What on earth are forced orgasms? Why do some couples partake in this practice? And how can YOU introduce it into your relationship?
Far from what the name might suggest, forced orgasm play is all about consensual control, amplified sensations, and the deep trust between partners. This guide breaks down the appeal, the techniques, and the essential boundaries that make forced orgasm play a safe and thrilling experience.
Whether you’re new to BDSM or looking to add a new dimension to your play, here’s everything you need to know about exploring forced orgasms.
What is a forced orgasm kink?
Forced orgasms involve one partner (typically the dominant) controlling the other’s orgasms, often by stimulating them repeatedly or keeping them at the edge of climax.
While the term might sound intimidating, in the BDSM context, forced orgasms are always consensual. Both people in the dynamic have agreed that the idea of forced orgasm turns them on and they want to try it.
Why do people enjoy forced orgasms?
The submissive partner generally enjoys their partner taking control. Controlling when and how they get to orgasm is one expression of this control.
(Note: That doesn’t mean everyone into dominance and submission or BDSM enjoys forced orgasm play. Always ask your partner first).
Forced orgasm play can also intensify physical sensations. As an example, after someone has orgasmed once, their clitoris or penis is usually much more sensitive. Continuing to play with those parts post orgasm dances the line between pleasure and pain.
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For some it is way too much. I, for example, can’t stand someone stroking me after I’ve ejaculated once – it’s just too sensitive. But for others they relish in the sensitivity. The mental arousal they feel from their partner controlling their body is more pleasurable than the pain they feel from continued stimulation.
That said, forced orgasm doesn’t always mean pain. I’ve met plenty of women (and some men) who are able to have multiple orgasms in a row. For them it is all pleasure, and they can keep going until they feel physically exhausted.
Even then, having a partner continually make them orgasm can be highly arousing if they love being ‘forced’ to (consensually of course – see my article on the CNC kink).
Different approaches to forced orgasm play
Every person’s body and preferences are different, so forced orgasms can take various forms depending on anatomy, comfort, and interests.
Here are a few common ways people explore forced orgasms in a BDSM setting:
- Power play with restraints and vibrators. The dominant partner may restrain the submissive while using a vibrator to repeatedly bring them to climax. This setup can amplify the feeling of surrender and heighten sensory experiences.
- Edging and orgasm control. Some partners prefer a lighter approach where the dominant partner decides when or if the submissive can reach orgasm, building anticipation through edging or orgasm denial. I’m not entirely sure orgasm control and edging is strictly forcing an orgasm, but it’s in a similar area.
- Role-playing scenarios. Forced orgasms can also be part of role-play scenes involving authority figures or other imaginative scenarios, adding a playful or intense dynamic to the experience.
How I use forced orgasms in my dynamic
I like to combine all of these approaches.
I restrain the sub (often using under the bed restraints), and then apply a wand vibrator. I use it until my sub reaches a 9/10 on the arousal scale. Then I back off for 60 seconds, and repeat. This happens for several rounds until I finally allow my partner to orgasm. Post orgasm I may keep applying the vibrator to ‘force’ her to have additional orgasms, or just to make her feel the extreme sensitivity.
Another approach I take is using my fingers for a vaginal orgasm. I stroke the A-spot and G-spot hard which can result in squirting (but not orgasm), then back off. I continue this pattern, sometimes adding in clitoral stimulation as well to produce an orgasm.
All of this depends on the partner you are with, how their body works, and what they enjoy.
And once again I will stress that the person I’m playing with has consented to being ‘forced’ to orgasm. I am not trying to make someone who doesn’t want to orgasm do so.
How does a forced orgasm feel
For many, forced orgasms begin with pleasure but can build into intense sensations as sensitivity increases.
This level of stimulation can feel euphoric, yet might also become overwhelming.
This balance between pleasure and overstimulation is part of the appeal, but it’s crucial to communicate openly and check in often with each other.
As mentioned above, each of your play partners will experience (and want to experience) different things.
Case Study: Bringing up forced orgasm play with a partner
Taylor and Jordan have been dating for about a year and have dabbled in various forms of kink, such as spanking and mild restraints. Taylor recently became interested in forced orgasm play after reading about it online and wants to bring it up with Jordan. Taylor isn’t sure how to introduce the idea without making Jordan feel pressured or uncomfortable.
Taylor’s goal is to discuss forced orgasm play in a way that emphasizes fun, boundaries, and mutual enthusiasm, ensuring that Jordan feels comfortable and excited about the possibility.
Step 1: Open the door with a lighthearted question
Taylor decides to start with a playful and open question, like, “Hey, I’ve been thinking about different ways we can add some variety to our play. What would you say to try something a little intense but in a really fun, connected way?”
Opening with a question like this gives Jordan the chance to react without any pressure. It allows Taylor to bring up forced orgasm play based on Jordan’s openness.
Step 2: Introduce forced orgasm play in a relatable way
When Jordan shows interest, Taylor introduces the concept more directly but keeps the tone light. They might say, “I read about something called ‘forced orgasm’ play. It’s where one partner is in control of the other’s pleasure and tries to push them to the edge–sometimes more than once. It’s about both of us being totally present, with me focusing on your pleasure or vice versa.”
Emphasizing that forced orgasm play is about “focused pleasure” and being present together can make it feel exciting and connective rather than intimidating or overwhelming.
Step 3: Reassure and discuss boundaries
Taylor then reassures Jordan by talking about the importance of boundaries and consent, adding, “Obviously, something like this would be all about what we’re both comfortable with. We’d have clear boundaries, and if we tried it, we’d definitely have safe words. I’d love for this to be as fun and safe as possible.”
Making safety and boundaries part of the initial discussion signals to Jordan that this isn’t about crossing any limits but about building on their trust and intimacy.
Step 4: Offer to explore together, without pressure
To make it clear there’s no pressure, Taylor could say, “If it sounds intriguing, maybe we could try it sometime in a low-key way, just once, to see how it feels. But if it’s not your thing, I totally understand! I just thought it might be something fun we could explore together.”
Presenting it as a “low-key trial” shows that Taylor is open to testing the waters rather than making it a staple of their play, which can help Jordan feel more comfortable exploring it.
Outcome
By gradually introducing forced orgasm play, framing it as an opportunity to connect deeply, and emphasizing consent and boundaries, Taylor creates a safe environment for Jordan to consider and explore the idea without pressure. This approach makes it clear that Taylor’s interest is about mutual enjoyment, giving Jordan the space and autonomy to decide if they’re interested.
Aftercare: Why it matters after forced orgasm play
After an intense experience, many people need aftercare to process the physical and emotional effects. Forced orgasms can lead to a phenomenon called “sub-drop,” where one or both partners feel emotionally drained after the adrenaline and endorphins wear off.
Read Sub Drop: A Comprehensive Guide to Sub Drop in BDSM.
Aftercare helps with these effects and can include things like cuddling, drinking water, or talking about the experience.
Case study: Planning aftercare following forced orgasm play
Lily and Jake tried forced orgasm play for the first time. While they enjoyed it, both felt physically and emotionally spent afterward. They’d planned ahead, knowing the intensity might lead to subdrop, a feeling of emotional exhaustion that can follow a BDSM scene.
They did the following:
Plan and set up a comfort zone: Before starting, they discussed aftercare needs, setting up a calm space with blankets and water. Jake made sure Lily felt comfortable, which helped her unwind.
Physical care first: After their scene, Jake offered Lily water and a snack. This helped them both recover from the physical strain of the play.
Emotional check-in: Once relaxed, Jake and Lily talked through their experience, sharing what felt good and acknowledging any vulnerability that came up. This open dialogue allowed them to connect and feel reassured.
Positive reinforcement: Jake expressed his appreciation for Lily’s trust, reinforcing the positive aspects of their play and suggesting they check in the next day to ensure they both still felt good about the experience.
By prioritising aftercare, they both felt grounded, connected, and ready to explore new experiences in the future.
FAQ: Forced Orgasms in BDSM
Is forced orgasm safe?
Yes, as long as it’s practiced with consent, clear communication, and safe words. Always discuss boundaries and comfort levels before starting.
Does forced orgasm hurt?
Not necessarily, but repeated stimulation can become intense or overstimulating. Use a pain scale or stoplight system to monitor each other’s comfort.
What do I need to start?
You don’t need elaborate equipment; a vibrator and comfortable restraints are common tools. Or just use your hands! Start simple, and add new elements gradually.
How do I talk to my partner about trying it?
Honesty is key. You might say, “I’ve read about forced orgasms, and it sounds intriguing. Can we talk about trying it together?” Read the case study above for an example.
Can forced orgasms cause physical side effects?
Most people don’t experience long-term side effects, but over time, overstimulation can cause temporary soreness or fatigue. Aftercare helps to ease these sensations.
Any other tips?
Yes! Forced orgasms can be enhanced using psychological dominance elements such as dirty talk. If you’re into CNC then you might say “Don’t even think about struggling or I’ll just keep torturing you for longer”. If you have more of a Pleasure Dom dynamic, then saying something like “I can’t wait to make you come over and over until you’re spent” might go down well.
Concluding this guide on forced orgasms
Forced orgasms can be an exciting part of BDSM play, offering unique ways to experience pleasure, trust, and surrender. With the right communication, planning, and care, you and your partner can explore this powerful experience safely and enjoyably.
Here are some takeaway points:
- It is consensual control: Forced orgasms involve one partner controlling the other’s pleasure, bringing them to climax (or the edge of it) repeatedly. The excitement lies in consensual control–one partner giving up control, and the other carefully directing the experience.
- Why people enjoy it: Many find this play enticing because it heightens sensations and can balance pleasure with overstimulation. For some, the psychological aspect of surrender or dominance is just as thrilling as the physical sensations.
- Popular techniques: Common approaches include using restraints and vibrators, edging (keeping the submissive near orgasm without climax), or incorporating role-play elements to add an imaginative layer.
- Start the conversation: Open the topic with curiosity and no pressure, like “Would you be open to exploring something intense together?” Emphasise boundaries, safe words, and that it’s all about mutual enjoyment (see Taylor and Jordan’s example in the case study).
- Remember aftercare: Aftercare is crucial post-play, especially after an intense scene, to manage any emotional or physical “come down” (like sub-drop). Cuddling, hydration, and open conversation can help both partners feel connected and grounded.
- Safety and starting simple: Start with minimal equipment (like a vibrator or even just your hands), and always check in to respect comfort levels. Forced orgasm play can be enjoyable and safe with clear communication, safe words, and mutual consent.
Now go out there and give it a go!
