An Example of How I Structure My BDSM Scenes

structuring BDSM scenes

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Last night I had a great session with my sub. It had been a while since we’d seen each other (about ten days) due to the Coronavirus lockdown restrictions in London.

Today I wanted to go through some of the things I think about when planning what to do in a scene and why. I hope reading the descriptions of the scene and my rationale will guide and enhance your own scenes, and the pleasure you derive form them.

Preparation and planning

Before she arrived I started formulating a plan of what I wanted to do – how I wanted the BDSM scene to play out. I find it tricky to be spontaneous during a scene and prefer to have at least a framework outlined in my mind about how I see it going. It’s the skeleton on which I can hang and improvise on the night.

I’ve owned some door restraints for a while now, but not used them all that much, and only once with Moineau. Last time I tied Moineau up to them, she went pretty deep into subspace, and I wanted to see if I could replicate that.

For those that don’t know what door restraints are, they are basically straps which attach to the base and top of a door, locking in place when you close it. The straps form an X shape, with D rings to attach cuffs to. My set came with the cuffs, plus a little carrier bag to hold everything in.

The exact set I purchased is called DOMINIX Deluxe Over the Door Cross Position Restraint and is available from LoveHoney. I bought them in 2016 and they are still looking as fresh as then.

Here’s how they looked on my door, all ready for my sub to arrive.

DOMINIX over the door bondage restraints
My DOMINIX Deluxe Over the Door Cross Position Restraint attached to my bedroom door. It’s quick to setup and fits any door, and then can be packed away after.

I also laid out an assortment of toys I wanted to use on the bed, ready and waiting.

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sex toys I use in BDSM scenes

Structuring the scene

The general structure of the scene I had in my head was as follows:

  1. Led to the bedroom and stripped to lingerie
  2. Some kissing, stroking, hair pulling, teasing, dirty talk as a warm up
  3. Given some light spanks bent over the bed, across my knee, or on all fours
  4. Tied to the Over the Door Restraint and spanked some more
  5. Collar and blindfold put on
  6. Harder spanking with hand and leather flogger
  7. Cool down from spanking and tease with bullet vibrator and fingers
  8. Anal hook inserted and attached either to the collar or the D ring on the door restraints
  9. Penetration from behind, either by me or a dildo
  10. Release from door restraints and led to bed for sex
  11. Aftercare
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Generally, I start by thinking “What emotions and feelings do I want my sub to experience during the session? What’s my intent?”. For example, here are some intents you might have:

  • I want to give her the biggest orgasm she’s ever had.
  • I want my pleasure to be the focus and she is there simply to serve.
  • I want us both to experience something we’ve not tried before.
  • I want to release the stress of the day.
  • I want to help her relax.
  • I want to test out a new toy.
  • I just want a playful scene where we both have fun and don’t take it seriously
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What I want to give or take dictates how I plan the scene and what sex toys I’ll use.

I also have a scene theme in my head. Learn more about my big 5 scene themes and how to use them to create better scenes.

Breaking down my rationale for the flow of the scene

My rationale for the structure of the scene on this particular night was included by:

  • Mine and my sub’s mood. She’d just finished a week of hard work with tight deadlines which had been stressful. I wanted to give her an experience which would take her out of her head. The greater the stress, the more dominant I knew I’d have to be to help her fully relax and enter subspace.
  • We’d talked about consensual non-consent scenes several times, but because she’s a little and I’m more of a romantic/caregiver dom who isn’t all that sadistic, we’d never gone all out. But we were both keen to get rougher.
  • I’d bought the anal hook in 2020 and we’d only used it once so far. Likewise with the door restraints. The two combined would create a predicament bondage scenario forcing her to stay in the moment. By tying the anal hook to the top of the door, if she relaxed and bent her knees, the hook would be forced further inside her. (NOTE: Do not attempt this if you are a beginner. Anal hooks require experience, trust and safety measures in place).
  • As she’s a rope bunny being restrained is very relaxing for her. And spanking when done lightly can be too. Hence why I wanted to start with those.
  • The warm-up was because we hadn’t seen each other in some time. I don’t like going straight into a hardcore BDSM scene without re-establishing a connection with my sub. I feel that it’s important so she knows she can trust me (especially when I know I’m going to be extra rough). I also always start with lighter spanks with my hand before moving on to a flogger in order to warm up the skin. The exception is if I feel my sub is being bratty, or I want to quickly establish dominance in a scene, in which case a couple of hard swats as a playful punishment are used.
  • The collar and blindfold are for sensory deprivation and symbolism more than anything else (although the thick leather collar I use is padded enough it can be pulled from behind to simulate choking too. Some submissives enter subspace simply from having their collar put on, due to what it represents, so there’s that too. It puts my submissive in the right state of mind.
  • As mentioned previously, I don’t get off on causing physical pain. So in order to counteract the pain of the spanks, I almost always intersperse them with brief respites of clitoral rubbing, breast squeezing, or perhaps mouth and neck kisses. I like this approach for two reasons: 1) it reminds my sub I’m hitting her for her pleasure and that I do care about her wellbeing, and 2) she never knows if I’m going to be naughty and nice. If your routine is ONLY spank, spank, spank, she’ll know what comes next. That said, hypnotic repetition may allow a sub to enter subspace more easily. So plan your BDSM scene and actions according to what you want your sub to experience.
  • We love double penetration, so the use of the anal hook plus a dildo or my cock worked well. I could also use the anal hook as a warmup should I want anal sex after.
  • The whole scene follows an arc, with a gradual build-up, the occasional dip in action to allow recovered, and leading to a final crescendo with the rougher and more extreme stuff left towards the end when her body and mind are in the right place.
  • I also am mindful of the effect of adrenaline and endorphins as the scene progresses, attempting to manipulate those to maximise her pleasure.
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As you can probably tell, as a dom there’s a lot to think about! Dominating a woman isn’t relaxing for me. It takes concentration and planning.

I’m not saying this is the case for everyone, but it’s my approach to being a dominant.

How it went in practice

The scene went very well! I ended up spanking her harder in step 3 than anticipated because she wasn’t responding to my commands how I liked. For example, I instructed her to keep her hands behind her back and not touch me whilst I kissed her neck and teased her. She got a bit carried away and tried to grab my cock through my boxers so I felt that needed a nice hard spank to show I meant business!

I can’t remember exactly what I asked, but at one point she didn’t say ‘Please, Daddy’ and just mumbled something so I also felt that deserved some correction. By this point I had forced her onto her knees and had had her ass a few hard swots, and was leading her around by pulling her hair.

Her eyes did start leaking at this point. I stopped all activity and checked in with her, as I’d not seen her cry during a scene with me before. She wanted me to continue but I felt she needed a few minutes of hugs first, and I wanted to be 100% sure she really did want to continue and wasn’t just saying it for my benefit, or to prove how good a sub she was. Once I was happy she was okay, and the tears were just an emotional release after her long week, we carried on, pretty much proceeding as per my plan.

We did end up on the bed after having gentler sex as a come down (another example of alternating between rough and tender) before I helped her come with my fingers.

Due to the nature of the scene, I had already prepared some snacks I knew she liked in case of a sugar crash (Coke, banana and dark chocolate). I fed her some Coke and then we cuddled as she enjoyed a post orgasm snooze under the duvet.

As always, afterwards we spoke about the scene, checking everything was good, and that she enjoyed herself.

Concluding how to structure a BDSM scene

So there you have it. My rambling thoughts on some of the things that go through my mind when I plan a BDSM scene. I hope the article has sparked some ideas for you, and you’re able to implement these techniques in your BDSM scenes in order to have kinkier sex and improve your dom sub relationship.

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Jack

I stumbled across this and found it very useful in confirming the way I structure my scenes with my sub. I’m surprised I’m the first to comment here! You should be better known as you provide excellent insights and tips

Jack

Agreed, simple forthright narratives of our own individual experiences can be a great tool. I strive to constantly learn and improve my dominant role. We all have something to offer each other. Your site is loaded with great information, thank you very much.

Mary

This will be very, very helpful for my Dom! We are babies and have been moving slower than we would like due to the nature of just not knowing. This is exciting and I think will be a massive help to her! Thanks!

kyra

I found this trying to figure out how to write my first preparing a new sub scene.

Rebecca

I can’t wait to start writing my script

Kyra

Any idea how?

Michael

It’s a very nice scene. Gave me a idea and a tiny lead. My wife wants a D/s relationship, she doesn’t see me as a natural dom. I would call myself a service dom. I don’t need it but if my partner likes it, I love to give it. And it turns me on that she gets turned on by it. I just struggle to come up myself with this scenes because as I said it’s not something I crave per se but enjoy! So thank you for that! Will read definitely more!

LivWild

This means a lot to me as a novice Dom. Thanks alot

Jonathan

I loved this article! So good. One of the things I struggle with (as a switch, pretending to be dominant) most is deciding what order to put things in. Especially when there’s multiple position changes involved? It ends up a helter skelter jumbled mess and ruins the mood for both of us. This was MUCH needed!
Thank you!

Steef

Hi chief, I was just wondering: how long did this scene last?