Coming up with submissive rules for your sub to follow is a really fun part of a dom sub relationship. But if you’re new to the BDSM scene you might not know the types of rules to set or even what a list of basic sub rules to follow should be.
In this submissive rules guide I’ll help you understand:
- What a rule for a sub is
- When you should set rules for your sub
- The difference between a submissive rule and a command
- Different categories of rules for subs you can use
- Examples rules to give your sub if your getting started (I’ve listed out a whole bunch of examples of rules for a sub at the end of this guide)
So let’s get started with the complete guide to rules for subsmissives and how to set rules as a dominant.
What are submissive rules?
Just so we’re all on the same page, rules for a subs are expectations of duties, tasks or services you want your submissive to perform on a regular basis, without you explicitly having to tell them.
They are set by the dominant in the relationship, creating a somewhat of a structure to the dom sub relationship.
As you’ll learn below, dom sub rules are varied, depend upon your style of dominance and submission, and any list of rules you create will naturally evolve over time.
Submissive rules vs commands
The rules you give a sub are things which they mist abide to at all times.
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Commands you give are one-off instructions which only apply then and there.
For example, “you’re cooking dinner tonight pick three recipes for me to choose from” is a command. It’s situational depending upon your wants as a dominant at that moment in time.
However, if you find yourself wanting your sub to cook for you often, then you can make this command into a formal rule such as
- Every Friday you should text me three meal choices, and once I’ve chosen, you’ll cook it for me that evening
Here’s another example. The command “get on your knees and take me in your mouth” could become any number of rules:
- If you wake up before me on the weekend, you should take me in your mouth
- If I’m watching TV and remove my trousers, you are expected to suck me until I say you can stop.
- When I return home your first words should be “may I offer Sir a blowjob?”
These are all rules because they happen each and everytime the situation arises without exception.
Categorising rules for subs
The types of submissive rules you set depend upon your personal dominant style.
- Slave rules: Some dominants enjoy setting more master or Kajira types of rules, where their submissive acts as a slave and performs acts of service. The purpose of these rules is to ensure you as the Master are having your life made easier, or being worshipped by your slave. These rules would be given and enforced during a period of slave training. (Read more about how to be a good submissive slave).
- Sex rules. If you are strictly in a sexual BDSM relationship dynamic, then the rules you will want are more explicit. Orgasm denial or rituals for the bedroom make up the majority of them.
- House rules. If you enjoy a BDSM dynamic out of the bedroom then having rules for the house is very fun. These rules can be part sexual (e.g. making your submissive strip for you when she enters the house), part assistive (e.g. making you dinner, giving you a massage), part helpful (e.g. helping you with everyday tasks). It’s up to you as the Dom!
- Public rules. In public your D/s dynamic needs to go under the radar. But you can still keep things going with subtle rules no one else will notice (such as you choosing what your sub eats at a restaurant).
- Remote rules. These rules are for domming your sub when she isn’t with you. She might be on holiday with the gals, or live separately from you. In this situation its important you remind her who’s boss from time to time.
- Rules for kink events. Merge public and sexual rules to create kinky rules you can give your sub whilst attending play parties or social events with open minded folks.
It’s up to you to create rules that both you and your partner agreed to. Remember – being a good Dom isn’t about commanding your sub to do whatever you want.
It’s about creating and exploring a space where two consenting adults have agreed to engage in differential power dynamics, the Dom or Master having higher status, and the submissive having less.
BDSM rules should be set which serve to sustain and grow this dynamic, and both parties are benefiting from, not just the Dom.
Without further ado, here are some examples of good rules for subs you can start incorporating into your dom sub relationship.
Who are sub rules REALLY for?
You might think the rules you give to your submissive are designed to make her do what you want. That’s partly true, but doesn’t capture the entire essence of what their purpose is
SOME rules are just that. Things that make your life as a dominant easier, as well as things you want sexually.
However, you should also remember that your role as a dominant is to care for and help your sub grow as a person. And therefore you probably want some rules for your sub which are designed to encourage that.
For example, a basic sub rule that only addresses your pleasure might be:
- When I return home from work I expect a glass of water to be waiting for me
Whereas a rule designed to nurture her as a person might be:
- At least once a week you should spend an hour alone reading your favourite book.
This rule would be perfect for a submissive who is unable to switch off, gets stressed easily, or is not good at taking care of herself because she is constantly making sure you, and other people, are cared for.
You may also want rules which serve to grow your relationship.
- Every Sunday evening you will write down three things that could be improved in our relationship and read them to me.
This would help you understand where you might be able to improve aspects of yourself, things which you may not be able to see without another’s perspective.
So remember, rules you give your submissive don’t only have to be sexual and for your pleasure. They may also:
- Help her relax
- Help you notice areas you could improve upon
- Identify relationship weaknesses to improve
- Help her achieve what she wants in life
- Calm and relax her
- Keep her focused and in the present moment
- Learn a new skill
- Do things which you know you’ll both benefit from (e.g. research our next holiday, pick out three shirts for me you think I’d look good in, etc)
A basic sub rule for one, isn’t for another
When I started on my journey to being a dominant and looking for submissive women to date, I wasn’t sure what basic rules for a sub I should be using?
There are many articles on the internet that list all the basic rules for a sub you could use, but they were somewhat scattered, and I found myself trawling many websites, copying and pasting into Google Sheets, and then categorising, rewording, and adding my own.
Some of the rules for the sub were not compatible with my style of play. As an example, a basic rule for a submissive slave-style relationship might be:
- Slave should not speak to her Master unless spoken to
Whilst I might set this as a rule if I was to run a high protocol BDSM scene as a one-off, it isn’t something I would want enforced all day every day.
Some basic rules for submissives I read were spot on, and did reflect my kinks and desires for a partner. For example, the rule
- She will make her body available to him for use whenever he desires
is one that I would consider a basic for a sub in the type of dynamic I want.
Which all goes to show, that one basic rule for a sub in one D/s relationship isn’t the same for another.
Not only do you have to factor in the type of dominant you are and the type of submissive she is, but you also need to think about your experience levels.
If your submissive has been practising BDSM for years, then what she considers a basic sub rule is probably going to be different from what a beginner submissive deems basic.
As an example, the rule:
- She must wear a butt plug for at least one hour day day
might seem impossible and downright scary as a rule for a beginner sub. But for a more experience sub, she may look at that and say ‘Only an hour?’ ?
Likewise, the submissive might have a hard limit when it comes to anal play, regardless of her experience level. And so any basic sub rules which the dominant wants to do with anal must be taken off the table.
Deciding on your list of basic rules for is a matter of personal preference, and the list you have with one submissive may not be the list or rules you use for another submissive.
Your list will most likely also evolve over time as your dom sub relationship evolves.
When and how to set submissive rules
When should you set your sub rules? Do you write them down on a piece of paper? Store them electronically? Tell them to your sub one by one?
After a few weeks of dating my sub, and after I’d got to know her preferences, both in sexually and generally what type of submissive she way (Try my What Sub Personality Are You? quiz as well as my What is a sub? And what types of sub exist? article for more information) I began to start formulating the types of rules I wanted her to follow.
I also incorporated rules from a previous dom sub relationship which I enjoyed. I then listed out the submissive rules in a document on my computer.
My sub and I then talked through the list or rules, so I could check if there were any she didn’t think she’d be able to follow, or had hesitations about.
I want her to ENJOY following the rules (remember being a dominant is not just about serving yourself) which is why these discussions and good communication is important.
Submissives in the past would also have ideas for rules (perhaps from previous dominants, or perhaps just something they enjoy doing for you and brings them pleasure). Those would be added to the list.
After some back and forth (this is why having a shared Google doc you can both edit is great), I had a good starting list of rules for my sub, and we were both in agreement on them.
I also copied the list (remember, my list of rules is small because I can also give commands and I don’t live with her) and sent it to her via Whatsapp (easier to reference than an online document).
Rules I use for my sub
My style of dominance is less S&M and more caring, nurturing, whilst also incorporating elements of service, and a strong sex element.
Therefore my rules for a sub cater to that.
Here is the list of rules we started for everyday use:
- I will make my body available to Him for use at any time, and act as His sexual plaything.
- I will learn to worship and crave His cock, relishing every opportunity to please it. I have permission and am encouraged to spontaneously start playing with it in any situation.
- I will respond with “Thank you, Daddy” after every orgasm I have in His presence.
- I will learn the list of voice commands (given previously) and adopt the positions quickly and accurately when instructed. (This one we ended up dropping, as high protocol Master/slave dynamic wasn’t really my thing. If I want her to sit at my feet I’ll just tell her what position to adopt)
- I will take the time to communicate my thoughts and feelings, preferably in written form, so He knows which parts of my service I enjoy and which areas can be improved.
- In public I will do my best to look as good as I can so He can proudly show me off.
- I will keep my cunt and ass smooth and hair free for His viewing pleasure.
- My orgasms belong to Daddy. I shall not have one without first asking his permission.
- My pussy and ass also belong to Daddy. I give him full permission to use my holes as he sees fit, at any time of the day or night.
- I will practise anal training until I can take Daddy’s cock with ease.
- I will inform Him via text of any orgasms I have without Him straight afterwards, and what I fantasised about.
- I will accompany him to kink events when requested, knowing He will keep me save and look out for me.
- In public I will make an effort to wear clothes I know are appealing to Him and emphasise my femininity.
- At His house I shall be naked at all times, unless otherwise requested. (This one proved not to be practical. It’s too cold and I have big windows! That said, she’s often mostly naked, such as wearing nothing but a long t-shirt, which gives me easy access to her whenever I want)
- In private, if I require oral comfort or pacification at any time I shall inform Him by kneeling and saying “Please may I make use of your cock, Daddy?” and wait for an answer.
- I shall think up creative ways to show Him my submissive side when He’s not around over text or email.
- I will learn his routines and do everything I can to anticipate his needs and provide assistance through service. This may include everything from sexual services to housework.
- I will learn how to massage His feet and provide foot rubs when requested, practising the art with focused attention and mindfulness.
- I will learn how to massage His cock expertly with my hands for sexual release, and be available to provide this service when requested.
- I understand that failure to comply with these rules will result in punishment and re-training. Punishment will depend on the severity of the infraction.
And here are some rules we use when you go to kinky events (mainly for safety reasons):
- No talking to, touching or interacting with anyone without my permission.
- Daddy has the final say, as always, and you will listen carefully to my instructions and follow them.
- If feeling anxious, tell me immediately so I can do something about it.
- Stay close to me at all times unless instructed otherwise, standing to my right or kneeling at my feet if the floor is suitable (I’ll decide. Most likely this won’t be possible due to the nature of the venue).
- When I go to the bathroom you should accompany me and wait outside so I know where you are and that you’re safe.
- If you need to go to the bathroom you will ask my permission and I will accompany you.
If I lived with a sub then I would include more rules (these only really work if you live together, hence why I don’t currently use them) such as:
- Before bed I’ll ask what clothes He would like to wear the next day, and lay them out for Him
- I will plug in His phone to charge before bed
- I will make the bed each morning
And if I was in a longer term Dom sub relationship then I would add more rules to ensure both my sub wa a growing as a person, as well as the relationship.
But like I said, as I’m not living with my sub, some rules aren’t practical to implement, and instead I would just issue commands.
Instead I prefer to keep the list short and add rules onto the list as and when I think of something I don’t like doing, something I want sexually, or something I feel my sub needs in order to grow.
As the sub learns the new rules I re-enforce their positive behaviour with rewards (a part of their submissive training).
Your list of rules for your submissive may be even shorter, and that’s absolutely fine, even encouraged, if you are just starting out. It’s better to have one rule which is enforced and you both enjoy, than 100 where only a handful are followed haphazardly.
Wording your rules
You may have noticed throughout this article I’ve worded the submissive rules using two different styles.
The first style is written in the first person, as if the sub was writing it:
- I will make the bed each morning
The second style is written from my perspective as a dominant, and more commanding:
- Each Monday you’ll research kink events happening that week and send me a list so I can but tickets to anything which looks good.
Pick a style which you prefer. It makes little difference. The first style has the benefit of being an affirmation of sorts, something which your submissive might enjoy reading each day.
My only advice would be to stick to one format when writing your list of rules for a submissive. Mixing them can make it a little more difficult to read and learn the rules.
Notice how I’ve also capitalised Him, His, Daddy and Sir. This emphasises the dynamic at play, the capitals signifying who has the power.
Example rules for subs
Below is a list of submissive rules which you can use to get ideas. As always, pick the ones what most suit the type of dominant you are and best suit the dom sub relationship you have.
I’ve prefixed each rule with the main category it belongs to. Some rules fall into multiple rules, but you get the idea.
General rules
- You will call me Sir/Master/Daddy at all times. If we are with vanilla people this can be relaxed.
- You will continually look for ways to demonstrate your submission to me.
- Look for my consent (either verbal or non-verbal) when wanted to speak to someone in public.
- You must be contactable via WhatsApp at all times to receive instructions. If this is not possible, you should inform me how long you will be out of contact for.
- You will not discuss our Dom sub dynamic with anyone unless I have given you permission.
- Each Monday you’ll research kink events happening that week and send me a list so I can but tickets to anything which looks good.
House rules
- You must put on your house collar (read about the different types of collar) when you wake up and keep it on until you go to bed. You may remove it when leaving the house and change it for a day collar.
- Offer me a drink of water when you enter my home or I enter yours.
- When you want to use the toilet, you must ask my permission.
- Before you leave the room you must ask my permission.
- Ask permission before getting in to bed.
- When you enter my house you will strip down to your underwear and go barefoot.
- No clothes allowed in the house.
- When you get in to bed you must remove all items of clothing.
- Make the bed look presentable each morning after we’ve both got up.
- You are responsible for laying out my clothes for work the evening before.
- You will ensure my phone is charged and the alarm set for the following day.
Public rules
- I will choose what you eat and drink when we go out to a restaurant.
- You will fill up my glass when I push it towards you.
- At a restaurant it is your responsibility to ensure my glass is always full of water.
- You will not start eating until I have started my meal.
- Serve my food first, and any guests, before yourself.
- You will stand to my right when in public and keep close by.
- At kinky parties you will kneel at my feet whilst I talk to other guests.
- Choose outfits you know I think you look sexy in when we are in public together.
- When wearing a skirt and we are together (and it’s warm enough), you will remove your panties and hand them to me.
Slave rules for subs
- Every Friday night after work you will cook a three course meal for me.
- Learn your submissive poses and get into them fast when he command is given.
- You are responsible for keeping the house neat and tidy.
- Your body must be made available to me at all times, even in the middle of the night.
- As a slave your phone must remain out of sight at all times.
- Kneel at my feet when at home together and you aren’t doing tasks.
- Do not not sit on furniture without my permission.
- You will massage my body on request.
- You will sit at my feet whilst I’m watching TV.
- When I place my feet in your lap you will massage them.
- Between the hours of 7 and 8pm you are to remain silent, only speaking when spoken to.
- When I’m busy at home you should remain in a standing pose nearby, awaiting any commands I may give.
- Whilst I am sitting at my desk, you will offer to kneel under it and take me in your mouth whilst I work.
- When I get home from work you should be kneeling by the door, ready to take off my coat and serve me however I need that day.
- When I get home from work on Monday night’s you should be naked on all fours on the bed, because I like to start the week off right.
Remote rules for subs
- Record the sound of your orgasm whenever you climax and send it to me over Whatsapp.
- You will let me choose which underwear (if any) you wear for the day.
- Send me a good morning text when you wake up if we are not together.
- Every time you go out in public you must text me to ask if underwear is allowed.
- Let me know when you leave the house and when you return home.
- Inform me of any dates you go on.
- Send me at least one nude picture of yourself every week.
- Attend the gym three times per week. Send me a photo to prove you were there.
- Write a journal after each BDSM scene listing out what you enjoyed.
- Say your daily affirmations in front of the mirror each morning.
- If you want to touch yourself you must ask my permission first.
- On holiday you must take a photo of yourself with a famous landmark in the background, your breasts exposed.
- Wear a butt plug whenever you leave the house to go grocery shopping.
- Wear a butt plug to work on a Friday.
- Text me a daily picture you’ve found online that sums up your mood.
- Text me a daily photo you’ve found online that you know will turn me on.
- Text me exactly what you were thinking about when you orgasmed.
- Text me a short fantasy weekly you’d like us to try.
- On date night you’ll text me three pictures of outfits your considering wearing. I’ll pick one for you.
Sex rules for subs
- Wear a butt plug at least once per day for thirty minutes as part of your anal training.
- After sex you must clean off my cock with your mouth.
- After you’ve had an orgasm you must say “Thank you, Daddy/Master/Sir”.
- In the morning when you wake up you will ask me if I need cockwarming.
- You may only come after I have.
- Before each orgasm you will ask me if you can come.
- After each orgasm you will thank me for allowing you to come.
- You will keep your private parts smooth, or in a fashion requested by me.
- You will learn how to make me come with your mouth and hands.
Phew! That was a lot of rules.
Now if you’re wondering, no, these aren’t ALL rules that I give my sub. Some of them contradict each other, and there are far too many.
I like to give my sub rules which make my life better, her life better, our sex life better, and work towards building something we both love doing.
I suggest you show this list to your sub and go through the rules together. Take the rules which jump out at you, get you a little bit excited or intrigued, and begin incorporating them into your daily life.
And if you’ve got some submissive rules you love but I haven’t listed (I’m sure you will have because there are infinite possibilities after all so ), leave them in the comments.
Good luck!
Thank you it was a fantastic article well written what a great way to get started
You’re welcome, Terry. I’m glad you enjoyed it and found it helpful.
Hey
This made for very interesting reading and just what I needed to do was research
I’m glad you enjoyed it, Claire.
Thank you for more brilliant information. We are going from strength to strength rapidly with our new lifestyle thanks to your amazing website .
You’re very welcome, Rosey.
This was a great list of ideas to incorporate into my life. It is something I can give my husband to see if we can find a compromise to get started with this new lifestyle.
Glad it was useful, Alicia. Remember to start with just a handful of rules to begin with and master them. (I have a terrible memory so often forgot what rules I’ve set at first, untill they eventually become habit.)
I broke a command of continuing to text my Master when he had told me not to disturb him. He later told me he was not upset with me anymore. I miss read this as been able to continue. He has since told me he will not tolerate forgive or accept my disobedience and has cut of contact with me. I have been commanded never to contact him again. This was 3 days ago. I have not contacted him. Any suggestions on how to get him back please? He had previously told me he would disregard me if I didn’t follow a basic command I thought that was meant for sex not out of the bedroom
Hi Jane.
To be honest it sounds as though you made a simple mistake because the rules you were meant to follow were not 100% clear. Your Dom cutting you out like this with no forgiveness, communication or leniency suggests he may be a Fake Dom.
https://kinkyevents.co.uk/7-ways-to-spot-a-fake-dom-and-why-you-should-avoid-them/
Please read that article and see if he exhibits any of the other signs.
Your role as a sub is not to blindly follow your Dom or be emotionally manipulated. A healthy D/s relationship is one in which the power dynamic is dropped for important discussions, and you are listened too.
Thank you for your insight I have read the article and am seeing some of this traits. A lot more are not there though. I will definitely take them all into consideration. I love your site and will definitely continue to follow you as I go into this new endeavour in my life
I am relieved to see this advice from you.
Good Masters guide and teach. They would talk with their slave about an issue to see what happened instead of cutting off contact.
Sorry for your loss, if you are looking for a new dom feel free to submit an application to me!
Amazing
Where is best plave to find a dom? Xx
Hi Lynn, feel free to contact me
Jamie goodtimesro11 on kik happy to discuss
Wonderful article, opened my eyes to different things when it comes to BDSM. When it comes to making and setting rules.
One hell of a write up my guy. Doing all my research into being a better Dom and this was a goldmine so thank you!
What kinds of rules would work well into a dynamic of parents with children at home?
The rules that work for you are the rules that work for you. Every dynamic is different, and all households unique.
This article certainly was useful in giving me a good idea about where to get started. I’m brand spanking new to being a dom, and have been learning a lot about myself through it. Thank you for the good read!
Very useful article. I’m 7 weeks into a relationship/dynamic with my sub. Rules are not really something I’ve incorporated too much up until now. The long distance ones are a godsend.
My Dom and I use a lot of these same rules. I showed the article to Him and He is going to add a few more soon. 😊
Great stuff, Kelly. Let us know what your Dom comes up with!
Thank you so much. We actually already use some of these and have been looking to add some and this is perfect.
Hi Cheif, I took your test about what type of sub I am and I was very upset by the result. I have always been submissive in my private life and very athorotive in my work life ( I am a manager) I took your test, I thought it was fun until it told me i’m a switch….. Now i’m doubting myself
Please don’t be upset. It’s more of a fun quiz to get people thinking, not to give you a definitive type (because there’s no such thing!).
Every Dom and every sub are different. Make the role what you want it to be, and don’t worry about the labels too much. As long as you are having fun that’s the important thing 🙂
Hey Rhian, I just wanted to chime in that what you are describing is the nature of a switch. I am one as well and you switch from submissive in private to authorative in public, and back to submissive in public. Embrace who you are!
Hiii! I’m sorry this comment is a year late 😅 But could you maybe do an ‘article’(?) about having a sub with depression (clinical), some type of ND, PTSD, anxiety or something similarly? Or even how to bring it up to a dom? I’m super new to all this haha sorry if it’s a dumb question
Hi Maria. Thanks for the comment. I am nervous writing about clinical or mental health issues as I have no training in this area and I wouldn’t want to put out any information that could cause more harm than help.
Having said that, don’t stop it from having you a wonderful D/s dynamic. At the heart of all good relationships is communication
Opening up about mental health to a partner can be a scary thought, but I recommend you do if you feel comfortable. I’d rather know if my sub had any issues I should be aware of that might impact them during play.
You don’t have to go into details if you don’t want to, but letting them know the outline can be useful.
What the Dom does with that information will reveal a lot about them as a person. You must also accept that not everyone is able to copy with their partners health issues, and that doesn’t make them a bad person either. It just means there’s an incompatibly.
I recommend you read my article on better sex through communication and listen to my podcast episode on communication for some tips and techniques to help you communicate with your Dom well.
Hey! I get how you feel. I know for my neurodiversity it makes me hard to be submissive when I really want to because like i cant help or do what Id normally do if I am overwhelmed
hello, i have questions. many questions. please, is there any way to reach you to ask them? thank you.
You can find my details on the contact page: https://kinkyevents.co.uk/contact
So far this has been the most informative article I have found, so thank you for that! Do you have any suggestions for rules for a brat?
I use a dress code. The three finger rule is very easy to remember and she will always have her measuring device handy. No more than 3 fingers of cleavage exposed. Skirts no more than 3 fingers above the knee. No more than 3 fingers of midriff exposed.
I love this article but sad to see that Pets are not involved
You are a great writer. Thank you so much for creating this website I really hope I find a man with your mindset and intellect. Thank you!
I’m not sure if your age, but making rules without the subs input is not the best idea. It’s called negotiation and I’m positive that you know about it.
Some of the rules you have listed out are porn driven purely.
S-types are not idiots, so I don’t understand your comment about keeping to one style of syntax less you confuse the sub?
Of course you can do your dynamic any way you see fir. When it comes to putting out information to the public (w the influx of newbies) once again one may write whatever the want to.
I’m sure that this will be deleted, shown the door, gone.
It’s okay, It will not stop me from speaking out when I read lists such as this broken down, links that promise to tell you what kind of sub one is……………..
Just because someone agrees to Benin a dynamic with you, doesn’t mean they have to give up control at that moment of their orgasms.
However someone surfing around on the web, reading your lists, would never know that.
There is also a school of thought that punishments should not be used in online relationships at all.
Yes a sub should have the desire to please the Dominant, however some of your rules are forcing that submission.
Submission should come freely, never forced.
Then things like honorifics come naturally.
Out of all the things you wrote for rules, there are very few that are an opportunity for a sub to grow in any way. The only thing growing with these are your cock.
Tell me you didn’t read the article without telling me you didn’t read the article…smh.
Seriously, one of the first things stated is that these rules should be negotiated with the sub and that they should be customized to YOUR dynamic. This article covers many types of dynamics, which is likely why you think the rules are “porn driven” and not just a different dynamic. My dynamic is purely sexual, so I’m sure my list would make you think the same.
And he is 1000% correct that you should stick to one style of writing syntax. Graphic designer here, and one of the biggest things that they teach you is the human brain is designed to pick out and enjoy things that are easily digestible. Regardless of intelligence, if something like a list of rules is written in multiple styles (going from first person to third person, etc.) is going to be confusing and harder to follow.
And finally, person growth is just that… PERSONAL!!! One of the few specific ones Chief mentions would work fanatically for me (as a person who loves to read) but not someone like my partner (ADHD, not an avid reader). This list is not meant to be written in stone for every dynamic, but a starting point to get the conversation moving.
Chief- Thank you so much for this list, it is wonderful! My Dom and I will be using this to help incorporate more structure into our newish dynamic. He has a hard time conceptualizing rules without examples, and this is great for him. And I am his “assistant” so I am building a list for us to go over and discuss. THANK YOU AGAIN! Keep writing, I love reading it.
Thank you, Ashley. I appreciate it 🙂
Ashley,
You wrote a bunch of nonsense that assumed things not in evidence. You start our with a tired , worn out line. I read more than just this piece
I’m a grown adult, educated , although that shouldn’t matter, but you brought it into the conversation. But this isn’t even a conversation. It’s you leveling things at me with nothing but your own emotion. Everything you wrote has nothing to do with the things I wrote.
There is not one thing that you wrote that is true or conducive to what I wrote.
Nonya
This is a very bad faith post. You clearly didn’t read this guide, so I will paste some of what they said. I won’t paste it all, because deer lord they mentioned plenty more things that are at the very opposite end of your complaints.
“My sub and I then talked through the list or rules, so I could check if there were any she didn’t think she’d be able to follow, or had hesitations about.”
“I want her to ENJOY following the rules (remember being a dominant is not just about serving yourself) which is why these discussions and good communication is important.”
“Your list of rules for your submissive may be even shorter, and that’s absolutely fine, even encouraged, if you are just starting out. It’s better to have one rule which is enforced and you both enjoy, than 100 where only a handful are followed haphazardly.”
“I suggest you show this list to your sub and go through the rules together. Take the rules which jump out at you, get you a little bit excited or intrigued, and begin incorporating them into your daily life.”
Please read and digest something fully before you hate post to it.
Feel free to remove this. When I replied, it had said it was posted 16 hours ago and there were no replies. I didn’t intend to reply to something that had already been acknowledged.
Hi Frank. I’ll keep it if that’s okay with you. I value your thoughts and it’s good to have multiple people reply. Thank you for posting.
Hi,
You have some nerve to automatically jump to the conclusion that I did not read what you wrote.
I assure you I read everything more than once.
Furthermore, Do not try that thing that has become so popular out here since the pandemic because you will not find me cowering in the corner and if you want to pretend that you don’t want I’m writing about.
The fact that you accuse me of a hate post. That’s a pretty strong reaction for someone telling you that they don’t agree with you. Or they don’t think what you wrote is correct.
You did it more than once. A Dominant does not or should not bring who into this lifestyle.
I wrote this as if Chief wrote it. I apologize so keep that in mind when reading it.
Chief,
Exactly which part do you think I that I wrote something so horrible?
I made a mention about porn , so I don’t people writing as if I I said your were a porn acdorem, or insinuating. That I didn’t read what you wrote. That is so typical out here these days. To accuse me of not reading the piece when I wjen5s obvious I did. You wrote it, why do I have to pull out specifics to point to what I am referring to.
Then there si the other person accusing me of hate.
That is ridiculous but so typical.
Then you sit and thank these people but you don’t want to have a conversation with me. That speaks volumes to me.
If your thought is for me. To be embarrassed , wrong. I have experience in the LS. 8 years , I thouroughly read people’s writings and let me add that I usually read everything someone wrote (all the pieces unless I can not get through it all in one sitting) before I comment. So.thayni can get a sense of that person.
Shaking me head, but why do I expect anything different. It’s just another example where someone sits back and let’s their people write out complete drivel and nonsense.
There is no hate in my post. Not one bit.
What is wrong with you people ! Or is out that all you want is the same school of thought.
I know all about growing so I need a complete stranger female or male deciding and then writing things trying to cancel me out .
Hate
Inferring I didn’t read your piece .
Arguing that using the same syntax is RIGHT. excuse me where did I write that you were wrong. What I wrote is comes off as if subs are stupid.
I highly encourage people to not change my words for their narrative.
Some of your rules, didn’t you say they were expressly for you ?
You know I can’t even deal with people that write messages back with the intention of putting me in my place by insulting me.
Then you sit by and thank them , but say nothing.
They want to be nasty, I can do that but it’s not worth my time to argue with them on their insinuations.
I didn’t reply to your first comment as I had nothing to add. I don’t necessarily agree with your views, but that doesn’t mean I will delete your comments, unless they verge towards being hostile towards others then I will.
You are more than welcome to share the types of submissive rules you would prefer if you don’t like my ideas.
Your original comment and further replies as well as comments on other articles on this site have come off as very hostile. In your orignal comment on this article your very first statement accuses Chief of setting out all of these rules with out it being a discussion with his sub. When in the article he makes it very clear they had a discussion. Also that this is only a sample of possible rules and that every dynamic is not the same so for each to have a discussion and make it their own. You further proceed to assume that your comment will be deleted just because you disagree. Further more as you disagree you proceed to tell Chief he is misinforming the public with his writting. And clearly he is a Dom only using it to benefit his cock.
It is absolutely ok to disagree with someone but much better to do so in constructive fashion. You said absolutely nothing constructive. For example if you missed the part where he said how important it was to discuss the rules a constuctive comment would be you stating that and how you feel it is really important and why. If you felt the rules he list were too porn related you could have offered some alternatives. Similarily if you felt there needed to be more rules to better the sub again you could have listed some examples.At the end of the article he welcomes comments of other types of rules and now he has commented again welcoming you to give your own rule examples.
Your assumption you would be deleted and he was only using it for his benefit are just that assumptions about someone from their writting. ( Assume makes and ASS out of U and ME)
I am amazed at how surprised you are that you were met with similar hostility that you provided in your comment by readers that have found this site very helpful.
Again Disagreeing with someone is 1000% okay but doing it with out offering any type of constructive critisim or alternative suggestions is the sign of someone who is not very articulate or in control of their emotions.
… either you didn’t read his article carefully and just skimmed it, which resulted in you completely missing a lot of the info that you claimed he “didn’t write” or should have wrote a certain way (even though he DID include the info you claimed he didn’t and DID write the points a certain way, which again you claimed he didn’t, and everyone else except you can clearly see that you’re mistaken on). But the proof is literally right there in the article, which you WOULD have seen IF you had actually read it, and that’s why everyone else here can only come to the logical conclusion that you didn’t read it. Because nowhere in your initial comment did you make any point that was counter to his article, because those points you claimed he didn’t make were ALREADY right there in his article. So you were basically arguing the same point he had originally made, which was totally redundant but ok.
OR you’re lying about having read it, OR you read it but for some reason you didn’t understand it… either way you’re the one who made the erroneous claim while everyone else can clearly see why your claims are wrong in the first place (hence why they were trying to tell you to read it again, because it’s a very reasonable and logical conclusion on their part that you didn’t read the entire article since you obviously missed some parts of it, or didn’t understand it somehow).
You claimed you read/understood something he wrote but the proof that you DIDN’T actually read/understand it is very clear from your obvious false claims. People were simply trying to inform you on why your claims were wrong but you refused to listen and instead continued to argue with them in a very hostile/hateful tone and manner. Then you acted all confused about why you were being called hateful/hostile? Bruh. Make it make sense.
By that point when you later continued to argue with others it looks like you were being willfully obtuse/stubborn and tried to gaslight and project your way out of the corner your false claims had backed you into. But it clearly didn’t work out for you because eveyone can see you were either majorly confused or you were attempting to gaslight and project.
And if you still don’t see where you went wrong, then I’d get yourself checked out by a professional. Either your vision needs checking, or your reading comprehension is faltering, or your ability to reason and logic needs checking. Because it’s clear the math is not mathing for you somehow, even though everyone else who read the article can do the math.
submission is great,righ?
I added some key words like whenever I say the word “strawberry” she has to sit on my face or with the word “apple” she has to put mi dick in her mouth and now when she is out doing groceries in the fruit section and she sees strawberries she would remember what she was feeling in our session.
I love that!
Very informative and incisive
My fiance and I both took a BDSM test and both turned out to be subs. Can a sub become Dominant. We are wanting to add BDSM to our relationship. Would this work out
Yes. Don’t base your relationship on what an online test tells you. They are just for fun. Ask yourself what YOU want your relationship to be like, then do that. Do either of you WANT to be dominant? Then it’ll work. If you don’t, then it won’t.
Thank you Chief. It is difficult to find realistic and detailed descriptions and information on this subject.
My problem is I am unable to find a Dom who truly is and not lying about it to get me into his bed.
I appreciate you.
Thank you so much, this was incredibly helpful. It was also enlightening to figure out why my past D/s relationships may not have been the most fulfilling for myself or my partner. You have excellently described and drawn a great road map.
Thank you for having all this information for beginners as this is a new venture for us. Great help to start off on the right foot.
This Article is very useful and sparks inspiration. Great read, thank you! I will check out more of your writings.
I am trying to explore this lifestyle but all goddess and mistress discussions I’ve had they demand a tribute ranging from Visa cards or pay pal payment it is making me very suspicious I need advise please
My partner/sub and I have been re-establishing our dynamic since having our daughter last year, and I actually found this very helpful since I’ve been trying to think of ways to come up with more structure to our D/s dynamic in a way that she gets into it.
Thanks Chief!