34 BDSM Sex Toys I Own and How I Use Them

“Holy shit. That’s a lot of sex toys!” I exclaimed.

Seeing them all laid out on the floor of my flat made me wonder if the sex toy drawer in my bedroom in which they usually resided had some sort of Harry Potter-esque magical bottomless property to it.

Moineau had suggested a sex toy tidy up. Little did I know she would go to the painstaking lengths of laying everything out so neatly and snapping this photo.

Pretty isn’t it.

I’ve built this collection up over eight years or so. I had another collection prior to this but decided to ditch it in a pre-house move clear-out. An act of madness I regret to this day, not least because sex toys aren’t cheap.

Let me walk you through each of these BDSM sex toys and how I use them in general or BDSM play.

Below each product I’ve tried to link to a place in the UK where you can buy them online (most of the toys are from Lovehoney.co.uk). Where I can’t find the exact toy in my photo (as it may have been discontinued) I link to a similar one, or a selection to choose from.

Although I link to UK shops where you can purchase them, you’ll be able to find an equivalent at your local sex store or online.

Explaining each BDSM sex toy

Below are brief summaries of each toy, quick thoughts, and how I might use them.

I’ve rated each on two scales.

The first is beginner, intermediate and expert, depending upon how kinky/open-minded you are.

The second is who typically uses or wears the toy, although both the man and the woman may get enjoyment from it.

As an example, I would label the rope as ‘For Her’ even though the Dom would get enjoyment from tying his submissive up, because she is the one wearing it.

If you want to jump to a section quickly, here’s the table of contents.

1. Renegade Silicone Vibrating Prostate Massager I

Expert For Him

Massage your prostate with this 6.5 inch silicone massager design for men’s pleasure. I can’t say I’ve used this more than a couple of times, and certainly wouldn’t be able to take it now, given how out of practice I am.

I bought it when I became interested in male multiple orgasms via prostate massage (I reckon I’ve had a couple of multiple orgasms but that’s a whole other story!).

I used to own a couple of Aneros prostate massagers (part of the collection which got thrown out I mentioned earlier), and this was a replacement of sorts.

Something to work up to, definitely not for beginners.

2. Thin pink butt plug

Beginner Unisex

A silicone butt plug about the width of your little finger at its widest. Perfect for starting out with anal training. However, due to being so thin, it slips out very easily, so you need to hold it in.

3. Fleshlight (Riley Steele Girls Lotus)

Beginner For Him

The male equivalent of a dildo. Pound away to your heart’s content with this fake vagina. The material is designed to feel like real skin, and it does a pretty good job. Great for solo play or for your partner to masturbate you.

Fleshlight’s come in a variety of styles, both exterior and interior. The one shown in my sex toy photo is modelled on the port start Riley Steele. The one shown in the picture to the right is the Stamina Training Unit (which I recommend if you want to practise lasting longer in bed. The inner speed bumps are pretty intense from what I remember when I owned this version).

They feel great, but I don’t use it often due to the hassle of the cleanup.

4. Strap-on dildo harness

Expert For Her

Designed to be worn by a woman, this harness comes complete with three dildos (see item 14 in the photo, and I’ll talk about them later). Although this could be used for pegging, I purchased it specifically for threesomes (the kind with one guy and two girls).

The more dominant woman can use to penetrate the more submissive woman, the guy joining in for double penetration or the classic spit-roasting configuration.

It isn’t the most expensive harness and looks a bit tacky. It was also too big. The waistband didn’t tie tight enough for it to fit snugly. That said, it looks like they have improved the design now, upgrading the material for a sleeker look.

I’ve labelled this item expert because threesomes require good communication skills if they are to be enjoyable for all parties.

And if you are just using it for your partner to peg you, that’s also pretty advanced!

5. Costume mask

Beginner For Him

Cheap plastic mask purchased on eBay. I needed one to attend Killing Kittens sex parties, which requires all participants to be masked on entry.

6. Blindfold

Beginner For Her

Cheap blindfold which I believe I got given by an airline during a long haul flight. Nothing special. Good for sensory deprivation play, and heightening other senses. The padded blindfold (16) is better.

7. Ankle and wrist restraints

Intermediate For Her

Another inexpensive restraint I picked up on Amazon. The larger outer loops go around your ankles and the smaller, inner loops around your wrists, secured by velcro.

This is only good for short periods of time, as the strap positions mean the only workable position is the woman on her knees, arms between legs touching ankles, face squashed into the bed or floor.

Bit of a back breaker.

8. Mojo Spades large silicone butt plugs

Expert For Her

This pair of hard, round based plugs are identical. They are the Mojo Spades large variety.

I seem to remember buying one, then getting another because they were a lot of fun. They are harder and bigger than the T-shaped plugs, and wider too.

The size of them makes them an intermediate to expert item (although a medium-sized option is available). I use them on my sub during sex so she has the feeling of both holes being stretched at once.

The round base makes these less comfortable to wear under clothing for extended periods of time, so I typically only use them during sex.

For a beginner, I recommend item 2 (the small butt plug) or item 12 or 23 (the T-shaped trainer sets) rather than these larger plugs. But if you have experience and want something larger, these are great.

9/10/11. Fake leather bondage outfit

Beginner For Her

It’s difficult to see what this item is, but it’s two strappy, fake leather bondage outfits for women (see photos below of what the two harnesses are meant to look like when worn).

I bought them on a whim to see what buying cheap sex toys from China was like, and waited a couple of weeks for them to arrive. I wasn’t expecting high quality given the low price.

When my sub tried them on, the fitting around the breasts just wasn’t working. Difficult to explain, but the strap lengths were different from the product photos.

However, each set came with a pair of cuffs (item 15) which are useful for bondage. The cuffs can be clipped together as shown, holding you subs arms behind her back (try having her kneel as she sucks you with her hands tied like this), or clipped to the leather harness, pinning them to her sides. They can also be used to hold ankles together.

Leather doesn’t really do it for me (real or fake), and combined with the lack of good fit, I don’t think this will be getting much use (aside from the cuffs).

12. T-shaped training butt plugs

Intermediate Unisex

A set of three butt plugs with a T base. I prefer this set to item 23. They are slightly firmer than the plugs of item 23 which have a smoother and shiny finish (although both are great).

These plugs are designed for anal training (the smallest being used to introduce someone to anal and working up towards the largest, and then on to the large butt plugs labelled item 8). The T-base is what makes these butt plugs better for wearing under clothing because they sit nicely aligned with your perineum.

I sometimes ask my sub to insert one (I’ll pick the size) with a dominant command over text and message me when she’s done, setting her a time to wear it for. Other times she’ll decide to put one in without promoting when going about her daily life, partly for anal training, partly for the thrill.

They are comfortable enough to be warn for hours at a time.

We also use them during sexual play (see examples of using them on the sofa).

At the moment this and item 23 are one of the most frequently used sex toys.

13. Anal beads

Intermediate For Her

Once again, I’m not quite sure why I have two sets of these. Their flexible nature means they can be fully inserted for a full feeling, but the real pleasure is slowly pulling them out. The rapid expansion and contraction of the sphincter muscle can be extremely pleasurable, if that’s your thing.

Not something I use with my sub often, but another tool in your anal training arsenal or incorporating into a scene.

14. Set of three dildos to fit strap-on harness

Beginner For Her

Already talked about in item 4. I regularly use the left two without the harness to tease my sub. The thinner one works for anal training, whilst the thicker one on the left is great for teasing her pussy.

The one on the right I barely use. I guess it is supposed to be angled for G-spot stimulation, but it’s a bit of a gimmick. I’d rather stimulate the G-spot with my finger.

They are also great for using on her when she is tied up.

The downside of these dildos is the large round base, designed to keep them in the harness. It tends to get in the way when inserted. For example, it can block her clit or make it difficult for double penetration.

But other than that, these are definitely are regularly used item.

15. Wrist restraints (part of leather bondage outfit)

Beginner For Her

As discussed in items 10 and 11, they are part of the leather BDSM harness outfit, but can be used separately. They were cheap, and a bit flimsy for my taste.

16. Padded blindfold

Beginner For Her

A more robust blindfold than item 6. It has depressions for eye sockets and is thicker, making it comfier to wear. The strap is also thicker and adjustable to fit any head size.

Blindfolds are useful for sensory depravation play, and building a sense of anticipation.

In my experience, they tend to fall off during sex, and you can often see under them in a lying position by staring down your nose. Therefore, a blindfold is best worn when your sub is upright, such as kneeling for you.

17. Leather flogger

Intermediate For Her

When I first purchased this leather flogger, I wasn’t sure about it. Up to that point, I preferred using my hand to spank my sub’s ass. It sat in the drawer unused.

But, I now see the attraction.

With a bit of practise I’ve found it useful to provide a more intense, ‘stingy’ feeling. The key is the technique, and making sure when the leather tails make contact with the bum they have had enough ‘swing-time’ to bunch together so they strike at once.

If you do a soft swing, the strands are still splayed, and it results in a rather tame and dissatisfying tickle.

So now I use it as follows:

• Gentle spanks with my hand
• Light spanks with the flogger, with little power so it gets the skin used to the sensation
• Running the leather tails over her back or her pussy as a way of teasing (works well in conjunction with sensory deprivation)
• Back to harder spanks with the hand
• Back to flogger for increasingly harder strokes, all interspersed with clit rubbing, hair pulling and toy use
• And once she’s warmed up, and her pain threshold has increased due to being turned on, you can give her even more vigorous hits with the flogger, or move onto item 18, the riding crop (depending upon what you’ve agreed consensually before the scene. Not everyone is into pain or being spanked)

I would, therefore, say this is a new entry to my top ten sex toys for dominants when used correctly.

18. Bondage riding crop

Advanced For Her

An impulse purchase I made whilst shopping for some sportswear at Decathlon in Canada Water. Found myself perusing the horse aisle, waiting for it to clear of people before I started slapping myself with the crop to test its sting level.

We’ve all been there.

This definitely packs a bunch when used, and will leave a mark or break skin (if that’s your thing).

I’m not into sadism, and the subs I tend to attracted typically aren’t masochists, so the flogger is about as hard as I want to hit.

This crop therefore doesn’t get much use.

Still. Good to have just in case…

19. Lovehoney mains powered Magic Wand vibrator

Intermediate For Her

AA batteries? Pfff. Please…

You know things are going to get wild when you whip out a vibrator which needs 240 volts to function. And that’s exactly what this magic wand is all about.

It has a wheel for adjusting the power which ranges from pretty intense to mega intense. If you consider yourself to have a sensitive clit then the vibrations may be too much for you. If you would say you’re medium or low sensitivity, then you’ll love this.

Doms – don’t use this on full power directly on the clit with no foreplay. It’s painful!

This Lovehoney branded sex toy was a very reasonably priced magic wand compared to others I’d seen (although other brands are available).

I use the wand after a more gentle vibrator, or when she is already turned on from other play. Depending on the sub, it can be used to help her finally orgasm; as punishment by making her lie on it but not allowing her to come; or just for orgasm denial in general to build her up for a mega orgasm.

The magic wand vibrator is definitely a top ten item.

20. Rope

Bginner For Her

No self-respecting Dom should be without rope.

Shibari purists would say you need Hemp or Jute rope. I say get yourself onto your favourite online store and buy some cheap nylon rope before you splurge on the pro stuff.

The shorter white pieces are for trying hands together if I don’t fancy using bondage cuffs or bondage tape.

The red and black ropes are longer (about 10m each) for more complex Shibari ties.

It’s in my top ten BDSM sex toy for Doms and subs.

21. Bondage tape

Bginner For Her

Bondage tape is a bit like parcel tape, except it only sticks to itself. A fun alternative to rope or cuffs, as long as all you want is wrists or ankles tied together. Unlike rope, you can’t then attach the tape to something to hold your sub down.

Bondage tape is quicker to apply than rope and can give your BDSM scene more of a kidnapper/victim or consensual non-consent (CNC) vibe if that’s your kink.

Only downside is it can’t be reused.

22. Bondage Boutique adjustable nipple clamps and clit clamp

Beginner For Her

The clue’s in the name.

Attach the adjustable clamps to your partners clit and nipples, and tighten as required.

Once attached, it can be fun to give the centre O-ring a light pull.

The pressure from the clamps restricts blood flow, so once removed and it all rushes back, it can increase sensitivity.

I use these a fair amount, mainly on nipples. The clit clamp tends to slide off if she’s wet, but is a fun additional for occasional use.

There have been a few mishaps in the past where the nipple clamps have been attached and I accidentally knelt on the chain, causing rather a sharp tug!

Even if your sub doesn’t have sensitive nipples, I really enjoy the look of the clamps attached with the central O-ring and chaining running over her belly and between her legs.

In my top ten sex toys, even if not used regularly.

23. Set of four trainer butt plugs (set two)

Intermediate Unisex

As discussed along with item 12, this is a softer set of butt plugs in four sizes. I don’t see the point of the different ridges and shapes, as once in you don’t feel them.

24. Lovehoney Power Play Slimline G-Spot Vibrator

Beginner For Her

A long vibrator which can be used on the clit or inserted to stimulate the G-spot. I don’t use this often as it eats up batteries, and finger stimulation of the G-spot is more precise. That said, the long handle is easier to wield than the little bullet vibrators which tend to get covered in lube and slip out of your hand.

25. Lovehoney Main Squeeze Heavy Double Kegel Balls 90g

Beginner For Her

Kegel balls are inserted vaginally, and then you use your PC muscles to keep them in. These weigh 90g so provide quite the workout if standing.

I like having partners wear these when out and about. Combine with a butt plug if you are feeling especially naughty.

I also use these balls during foreplay. It’s fun to insert them fully, then tug at the elasticated loop which causes them to slowly be drawn out (much like anal beads). Right before the first ball pops out, I release the pressure on the elasticated band and they slide right back in. This normally gets very good reactions. Works even better if you are performing oral sex at the same time with your sub restrained, and a butt plug inserted.

Note that the two weighted balls are fixed firmly together. Some other Kegel balls are joined by a piece of string and move around more inside you. Try both and see what you prefer.

26. Earplugs

Intermediate For Her

Not strictly a BDSM sex toy, they just randomly ended up in the toy drawer! However, earplugs and headphones are perfect for sensory deprivation scenes.

If you submissive enjoys this, and you want to go all out, tie her up, blindfold her, and have her listen to relaxing music (or silence) on noise cancelling headphones. Her sense of touch will be heighten as you stroke her naked body and tease her in what ever way you see fit.

27. Lovehoney BASICS Mini Double Penetration Dildo

Advanced For Her

A recent addition to my collection purchased and sent to my sub during lockdown. She’d been training with the butt plugs and reached the larger size, so as per my anal training guide, she needed to progress to a thin dildo.

I thought I’d make it more of a challenge (and because I need her to be prepared for double penetration) by ordering this U-shaped dildo so she could practise.

I’ve yet to see it used in person, but the photos looked great 😉

If you aren’t into double penetration, then I wouldn’t buy this. Stick to regular dildos. But if you are, then it’s a thumbs up from me (and her).

28. Bullet vibrators

Beginner For Her

A BDSM sex toy classic. Small, powerful, and able to be discreetly hidden in a pocket or handbag. I’ve got three here, two of which came with other toys, one of which I got given at an event.

Handy for teasing her clit if you don’t want to use a more powerful magic wand vibrator.

29. njoy Pure Plug Medium Stainless Steel Butt Plug

Expert Unisex

This is the first butt plug I ever owned. Oh the memories.

Its eye-catching stainless steel shimmer and weight make it seem more of a piece of art than a sex toy.

The curved shape feels different from the straight plugs and the un-yielding metal isn’t for everyone. I’d still recommend the T-shaped plugs for comfort when wearing outside the house, but if you want to up your kink level and feel the full weight inside you, this one’s for you.

Also makes a wonderfully kinky present for your other half when their birthday or Valentine’s Day rolls around.

30. Lovehoney Double Vibrating Cock Ring

Beginner For Him

One of the rings goes around your cock, and the other stretches over your balls. This model has two bullet vibrators (the silver one in item 28 is actually from this vibrating cock ring) which you’ll feel above and below your shaft.

During intercourse the top vibrator will rest on her clit and the bottom one on her perineum for extra pleasure.

Cock rings are great if you struggle to maintain an erection. Even if you don’t they make you extra hard. Plus the ball squeeze on this one feels great as a guy.

I don’t use it often, but writing this article has made me want to get it out again.

31. Lovehoney Bionic Bullet 5 Function Vibrating Cock Ring

Beginner For Him

Another vibrating cock ring, this time with extended bunny ears to tickle her clit, and a double loop configuration to stretch over your cock and balls (smaller one for the cock, larger one for the balls).

32. LELO TIANI 3 remote-controlled couples’ massager

Intermediate Unisex

My most expensive BDSM sex toy purchase. The thin leg of the black tadpole-shaped thing goes inside her, with the thicker black part (which houses the vibrator) resting on her clit.

It’s called a couples’ massager because the guy is able to slide into her whilst she is wearing it due to the design. As he thrusts, he feels the vibrations and also pushed the vibrator more firmly onto her clit.

The LELO Tiana is wireless, and the vibration patterns and strength is controlled by the remote (the silver disk shown). My favourite setting is one where the orientation of the silver remote controls the intensity of the vibrations.

Hold it flat, and the vibrations are a low rumble. Begin to turn it to 90 degrees and the intensity ramps up to match the angle of the controller.

Personally I never use it in the couples configuration (ie during intercourse). Instead my main enjoyment of this is telling my sub to wear it when we go out for the day. I keep the control and switch it on at various inappropriate moments, such as on the bus, at a restaurant, or paying for a Twix at the local corner store.

She has to not squirm too much and give the game away.

The vibrator is quiet enough not to be heard IF you are in a moderately loud environment. Try this in a library and you’ll be thrown out.

I’ve had situations where I’ve switched it on and people sitting next to us have started looking around and checking their phones, thinking they just received a text. A tense moment for sure.

Highly recommended if you are considering outdoor fun, exhibitionism and enjoy teasing your sub. The only downside is the price. There are cheaper alternatives, but I must say the Lelo Tiani has lasted several years, unlike less expensive remote-controlled vibrators I’ve owned.

33. Tracey Cox Supersex Remote Control Vibrator Love Egg

Intermediate For Her

Speaking of less expensive options, here’s one. It’s a love egg designed to be worn inside the vagina, (I wouldn’t recommend it for anal play as there’s no base to stop it sliding all the way in) and comes with a controller to change the vibration patterns.

This one is decent quality and works well. It provides less stimulation than the LELO Tiani because it is vibrating against the vagina walls, and not providing direct clitoral stimulation. So it isn’t likely you’ll orgasm from this alone, but it can still give you a kinky thrill on your date nights out on the town.

And of course, you could use it in the same way as item 25 (the weighted Kegel balls) during power play scenes or intensify her orgasm.

34. Padded leather leash and collar

Beginner For Her

And last but not least, the BDSM submissive collar. This one is for home play rather than to be used as a day collar due to its thickness.

I’ll use this during play. The leash is handy for pulling her around the bedroom, or light choking when I pull on it during doggy. I’ve also led her around kinky events such as the Klub Verboten non-members night using it.

Additional equipment not shown

The items shown in the photo represent my current BDSM sex toy collection. I have couple of other items which aren’t shown.

Bonus 1. Under mattress bed restraint system

Beginner For Her

This set of under mattress bed restraints goes under the bed and has both ankle and wrist cuffs to hold her in place. I keep them hidden under the mattress at all times. If I want to use them its quick to lift up a corner of the mattress and pull out a cuff.

Bonus 2. DOMINIX Deluxe Over the Door Cross Position Restraint

Intermediate For Her

Designed to mimic the feeling of being on a St. Andrew’s Cross (common in BDSM dungeons), this set of straps attaches to any door, and holds her by the ankles and wrists. It’s a lot of fun, and provides the perfect position for spanking, flogging, teasing, and standing sex from behind.

Read more about one way I used it in my An Example of How I Structure My BDSM Scenes article.

Bonus 3. Clone-A-Willy Vibrator Moulding Kit Light Skin Tone (Flesh Pink)

Beginner For Her

I’ve owned a couple of these kits. Previous partners were turned on by the thought of having their very own mould of my cock for personal use, rather than a generic dildo.

It could also be used to get her used to taking your cock anally. A dildo shaped like you would allow her to practise solo, but you could also use it on her, able to control it more accurately than your real cock.

BDSM sex toys for dominants wrap up

What started out as me wanting to write a sentence on each sex toy has turned into another monster article. My aim for writing it was to:

• Provide an overview of what BDSM toys I use most often
• Give doms and subs out there ideas as to how to be more creative in their relationship and sex lives
• Encourage you to not be ashamed of your kinks, but instead be the little deviant you’ve always wanted to be!

I hope you’ve found it insightful. And if you got a little turned on whilst reading I’m okay with that too 😉

Got your own favourite toy? Let me know in the comments.