Discovering your inner submissive: A step-by-step guide to exploring your desires

Discovering your inner submissive. A step by step guide.

Learn the art of submission: An online training program designed for beginner subs curious about BDSM and power play. Discover more.

The world of dominance and submission, or BDSM, can be an exciting and fulfilling place for those who are interested in exploring their submissive side. If you have always harboured a desire to be submissive, or if you are simply curious about what it might be like, this article is for you. Here, we will delve into the world of submissive behaviour, discussing what it means to be a submissive, how to become one, and how to navigate the complexities of a submissive lifestyle.

What does it mean to be a submissive?

Before we dive into the process of becoming a submissive, it is important to understand what being a submissive means. At its core, being a submissive means surrendering control to a dominant partner in a consensual power dynamic. This can involve a wide range of activities, including bondage, spanking, role-playing, and more. Read our brief overview of dominance and submission for more.

For some people, being a submissive is simply a form of role-playing, a way to spice up their sex life and explore their desires in a safe and controlled environment. For others, it is a full-time lifestyle, a way of expressing their identity and building intimate connections with their partners.

Regardless of whether you are interested in being a submissive as a temporary playmate or a permanent lifestyle, it is important to understand that being a submissive is not about being weak or subservient.

On the contrary, it requires strength, courage, and vulnerability to surrender control and trust in another person. It is about exploring your desires, boundaries, and fears, and finding empowerment through submission.

Steps to Becoming a Submissive

So, you are interested in becoming a submissive. How do you go about it? Here are some steps to get you started on your journey:

1. Educate yourself

The first step in becoming a submissive is to educate yourself about the BDSM community, its culture, and its practices. This means reading books, articles, and online resources, joining forums and online communities, and perhaps even attending workshops and educational events. It is important to understand the various roles and dynamics that exist within the BDSM community and to learn about consent, communication, and safety.

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2. Find a dominant partner

If you are single or not interested in exploring submissive behaviours with your current partner, it is important to find a dominant partner who is compatible with your desires and boundaries. This can be a daunting task, but there are many resources available to help you find like-minded individuals. Online communities and dating sites, such as FetLife and BDSM Singles, are great places to start. It is also a good idea to attend BDSM events and workshops, where you can meet potential partners and learn more about the community.

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3. Improve your communication

If you are in a relationship and are interested in exploring submissive behaviours with your partner, it is essential to have open and honest communication. Talk about your desires, boundaries, and limits, and make sure you both understand and respect each other’s boundaries. It is also a good idea to establish a safeword, a word or phrase that either partner can use to stop the scene or activity if things become too intense or uncomfortable.

The Art of Submission. A course for beginner submissives

4. Establish boundaries and limits

Before engaging in any submissive behaviour, it is essential to establish clear boundaries and limits with your dominant partner. This means communicating your desires, limits, and boundaries, and making sure they are respected. It is also important to have a safe word in place, as well as a plan for aftercare, which is the process of debriefing and caring for each other after a scene or


5. Experiment and explore

Once you have a good understanding of the BDSM community and have found a compatible dominant partner, it is time to start exploring and experimenting. This may involve trying out different activities and roles, such as bondage, spanking, or role-playing, to see what works for you and what doesn’t. It is important to remember that BDSM is about consent and communication, so make sure to check in with your partner and listen to your own body and boundaries.

6. Practice self-care

Being a submissive can be a rewarding and fulfilling experience, but it is also important to take care of yourself. This means setting boundaries, taking breaks when needed, and engaging in self-care activities such as exercise, meditation, and therapy. It is also a good idea to have a support system of friends and trusted individuals with who you can talk about your experiences and feelings. Consider joining the Kinky Events Community to do just that.

7. Take a course!

Our The Art of Submission course covers all of the above and much more, helping you navigate the world of D/s and become a confident submissive. Read more about The Art of Submission.


Becoming a submissive can be a thrilling and enriching experience, but it is important to approach it with knowledge, communication, and self-care. By educating yourself about the BDSM community, communicating with your partner, establishing boundaries and limits, and practising self-care, you can navigate the complexities of a submissive lifestyle with confidence and empowerment.

The Art of Submission. A course for beginner submissives
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