12 Things I’ve Learned After Having Multiple Threesomes (and Moresomes)

things i've learned by having multiple threesomes

I’m by no means a sexual Olympian, but I’ve probably had a few more threesomes than the average person you’d meet on the street.

I’m not here to brag. More to give an honest account of what it’s really like to be in the middle of two (or more) naked bodies.

Should you be considering incorporating a third into your dom sub relationship, or just to spice up a vanilla dynamic with a bit of kink, my words might be of use.

So without further ado, I present the main things I’ve learned having multiple threesomes.

1. Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons

I read a lot of horror stories about couples engaging in threesomes which result one party feeling rejected, hurt and lost (go to the r/sex subreddit and search for ’threesomes’).

You don’t want to be that couple.

Never set up a threesome to:

  • Get back and your partner
  • Settle a score (they cheated so now you’re going to have some fun)
  • Use it as a way of cheating but convince yourself it’s not cheating
  • Any reason that is self-centred and doesn’t take your partners feelings into consideration!

Both members of the couple should want to experience the thrill of inviting a third into their bedroom, have discussed it in an open and adult way, and have fully thought through the consequences.

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2. You can try out FAR kinkier things

doing lots of kinky things during a threesome

I love receiving a foot massage. Not in a sexual way, just in a regular massage way. It’s incredibly relaxing and distressing after a long day.

I also love receiving blowjobs (more from the power play aspect than the feeling, although the feeling is pretty good too).

And so I wondered to myself, what would happen if I combine these two? What would being relaxed and aroused at the same time feel like?

This combo would provide an element of sexual service (the blowjob) and non-sexual service (the foot massage). As a Dom the thought of two women serving me (either sexually or non-sexually) is VERY appealing.

My chance came at a play party in a London hotel room. It was a smallish crowd, maybe 25 people total.

After some introduction exercises facilitated by the organisers to build trust and get everyone acquainted, I got chatting to a couple of women. We’d just done an exercise on asking for what we wanted, and when it got to my turn I told them about the simultaneous blowjob and foot massage idea.

What I loved about this play party is they didn’t judge. They just said “yeah okay, let’s try it”. And we did!

Was it worth it?

Hell yeah.

There’s plenty more kinky ideas I want to try out that are only possible with at least two other people involved too.

3. They often don’t happen

Finding willing partners who want to experience a threesome is tough. It took years of wanting one before I found two willing participants for my first one.

(I’m speaking from a heterosexual male perspective here. If you’re a single woman who is interested in joining other couples then you are in high demand – hence why you’re referred to as a Unicorn).

I talk about this more below, but even when dating a regular partner, it is extremely challenging to find a third who is open to the idea.

Bisexual women on dating apps are flooded with requests from couples, and are annoyed by it.

And those women who are bi-curious often only want to play with another woman, not the guy (because she can get sex from a guy fairly easily).

And then there’s the dating process. Unless it’s a spur of the moment hook up at a sex party or kink even, you’re going to have to meet the person as a couple on a regular date, to check everyone fancies everyone.

Most of the time they won’t it won’t work out. One person doesn’t fancy the other, or backs out at the last minute. Finding three people who have chemistry is tough.

At which point you are back to the drawing board (much like regular dating, except multiple by having to work with six way attraction rather than just two).

4. It’s a management nightmare

threesomes are difficult to manage as a dominant man, as you have to ensure all participants are ok

I spend more time in my head during a threesome than enjoying the activities.

I become so preoccupied with making sure everyone is safe, consenting and enjoying themselves it becomes impossible to focus on my pleasure.

Part of my brain is convinced that I can’t possible be lucky enough to be a situation where I have two, beautiful, naked women in front of me waiting for my commands. And so rather than going after what I really want, I err on the side of caution and play it safe.

I still 100% believe that’s the correct approach to take. As more of a caregiver/daddy dom my natural instinct is to protect rather than humiliate or harm.

You are interacting with two very real human beings, in extremely vulnerable positions, and that must be acknowledged.

I want to ensure everyone is having a good time.

And if that means I can’t do everything I’d like to do, then so be it.

Despite being somewhat in my head, I’m still enjoying myself.

5. There will be one person who is more into the threeway than the others.

Not always true, but whoever suggests a threesome is most likely to be the one most in to it.

Let’s take a few specific scenarios i’ve encountered.

  • MFF with bi-curious female partner. A partner I had been seeing for around 8 months wanted to explore her bi-curious side and play with another woman. She’d kissed a few, but wanted more. She was submissive, but had fantasies of switching and dominating a woman. Plus she was turned on by the thought of us BOTH dominating that person. In this scenario, it was me who brought up the idea of playing with woman, so she could experience that fantasy. She enjoyed playing with a woman at a sex club, but we never had a private threesome (not for want of trying). In this scenario, I would still say I was the one leading the interaction.
  • MMF where I was the third. A girl I used to date texted me out of the blue and asked if I’d be up for a threesome with another guy who was her current fuck buddy. I was curious to see how another man dominated her (not something I’d seen before) and the allure of double penetrating her (not something I’d done before) was enticing, so we set it up. In that situation, I’d say we all wanted it equally, maybe the woman slightly more so than us guys.
  • MMF with a partner I was casually dating. At a sex club we did a partner swap with another couple. I was having trouble getting hard (hey, it happens to the best of us) so ended up just kissing the woman I arrived with whilst another guy fucked her. This wasn’t really a turn on for me, and I wasn’t that in to it. I was a bit miffed she got to play but I couldn’t play with the guy’s partner because I couldn’t get hard!
  • MFF where I was the third. At another play party, I got chatting to a couple. The guy clearly wanted me to have sex with his wife, which I did. At first he played with her whilst I did, and then he went to get a drink and stood watching from a few meters away. Now I wasn’t sure if he was in a cuckold situation or not, so I felt a little bit guilty about having sex with her. I’m sure he probably was, but that little nagging ’nice guy’ brain was thinking ’This is bad, I don’t have anything to offer him in return’!
  • MFF where the women weren’t bisexual. This situation ends up being mostly me switching between having sex with the two women. It IS a threesome in the strict sense of the word, but the two women don’t interact beyond a little bit of breast touching.
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My point is this – every single threesome you get yourself into will have very different dynamics.

As a dominant man, chances are at least one of the other two in the threesome will be a submissive woman.

It is your responsibility to foster good communication, but also acknowledge that not everyone may be as 100% up for it as you are.

Without talking about it first, negotiating boundaries, and good aftercare, your threesome will end in a massive explosion of anger or leave one party with a silent, simmering feeling of jealousy and guilt, leading to resentment.

You’ve been warned!

6. Communication gets complex

communication during a threesome is very important

Speaking of communication…

Sex with one other person should require continual checking for consent (verbal and/or non-verbal) and good communication.

Adding a third person multiples that by factor of three. You’ve now got six communication layers going on, rather than the two you’d have normally.

  • A -> B
  • A -> C
  • B -> A
  • B -> C
  • C -> A
  • C -> B

You might want to brush up on your verbal and non-verbal communication skills, and heighten your situational awareness so you can sense when someone isn’t saying what they really mean, or feeling uncomfortable.

7. It’s easier with casual partners (for the most part)

As I’m not bisexual, and am not turned on by other men, AND I have a dominant personality, the last thing I want is another guy fucking my one true love.

BUT, when in a more casual relationship I’m open to the idea of her being with another man, and it has happened.

There were definitely fleeting moments of jealousy (it’s natural to compare yourself. Does he fuck better than me? Is he bigger than me? Etc.) but overall they were just that. Fleeting.

But would I want a MMF threesome with someone I loved with all my heart?

I want to say yes. I really do. But I’m not sure. I’m hoping I could do it, but I don’t know.

So what about MFF threeomes. Yes, as a guy I reckon I could enjoy these with the woman I loved.

Double standards, I hear you cry! You just said you wouldn’t want a guy fucking your partner but expect your woman to let you fuck someone else!

True. I did say that.

But hear me out.

I’m talking my ideal relationship here. That would be one where my partner was bisexual and therefore was getting AS MUCH PLEASURE out of sharing a woman with me as I was.

I’ve also found submissive women generally don’t really WANT to be with another man. They either want to experience another woman (because they’re curious, and women’s attraction to others tends to look beyond gender) or they are turned on by their dominant making another woman submit, or simply because they are dominating the situation as a whole.

But all this is hypothetical.

If i had to choose between the love of my life who only engaged in regular sex, or a casual partner with regular threesomes, I’d choose the former.

Most likely my relationship will fall somewhere in between. The love of my life with hot kinky sex, but perhaps limiting threesomes to play parties and and kink events.

8. It’s like, but not like, in porn

All of the previously mentioned points mean a threesome simply isn’t like you seen in porn.

There’s more resting, loo breaks, laughs, talking, and deciding what to do next.

At the same time it IS like porn. A sea of naked pink flesh.

Most of the threesomes I’ve had have been more like sex with one person whilst another person watches, then swap over.

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Not all of them though. As mentioned, double penetration requires all three people to be involved! And in another scenario I was taking a woman from behind, watching as she licked my partner at the time’s clit.

That was fun.

9. Things go wrong

Be prepared for things to go wrong. I’ve had participants period’s start, medical conditions arise that stopped play, and multiple times not been able to get hard due to the pressure to perform.

These things will happen. Laugh it off, make sure everyone is okay, and take appropriate action. If it means ending the threesome, do it.

Don’t carry on like an idiot if one person is struggling.

10. The memories have stuck with me (in a good way)

Various images of what happened during the threesomes and sex party orgies are most definitely on my sexual highlights play reel.

I re-live them when I’m playing with myself, imagining all the naughty configurations we got ourselves in to.

I’ve no doubt i will still be thinking about it when I’m sitting in my rocking chair in the nursing home.

11. They’ve all been a positive experience

All of the threesomes have been a positive experience for me. I can’t speak on behalf of the other participants, but out of all the experiences there has only been one occasion where I felt one participant, although she enjoyed the experience, had a bit of a come down afterwards.

It happened with a casual partner I’ll call A. I’d been seeing for a couple of months. We’d been to several Killing Kittens sex parties together, where she’d played with other women, but I’d just watched. On this particular occasion, I arranged a date with a third woman I’ll call B, who I had slept with a couple of times.

The night went really well, we all enjoyed each other’s company. B was a switch, and it was incredible hot watching her Dom A in a public bar. B and myself were teasing A, and told her to go to the bathroom and remove her underwear.

When she returned, B sat next to her, slide her hand under A’s skirt, and began playing with her. It was a delightful display of exhibitionism, of which I had a wonderful view from my vantage point across the table.

We were all a bit worked up, so I suggested heading back to mine to continue the evening. For various logistical reasons, we had to go via B’s house to pick up some stuff before returning to mine. This 1.5 hour round trip was our downfall I believe.

It killed the vibe, and I think at that point, A started to feel a bit left out as I was sitting on B’s left, making it tough to talk to A who was on the other side. (Again – logistics will be your biggest challenge in a threesome, especially if you are dealing with two subs!)

As a result, whilst the threesome was fun when we got to mine, and both A and B said they enjoyed it the next morning, I felt A was a little bit upset I spent more time OUTSIDE the bedroom talking to B (even though during the actual threesome I mainly interacted with A whilst B enjoyed watching and telling her how much of a Good Girl A she was for taking me so well).

12. I’d do it again

Despite the challenges above, I would have another threesome again.

BUT, what I yearn for is a more regular third to play with. Many of the problems above would be resolved if I was completely comfortable around the two women, and knew they were 100% in to it.

Only then would I be able to relax and get out of my head fully.

When you look at most stories of threesomes, most aren’t with a regular third. They are a couple who go out hunting a single woman, and then never see her again.

I don’t want that (unless it is at a sex party in which case the rules are slightly different).

I want a thruple type situation where all three of us are good friends, hang out, and sex is the cherry on the top.

I’m not sure if this is just my way of looking at the world, but sex to me isn’t about love necessarily, it’s about pleasure and connection. In a weird way I view it as an extension of a friendship.

When I’m with someone, they’re cool, we’re friends, but I also fancy them, what’s wrong with that ending in sex?

Of course, the complication comes when one of the people develops a feeling of romantic love for the other. When this isn’t returned, that’s when the pain sets in.

And I’m still on the fence if casual relationships can ever work out without one person catching feelings. I think they can, but it is rare.

Finding one person who thinks the same way I do is difficult enough. Finding two is near impossible.

And so, although threesomes with two regular partners is a bit of a pipe dream, I’d like to continue playing with others as sex parties, and potentially private parties if we both got along with the third.

Concluding my threesome thoughts

So there you have it.

Threesomes are an incredibly liberating feeling, where you get to experience those fantasies you’ve probably dreamed of, and connect with two people on a level you don’t normally get to.

Done correctly, the sexy memories will stay with you and enter your sexual hall of fame moments.

But, they do come with drawbacks. Good communication with all parties is essential to ensure feelings aren’t hurt and everyone has a good time. They are a logistical nightmare, and setting one up takes planning and effort (especially as a heterosexual man).

Don’t let the hard work put you off. If having a threesome is something you’ve always wanted, and your partner is willing, it IS worth it.

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