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There are probably more kink events happening in London than you realise.
I want to show a few ways I look for upcoming kink events, be that talks, workshops or full-blown parties.
Kink talks and workshops
I have a couple of websites I look at weekly to see what hedonistic or kinky talks might be happening.
In London I can guarantee there’s at least one sex talk or workshop happening per week. Many are listed on Eventbrite.
To find them, I go to the search icon in the app (a similar process applies to the website too), select a date range I want to find events for (normally the coming week), set a filter to only look in my area, and add a keyword of ‘sex’.
I then have a skim through. If any event titles speak to me, I go and read the description, check the location and price, and book a ticket.
There are many kink groups of Meetup. The activeness of them varies. Some are genuine and friendly communities, whilst others are no doubt set up by men who simply want to get laid.
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I sometimes join the group and subscribe to event alerts, but more often I use a similar process to Eventbrite; searching for a keyword of sex, selecting a date range, and browsing the events. Only then will I join the group if it seems appropriate.
Make sure you have a look at the attendees going to events in advance to understand the gender ratio and double check it’s an event suitable for your gender and sexuality. Sounds obvious, but don’t turn up to an all men’s group if you’re female, or a women’s masturbation workshop if you a man, for example.
Read the description of the event thoroughly and contact the event organiser if you’re not certain. If the event page links to an official company website you can be more certain it is legit.
Funzing is another website which lists talks and workshops. Although not aimed at kink in particular, you do sometimes find them listed. As with Meetup and Eventbrite, you just need to keep searching,
Kink parties I enjoy tend to be a club night with added nudity thrown in.
The most well-known is Torture Garden (referred as TG), which happens roughly every couple of months at various venues. You do need to adhere to the strict fetish dress code to get in, but anyone can attend.
There’s music, cabaret acts, and generally lots of drinking and dancing to techno and house music (much like any other night out). The only difference is there’s more flesh on show. And you shouldn’t be shocked if you turn around and see someone getting sucked off in the corner.
It is often described as the ‘gateway’ event, because it is attended by people who are curious about the scene, but aren’t yet ready for a full-on orgy. People at Torture Garden are generally clothed to some degree, but walking around topless and showing plenty of flesh is common. There’s also a ‘couple’s room’ which is separated from the rest of the event, where people go to have sex (even though sex also tends to happen in other areas of the venue later on in the evening).
I recommend subscribing to their email newsletter for updates on events because they tend to sell out fast.
ZDR (Zara DuRose) Events
A new comer to the scene, aiming to follow in the footsteps of TG. ZDR Events are very similar in that it’s essentially a club night with less clothes and a room where people can get naked.
If you’re interested in company run events, then take a look at Killing Kittens, Le Boudoir (see my review of Le Boudoir), and Pleasure Island Parties. Each of their respective websites have details of upcoming events. There are many more companies who run play parties in London, but the above are ones I have been to.
Parties sometimes have a strict invite only policy and vetting policy to keep everyone safe. You will most likely have to submit photos of yourself (clothed body and face) and sometimes have a phone chat with the event organiser. There may also be a membership free.
To keep the gender ratios acceptable, some play parties will not allow single guys, but couples and single women only. Check the rules and regulations carefully for clarification.
Private sex parties tend not to be advertised. You need to know the right people. This usually happens because you randomly meet someone already on the kink scene, or you attend one of the tamer kink talks or workshops you discovered using the method above, and got talking to the people, who then took a fancy to you.
Getting ‘on the list’ as a single guy is tricky, because straight men tend to be in abundance (we are always up for casual sex, right? Stereotype I know, but it’s kinda true) whilst a smaller percentage of the population of single women are interested in these types of event.
Therefore, as guy you typically need to be moderately attractive and athletic, dress well, be polite, have good social skills, and most importantly don’t be creepy. (The same goes for dating and life in general)
I can’t put enough emphasis on social skills here. I’ve seen too many men who are too eager to get to the sex.
Yes, the people in the room want to have sex – that’s why they are there. But that doesn’t mean small talk, building rapport and generally being a charming and friendly human being goes out the window.
Please treat fellow guests as people and not sex robots. Even if you don’t have sex, you’ll be much more likely to be invited back, and you’ll probably make some awesome friends.
Read some of our BDSM guides to help you navigate the world of kink smoothly.
If you’d like any more advice on finding kink events suitable for you, drop me a message in the comments.