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First up, the obligatory “not all guys” is needed. Some guys don’t enjoy anal sex, and some do. Some women don’t enjoy anal sex and some do. You should feel under no pressure to try anal sex from your partner or yourself. Only do it if you want to and reckon you’ll enjoy it.
In The Truth About Anal Sex posted on goop.com, Paul Joannides, a Psychoanalyst claims 10-15% of straight couples enjoy anal sex. And in this study called ‘Why Women Engage in Anal Intercourse: Results from a Qualitative Study‘ the abstract states:
Women’s reasons for engaging in anal intercourse with a male partner can be described in broad categories including that the women wanted to have anal intercourse, either because of their own desire, to please a male partner, or they were responding to a quid pro quo situation.Reynolds, G. L., Fisher, D. G., & Rogala, B. (2015). Why women engage in anal intercourse: results from a qualitative study. Archives of sexual behavior, 44(4), 983–995. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10508-014-0367-2
This is essentially like saying “women have anal sex for all sorts of reasons”. We are all free to decide what turns us on and what doesn’t.
(Oh and by the way, please don’t have anal sex with someone just to please your partner if you don’t want to. Only do it if you are genuinely curious to try it.)
But what about men? Why do some of them enjoy anal sex?
What makes it so special, given that it’s not what the human body was designed for.
(I’m talking about guys giving anal sex rather than receiving it in this article).
What does Google have to say?
Moineau (my sub) came into the kitchen whilst I was writing this article and suggested I do some research on the topic.
If you like this article, you’ll love…
How to heighten arousal, induce Subspace, and have mind-blowing sexual experiences.
I must confess I’d already written the article about why men love anal sex, and it was entirely based on my theories, what I like about it, and what I’d heard or read about from other guys. (So take it all with a pinch of salt).
But I took her advice and did a quick Google. Surprisingly a search for ‘anal sex research’ threw up plenty of research into why women and gay men enjoy anal sex, but not much on why men enjoy it.
I altered the search to be a more direct ‘why do men like anal sex’ and was presented with most articles written for female audiences.
Let’s see what Glamour magazine has to say in their article ‘So THIS is why all men are obsessed with anal‘ (definitely a click-baitey title as not all men do enjoy anal sex, as pointed out earlier, nor are we ‘obsessed’).
“If a woman finds something that she likes sexually, she usually wants that repeated again and again. Whereas men seem to need different stimuli to stay engaged. The anus and anal sex is more taboo than vaginal sex; it’s perceived as ‘dirty’. If a woman is open to it, it implies that your sex life is ‘dirtier’, too.” And ‘dirty’ is a label that novelty-addicted guys crave – not fear.So THIS is why all men are obsessed with anal, Glamour Magazine, https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/why-men-want-anal-sex
I agree that anal sex is more taboo and therefore can be perceived as ‘dirty’ which gives it an edge. There’s a certain thrill to introducing your partner to friends at a civilised dinner party knowing that an hour earlier she was face down begging you to pound her ass, in a scene that would rival anything PornHub had to offer.
As for whether men need different stimuli to stay engaged I’m not sure. I suspect some do and some don’t, just like some women do and some don’t.
The second argument Glamour makes is that men are commitment-phobes.
“The most common position in anal sex is for the woman to be bent over, with the man on top or over her, looking at her back. For men, a sense of power and domination comes with that. There’s also no real connection: there’s no face-to-face interaction, no eye contact, it avoids intimacy and is not seen as a ‘relationship experience’. In our culture, men’s emotions are more suppressed than women’s. So men might find anal sex more comfortable because of the lack of intimacy, while women might find it less satisfying because of the same thing.”So THIS is why all men are obsessed with anal, Glamour Magazine, https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/why-men-want-anal-sex
So apparently not only do ALL men OBSESS over anal sex, but we are all commitment-phobes and therefore love anal sex because we don’t have to look our partner in the eye whilst we do the nasty with her.
Errr..no. If it was true men wanted anal sex to avoid intimacy then why do both men AND women rate doggy as one of their favourite sex positions (see this study which admittedly only included 2,000 respondents).
I think they are spot on with the sense of power and domination though. But I would say that – I run a blog on dominance and submission.
The final point Glamour makes is that men are secretly fascinated by the pleasure their bums would bring them if only society didn’t shame them for wanting to poke around in there. I guess it could be true. I played with my ass in my early twenties as a way to make masturbation more pleasurable, and I don’t have any fear of being called gay because of it. But is that the reason I enjoy anal sex now? I don’t think so.
Due to the lack of information, I’ve decided to revert to my original set of ideas, completely made up by me with little scientific underpinning. Think of this as a ‘Why I love anal sex’ article!
Anal sex feels different
Anal intercourse feels quite different to vaginal intercourse.
The inside of the rectum is comparatively smooth compared to the vaginal wall which is somewhat bumpy and ridged. So once inside, the head of the penis isn’t as stimulated during anal sex as it is in the vagina. You can’t feel much at all.
Also, the vagina tends to wrap tighter around the penis, creating pressure along the entire length of the shaft and head during penetration, whereas the rectum doesn’t.
So why do guys describe anal sex as being ‘tighter’?
It’s due to the anal opening. The two sphincter muscles (yes, you have two – one internal and one external) at the opening of the rectum grip far tighter than the vaginal opening. The vaginal opening is designed to open as a woman becomes aroused and the area fills with blood. The sphincter muscles aren’t. They are primarily designed to be closed tight.
This means that during anal sex these muscles are continuously gripping a small section of the shaft of the penis.
So whilst the rest of the penis isn’t being stimulated as it would be during vaginal sex, the concentrated point of contact on a small section of the penis can still feel pleasurable.
That said, personally, the physical sensation of my cock being hugged by a wet vagina is a more enjoyable feeling than the feeling of that anal tightness during anal.
If anal sex doesn’t feel as good, why do some guys love it?
Because sex isn’t all about physical sensations. A huge component of sex is mental.
And whilst the physical stimulation on the penis isn’t as great from anal sex, it is far more of a turn-on for some people because of the taboo-ness of the act.
It’s a turn-on because it’s seen as naughty and wrong. The rectum wasn’t designed to be fucked.
Ass fucking can also be viewed as quite a dominant act. Because it is ‘outside the norm’, it could be viewed as objectification (using your partner’s body for your pleasure), humiliation or degradation (a light form might be teasing them for being naughty and letting you use their ass, a more severe form might be as a punishment for not following rules or agreements you have in place in your relationship), or simply your submissive being willing to let you use him or her however you wish (which is extremely hot).
It’s this mental component that makes some guys (and girls!) alike crave anal sex.
How to get started with anal sex
Anal sex isn’t for everyone, but if it IS something you and your partner have consented to and want to try, the key is patience. You must do it properly.
Anal training if you’re in a Dom sub dynamic already can be a lot of fun. Check out my guide on that.
The key is going slow, communicating, and working up to penis in ass, not going for it in session one.
Many people have a fear of anal play hurting or being ‘gross’, so you have to overcome these beliefs first. Anal sex doesn’t hurt if done properly and doesn’t have to be gross (although there’s always going to be a bit of mess).
What are some more articles I can read about anal sex?
Try these two:
- Getting Started with Anal Training: 10 Step Process
- Getting Started with Anal Sex in a Dom Sub Relationship