touches.
She works her way down, you thinking she’ll take you in her mouth.
But she swerves, and moves to the side, stroking and kissing your upper and inner thigh, her hand on your pubic bone, inches from your hard member.
How much satisfaction do you feel when she finally wraps her mouth around you? Much more than if she went straight from kissing you to that (obviously a fast, unexpected blowjob is highly erotic too, in the right setting, but slow has its place when you have the time).
So remember to build anticipation. The final orgasm will be stronger as a result.
Edging towards an intense orgasm
Edging is the process of getting someone as close to orgasm as you can, and then stopping stimulation and allowing arousal levels to drop, before repeating the process.
The theory goes that the more times you repeat this edging cycle, the stronger the resulting orgasm will be.
I can attest this is the case more often than not.
As a side note, if you are looking to last longer in bed, practise edging yourself when you masturbate. Get as close as you can, and right before you feel the ‘point of no return’, stop stroking and squeeze your PC muscle (the one you squeeze to stop yourself peeing) as hard as you can. Wait until the desire to ejaculate subsides, and go again. Practising this will make you last longer, and is also a route to having multiple orgasms as a man. Yes, it is possible with practise.
In order to edge effectively, you have to recognise when your sub is close to orgasm. This is far from an exact science, but I use a combination of the following methods:
- Body language. Back arches, thrusting hips, biting lips, squeezing legs together, curling toes, gripping your hand. Not all of these will apply to your sub. She may even have a totally different reaction. All that matters is you become observant and start to recognise the subtle signs she is giving off when she is close to orgasm.
- Vocalisations. Moans, grunts, going silent, screaming loudly, telling you she is going to come. As before, every body is different, but with practise you’ll recognise her tell tale signs.
- Arousal scale. The easiest and more effective for me. Simply explain to your sub that 1 is not at all aroused and 10 is having an orgasm. When she gets to a particular number, she should tell you.
Edging using the arousal scale
As this is the easiest way to assess arousal, I’m going to talk in a little more detail about how I use it.
It’s super simple.
As explained above, it’s a scale from 1 to 10, with 10 being “I’m coming right now!”.
As I start teasing my sub, I will tell her to alert me when she reaches a particular number, usually 9 out of 10. Although I am using the other signs to monitor her arousal level, this takes all the guessing out of it.
Usually I’ll take her up to a 9, then reduce the stimulation, either asking me to alert her when she returns to a 7 out of 10, or simply pausing for a particular length of time of my choosing.
I’ll then begin stimulation again, asking her to alert me when she reaches 9.5. Once again I stop the stimulation when my sub say she has reached this level.
I’ll repeat this process, each time increasing the number. Maybe 9.8, then 9.9.
After 3-5 of these cycles, I usually allow her to come. Of course, if you are feeling particularly mean (lean towards being more of a sadist Dom) you can repeat this cycle many more times, and may even decide not to let her come at all.
Length of cycles
I prefer to keep the cycles short, each one lasting a few minutes, rather than hours (although the first cycle is normally a lot longer than the first). But this is a matter of personal preference.
You could span this process over the course of a day or even weeks. Wake up and tease her close to orgasm and then get up. An hour later do it again. And so on.
However, I would probably lump this in the orgasm denial category, rather than the edging category. With edging, I feel a key part is to prevent her arousal level from dropping all the way back to one. Keep it above five at all times in order to create a stronger orgasm.
The final pillar of giving an intense orgasm is another way of enhancing the D/s power dynamic – dominant commands.
You may already be used to giving your submissive commands to follow outside or inside the bedroom. This is an extension of that, where direct commands are given right before orgasm.
I really need to write a full article on this topic, but the general gist is this.
Right before she is about to orgasm, you say a phrase to push her over the edge. Not only does the phrase get her there, but it intensifies the orgasm because it reminds her of the dynamic which is being played out in the scene.
For example, you may say “Come for me, baby”, “Come for Daddy” if you are into DDLG, or perhaps “I want you to come for me like the good little slut you are for me” if you have a more sex slave dynamic going on. Use whatever phrase you know appears to her, not to you.
(If you don’t know what appeals to her, then maybe you need to go back to basics and put together a sex menu.)
Ideally you will have used this phrase in previous play sessions so the wording acts as a Pavlovian anchor, gaining intensity and meaning each time you use it.
With practice, and by watching body language, you’ll know the exact timing to use it. And of course, this is a full-filling prophecy. If she is already at the point of no return and you say “Come for me”, even though the phrase made no difference to her having an orgasm or not, the two become mentally linked. Keep building up this mental link until it becomes a strong anchor and it eventually will help her achieve orgasm faster.
Don’t forget that simply asking her to tell you where she is on the arousal scale is also a command, and can be given in a dominant way, adding to her sense of being led, relaxed, out of control, and submissive.
Putting it all together into a scene
Now you’ve got some principles to work with to intensify her orgasm, let’s put it together into a practical BDSM scene for you to try out together.
I’ve written a description of this type of play session before, in the Sofa Plaything article. I’m going to describe more of the psychological aspects here, but that story is worth reading too.
Sit on your sofa and have your sub lie naked in your lap face down. Her bum should be level with your hips, her legs slightly spread so you have access to all of her.
Get her into the submissive position
This is pillar one. She’s in a submissive position. If her flexibility allows it, (and being a rope bunny is one of her kinks) consider tying her arms behind her back.
Be carefully however.
She may be in this position for up to an hour, and you want her to be comfortable. If she can’t relax then this will act as a brake and stifle her orgasm.
Build the anticipation
Next we need to build anticipation.
Being face down in this submissive position she can’t see what you are doing, only feel your hands on her body. I position a chair or small table in front of me upon which I have a selection of sex toys she hasn’t seen. I’ve got a big enough collection to keep her guessing what I’m going to use ;).
I’ll usually opt for a bullet vibrator for clitoral stimulation, a dildo for penetration, a butt plug or anal beads for anal play, maybe some love eggs for that full feeling too.
And of course, lots of lube.
Start slowly. Stroke her skin with your hands. Run your fingers lightly down her back. Pull at her hair. Massage her neck. Keep your initial touches ‘non-sexual’ as it were, even though they will be highly arousing given the situation.
Do this for a good 5-10 minutes before you even start to introduce any sex toys. You want her mind relaxed, prepared for what is coming next.
If she’s still thinking about the shit day she had at work, or the plans she has with her girlfriends on the weekend, you’ll never get her to orgasm, let alone to have an intense orgasm.
By this stage, even though she’s relaxed, she’ll be around a 5 out of 10 on the arousal scale.
Now you can introduce a toy, or use your hands in more intimate ways. Work towards her sensitive areas. Upper thighs and labia are a good start. Stick to the outside and keep the touch light.
Don’t jump straight for your most intense vibrator on full power mode.
Lightly brush her labia with your finger tips as you ‘accidentally’ get too close to her pussy whilst massaging her thighs for example. Make her wonder if you did it intentionally or not.
Then return to less sexual touch.
Repeat several times.
Done right, and she’ll be up to a six or seven, maybe higher, out of ten.
Now you can be more overtly sexual. Lube up a dildo and slide it lengthways up and down her lips. Don’t insert it, just tease her. Let her enjoy the feeling of it rubbing against her skin, wondering if when she will feel it insider her.
Continue to pay attention to her body language. What is she enjoying? What doesn’t she like so much?
Use your toys in different and novel ways.
But always be assessing her arousal level and managing it.
Slowly build the sexual teasing.
You can now start to work her up towards a nine out of ten on the arousal scale. Ask her to tell you what level she’s at, and to warn you when she reaches a nine.
For the first edging cycle I may just rub her clit with my fingers, and not use any toys. When she reaches nine I back off, and go back to what I was doing at the start of the session. Lightly stroking the rest of her body, allowing her arousal to dissipate slightly.
After a couple of minutes of this, it is time to work her back up.
Edging cycle two
By now you might want to introduce some toys for penetration. Slide a butt plug insider her or a dildo or love eggs inside her (or both).
These can just sit there, so although they add to the arousal level, they don’t necessarily cause it to rapidly jump, merely to slowly creep up.
With this feeling of fullness, and the fact you’ve already been through one edging cycle, you stroking her clit will feel more intense.
Work her up to a 9.5, then once again back off.
Edging cycle three
For the third cycle, you can get more agressive. You might want to slide the dildo in and out, or use a vibrator on her clit rather than just your hands.
The aim is to take her up to a 9.8 out of ten.
How quickly you do this is up to you and depends how much time you have. A cycle of around 5 minutes is a good start.
What toys you use and how you do this is up to your imagination. Use your knowledge of what she enjoys and what her kinks are to maximise her pleasure. Remember to do everything consensually and have already discussed hard limits before you start.
Get her to a 9.8 then stop.
Edging cycle four
Go for one more round up to a 9.9.
If you reach this point she will probably be dying for you to make her come. She may not even be able to speak and tell you when she is at a 9.9 out of ten.
A part of her might be frustrated with you for not letting her come (but secretly she’s loving it if orgasm denial is one of her kinks).
She may even misjudge it and end up coming by accident. If she’s new to being edged then I’d let her off. If I felt she could have held on but chose not to then a light punishment/funishment might be in order.
The final release
Now it is time to finally let her have her intense orgasm.
You can keep her guessing as to whether you will let her come or not by saying “Let’s do that again. Tell me when you get to a 9.9”. Or you can tell her directly “This time I’m going to let you come, but you need to ask my permission when you’re ready”.
Work her up to the point of orgasm again, using whichever method you’d like. I opt for whatever I observed her being most turned on by in the previous cycles.
For example, if she moaned loudest and approached orgasm quickest on round two with the butt plug in and the vibrator on her clit, I’ll choose that technique for the final round, because I want to give her the best orgasm.
It’s now time to use your orgasm anchor phrase and allow her to come.
If you’ve done everything correctly up to this point, you (and she) will be rewarded with a far more intense orgasm than she normally has.
It may take a while for her to recover from this, so as she’s recovering remove the toys (butt plug can stay in ;)) and stop all direct stimulation.
After a few minutes of light stroking, and when you sense she is ready, have her turn over and cuddle up to you to provide some good aftercare as she comes down.
Tweaking for perfection
My description above is only one way of doing things. Your D/s dynamic may take a completely different form, and that’s okay. Take whatever parts of this guide which spoke to you and discard the rest.
Adapt and adopt.
As an example, suppose your sub is more of a pain slut. Rather than stopping after she has her orgasm, you might choose to continue to hold the vibrator on her clit or even increase the speed.
This will be painful considering how sensitive it becomes after orgasm, but the pain might play into your dynamic perfectly and lead to the build-up of another orgasm.
Intense orgasm takeaways
In summary, giving your partner more intense orgasms is something you can learn.
- Incorporate the four pillars into your sessions: Submissive positioning, Anticipation, Edging and Dominant commands.
- Edge her multiple times, each time getting her closer to the point of no return.
- Ask her to tell you when she reaches particular numbers on the arousal scale.
- Experiment with different techniques and toys to slowly build up and release arousal levels.
- After orgasm, provide good aftercare.
And that’s it. How to tease your sub for a more intense orgasm. Give it a try, and let me know how you get on.