Moineau looked at me questioningly from her kneeling position on the rug.
I realised I hadn’t given her permission to take a sip of her morning coffee.
I gave my blessing, and she drank.
On a Sunday morning Moineau and I were experimenting by adding higher protocol Master/slave elements into our D/s dynamic.
Although we view each other as Dominant and submissive whenever we are together, we aren’t permanently in a scene or engaged in BDSM activities.
I might ask her to do small tasks for me throughout the day or send her a commanding text message to keep the dynamic alive when we aren’t together. And when it’s time for sexual play the power differential is cranked up even further.
Other than that, to onlookers we wouldn’t appear to be doing anything out of the ordinary.
So to have her asking me if she was allowed to drink her coffee was a little beyond our usual repertoire.
Having her ask me if she was allowed to orgasm? Easy (and one of our sub rules in fact). But asking about non-sexual stuff? That was relatively new.
It started the night before
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I often fantasise about different Dom sub scenarios and relationship styles.
Part of my brain loves the thought of having a service orientated sub who is there at my beck and call, and who takes great pride in learning my routines and ensuring I always have what I need, sexual or otherwise.
Between her household chores she’d sit at my feet patiently until I needed her. I’d call out commands from my sofa throne and she’d adopt various positions on the floor in front of me, displaying her naked body in whatever manner I’d instructed.
She’d switch effortlessly between a flirty, fun, outgoing personality to a doting, submissive servant who loved the structure, training and discipline of a service sub’s life.
The other part of my brain – the more logic part – tells me this isn’t realistic.
Not because there aren’t subs out there who would thrive under such a regimen. There are. But instead because it’s a lot of effort.
I don’t want to be responsible for someone’s actions every waking hour. I don’t want a sub who loves the service mindset so much she expects me to give her permission before she can do anything.
I want a sub who enjoys elements of service, but is also incredibly proactive with her own life and has passions that don’t involve me.
With these thoughts in mind I decided upon a workable solution.
I would run a service scene that lasted several hours, in which we moved from our typical low protocol approach to a medium protocol one.
The rules would be stricter. The commands firmer. And my sub would be there purely for my convenience.
Coming up next is my description of what we tried, what worked, and what didn’t, as we introduced some higher protocol elements into our kinky play.
You’ll learn some important tips worth knowing when you’re building your own unique D/s dynamic.
The next morning Moineau and I awoke as usual.
She fondled me softly under the duvet for several minutes, and eventually we ended up in one of our cockwarming positions – me lying on my side snoozing, her shuffled down the bed, head at my crotch, mouth cradling my flaccid cock.
The warmth of her mouth and occasional flicks of her tongue got me hard, and I oscillated between snoozing and thrusting my hips to fuck her mouth. This naturally progressed to sex.
After, it was shower time.
And the time to switch into a higher protocol.
[It’s worth noting I’d discussed this with her beforehand and we had both consented]
As I left for the shower I instructed her to clean the sex toys left strewn around the bedroom from the morning’s kinky activities, and to make the bed.
I hopped into the shower.
Something I immediately realised was that I didn’t have much of a plan.
Sexual scenes are relatively straightforward to plan. But what was I going to get my sub to do for an entire morning?
Once she’d made the bed and cleaned the toys, perhaps I would ask her to make breakfast. But that’s only 30 minutes gone.
What the hell was I meant to do for the rest of the day?
I could get her to kneel for me as I worked, but would she enjoy that? Wouldn’t she get bored? Would I be stopping her from doing something important she needed to do?
As I lathered up, I remembered why I didn’t run these types of BDSM scenes more often. They are mentally taxing.
Still, I knew the principle of having a doting sub turned me on, and therefore I was determined to stick with the scene, despite my inner monologue’s best efforts to cast doubt and call the entire thing off.
Unwanted thoughts and the philosophy of dominance
My biggest hurdle as a Dom is that I perhaps care too much about what the sub is experiencing and whether she is enjoying herself.
This is something I take pride in as a Romantic Dom (and what separates me from Fake Doms) but it can go too far.
This scene was about getting what I wanted. I reminded myself Moineau had consented to this. That although it was unfamiliar, she wanted to try it too.
So I pushed my reservations further back in my mind and called her into the bathroom as I enjoyed the feeling of warm water splashing down my back.
I instructed her to take a towel and kneel just outside the bathroom with it, waiting until I was done. She did.
I continued washing myself, occasionally peeping around the fogged up glass shower screen to spy whether she was still there. No doubt kneeling there was a little dull, so she’d closed her eyes and was probably doing a little meditation to alleviate the boredom and get into a subby mindset.
Even though thoughts kept popping up around whether she was actually getting anything out of this experience, I still experienced a wave of exhilaration and mild arousal.
Here I was going about my daily routine whilst a woman was giving me the gift of her submission. Willingly waiting to serve. That felt special.
Even typing this I have difficulty fully articulating what it is about situations like these I find so fascinating, arousing, and pleasurable.
I suspect it stems from a deeply held negative belief most of us have of “I’m not good enough”. If someone is willing to kneel and wait as I perform such a mundane activity as showering, then I must be ‘good enough’. I must be loveable. Her act of submission validates my existence.
Moving to the living room
I turned off the shower and ran my hands over my body to wipe away excess water. I instructed Moineau to hand me my towel, which she did, and then to finish tidying the bedroom and go make herself a coffee.
I also told her what she’d be wearing – a warm fleece top, socks, and nothing else. I wanted her to stay warm as she wasn’t going to be very active, but I still wanted her body exposed for my enjoyment and potential use later in the day.
I got dressed and went to the living room, picking up my computer on the way. I plopped onto the sofa and flipped open the laptop screen, watching Moineau’s ass peeking out from the fleece top as she reached into the kitchen wall cabinet for some sugar.
Note to self: remember to place items she needs often on the high shelves for an improved view 😉
Once she’d made her coffee she brought the mug over to where I was sitting. I had her place it on the coffee table and then kneel on the rug a few feet in front of where I was sat, at a right angle to me so I could see her face and stroke her hair.
She reached for the coffee to take a sip.
“Errr….” I said, looking at her.
She gave me a puzzled look back.
I didn’t want her drinking without me telling her she could. But we hadn’t agreed to this.
When you try something new, there will always be situations like this where the rules aren’t clear. As much as I try and ensure my sub knows the rules before a scene starts, sometimes I make up new rules as I go. In this case I’d forgotten I hadn’t told her not drinking without permission was a rule.
This morning was about establishing a new routine. We were both feeling our way through the experience.
Next time we run a scene like this, she now knows that I will let her know when she can drink, and the scene will be smoother.
Advice for you new Doms and subs
This is the main point I want to make with this article. Even though I’ve been a Dom for several years, it doesn’t mean that every style of dominance is a natural fit for me, or that I can pull it off without a hitch.
When you are trying out different styles of dominance, or you are introducing new rules into an existing dynamic, or you are with a new partner who is learning how you like things done, it’s naturally for things to feel clunky.
That’s okay. It’s part of the process. Much like learning any new skill.
I talk about how each scene should have one Scene Theme (read about the 5 five themes of BDSM scenes here). This scene had started out with the intention of being a Play scene, but in reality it was morphing into a Training themed scene.
We were both feeling each other out, getting a sense of what was appropriate and what was not.
At one point she asked if she could use the bathroom. I hadn’t explicitly told her she had to ask if she wanted to go to the bathroom, but because we were now in training mode, she did the right thing and questioned what I expected of her.
This gave me a moment to consider whether I did want this to be part of our higher protocol dynamic. I did. And now we have established these two new rules for higher protocol scenes:
- I will wait for my Dom to tell me when I can drink
- I will ask my Dom for permission to use the bathroom
These weren’t rules which I had known I wanted to be part of our dynamic when I started the scene, but because we were in training mode, we’d worked together to create them.
Your D/s dynamic will probably evolve in a very similar fashion.
- One person in the relationship wants to try something.
- They either explicitly tell you they want to try it, or you ‘discover’ it through questioning them or simply watching their behaviour.
- You try out the activity.
- You discuss afterwards how you feel about said activity.
- You either drop the activity or it becomes part of your dynamic
The more you go through this process, the better a Dom or sub you will become. Your communication skills will improve. Your knowledge of BDSM will improve. And overall you’ll end up discovering the style of D/s relationship which suits you.
And then the scene dissolved
At this point she was just kneeling there, and I was working.
I can’t remember exactly why, but at some point we got talking about the subject of Kegel exercise devices which link to your phone.
I asked her to do some research into the best devices on the market, with a view to ordering one and putting a review up on the site.
She picked up her phone and started researching, and we chatted back and forth about what she’d discovered.
It was at this point it felt as though the scene was over. There didn’t seem to be anything unusual about what we were doing, aside from the fact she was kneeling on the floor.
My visions of her remaining silent unless spoken to had disappeared as we’d both got carried away with other endeavours.
And that’s my biggest gripe personally with high protocol M/s scenes. I want someone I can have stimulating conversations with. It doesn’t serve me having a rule which says my sub can’t talk unless spoken to, even though in my fantasy it’s kinda hot.
What did we learn from all this
What’s the moral of the story?
I took several things away:
- When attempting a new style of BDSM, run the scene in Training mode. You both won’t really know what you are doing, and it’ll take a few goes for routines and patterns to be established.
- Once a rule or pattern has been repeated several times it will slot naturally into your dynamic.
- I need to work on quieting my inner monologue during a scene, focusing less on what my submissive is experiencing, and being a little more selfish (but not so selfish I become a Fake Dom).
- High protocol Master/slave dynamics are attractive to me in fantasies, but the practicalities of them mean the occasional bouts of medium protocol suit me better.
Overall I’m keen to try this type of scene again, and see what patterns and rules become established. I had a full de-brief with Moineau afterwards where we discussed how each other felt during it, and what parts we liked or should be dropped.
Part of my enjoyment of writing comes from knowing I can express my thoughts more freely, which helps myself and my sub explore. You might want to keep a journal yourself to chart your progress during your D/s journey, and be able to share your thoughts with your partner easily.
Have you engaged in higher protocol service scenes? What did you like or dislike about the experience? Share your thoughts in the comments section.