How to Get Your Dom to Do What You Want

how to get your dom to do what you want

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I often hear Doms complaining of similar ailments in their relationship. They are fresh out of ideas and when they do have ideas, they aren’t sure if their sub will be into it.

Our Doms are often tasked with the planning of everything. After all, it is the dream of most subs to sit back and relax with our asses spanked into oblivion. 

What a way to spend a weekend!

Being commanded around and used for both pleasure and torture. It is this freedom from having to make decisions that can release us into subspace

This fantasy can actually be hindering our wonderful time with Master.

There is one phrase for Doms that brings both excitement and anxiety…

It’s when a sub says, “whatever you want!”.

We subs often say this in a Dom-pleasing way, but it can also turn into something we rely on for comfort while forgetting to do the real work that keeps things going

“Whatever you want” is Daddy’s old comfortable T-shirt we wear to bed that was sexy the first couple of times but has now lost its magic.

Unfairly, “whatever you want” has also somehow not given us what we want!

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Shocking, I know.

How can this be possible?

We told them that they could have their wildest dreams and whatever they want with us, but somehow, we went back to our old faithful routine.

Well, the truth is Dominants get decision fatigue too.

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To truly serve our Dominants, we must work with them, not make them do all the work.

We tell them that they can have their desires, and in some moments, their desire may be to just not think for a minute.

While there isn’t anything necessarily wrong with a routine, it can make us feel stuck.

While it can feel that being submissive to everything is the way to get the Dom of our dreams, this is simply not the case.

The truth about any power-play dynamic, is when you do it right the power exchange is equal.

No one is truly left without power. Your Mistress cares about you and wants you to have fun, even when you’re trying to scream through that ball gag of yours. 

4 Tips to help your Dominant give you what you need

Let’s look at what it takes to get rid of our stained old baggy “whatever you want“ and bring out the sexy nightgown of communication. (Just go with me here).

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1. Say what you want

This may seem obvious, but I doubt many of us subs are being very vocal about what we want in every scene. Now I’m not saying to try and command the scene, I am not instructing you to dominate. But I’m sure if you have been with your Dom for some time, they know when you are playfully asking for some punishment. “Not another spanking! Please, no!” We say out of one corner, while smirking with the other. 

Nothing gets Sir more than knowing they’re getting to us. They love to see us wiggle and writhe from both pain and ecstasy. They also love knowing exactly what’s going to do that for us. Its ok to change up what you want from time to time, but we must clue them in on it. 

They’re our Masters for a reason but they don’t know everything. And expecting them to know everything, every time can start to make Dominating a chore rather than a release.

So let’s do a true service to our Doms and let them know what we truly want. 

2. Implement Red, Yellow, Green

Red, yellow, green are safe words that go a step beyond the standard safe words, but they are not meant to replace your safe words. In the case of safe words, you must do what feels the safest for you and is best for you as an individual. 

Red means stop and don’t try it again, yellow means go a little softer and green is just right. This style of communication can help our Dominant relax into a steady stream of punishment, while not worrying about causing actual harm (mental or physical) to us. Once they get to the green, they know we’re loving it and they can keep going. 

If they’ve hit yellow? They feel safe and assured that we are letting them know where our limits are. 

Communication surrounding boundaries are helpful to everyone. Don’t think that you’re doing Mistress a favor by not telling them how you feel. Any Dom worth their weight cares about your pleasure just as much as their own.

3. Give your Dom two choices

Pretend for a second that you are your Master. Yes, you’re looking very sexy and powerful indeed. You’re sitting at your desk after a hard day of work and then your lovely little sub comes up to you. You think to yourself, “now may not be the time…” You worry that you haven’t got enough spark for tying them up, but then instead of asking for attention, they offer you something. “Would Master like me to get under the desk, or would Master like a shoulder rub?” 

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Believe me that is probably every Dominant’s dream right there. The art of giving two specific choices can be used in the moment to get what you want, or it can be used as a you scratch my back I scratch yours kind of way. I’m sure in the scenario presented above, Master would be happy to tie you up after having their pick first.

4. Talk sexy and specific

Often, the dirty talking can fall completely on the Dominant. Hey, sometimes we can’t help it if they’ve gagged us! Fun times aside, to be honest, we can get away with screaming “Yes, Daddy!” quite a bit. 

They love hearing it of course. However, sometimes they need our help to keep the flow of things going. You can simply tell them what you like or describe how things are feeling. Your Dominant needs a little more from you to keep the scene going and the both of you happy. 


So there it is, some tips to help you communicate better with your Dominant, and help them out if you feel your dynamic has hit a bit or a rut, or you aren’t getting what you need from it.

The Art of Submission. A course for beginner submissives
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