Domming someone remotely isn’t easy. Sometimes you just can’t think of any new ideas of what to text them.
This list should help you out. I’ve tried all of these messages and had great results.
Before you dominate your girl via text I must preface this article by saying you will only get a positive reaction if the person you are sending them to has AGREED to a D/s dynamic with you.
Do NOT send these to a woman you’ve been on one date with and think she might be into it. It’s the fastest way to be blocked and potentially have a sexual harassment case brought against you!
Dom and sub dynamics only work once consent has been given. Within a Dom/sub arrangement, a text message which prior to would be considered sleazy, rude, creepy, pushy, aggressive and misogynistic can become sexy, enticing, arousing, dominant and a huge turn on after consent; when your sub trusts you and knows you have both of your best interests at heart. Read up on how to be a good Dom if you are unsure what I mean.
Oh, and dominant commands are slightly different than submissive rules. Learn more in my Submissive Rules: A Complete Guide to Setting Rules for Subs (with Examples) article.
Disclaimers out of the way, let’s get stuck into seven dominant commands you can send your sub woman over text.
1. Write a note and put it in your panties
Morning, Kitten. Grab a small, square piece of paper and a pen. Daddy’s got a job for you. Write “I am always a good girl for my Daddy” on the paper, fold it up, and wear it in your panties today for me. Don’t remove it until I text you later.
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Change the language to suit your dom sub dynamic, but the principle stays the same. I love this one because it encompasses many different aspects of submission.
Firstly, you are making her write an affirmation – “I am always a good girl for my Daddy”, or something that highlights her submissiveness to you. Decide if you want to help her grow (use a positive affirmation) or want to turn her on (use a sexual affirmation).
Need some ideas on what to get her to write? Here are a few:
- I’m a good pet for my Master
- I’m a good little slut
- I’ve been a bad girl and deserve to be punished (this is a great one if you have a sub who loves being disciplined and are seeing her later that day to dish it out. Make her wear the paper as a reminder of what’s coming)
- I will suck my Master’s cock for twenty minutes whilst he watches TV
- I am an obedient servant to my Master
Secondly, she is having to write the text out. If she identifies as a little she’ll love this task, and may even slip into littlespace as she decides what colour pen to use.
2. Wear a butt plug shopping
You need more anal training to serve me better. Wear a butt plug whilst grocery shopping today. Text to a photo to prove you are wearing it.
Wearing a butt plug at home or in public is taboo, which makes it incredibly hot. As your sub walks around she’ll constantly have that feeling of fullness, reminding her how wonderful it’s going to feel when you take her. It’s also a great way to train your sub for anal sex.
I recommend buying a set of training butt plugs and start with the smallest one. Don’t command her to shove in the biggest right away. Ease her into it.
I also recommend butt plugs with t-shaped bases, not round. They are designed for comfort and to be worn for longer periods of time.
Anal training takes a while, but it’ll be worth it, I promise.
3. Make her drink her water
I want you to drink 5 tall glasses of water by 6pm today. Send me a photo of you refilling the glass each time.
“Water!? That’s not sexy” I hear you cry.
Not all dom sub interactions need to be sexual you know. As a Dom, you might also like to use your persuasive powers for good. You could help her be more healthy by eating more vegetables, ban her from sugary drinks, or make her go to the gym three times a week.
Caution: Because these are non-sexual tasks she may be a bit startled if you text her this out of the blue. Only text something like this if you know she enjoys a non-sexual D/s dynamic, and you’ve discussed your boundaries together.
4. Make her wear your favourite outfit
When you meet me tonight for dinner I want you to be wearing the black tattoo choker you know I like, your red, short skirt, and a black long-sleeved poloneck tucked in to it. No panties in case I need easy access to you.
You’re meeting her for date night. Why not spice up the evening by requesting she wears the outfit she looks hottest in to you. She won’t need to stress about what to wear to look nice for you (some subs find making decisions very stressful so make it easy for her), she’ll be turned on by dressing up for you, and you’ll enjoy how gorgeous she looks.
Sparks will fly.
5. Choose her clothes for the day
Send me photos of three tops you like. I’ll pick which one you wear today.
Similar to choosing her full outift but slightly easier. You’re a bloke, you may not have been paying much attention to all the clothes she owns. This is a way to dom her remotely without knowing the inner workings of her wardrobe. She narrows down the choices, but you have the final say.
Make sure the top you choose is practical for the plans she has that day. In other words, don’t make her wear a top that puts her boobs out there for everyone to see if she’s going for a family lunch.
6. Orgasm denial
Starting today, and for this entire week, your orgasms belong to me. No coming without asking me if you can play with yourself first. Understand, little girl?
Denying her orgasms is a form of punishment. If she plays with herself regularly this’ll be tricky for her! The benefit of doing this is that when you do finally meet up, she’ll take out all her pent up sexual frustration on you and you’ll have amazing sex and she’ll come extra hard (read about giving her more intense orgasms).
One of the hottest things a sub has said to me: “Daddy, I’ve got something to tell you. I couldn’t help play with myself yesterday. I got too squirmy thinking about you.” Naturally I gave her several hard spanks for her lack of discipline (she asked me to in fact!) but her owning up was so sweet yet sexual it was a massive turn on.
7. Kneeling, mouth open selfie
Get on your knees and take a photo of yourself looking up at the camera, mouth open, tongue out. I want to imagine what I’ll be fucking later. You have two hours.
Send this at a random time of the day for maximum effect. She’ll be whisked out of the everyday and plunged into submissive mode. And the time limit amps up the pressure to serve you. If she’s at work she’ll have to sneak off to the bathroom to snap a pic, and if she’s home alone you may even get a naked selfie back.
You can make her send you a photo of whatever position you want, but make it a practical one that is achievable.
More examples of dominant text messages?
So there you have it. Sending dominant text messages commanding your sub is a lot of fun, and can keep the spice alive in a D/s relationship when you can’t be together.
There are hundreds of messages you could send, and I’m sure you’ve got some great ones, dear reader. So leave me a comment below with the hottest command you’re sent as a Dom or received as a sub.
Psst: I’ve written a whole other article with some more kinky, dirty text messages you can send your sub. Go check it out.
these are extremely misogynistic why does the sub have to be the woman? like why was it automatically assumed to be a woman😐
Thanks for the comment.
The sub doesn’t have to be a woman. D/s dynamics come in all flavours. On my website I typically refer to the Dominant as a ‘he’ and the submissive as a ‘she’ for two reasons: the site was originally set up to chronical my dating experiences as a man dating women—as a man I know D/s dynamics with the Dom being a man better; and for ease of writing style, not having to write he/she every time.
But there are plenty of women who are Doms (Dommes) who read the site, engaged with male subs. Many of the principles I discuss can be applied no matter what style of D/s dynamic you are in.
I also am a strong proponent of consent. As mentioned in the article, I specifically say to only send these to someone who you are in a consenting D/s dynamic with. You are absolutely correct that they would not be received well by someone who hasn’t consented. And there are plenty of Fake Doms who do exhibit misogynistic behaviour—another reason I created this site was to highlight this to help people avoid them.
The final point I would like to make is that a healthy D/s dynamic is about two (or more) people choosing to engage in a power play—the key word here being choosing. This is not about gender, or one gender looking down or another. It’s about consensually agreeing to roleplaying a differential in power in a way which both people benefit. Some women and some men enjoy the experience of being dominated physically, not having to make decisions, and being take care of—this may be for a variety of reasons, but often it is because they get a sense of satisfaction helping others, find it relaxing, and often arousing.
I completely understand D/s may not be for you, and wish you the best of luck in whatever style of relationship you choose to pursue.
As a switch I had absolutely no doubt that this article was written to apply to both men and women. When I read articles be women they write from the woman’s perspective. Why can’t a man do the same. Women who want equal rights shouldn’t demand men go above and beyond to prove they aren’t misogynistic. That is easily determined by looking at them in their entirety. It couldn’t have been more clear that this isn’t the case with this man. Everything he rights exudes thoughtfulness for a submissive and it goes without saying that the submissive could be a man. But as a man it’s only natural to write from that perspective. Good grief….
I love this site, I don’t find it misogynistic. In fact in many places Chief makes every effort to show why D/s is not an aspect of misogynism, and write paragraphs to denote the importance of A/gender inclusivity. It’s not hard to just switch the gender in your mind, and I say this as a lesbian Domme with a non-binary partner.
People are allowed to speak from, and express from the basis of their own lived experience, rather than from a place that caters to *your* potential future experiences.
Ooh, I’d love to speak with you more about being a lesbian domme because I myself am one, and would really like and also appreciate some conversation, feedback, etc
Chief…I’m new to the Dom life and would love some help…my new girlfriend is a brat and I would like some help becoming what she deserves..
I have this problem too Chief
This will not always work it depends on what kind of sub you have.my girlfriend for example had to learn to trust me before I could use restraints and even now she pushes buttons to test me which I enjoy.you have to show her that you can control her.that you can stay calm and collected when she does act like a brat.i use a punishment and reward system for mine.i don’t know if this help or if you understand what I was trying to say but I hope it helps.
What kind of punishments do you dish out? And when and how do you deem them appropriate? I feel like I can keep it calm and collected when she’s being a challenging brat to deal with and what not just fine. But I’m definitely new to this also and don’t want to fuck this up lol. She’s very receptive to my responses and I can usually think of something to say. I just don’t know how to or when to punish her. We are still figuring out our dynamic, and I will figure out what works for the both of us. I’m open to any insight or suggestions tho. Thanks
It always throws me off when “misogyny” is brought into anything like this. Personally, I like my man when he’s playing the Dominant role to be a bit misogynistic; but I personally have also never had that feminist mind set. I just find it odd that the OP of this comment called YOU a misogynist for what? Not writing your 7 tips in a ‘man to woman/woman to man’ format? That’s confusing. They are tips. Use your imagination, a tip isn’t a “say this word for word” type thing.
Yeah. I was looking for femme-Dom commands bc I’m thinking about making my friend my sub 🤣
Because its nature Caren 🙃
Prejudice much?
All the examples listed can be used on anyone. Use some common sense.
The note idea is inspired, but I find the article as a whole is far too male-centric. The “You’re a bloke” line was particularly presumptuous. For a top quality article I’d suggest using gender neutral terms and avoiding mentions of genitalia.
If he is writing from his perspective, then it’s going to be just that. D/s isn’t specific to any gender or preference, but in his relationship it is between a male and a female, or at least people who identify as such. Most of us want to read about another’s experiences from their point of view, not something over edited into new speak to the point of being incomprehensible.
Thank you! Like why are people telling others how to edit their experience?
Dude – awesome suggestions. Why the transgenders below are even searching for and reading this article is beyond me… and then getting offended? It’s laughable. The world needs more confident and dominant men, and ideas like these are part of the training. As you note, it’s only with consent. Male confidence and leadership in relationship is part of male/female polarity, and sorely lacking in today’s “me too” paranoid world. I don’t care what the whiners say … keep up the good work!!
Ew shut up, Dave. Back in your archaic box.
You, your sexism, and your transphobia are not welcome in this space nor any other kink space.
Confidence and leadership forms part of the directional-guiding/ open-recieving polarity. This deeply rooted psychological dynamic exists pre gender, is not inherently tied to any gender, and in many ways transcends a persons understanding of gender, relating to deeper, integral senses of who they are.
Disengage your gross transphobia and sexism from our beautiful, unfurling sexual dynamics of dominance and submission, you wet fucking flannel of a man.
Keep up the good work I enjoy all of it and I see it from the writer’s perspective as if I read something from a lesbian or also a transgender or somebody else of some other letter of the alphabet I don’t have any problem with that I like learning about things that I can apply to my situation I believe people that are of the LGB QT and whatever Plus can learn from the same material just apply a little bit differently if you’re saying hold your mouth open so I can stick my member in there you can also say hold your mouth open and stick your tongue out now left up right LOL keep moving your tongue same thing people need to get over the gender thing we’re all male and females and we are all beautiful human beings stop hating and just love each other and by the way I am a straight male married and I have a FWB.
I’m appalled by what I just read here. Holy shit.
hey so this boy wants me to be his Dom on snapchat only for 5K a month but I have no idea how to be a Dom and what to say. someone help??
Is he nigerian?
So how is it going? How did you start?
Good Evening and Greetings from Germany!
First of all I want to thank you for these great articles of yours, especially for this one. I don´t see my sub very often cause she is far away from me and this stuff helps me a lot. Of course I could give her tasks and training via. What´s App or Video Call but I don´t want it to be this one sided. Any Idea how I could give something back to her?
yeah.. give her attention, give her something to think about and don’t punish her too long by holding it back thinking its one sided. My dom been holding back and its frustrating me a lot as i don’t come without his permission and not been asking for it either as I like him to initiate it as that excites me more. i am new at this. i await further instruction.
Want to learn an find out more I’m a don an have a male sub
My Daddy sends text like some of those above. I do like it.
Anything else he sends you like that.im a dom with a long distance sub and I need some tips to give her a better experience.i want to do right by her she means the world to me and I love her,she deserves the best I can give her.
So one time I had a fun story with a girl I was going to meet up with in a week or two and had been doing stuff over text (woo college life). We used Snapchat so I could ask for snaps whenever and also know if a text had been read. For context she’s also a brat and was exploring pain. This instance she had been sending a few photos with some attitude to them. I.e want to see breasts and she’s covering them with middle fingers up. Cute, funny, but clearly, not the right idea, so I asked for one of her naked and she said no, just out of being a brat. I gave the text “every minute I wait, will be a minute spent in an impact play session when I visit” she looked, and then a minute after I saw she read it, “One.” I texted the minutes past, and it took her 8 minutes but I got my photo. And she got her 8 minutes of flogging. So you can even create a sense of urgency as long as you’re both in a situation to respond to texts quickly.
I love this idea, Phil. Thanks for sharing. Being a dominant in a long distance or remotely is tough, and it’s being creative like your idea that keeps the spark alive.
I do this for various things. My sub likes to talk and I am very clear about the time that I need to be off the phone. I am not going to interrupt him when he is talking. I do give warning like we have 5-15 minutes left this evening before bed (depending on when I can break into the convo) is there anything you truly want to add before we say good night? Every minute over the bedtime hour is a punishment and oh the fun I have keeping him guessing of just what that means. I will say it hasn’t been spanks/flogs yet. That’s expected and I like keeping him on his toes -chuckles-
what are the things I can make my sub do over a chat?? Any suggestions, I’m a female dom btw.
I have my sub masterbate every morning and before she cums she has to say out loud, “sir, I want to come”, I give her blanket permission to cum at that time, then she has to text me afterward with the message, “Sir, I came for you.” It’s also part of me training her to be louder and controlling her orgasms…I look forward to the morning texts.
My sub is a guy and he was so innocent and had a past experience about being a sub and what can I do for him to forget it?
The past is the past. You cannot make someone forget it. You can only help them overcome it for whatever it is. There is no right way or wrong way; it is what works for your sub and you in building your dynamic. Remember it all starts with trust. Without that you’re going to be on shaky ground that may crumble. Be patient and help him get past whatever it is.
As a first time dom at 18 years old, I was new to this. This article has helped me in a lot of ways. Keep up the good work.
I am new to dom and I want ways to write to sob so is there any Examples or ways to start talking with her
You will be dressed in the maids outfit nothing else waiting on your knees for me to walk in and take my shoes off and undress me out of my everyday clothes and help me slip into something more comfortable and tell me the bad things you have done today and be expecting me to spank you and tie you up for being a bad sub
Write my name on a piece of paper and tape it around a cucumber. Take a photo or video of you sucking the cucumber with lots of drool and slobber
Switch, Primarily Dom, in tapks woth a potential Sub and doing ALOT of research do i dont crash and hurn.
I love the first suggestion as it is similar to something i have done both with myself and with a past sub. I used to have a document full of questions i would ask her, rolling a die for which question randomly throughout the day. Definitely going to recommend this as a potential task in future dynamics.
Hi, I’m a newbie, female domme and my partner is a male sub. I don’t know how to talk to him when we’re playing. Help!
im a bratty sub and have a twitter profile and i love using your writing to let people know what we are all about thank you
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