In this BDSM podcast episode, we dive deep into the world of pup play, and neurodivergence. Joining us as our guest is Puppy Ripley (aka Sir Kris), to talk about their personal experiences with autism, pup play, and their kink journey.
They share their story about how they got into Pup play, their transition from Alpha pup to Dom, and their involvement in Puppy Ireland and charity work. Plus, we explore how pup play has been a supportive tool for them in relation to their autism and discuss ways the BDSM community can become more inclusive for individuals with autism and neurodivergence. Many thanks to Puppy Ripley, and we hope you love the episode.
- 00:00:00 – Introduction: Chief introduces the episode’s theme of pup play and neurodivergence, and welcomes guest Puppy Ripley.
- 00:01:10 – Guest Introduction: Sir Kris (Puppy Ripley) expresses gratitude for being on the show.
- 00:01:26 – Ripley’s Background: Ripley talks about their identity, autism, and their role in the kink community.
- 00:03:14 – Pup Play Explained: Ripley describes the spectrum of pup play and their personal experience discovering it.
- 00:06:43 – Benefits for Autism: Moineau discusses how pup play can be a security blanket for social anxiety.
- 00:08:52 – Pup Events and Dynamics: Ripley elaborates on the structure of pup events, including the roles of handlers and different types of pups.
- 00:10:54 – Social Aspect of Pup Play: Discussion on the types of pup gatherings and activities involved.
- 00:12:17 – Gender and Pup Play: Ripley speaks about the gender demographics in pup play and its connection to the queer community.
- 00:14:06 – Leather Pup Identity: Ripley describes their transition to a leather pup and their role in the community.
- 00:17:11 – Autism and Gender: Ripley discusses misconceptions about autism prevalence in males and females.
- 00:20:14 – Autism and BDSM: The conversation shifts to how BDSM spaces can support neurodivergent individuals.
- 00:23:41 – Sensory Management in BDSM: Moineau shares personal experiences with sensory management through BDSM practices.
- 00:25:40 – BDSM Community’s Clear Rules: Ripley appreciates the clarity and structure of rules in the BDSM community.
- 00:28:02 – Neurodivergence and Sexual Identity: Discussion on the higher likelihood of non-normative sexual and gender identities among neurodivergent individuals.
- 00:31:46 – Inclusivity in BDSM Spaces: Suggestions for how BDSM spaces can accommodate neurodivergent individuals, like designated service puppies and chill-out zones.
- 00:34:57 – Understanding Autism: Ripley explains the diverse presentation of autism in individuals.
- 00:37:28 – Misconceptions and Interaction with Autistic Individuals: Chief reflects on his own perceptions and interactions with autistic individuals.
- 00:41:42 – Managing Sensory Overload: Discussion on managing sensory overload in different environments.
- 00:45:06 – Transitioning to Dominance: Ripley talks about transitioning from an alpha pup to exploring dominant roles.
- 00:50:15 – Navigating Dominant Roles: Ripley and Chief discuss the journey and challenges in finding one’s voice and style in dominant roles.
- 00:53:42 – Pursuing Dom/Sub Dynamics: The conversation covers the importance of knowing personal limits and preferences in dom/sub dynamics.
- 00:57:26 – Mr. Pup Island Competition: Ripley talks about participating in the Mr. Pup Island competition and what it entails.
[00:00:00] Chief: In this episode, we dive deep into the world of pop play and neurodivergence. Joining us as our guest is Puppy Ripley to talk about their personal experiences with autism, pup play and their kink journey. They share their story about how they got into pup play, their transition from alpha pup to dom and their involvement in puppy island and charity work.
Plus we explore how pup play has been a supportive tool for them in relation to their autism and discuss ways the BDSM community can become more inclusive for individuals with autism spectrum condition. Many thanks to puppy Ripley, and we hope you love the episode.
Welcome, Ripley. Thank you for joining us on Conversations with the Dom.
[00:01:09] Sir Kris: Thank you for having me.
[00:01:10] Chief: Very welcome. So we’re joined by Ripley and Mwano. Hi. Hello. Hello. I guess we’ll jump straight in with the opening question. Who are you and how does your life relate to DS?
[00:01:26] Sir Kris: Well I would be known in Ireland as puppy Ripley, just Ripley or Rippers.
I am autistic, so I am on the ASC, which is the new term now. It’s autistic spectrum condition. And I also have been exploring into the world of Dom and being, but with in the pub community, I would be kind of an alpha pup, alpha leather pup. So I’ve always kind of been that. I have experimented in subsides.
And, and getting into that, but definitely my natural abilities lie in being an alpha pup. And then I started to, when I got more comfortable in the kink community, I started to take off the hood a little bit more and started to explore full leather dom with Muircap and proper Tom of Finland look. So that’s where I am at the moment.
So, and, the, and obviously the main thing that I would be platforming on, or main thing that I would be passionate about in the king community is autism and making sure that people with a SC or who are on the spectrum some way are included, that they are understood a little bit better and not fear.
In which there can be an awful lot in the King community
[00:02:42] Chief: I know it’s certainly a topic that members of our community have been asking for us to do a podcast about And I didn’t feel qualified to do it because I I don’t profess to know a lot about the subject So it’s your email came in at a very timely opportunity So so we’re delighted to have you here and to talk about that kind of thing I would like to talk a little bit more about the The pup side of things first, just because again, it’s not a, it’s not my style of, of dominance and submission, so I don’t know a lot about it.
Could you tell us what being a pup involves?
[00:03:14] Sir Kris: Pup play is, like autism as well, it’s a spectrum. There’s no set Criteria to be a pup. There’s not, you don’t even need a hood. A lot of people think that you need to have the proper hood, the Mr. B or the Mr. S or the really fancy hoods that have fancy colors and lit full body kind of latex or all this expensive gear.
For me, it started a good few, A few years ago I saw something online just randomly popped up in my feed and I saw Apu, a puppy, like a human puppy. And I said, what? In the name of God is this, this, I had no idea. I’ve never seen this before, but just on all fours messing around wrestling and not communicating through words and I said, Hmm, that’s interesting.
So when the pandemic happens, everything locked down. In Ireland and I started to kind of get him a little bit involved a little bit more kind of researching more into the kink world, into the puppy in particular. And I, as most first time puppies do, went onto Amazon. So straight onto Amazon, my 30 euro or 20 euro Puppy hood, neoprene did not fit at all.
I had a huge head, and this is a tiny little neoprene hood, but I said I would try it in the comfort and privacy of my home in my living room. Tried it on and thus basically a kink or a fetish was born. It blocked out all senses well to it narrowed my senses, so the European went over my ears. And blocked out some sound.
My head was being compressed, so I felt as if I was being held tight. It gave me a more sense of self, a sense of what we call proprioception. So I could feel my body in space easier. And it narrowed my vision as well, to have to look in one particular area. So that, for the autistic side of me, started to feel good.
And then being, when the pandemic was ending, things were starting to lift. I started to go into the kink community and see actual pups in real life. There was very few when I started. There was really only a handful. And eventually I got the courage, slip on the hood in public in one of the kink events and see what it was like.
And suddenly people, I didn’t have to communicate with words. I didn’t have to judge someone’s facial expression. All of that was gone. I could rely on. I could rely on someone very, very clearly gesturing with their head what they wanted or what they needed, or communicating with what we call boops. So like pooping each other’s, it’s stupid, but pooping each other’s snoot.
Yeah. It’s not the term you boop, the snoot. Yes. And it just things like that and feeling kind of as if I didn’t, I no longer need, had the level of social anxiety that I had been feeling. When I just went out to normal bars and I had to always have something to say, or I had to be prepared for what someone else was going to say, or someone will think I’m weird or so.
Now I was covered. No one knew who I was. I could. Drop facial expressions. I didn’t have to interpret anything and it was just, I relaxed for the first time and that’s thus a pup, a puppy was born.
[00:06:43] Moineau: That sounds really, really nice. And I, it sounds like it’s a great security blanket for anyone who’s socially anxious.
I’m curious. Do you think that when you first put on the mask, was it? More appeasing to your autistic side before getting into like a kink or sexual element or do you, do you see there being a crossover between the two?
[00:07:11] Sir Kris: At the start, for me, I’ve always assumed that there would be a crossover between sex and play for me, it just appeased the autistic side. For now, I wasn’t looking into, I saw that it was a kink. Obviously, it was a fetish. But at the very start, and it’s interesting, the development of it, Ripley came out.
As not being very sexual, it was very much just it. This was an autistic blanket. It was like a weighted blanket in public because when I get what we term in autism would be burnout or a meltdown when senses get so overloaded that your brain resets and you can stem so you can do strange movements. You can have repetitive motions and people will think you’re very strange.
If when that happens somewhere like a club or a pub, they think you’re drunk, they think you’re acting very strangely. So when the hood went on, when I get like that, I always liked compression. So my husband would grab me by the shoulders and squeeze me in a bear hug. And that just calms me down. This was like a version of that happening in public.
So I could always feel that. tightness, that compression. Eventually then I did start experimenting with it sexually. So Ripley, Ripley has had fun. Will be safe. But he has gone back now to kind of being in a way, ace and not highly sexual. So he’s much more about play, wrestle social interaction, like social community kind of based interaction.
But definitely he appeased the autistic side more than the sexual side at the start.
[00:08:52] Chief: And could you just describe what happens at these kind of events are the presumably there are specific pup events and I’m also what’s it called? A mosh. That makes sense. Mosh. Mosh. Mosh. Oh yeah, exactly. Okay. Yeah.
And do you, and the other, the follow up question is, I assume you don’t have to have an owner, but do. Owners also go and kind of watch, like, I’m just really, I’m super curious because it’s not a world I know
[00:09:18] Sir Kris: much about. When you’re, when you’re a puppy, and a lot of puppies would be subs, or they would be betas or omegas.
So you have your pack, and at the top will sit the alpha or the handler. And then underneath them would be betas, who are kind of head of the pups, but not as high as the handler. And then you would have omegas, who are total subs. And when you have, when you’re in your hood and you drop into like, it is subspace that you go into when you’re at, but we call it pup space.
And when you get into that, you really can sometimes get very, like, all your instinct, you really rely on your instincts. And your, the handlers would attend something like a mosh to make sure that if their pup that they are, that they’ve brought or that their sub is in the mosh wrestling, if they think that they’re getting too heavy or if they’re getting too aggressive or too much.
He will take them out and so they are kind of like referees that they will see that. Oh, no, hang on this. This pup is going a bit too far and he’ll be taken out and calmed, calmed down for a little while. So, yeah, no handlers. So there would, they will be the handlers, but be the ones who basically they’re like.
Dog owners, they would have their pup and it would be a sub dom relationship, but the sub would be the pup. Mm-Hmm. So it really, it doesn’t look the same.
[00:10:46] Moineau: So is it just a bunch of like wrestling in play primarily on the ground? Mm-Hmm. Or is there also like a social element? I don’t know, or, yeah,
[00:10:54] Sir Kris: so we would have, over here we have a few groups that we would meet.
One of the one that would be dedicated solely to pups is the kinky pups. And if they were doing a mosh. Then a whole kind of ground floor area, we put the mats will be put down and it’s focused for pups. So there’s balls, there’s squishy play toys, there’s squeaky toys, there’s, it’s probably like a dog park and the handlers will come in and just say, right off you go.
And. They’ll go in, they’ll wrestle. There will be different types of parties, so those would tend to be social, and there would be games and normally kind of during the day, they can run at night, but there wouldn’t be sexual, any sexual activity allowed. So, and no exposed bums or asses or anything like that.
It would be. To be covered from the waist, at least, down. And they would wrestle around on the ground. And just have fun and play, and there wouldn’t be a sexual element. Then you can have ones where it’s explicitly stated that this is Possible for sexual activity as well to happen.
That would be normally taken to a separate area though. It wouldn’t be done on places where people are wrestling. It would be brought to dark areas, dark rooms, or play areas. What’s
[00:12:10] Chief: the gender split? Is it mainly a sort of gay male type arena? How does that break
[00:12:17] Sir Kris: down? Yeah, over here, it is, it does seem to be primarily gay male or for, in my case, pansexual.
There is, I know of, I know in the UK, there are female pups female identifying pups and for female at birth pups. I, there aren’t in Ireland that I have met. There are straight pups, straight male pups but there were very, very few. It seems, it does seem to be the queer community that that has the, that has kind of the most amount.
Do you think
[00:12:50] Moineau: there’s, is it because of the history of the leather movement and that there’s some connection there?
[00:12:55] Sir Kris: Yeah, it definitely is, like, although I would be a Leatherpup, I’m not, I don’t think I’m the, I’m not the only Leatherpup, but I’m, certainly most of the pups would be in things like spandex or well, what do you call them?
The wrestling, wrestle things. The suits, right? Yeah, the wrestling suits. Like the American suits. Exactly, yeah. I can’t think of the name of it. Singlet. There we go, Singlet. They would be in them, because they’re down on the ground and wrestling. I have, because I’m slightly older, I came to pub late. I did do that for a while.
And I ended up just. Yeah, I don’t belong on the floor that much. , I’m, I’ve, I, sorry, I’m touchy iy everything. Yeah, I would, I would feel IGY back. Yeah. And all I need is some young pup to jump on me on. That’s me. Gone for six weeks. So no, I decided kind of, I, I, ’cause I started in leather when I was in the king scene.
First I started with that Tom of Finland. Look the bluff, well, it’s not, I’m not in bluff, but the the full leather head to toe. And that’s where I started. So I kind of went back to that then after Ripley was born. And I said, no, there’s no reason why I can’t be a leather pup. So I just don’t get down on the floor.
I’m not doing that to my letters. I guess
[00:14:06] Moineau: wearing leather gives you the excuse. You’re like, Oh no, I don’t want to, don’t want to ruin this or can’t even bend the knees.
[00:14:12] Sir Kris: Exactly. Yeah. So no, I’ve, I’m definitely seen as well as being much more of a, I hate saying father figure because I don’t, I hate being.
Daddy or anything like that, that’s just not me, but I would be a very big kind of a big caretaker for a lot of the younger pups. Like, I can see I will, I’ll almost act like a handler because we also have very few handlers over here. We have way more pups than we want handlers. It’s good to have. As a pup that might be, that kind of step out and look and just make sure that everyone is comfortable and everyone is kind of following the rules.
[00:14:44] Moineau: does sound very much like an, like an alpha pup responsibility, kind of, you know role model for the pack.
[00:14:50] Sir Kris: Exactly. Yeah. So I’m, I’m, I just generally don’t get down onto the ground anymore. For sure.
[00:14:57] Chief: I was, I was curious if is, and I don’t know if this is true, but is autism. More prevalent in males and therefore that’s why, and if, if pup play is kind of people endorses and find it comforting in some way, that’s why the more males in the scene.
I just, my brain was going down that,
[00:15:17] Sir Kris: that route. Yeah, that is, that is something that people often assume that there is more autistic males than females. It’s untrue, unfortunately. Well, for that. There have been studies done and unfortunately what happened, what’s happening is that females, there is an inherent opinion in society that girls are quiet, girls are demure, girls are like ladies and they’re, this is a stereotypical view that people have had of women.
and their role. So autism wasn’t spotted in an awful lot of women. Boys are meant to be, meant to be boisterous. They’re meant to be friendly. They’re meant to be rough. They’re meant to do these types of things. And if you weren’t doing that, it was noticed. So if a boy was on his own, not making friends, not into football, not into all of these things, they were being seen as weird.
We need to get this checked. There’s something not right. But a girl doing that was totally normal. So, what we’re seeing now is that in later years, when now autism is becoming more understood, there are actually equivalent amounts of girls who are neurodivergent, autistic and ADHD. It’s just that it was never identified.
Their behaviors were seen as ladylike, so. As for the pub community, I think there are certainly more, there’s certainly more and more divergent people in pub play, whether there be more males, probably it is because it, it does, it’s seen as being a part of the gay community, a part of the queer community.
So girls tend, definitely in our groups anyway, girls don’t, women don’t get involved in it as much because it is held in the. Queer spaces, more so. I know we have got some straight leaning, or no, there would be straight clubs, like kink events and fetish events in Dublin. I know of only one pub that I’ve ever seen at it, who would be straight but also male.
So yeah, I guess
[00:17:11] Chief: if the pup play also involves sort of a lot of rough play, maybe that wouldn’t be as appealing.
[00:17:15] Sir Kris: Yeah. With, with with girls, yeah. Sometimes. And I would see, I know of the UK female pups, they would tend to be slightly more reserves. I think actually our last, that your last puppy UK was female or female identifying I believe.
[00:17:32] Moineau: I’ve seen a few female identifying puppies at various events, not many at all. And they definitely stand out as they, they look great. So like their, their aesthetic is always really on point.
[00:17:46] Sir Kris: There is I know that there is a girl over here who when I went for a, I had, I was doing a photo shoot with one of the straight leaning clubs and I brought all of my gear.
So I brought puppy and I brought puppy Ripley and I brought my full leather. Dom look, and the one I put my hood on, she went crazy. She absolutely adored pop. So she would be a perfect handler. But yet there are no pubs for her to handle, unfortunately, in the straight, in the straight clubs. But she would, she just carried me.
She just brought me around on the lead for the entire day. Oh, that’s sweet. It
[00:18:19] Moineau: sounds so cute and wholesome. I
[00:18:20] Sir Kris: love it. It’s fun. And it’s just nice that as well, if I’m standing in my pop pod, I’ll be. Chatting with people and everything will be fine. If I start to feel a little bit like this is getting too much this I don’t, I’m not liking something.
I have an excuse. I’ll go down onto my all fours or onto my knees and I’ll hold my handler’s leg. And I’ll just sit there for a while and no one comes near me. They might rub the top of my head or give me chin scritches or something, but they don’t interact with me anymore. So it’s a nice escape for things like that.
I feel like I need that. Night
[00:18:53] Chief: out, on a night out, I could do with that
[00:18:55] Sir Kris: escape. Yeah, and there is, in puppy events especially, it’s happening a little bit more and more that there are chill out areas. I know when I went to Darklands in Belgium, they did have a chill out zone for neurodivergent people.
Unfortunately, it was taken over with people just talking, and on their phones, so it wasn’t really enforced. But at least they did try, and that’s Like, it’s a step in a step in the right direction are 1 over here called, which is out in kink and they do they do a kind of a chill out zone as well. So, it would be really good as well.
If you’re a sub and you’ve slipped into subspace a little bit too far, your dog can bring you in and just calm, calm you down, bring you back to normal before you have to go back out and autistic people would can use that as well. Also, they supply ear for ear. Plugs when you go in, if you need them, so they will be just given to you and you so you can turn out some of the music if you put your hood on, it’s nice.
You can turn out the sounds. People don’t react with you. They don’t read your facial expressions as well. So if you have a facial stem and as part of your autism. You don’t feel it. You don’t feel the need to have to hide it anymore, which all of this masking and hiding and kind of imitating other people’s behavior is what causes burnout and exhaustion in autistic people.
[00:20:14] Moineau: Do you see there being a correlation or at least some sort of similarity between, pup play, and pet play, and like a DDLG age play. It, when you’ve been speaking, I keep on being reminded of age players or age regressors who seem to use a lot of Similar things as a way to calm themselves down and keep their anxiety down in social situations like using dummies or, or being able to be nonverbal and having an excuse to do that.
[00:20:44] Sir Kris: Mm-Hmm. there is, I’ve noticed recently the more I’ve been talking with people, there is a lot even, I didn’t even realize to the extent, only over the past probably six, seven months that I’ve been talking with some of the pups and realized that yes, they’re actually, a lot of them are into A, B, DL. They’re into age play, but because it seems to be seen certainly in over here anyway.
That is a very difficult thing to bring out into a event kind of setting into like a lot of, I know guys would feel very, unless it’s specifically age play related event, they feel they, that’s not something that they can bring to a general kink or fetish event. Mm-Hmm. But I certainly, the pups that I know, I would say there’s a good percentage who would be into A-B-D-L-A diaper play or age play and like Jesse.
Wearing the, I don’t know what they’re called the. Pajama kind of onesies onesies. Thank you. Yes, that’s what it is. But it’s just not something that they bring out into the King community as much. They still see that for some reason still seems an uncomfortable taboo that people are reluctant to bring out.
[00:21:59] Moineau: more. Perhaps acceptable or it’s easier to be perceived as a puppy, you know, in like in a kink space, anyone can be a puppy, but like if you get anyone playing with age, then there’s going to be that wariness that is more of the, the stigma or taboo that people don’t understand. But if someone wearing a pup mask, you just know that pretty clearly that they’re being a puppy.
There’s not going to be any sort of question about,
[00:22:31] Sir Kris: but there is a huge overlap. Yeah. Because even puppies, I know I would see them, they would be on their back with like legs up in the air, like a baby kind of doing that, getting their bellies rubbed, getting told that they’re a good boy. And so, so there is overlap in the kind of the brain space or what it, what people are getting from it.
Definitely there is overlap. It’s
[00:22:51] Chief: similar to your, you and rope play, like you find the constriction of the rope.
[00:22:57] Moineau: Yeah. Now that I’ve been diagnosed as ADHD, I can see that it’s certainly acting as a type of stimulation restrictor that is very soothing. And it means that I can’t have all the racing thoughts.
I have to just focus in. It’s really relaxing and I love that. I love the idea of being bound and restricted. It, it helps. me be able to focus and hone in. So when you’ve been explaining about the pup mask, I’m like, Oh, on one level, I find the idea of that really appealing. So I totally can understand the bringing all the overwhelming sensations down to a more manageable level.
[00:23:41] Sir Kris: Like for me, I’d certainly love like exactly that. Even my day to day life, I wear a compression vest underneath all my clothes. And it’s in bits, I’ve worn it so much, because I wear it every single day. And it’s just, people with autism have a tendency to have poor, as I said earlier, proprioception. So it’s the awareness of your body in space.
So it’s, I would have, you could, so I would tend to be clumsy. I would walk into things. I would drop things. I would forget that something is in my hand and I will just bend over and the whole thing will just spill out. And so, the compression allows me to kind of have a constant sense of where I am at any time, what my hands are doing.
where my body is turning. So, like, I know, like, if I’m not wearing it, I tend to walk terribly, terrible way that it’s been said to me is that I walk like an Oompa Loompa. I kind of have that side to side because I can’t feel where my body is. So I kind of, I’ve slipped and I fall and I put put on my compression top.
I feel a little bit more secure. And then when I’m in a kink environment, put on my hood, then everything feels more secure. And put on latex, it’s even better. Again, you get total constriction in that or compression and I’ve worn full kind of catsuits of latex, which is an amazing feeling. I’d like
[00:25:00] Chief: to explore more about the, the link in your opinion between autism, neuro, neurodivergency, is that a word?
Neurodivergence and kink. Because we, I am seeing more people on the Kinky Events community, the Discord server we run, sort of bringing up the fact that they are, they, you know, say they’re neurodivergent, and so it did get me thinking, is there a higher percentage if you took the population of kinksters?
It does seem to be that there is. Higher than average than you’d expect in the general population of neurodivergent people. So what’s your, what’s your take on, on that?
[00:25:40] Sir Kris: Well, they did do a study a while ago. I can’t, I’ll try and give you a guess, send you over the links and you can put them up on your site if they want.
But they’re kind of, they’re technical. Psychological evaluations, some of them are quite boring to read, but the findings have been, though, that 70 in the general population, you’re 70 percent likely to be heterosexual, just outrightly straight. As we say in inverted commas, normal, nothing kinky or anything unusual.
If you are you’re a divergent in our, in just the autistic community, you are 70 percent more likely to be non gender conforming. So, 70 percent are not, are going to be in the LGBT community. So that’s a huge statement that autism and the queer community are very linked in that sense. And they have kind of tried, they’ve tried to figure out why this is.
Why is it that there are so many Queer people, LGBTQIA people in the autistic community. And they seem to be leaning towards the opinion that because we aren’t constricted, restricted as much with social norms, we don’t really understand it as much as neurotypical people do. We kind of look at some of the behaviours and think, Why?
Okay, that’s just what people do. I’ll just do it. Because I’m just going to pretend. I don’t understand why I’m doing it, but I’m doing it. So we have a, like autistic people have a tendency to be frank. Yeah. Very honest with themselves and if someone thinks like, Oh, I kind of like that person. Oh, okay. That means I’m gay.
Okay. And we don’t really care because we don’t care what in a lot of cases we don’t care as much of or even really comprehend as much what society’s opinions are going to be on that. We just live in a more open and honest kind of way with ourselves. So they think that that’s probably. A good reason as to why there would be a higher percentage, like gen, definitely gender fluidity sexual sexuality fluidity as well.
Like I would be pansexual. I know several other people who are autistic and pansexual or demisexual or ace and. There’s just a much, much higher percentage of that with autistic people and the LGBT community.
[00:28:02] Chief: So in other words, if the, if the norms were less caring about what society thought of them, they would probably be into a lot of the stuff if they can’t do it because
[00:28:15] Sir Kris: they were too worried about what, like, like you’ve grown up, you, for some reason, people who aren’t neurotypical, what we call, I am a little autistic.
They. They would have, they just have an inbuilt, it’s ingrained in you like that, you know, what society expects, you know, what you should be doing and it’s natural. Whereas for us, it’s not natural, like how we are, it’s natural. So we’re just more likely to be. They also say that if you’ve had one, like, homosexual encounter, there is a, there is a tendency for an autistic person to have one homosexual encounter and just go, Oh, okay, I’m gay now, and just, and then realize later, Oh, I’m not quite gay, because I also do like women.
So, what am I? And they’ll explore that and not care what society thinks. Yeah,
[00:29:02] Moineau: I think it makes sense that there’s. A higher percentage of neurodivergence in BDSM spaces, because BDSM is already on the fringes of society. It is already a marginalized sort of space where people are seeing what is typical and choosing to.
Do some atypical behavior from the norms that were brought up with that. And of course, there’s going to be an appeal then to people who are already feeling that way. And they’re like, ah, finally a place for me. Yeah, so it makes perfect sense to me. And
[00:29:42] Sir Kris: also with the BDSM community, the one brilliant thing that I as an autistic person loved coming into it.
Was it was so this is me talking in a general term. I know that there is definitely serious issues with in certain circumstances, but I found that the rules. We’re very clear, you basically were given a handbook and you were told you are not allowed to do this, you are not allowed to do this, but this and this and this are acceptable.
Ah, fantastic. I can now, I don’t have to, I don’t have to judge for myself what is going to be acceptable in this situation. I don’t have an expectation on me. It’s that you are not allowed to do this. And these are the rules. Ah, I could, finally, I could actually relax in a community and not have to worry about.
Now, we do have issues surrounding certain things with consent and, and especially when it comes to dom sub relationships and everything and younger people coming in and pups as well, but generally speaking, that clear. Discussed open rule book was what attracted me and made me comfortable for the first time in my life.
[00:30:51] Moineau: And a schedule of events to like sexual play will happen at this time in this room.
[00:30:55] Sir Kris: Yeah. And there’s like, there’s a build as well. You’re not, there’s nothing sudden. You’re not going to suddenly start being flogged from somewhere random. Like, there’s a very clear setup of a scene. You’re just, you discussed beforehand.
What are you okay with? What are you not okay with? What is your, what’s your safe word? Or what what kind of, what system do you want to use? Do you want to use red light, or sorry, red yellow, green? I know the. Even when you’re bound, when you’re gagged, anything, you’ll always have a discussion as to how are you going to communicate with me when things are going too far, et cetera.
And all of that just means that I don’t have to worry that I’m doing something wrong. I don’t have to worry that, that, I’m overstepping, aren’t I? We have discussed this, and I know that this is okay.
[00:31:46] Chief: Yeah. I’d like to dig more into the autism side of things, if that’s alright. Because I know that’s, that’s kind of, I think people will be very interested in this.
How does it present in individuals, based on your experience? If, if, you know, I’m a kinkster, and I’m interacting with someone, what are some things that I should look out for, or
[00:32:07] Sir Kris: be aware of? Dr. Temple Grandin, I always go back to her whenever anyone asks me, what is autism? She has the most succinct way of putting it, which is, if you have met one autistic person, you have met one autistic person.
Because it is such a spectrum, you will not there, it shows up so differently in everyone. It’s almost impossible to be able to say that like psychology or chemical practitioners would be able to, they have their set criteria or specific things, but it shows up so differently. The general ones for me, anyway, would be.
I can’t, I don’t like making eye contact when someone kind of is trying to speak to me, they think that I’m being rude because I look down constantly. I won’t, I feel it. If I look up, I’ll lose all train of conversation, all train of thought, because I’ll be so focused on, okay, now I’m making eye contact. I have to make eye contact.
Keep making eye contact. Oh, they’re talking. I’m not listening to them anymore. Oh no, what have they done? Now they’ve stopped talking, and I think they’ve asked me a question. But I’m still making eye contact. So that’s 1 of the ways that it would show up in me. So sensory issues. So you can have sensory assaults pretty easily.
So if there’s sudden, a sudden loud noise, even someone just suddenly laughs near me. It will reset me. So. I’ll be in the middle of a train of thought, or I’ll be in the middle of speaking. A sudden loud noise, everything stops, resets, and I won’t have a clue what I was just talking about. Inflexibility of routine would be another one.
That people like their routines, they don’t, and change to it can cause burnout, can cause meltdown. Do you have touch aversion? I don’t like hugging. So for a Kingster, it’s probably unusual because I, I just don’t like hugging. So most of my friends would know you waved to me. You don’t come in for a hug, just don’t like it.
Interpreting social cues, things like that. All of those things all combined is kind of what makes someone, makes someone autistic, really, it’s such a spectrum and it can go from, they say that autism is a superpower and that absolutely can be like, all you have to do is look at Silicon Valley, as Dr.
Temple Grandin always says, look at Silicon Valley, you’re going to, it’s going to be hard to find a neurotypical person in there, like they’re, they’re so laser focused on what they do, they’re amazing, they’re So skills of what they do, but then you, because of the spectrum, you also have to remember there is the opposite side.
There is the side where people will have to be in assisted living and it is a disability. It is. Something that they will need constant help with. So, it’s really difficult to be able to put your finger on, this is what makes someone autistic. So
[00:34:57] Moineau: how can kink spaces and BDSM spaces help those who are neurodivergent, and specifically autistic?
[00:35:06] Sir Kris: Well, I think that we’re doing, certainly from over here, they are doing a really good job. Especially with open communication, clearly stating this is what I expect, this is what is wanted, and this is what is not wanted. Being able to be open and honest about that is the first step for comfort for an autistic person.
Also the quiet spaces to be respected, for there to be somewhere that someone can just go and Calm down, that’s even just like, like going to do, they supply earplugs that if you need a few minutes, you can do that. We also started having dedicated what we call service puppies in the pub community or specific people that will wear something on their neck that have been trained in.
Someone who’s having a burnout or having a meltdown and you go to that person if you have it and they will take you out and calm you down and do whatever it is that and they will be at all of the events. So small little things like that just kind of understanding is what don’t infantilize people with autism just because they might say the wrong thing, do the wrong thing, act.
Weirdly, as Holistic people will think that it’s weird for the thought they said that or it’s weird that they won’t look at me or it’s so kind of they, there’s an assumption there for that. Well, are they able to consent? Have they got the mental abilities to be able to consent? It’s just a stem. It’s there is a thing that people are trying to do now.
It’s called gorilla stemming. I think it’s called, which is like, you just assault, like, you just. Go crazy with your stims for five minutes, get it all out of your system, and then go, right, okay, I’m ready, and then get in, and just accept that, that that’s, it’s a different way of thinking, it’s a different brain, it’s, that not everyone is going to be the same.
[00:36:55] Chief: Hmm, I don’t, I mean, definitely, if someone says they have autism to me, I’m definitely, a little bit nervous because I don’t, as I said, I don’t know much about it and I don’t know how I should act. Do you know what I mean? And I know you said it’s a complete spectrum, but in some ways I start treating people differently because I’m, I’m, I don’t want to do anything or say anything that’s going to harm them in a way.
And I, I know that’s probably, Not a good way to look at it, but it certainly, I feel it in my brain, there’s a shift happening.
[00:37:28] Sir Kris: It’s probably good to have that to a certain extent, but I think that of all people, An autistic person is going to tell you, certainly I would, I know I have a slightly more dominant personality.
I have a slightly more dominant persona when I’m in the king scene, but an autistic person would know they have an openness with themselves to such an extent that they know really where their limits are. They’ll push them, but they will be, they do know where their limits are. So autistic people or neurotypical people just, yeah.
Exactly. Kind of don’t infantilize them. Don’t say that. Oh, well, they’re not able there. I shouldn’t say this or kind of treat them differently. Treat them with kid gloves or anything like that. Just it’s a different way. It seems a bit weird to you, but
[00:38:17] Chief: the irony is, is I relate to a lot of it, which is this is just the silly thing.
Like I, if there’s loud noises in my environment, I can’t work. I can’t like I get distracted by it. If I’m doing something, I can be hyper focused on it. So I relate to a lot of the things.
[00:38:34] Sir Kris: Like, I know my mom keeps asking me if
[00:38:36] Chief: I’m on the spoon. She’s like, yeah, I think you might be on the spectrum
[00:38:39] Sir Kris: slightly.
I was like, oh, I smell. Like, we use we use the spoon theory an awful lot. If you’ve heard of that in autism. So we say it’s called, it’s for a thing called, it’s for a thing that’s known as energy management or energy accounting. So you say that you have five spoons. At the start of your day. That’s you fully charged.
Yes, it’s a really good way of being able to deal being able to account for your energy for a day. So I have five spoons at the start of the day. I’m rested. I’m fine. I’m not one way or the other. I’m just totally normal. Five spoons. I have a day planned out in front of me, which I am. Let’s say go to work.
That’s going to cost me three spoons. Or two spoons, I’d say, and then I’ll only have three spoons left. So it’s like, okay, we’re running low. And then after that, I’ve agreed that I’m going to go out and meet someone, someone for a drink somewhere or do something like that. Now, that’s going to cost me two spoons.
So I’m down. Now, I’m down to one spoon. So we’re getting close now to. Burnout and then the journey home is going to cost me a spoon. So, I’ve accounted for that. Now, I have no spoons left at the end of the day. I need to make sure that I do something that’s going to recharge those spoons. So, generally with autistic, autistic people, I say autistic.
Sorry, that’s possibly offensive to some people. But I have to do something that’s going to recharge those spoons. So, for me, it’s my special interests. So, it would be playing the piano. Listening to a specific classical music, watching the same TV show over and over and over and over. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve watched Frasier.
I know every single line of my heart. Yeah, it’s just comfort. It’s comfort. Yeah. I can’t sleep as well in silence. That’s another thing for me. I can’t. Silence is a highly uncomfortable thing for me. Because I start to hear electricity. I can hear lights. And those start to get louder. And they start to get really irritating.
So I will sleep with a TV show on. Like just somewhere in the background. No light, no nothing like that. I can turn the screen off. I just need to have the noise on it. So that I can fall asleep drives my husband mental, but so he has many a device to cover up his eyes, his ears and everything just so that he can get to sleep.
[00:40:48] Chief: I hear you on the electrical sounds and the like if there’s a watch or a clock ticking, like on the opposite side of the room, I’m like, no, that has to go out because it’s keeping me awake. But, but I need, I’m the opposite. I need total silence. If there’s any sockets buzzing, I turn them all off and then I need
[00:41:03] Sir Kris: total silence.
Yeah. Yeah. It’s interesting. Cause I, I would use. I wouldn’t, I would need total silence, but because I don’t get it I just, I flipped the switch. Yeah. I’m just going to, I’m going to give myself something that I know in my head. I know it so well. One of them is Fraser. The other is QI. I have some that I will go back to and I will put them on.
I will know the episode off by heart. I will be Voyager. By the way, Star Trek Voyager. Yes. I will listen to that episode. I will know the lines that are coming and that comfort of knowing what’s about. There’s nothing going to be surprising. There’s nothing that’s going to startle me or jump or anything.
I will then gradually just start to fall into sleep.
[00:41:42] Chief: Very interesting. Yeah. It’s funny because a lot of the kink events. We go to, and one of the reasons we don’t like it is when they start super late they’re always playing loud techno music. There’s loads of people all crowded in and the people are loud.
People are loud. And I, I was thinking, you know, that’s gotta be the, the opposite of what. A lot of people would like, but see, you know, they’re very popular. So the ones I like and the much quieter ones where there’s only a few people and you can sort of chat to them at the beginning and it’s soft music and lighting and,
[00:42:16] Sir Kris: I think we’re lucky over here, one of our guys, one of the events, our main events, I think, would be organized by guys who I think I’m, I don’t know if they are autistic, but they certainly work in mental health. I know one of them and another would work just in the general areas of, and I think one of their partners is autistic.
That’s what it is. And they are very aware. To have specific things ready and in place for autistic people because they know what it’s like, they know, they see what their partner wouldn’t be able to go to it or their husband wouldn’t be able to go to it if they weren’t giving them a chill out room and just somewhere to decompress for a minute, somewhere that they can even just.
put your phone on and sit in the corner, because we do try to say in kink events, no phones. So somewhere though, that you can just go and sit down and doom scroll and do something comforting for 10, 15 minutes with headphones on. And then you can, then you’re ready to reach that’s basically recharging your spoons and you can, then you’re ready to go back out for a little while longer.
[00:43:20] Moineau: Do you ever see like a scene as being something that can recharge spoons? Like if I think about me having a really Anxious day that has depleted my energy and has gotten me very antsy and keyed up. Then if I have a scene to look forward to as a sub, I know that that’s going to bring me back to my baseline.
If I was in a sub more subset space and I was had my pop put on being able to give up that control would be very relaxing that I don’t have to kind of, I would be told what to do. I don’t need to think about that would be something that would recharge.
[00:44:04] Sir Kris: And something that would be kind of light that wouldn’t take too much away. So I wouldn’t do an impact scene or anything or I wouldn’t do, but something that would just be instructional. Something that would be you do this ordered around. That would be, yeah, that would recharge because I can just let go then of the worries and I don’t have to kind of keep thinking for myself for a little while.
that would definitely be recharge.
[00:44:26] Moineau: But on the dominant side, less so.
[00:44:29] Sir Kris: Less so on the dominant side. Yeah. That’s because, yeah, I think for me anyway, I’m, I was listening to one of your episodes recently and that helped me a lot. It was overthinking like that whole, because I do tend to overthink an awful lot when it comes to not knowing exactly what to say, having the script ready, having the whole thing laid out and plan.
And it’s something that I’m still journeying in at the moment to try and stop that. So I think I’m hoping eventually. When I get more experienced, when I get involved and I’ll have more in it, that, that will start to drop away and I will be able to use dominance as being something to recharge, something to look forward to.
[00:45:06] Chief: So tell me more about that. You’re, you’ve got the Ripley, Pup Ripley side and then you’ve got the Sir Sir Chris. Sir Chris side. Like, what, how do you experience the difference? What made you want to move more into that side of things? Yes.
[00:45:23] Sir Kris: Well, it started with when so when I started with puppy, I’ve, I assumed that puppies had to be soap, but that’s just what they were.
So that’s automatically again, the autism came in, but the literalism of it, it was like puppies are soap. Therefore, I am salt grant. So I went into salt and enjoyed it. I was. Got out of, but I wasn’t getting. what I wanted out of it. I certainly wasn’t enjoying the subspace as much as I was seeing other subs enjoying it.
So that’s when I said, okay, well, I’m going to experiment a little bit more with alpha. So got up off my, off the floor and kind of dressed in my leather instead of the singlets and started to feel more comfortable with that. Then when, as I got more comfortable, then as being an alpha pup and being more dominant as a pup, that’s when I decided, let’s try this then.
Without the hood. So let’s leave Ripley to the side because Ripley was becoming a little bit more like a father figure and for me as well. He was quite he was becoming ace to a certain extent. He wasn’t a sexual being really anymore. He was like a loving kind of nurturing figure. When I got up off the floor and took off the Ripley, took off the HUD, and started to experiment more as a Dom.
I decided to be Sir Chris.
[00:46:42] Chief: You’ve got this nurturing side, and then as a Dom, you’re meant to be doing things that are maybe, you know, being strict, being, you know, giving someone pain, potentially, ordering them around, bossing them around, and that feels very against the norm.
Being a nurturing kind of person. That’s my experience anyway. And so I, in my head, I struggle sometimes to, boss someone around or tell them to go and do things for me. Because I’m so used to being the caregiver in that caregiver role, which is still a dominant role, but a different one to a traditional
[00:47:16] Sir Kris: Dom.
Mm hmm. Yeah, definitely. There was I found myself as well. I was relying to, and luckily I have an experience Sol. Who’s male this time I have played with a female identifying people before and I, there was actually 1 in particular at 1 of our events, who was, but she was almost a professional salt to a certain extent.
She would, so she helped me a huge amount with impact play as I was learning, Florentine and flogging and which is very difficult and takes an awful lot of practice to get right, but she was willing kind of, she would dress in. a very specific corset type thing to protect her kidneys and to protect her spine.
And she would direct you on how to do it, where you were hitting. They should be like, no, lower. No, that’s too hard. Don’t do that. And that was invaluable for me. Going to those types of workshops and learning, learning kind of how to do it. My sub then would be more boy, I would call him. He’s quite experienced as a boy, and he’s good in the sense that I had a tendency to keep asking him what he wanted and keep asking, like, well, what do you want to do?
What is it like? And he kind of, he has kind of led me in to an extent, and there’s a note. This is your journey. You have to figure this out. This is, you have to find your own voice. It’s not, he’s not going, he’s not responsible to create a dom. Yeah. You as you really have to find this yourself. And that advice was invaluable to me.
Mm-Hmm. Like, stop listening to what? Oh, the don say, Mm-Hmm. Stop listening to what subs are telling you. You have to figure out where your comfort line is. What, what are you enjoying from this? What is the point in this? Like if I’m literally only doing this to give. Because I’ve been told by a sub that this is what a dom is.
I’m a very, very niche dom that’s only going to really be satisfying one person. Yeah. So, it’s a, so it really is something that I’ve had to stop listening to people, figure it out, and, and have the discussion with yourself. Is this okay? Can we do this? Can we try this? And. Have the negotiations and see where, see where your voice is, because that’s the hardest part for me anyway, is my, is finding not just the literal voice.
It is a voice, but it’s the literal voice as well. Of do I like that thing in your head that says, oh, God, don’t say that. You sound so stupid or or just worrying that you’ll say something off the cuff that is just people will laugh at it or something. You really just. That’s the hardest part for me at the moment, and it’s still the part of the journey that I’m on.
But it’s also the funnest part, to a great extent. You, because I’m finally able to try things out. I’m able to feel more comfortable in my dom skin than I have before. And definitely your podcast has certainly helped with that. And the overthinking especially, I was like, oh, I definitely, I need to stop doing that.
[00:50:15] Chief: It’s definitely, I think it’s the key message is to, and you, you said it exactly there is. Be the dom or sub that you want to be. There’s, there’s guidelines and there’s labels that you can start with as a starting point to kind of figure out what you might be interested in, but really it’s, it’s your journey to create the dom or sub personality that you want and that you’re getting something from, and then, then you go out and you find the partner that.
That complements that, rather than what I see a lot of people doing, especially, more on the sub side, is that they find the Dom, the Dom is into this, and then they go, oh, well, okay, I’m gonna do exactly what they say, and therefore I’m a sub. And then they’re miserable. And then they’re miserable, but they’re like, oh, this is how it’s meant to be, because he’s a Dom, and it’s like, no.
you got to figure out what you like as a sub or what you like as a dom and then you go and find the person.
[00:51:10] Sir Kris: Yeah, I know it’s noticed that a lot with it’s certainly on our team. Anyway, I’ve seen a lot of younger guys coming in and especially I know off the hand, I would know three or four who would be neurodivergent, they would be autistic and they’re coming in as subs.
But they are, they are just kind of, I would ask them, even as a dom, I would say, I’m not going to be entering any scene with them or anything like that. But just as a conversation, maybe at the smoking area or anything, we said, well, what is it that you’re looking for? What kind of scenes are you into? What would you be?
What play would you be into? And they really don’t know. They are willing to push, they’re willing to do things that really they don’t want to do. Yeah. And if I gave it to them, if I said to them like, are you into, I dunno like dragon tails or like, as in like really very, very serious whipping. Kind of, or impact they will.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely. Yeah. If that’s what you like. Yeah, no, that’s that’s not the that’s not the answer. I need to know what yours are. You need to have this ready or like, it’s all fine. Absolutely. You can push yourself. You can say that this is where I’m kind of at the moment. We can go to this point, push a little bit, maybe beyond that, but I’m going to tell you to stop if I wanted to stop.
If Then, I will be comfortable, and they’ll be comfortable, but yeah, if, I have noticed a lot of the younger guys coming in with thinking that they can just say, oh, anything. Yeah,
[00:52:39] Chief: I’ve had subs say that to me, they’re just like, just dominate me, do whatever you want to me, and I’m like, you don’t mean that.
Like, like, what if I want to fist your ass? Are you, that’s anything, like, I don’t want to do that, but, like, of course, that’s not gonna, you’re not going to enjoy that. Why
[00:52:55] Sir Kris: would you say do anything to me? That’s not People seem to think that there was, there is this turn on to having the words no limits.
It’s like, oh, that’s to me, that’s a runaway. I’m, I’m running as far away from you as possible if you say that to me. Agreed. Because it’s just terrifying to think that. So like I said it to a while ago, he said, Oh, I, I would try anything. I don’t have any real limits. I would, I said, okay, then do you want me to hang you off?
Do you want me to put a noose on you and hang you from the road from the rafters for 20 minutes? Oh, well, no, I didn’t want that. Well, that’s anything you have to have your limits. Like, you know, where, like, come in, start slowly. Don’t start with everything and pull back, go in slowly and put it like add in things.
Like always add to it. Don’t. Don’t do a negative scoring system on us.
[00:53:42] Chief: Yeah. What, I’m curious, what, what does the DOM side give you that the Alphapub
[00:53:51] Sir Kris: didn’t? The dom side gave, it was interesting that the difference between the two for me was the voice. I, in pop play, I was an alpha, but using instincts, using facial kind of cues, mostly in moshes.
But I felt that I was just growing slightly. Like I definitely pop, I’m running as well for Mr. Puppy Ireland. Hehe, plug. But, so, I am still very much a pop and in the pop scene. I just found that my Dom side, I wanted to kind of expand it slightly more into using voice, into using my, the kind of, not that I was using Ripley or The Hood as a crutch, but I guess he was to a certain extent.
He was helping me kind of develop. into a more dominant character. So now when the hood came off, it just allowed me now to find the next stage of it, which is my voice. The being able to dominate someone through my words, through how I speak to them, or through my personality. Which is something that I didn’t do as a pup.
Mm-Hmm. . So that’s what, that’s kind of why I wanted to try it. And definitely I think it’s where I am still finding comfort and still finding where I am in that.
[00:55:14] Chief: Mm-Hmm. So as a, as a, as a way of, did you see it as a way of, you just felt you wanted your voice or you just saw it as a, a self-development?
Like the next stage you wanted to develop your ability to.
[00:55:30] Sir Kris: Yeah, that as well as actually rip, because Ripley had ended up becoming so ace, he was as a sexual. I know my partner isn’t into pop like, like my husband isn’t into pop and myself most definitely isn’t into pop. So I was kind of surrounded by people who were not sexualizing Ripley and I wasn’t either.
I was seeing him as being a caring, he was becoming extremely caring, extremely the person who the community would come to if they had a problem. If there was an issue somewhere, they would come to me, they would speak to me, and they would see me as being, I hate the word pillar, but as, I was always at an event, at the events, and I was always there ready to help.
So, Then I kind of wanted to get into the more nitty gritty, I guess, of BDSM. I wanted to get more into impact play, more into domination, more into that side of it. And Ripley wasn’t going to be able to do that because he was asexual. Got it. So when, when I got horny, basically,
[00:56:35] Chief: the sexual side of that is allowing.
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
[00:56:38] Sir Kris: For me, I know a lot of people, they do, they engage in pop like pop play sex wise, like they would use like they would be. Pops while having sex that’s fine and I can say I’ve tried it as well, but for me, Ripley just wasn’t that type of, he was, it just wasn’t right for him. So, when I do want to go to a kink event that would have dark rooms or anything, I might bring Ripley.
He’s a very good, he’s very handy for the pup, to be a pup and to kind of have that escape into pup space for a little while. But then, if things get into about 1 o’clock, 2 o’clock in the morning. And maybe the hood might go into the cloakroom for a little while and my meerkat will go on and then my personality will switch into a far more dominant.
Yeah, got it.
[00:57:26] Chief: Got it. Tell me more about Mr. Pup Island. What does, what does that even involve?
[00:57:33] Sir Kris: How do they judge it? Oh, well.
[00:57:38] Moineau: I’m imagining like a big, like a, like a dog show, you know, like, like with the, with the Crofts. Yes. Yeah. Oh,
[00:57:45] Sir Kris: great. Agility jobs. It’s a no agility. No agility, no agility. But no, pretty much it.
You, we, you have it in the uk. There’s some very well established UK pups uk pup UKs who have gone on to a popup Europe and popup international and everything. So it’s basically a pageant is the best way to put it. It’s all of the puppy you make your, you put in your application to to be judged a panel of judges from.
I think we have the UK handler is coming over. I might be the UK. Oh, I best not say anything because I’m not sure. But a series of judges will be brought over to Ireland. They will then be here for the Dublin leather weekend, which is the end of, and you worry, yep, it’s in a few weeks and during that will be the judging for the puppy, Mr.
Puppy Ireland. And so you’re judged on a few things and you have to do it, sit an interview first. They will also be monitoring your social media. They’ll be watching what your kind of, what your personality is, what type of pup you are, what you’re doing in the community. What goals are you kind of, what goals do you bring to the community?
Positive to bring to the community, then they will, you’ll have an interview with the panel where you’ll said, you’ll talk to them about what the play is to you, what you what type of pop you are, they’ll gauge your personality, what your plans as well for the year. So, like, what improvements are you going to make?
What kind of platform are you running on? That sort of thing. And then there’ll be the final, there’ll be the night where they will watch you interacting with people. So they’ll want to see. How are you behaving around people? How do people perceive you and the community? As a pup or just As a pup.
Right. Yeah, as a pup or just standing around as well. Like, like if you’re sitting, if you’re standing in the corner. It’s like a full on job interview. Oh, yeah, lasting for two or three days. Yeah. You’re kind of, you have to constantly be on, you have to constantly know that you’re being watched, that there will be a judge somewhere that’s kind of looking to see how do people behave around you?
Are people coming up to you? Are you going around to people as well? Like, because they don’t want to just see one puppy standing with his two friends in the corner and that’s it for the entire night. You need to be able to schmooze and mingle and stuff like that, then, then they will do a tally of their votes and then they will, there will be a small portion of it for the community and they will make a decision as well.
They will vote themselves and then, yes, you’re elected and crowned, well, not crowned, but you do get a sash. Nice. Very nice. That and a hood will say, Mr. Puppy Ireland 2020 what? 2024 and, yep. And then you are basically the leader of the community for that year. Oh wow. And you would be expected to kind of have a presence organize events if you can.
Definitely be traveling around just bringing pub play around the place. Demystify it. Don’t make people like. Make sure that people aren’t kind of scared of us or don’t know what it is like. I’ve marched in pride parades around the country, just as Ripley and yeah, people have asked many questions about, especially when you go to the rural areas and there’s rural prides that are quite small.
And there’s this puppy in full leather gear walking down the middle of the street. And they’re like, oh, that is unusual. So, so yeah, it’s kind of just making sure that you keep puppy pet play and puppy play visible, demystify it, don’t make it scary, and welcome new people in and show them what it’s like.
And then you can have a platform to go to Puppy Europe and be judged again for the European title. And then. International, which is the highest, highest up again, they have the same with like Mr. Leather as well. They Mr. Leather, UK or Mr. Leather, Ireland or Mr. Leather, Mr. Leather, Dublin.
[01:01:39] Chief: Amazing. Well, best of luck.
[01:01:42] Sir Kris: Thank you.
[01:01:42] Moineau: Can I ask what’s your platform then? What are you going to, what are you running? For
[01:01:47] Sir Kris: me, it’s mostly about, it is about neurodivergence and it is about making sure that clubs who are like guys who are coming in who might be neurodivergent might not know. what to do, where to go. I like to be a service puppy, so I’ll bring them in.
I’ll show them what what it’s like. They can hang around me. I’ll introduce them to people. I’ll introduce. And then I’ve done this several times with a lot of younger guys who would come in. Now they’re off having their own friends there. They have their own community, their own little pack. And it’s great to see that.
So you kind of bring them in and. Kind of like a mother hen, I just let them, let them free eventually and they fly the nest. But also the big issue that a lot of people are having at the moment in the scene is the issue surrounding consent. So that is a big issue. Certainly in our community with the younger guys as well.
They seems to be a. Impression that because of, like, you’re a man and because of the way you’re dressed, therefore, it is okay to grab you on the, grab you by the arse as you’re walking by, or you should, like, be grateful for all of this attention, or you should, like, and there is a huge issue with. with certain people and certain aspects of the community or even tourists in the community who would come, I don’t mean literal tourists, I mean like people who will come in for a look or manage to find their way in to a BDSM event or get, get themselves in somehow.
And they don’t know how to behave and they don’t know the rules. And they think that it’s perfectly fine. Like, I know that one of my friends would have been grabbed so many times inappropriately as he was just walking across the dance floor, just to go to for a drink. And that gets really annoying after a while.
And then being made feel bad for your reaction to it. Like, if you report it that you’re seen as being, oh, for, like, Sure, he was only having You should be grateful. You should be grateful, or you should, you should, I should look at the way you’re dressed, sure, aren’t you gorgeous? And say, that’s not the point.
Like, you, you don’t have the right to touch me. You don’t have the right to put your hands on my Like, on my bulge, or something like that. Just because I’m in kink wear, or leather wear, or latex, or something. So that is one of the platforms as well that people would be running. Like, I know that the OINC events would have, they have certain systems in place where if you feel We’ve been working with That something has happened that you need to report or if some person is behaving highly inappropriately, you ask for a specific name.
It’s kind of changes every so often, but you will ask one of the organizing events of organizers who are around. You’ll ask. Oh, it is. It’ll be a specific phrase. That you’ll use and they will know what that means that that means that there is a consent issue happening or there’s a consent issue, possibly even happening in the dark room at that time, and they will intervene and remove the person from it.
So little bits of awareness like that but getting more awareness into the. Younger guys that that isn’t acceptable, you don’t have to put up with them. And just because you’re young and inexperienced does not give the right of for older people to use you like that or to assault you like that.
[01:05:08] Moineau: I mean, if I can vote for you, I’ll, I’ll vote for you. That’s .
[01:05:13] Sir Kris: Unfortunately, it’s not, you’ll have to come over. You’ll the event. You have to, I have to come over to the event .
[01:05:21] Chief: Now I think when you emailed me, you did mention that you are involved in a charity
[01:05:25] Sir Kris: This is the switchboard, so the switchboard is if Ireland’s longest run continuously running LGBTQIA plus I’m just going to say LGBT. It’s an awful lot of letters charity in Ireland. So it started off as a back back along. Terrible with my dates and my history.
That’s my colleague in the charity is much better at this, but I think it was in the sixties or seventies, but they started as a telefriend, which was because homosexuality was illegal in Ireland. It was a place where you could bring. Friend in inverted commas, and it was known that that’s where you rang to kind of connect with other LGBT people to get support for issues that you might have been facing, especially in places like in rural Ireland and into Catholic rural Ireland, where that was absolutely unacceptable.
And it continues, it has been continuously running since then. They were involved in the gay rights movement and they were, they helped with, senator Norris, he brought cases to the European court to have to homosexuality decriminalized. And he was decriminalized in Ireland in 91, I believe 1991. And so we are basically a support line.
You can bring us, we refer you to and we signpost you to all of the different supports that we have in Ireland available to trans people, to a non binary, to gay, lesbian. We also run a marriage men’s group which is for men who are either still in heterosexual marriages or who have recently come out as gay and are kind of navigating the waters of Divorce and kind of coming to terms with their sexuality.
We run groups, peer support groups for them. So we’re just a community outreach kind of charity that I am the director of. So yeah, we do, we do a lot of work for LGBT services over here, but the switchboard. ie. If anyone’s looking, it’s
[01:07:23] Moineau: really important work.
[01:07:24] Sir Kris: Thank you for doing that. Yeah. Now, I really do love it.
It’s because it gives us an idea as well of what’s needed in the community. And we are, I’m not sure. Maybe it is because of my tenure as director and being on the committee, but we are. We don’t accept funding from certain sources, so we wouldn’t accept funding, for example, from our health service executive because HSE.
So you’re the equivalent of being your NHS. We wouldn’t accept that because it always comes with caveat that you have to you’re not allowed, advocate for certain things. So things like chemsex, which is a huge issue in the gay male community. Chemsex is we wouldn’t be allowed to give the training that we give, which is harm reduction.
We would have to work like we can. We will. We will teach you how to take drugs. That’s not what we do. But we will teach you the safety measures you can take to make sure that when you do it, if you’re doing it, no one’s going to stop you from doing it. But if you do it. This is how you do it safely. This is how you make sure that you don’t, that someone doesn’t die, that you don’t put yourself in risk, that, like, we will be able to give that training.
But if we were to take funding from places like health services executives or from religious groups or anything like that, that would have to stop. So we don’t do that. We’re extremely kink positive sex positive. We don’t. Like, we are, we are supported by the Leatherman of Ireland. They have given us donations many, many times.
We run their cloakroom Oink, I think we do their cloakroom for them and they give us donations. We man the door for them. So we’re. It’s very, very sex positive, inclusive charity that that, yeah, kind of f cornerstone of the Irish, of the Irish charity area. Fantastic.
[01:09:12] Chief: And it, so people wanna find more than go to switchboard, ie.
[01:09:16] Sir Kris: The switchboard. I, the switchboard I, yeah. ie. And it has as well, all of the, it has an area as well that you can get information on a vast array of kind of different. things, but if you want, also, if anyone in Ireland is listening and they need to just check something, if they just need to know where to get PrEP or PEP, which is an anti HIV drug they, we will have the list of places you can go for that.
We tell you how to take it, tell you the nearest club that we can even tell you the nearest sewing group. So we have all of that information, all central.
[01:09:48] Chief: Amazing. And if people want to find out more about you and your sort of pup sides, where should they
[01:09:53] Sir Kris: go? Yeah, on Instagram, so I would be Poppy Ripley.
On Instagram. I wouldn’t go onto my Twitter. That’s definitely not a safe for work area. Yeah. Okay.
[01:10:04] Chief: And, and in terms of Mr. Pup Ireland, where, is there a website for that? Or where they can find out
[01:10:12] Sir Kris: more about your journey? On Instagram, you can look at Pups and Handlers Ireland. Okay. Ampersand handlers, Ireland.
So it’s that’s kind of who are running the Mr. Puppy Ireland contest. And on that, you’ll see all of our all of our beautiful buds to be judged and a bio underneath that as well. And then it’ll direct you as well to our own individual pages. So you can see what type of things that we do.
The events that we go to, I run starting to run as well, an autistic Kingston. Group called P. A. C. I couldn’t get an acronym that worked. So, I just went with It’s meant to be P. U. P. S. and Autistic K. I. N. G. S. T. E. R. S. I know it doesn’t work. I know that those aren’t the letters. But, it was the closest I could get that was C.
U. T. E. C. E. for kind of a dog pack. So, it’s P. U. P. S. and Autistic K. I. N. G. S. P. A. C.
[01:11:05] Chief: Where can people find
[01:11:06] Sir Kris: that? That’s P. A. C. dot com. Okay, P. A. C. dot com. Great. Yeah. And that will bring you to my page. It’s only starting still at the minute. We’re still, I’m still kind of deciding on our first events. That’s going to happen after the, everyone has kind of calmed down from that weekend, which is coming up, which is going to be huge.
[01:11:24] Chief: Amazing. Oh, wow. What else is there anything we haven’t asked you that you think we should have asked you or anything, any final words that you’d like to give to anyone listening?
[01:11:34] Sir Kris: Probably just if you do with autism, the autistic side, I would say give people some space, realize that people, not everyone is the same, not everyone thinks the same and give people a little bit of space and time and kind of a little bit less judgment in the community would make everyone’s life so much easier.
But the pop side, it’s, we’re just playing dress up. It’s a And it’s like, it’s something to be kind of enjoyed and not to be taken too seriously. So, and if anyone does need help or advice in Ireland, the switchboard, even if you want to ring from the UK, I’m sure you can just put in the codes first, we would have information that would help you.
Just have fun with it guys. Don’t, don’t take pub play, certainly don’t take it seriously. At the end of the day, we’re all playing dress up. So that’s pretty much it.
[01:12:29] Chief: Great. Well, thank you so much for for being our guest today. It’s been a pleasure speaking to you about all those subjects that I have, people have been asking for, and I, I had little knowledge of.
[01:12:40] Sir Kris: really appreciate your time. Thank you. It really does help. It helps to demystify it for everyone. So yeah, great.
[01:12:47] Chief: With that in mind, we’ll say lots of love and spanks to everyone listening, and tune in next time from, from Pup Ripley slash Sir Chris and Wano, we’ll say goodbye.
[01:12:58] Sir Kris: Bye bye, thanks a million.