5 Things You May Not Know About BDSM

5 things you should know about BDSM

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The world of kink and BDSM is massive. If you are new this can be both daunting and exciting.

There is so much to learn, and even more to un-learn.

To unleash your potential with powerplay dynamics, you must first let go of your pre-conceived notions about BDSM. The world is full of misconceptions regarding what goes on in leather-filled dungeons. 

Let’s look at things you may not know about BDSM to help you expand your view and unlock your kinky potential.

1. You don’t have to involve pain

When I first talk with people in my life about BDSM, their initial response is usually, “Sounds hot, but I’m not into pain”.

This was my initial reaction to BDSM as well. I thought that in order to be kinky, you had to get whipped like meringue. How unfortunate, I thought to myself, that I could never be cool enough to be kinky. 

It turns out, I’m not one for pain, and my Dom doesn’t like to dish out more than some swift spanks. This doesn’t stop our Dom/sub relationship from being full of kink. 

For our dynamic, we focus on service style submission and control. If I don’t do as I’m told, I get a gentle reminder before I’m cut off from the goods. 

There are more ways than pain to get someone to submit. Luckily, most of us kinksters are very creative. 

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There are also more senses to explore. Pain can be triggering for some. Instead of focusing on arousing the senses, your play could also focus on sensory deprivation. Things like blindfolds and restraints don’t need impact to be powerful and exciting.

2. You don’t need any fancy equipment to get started

One thing that was holding me back from getting started with BDSM was thinking that I needed fancy silk ropes, hot leather masks and fancy shoes. Those things can be fun and exciting, but they aren’t necessary. 

The one thing you absolutely need is your imagination. Having a creative mind that is constantly fantasizing will do your scenes wonders.

The Art of Submission. A course for beginner submissives

Beautifully crafted leather restraints become useless if there is no creative thinking behind the scene. 

Why does the sub need to be restrained? Why do I want to restrain them? What feeling am I trying to give through restraint?

The more you can explore the thinking behind your desires, the more your scenes will open up, no equipment necessary. 

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As a bonus, all that creativity will help your fancy equipment (like a custom spanking bench) shine should you decide to buy some.

3. Dom and sub dynamics are based on an equal partnership

Chief has stated this on the website many times.

However, in case this is your first article, you need to know that Dom and sub partnerships are between two equals. It is a prevalent misconception to think that the submissive has no power or say in the relationship. This is not the case.

Choosing to live or play out a Dominant/submissive dynamic does not mean that the submissive will submit without question. It does not mean that the Dominant gets to do whatever they want without repercussions.

Dominant and submissive dynamics are built upon a mutual agreement between two equal individuals. This agreement is allowed to change as the relationship does. 

The golden rule here is “your rights end where mine begin”.

Meaning, you can not decide what someone else will do, or be subjected to, without their consent. 

You can suggest things you would like, but that doesn’t mean that the other person must go along with it. Being a submissive doesn’t mean that they don’t have a say in how they will be treated. 

Consent is key in all relationships and an absolute cornerstone in D/s dynamics and play. Even if you are only meeting up for an evening, consent can not be ignored.   

4. Your dynamic can switch

There is no one size fits all D/s dynamic.

Individual dynamics can change over time. In some cases, the dynamic may change a couple of times in the same day!

Even if you knew us really well, you might not be able to spot the Dom in our relationship. I have what I call a “Dom in the streets, sub in the sheets” style.

My partner and I love that I am dominant when we are out. I order food for him, and he holds my bags wherever we go. But when we’re at home, the roles get subverted. We find it very exciting to flip things around. It’s our little secret and no one would guess! 

You might find that your dynamic changes with different partners as well.

One person might feel like your Master, but you can’t wait to command someone else around. Every relationship is different. 

Be willing to go with the flow. Even if you have only tried out one side before, you’re allowed to change over time and between relationships. 

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5. BDSM doesn’t have to include sex

As you are aware, BDSM can, and often does, include sex. The basics of BDSM are rooted in power dynamics and sensory play. You are allowed to explore those things without having sex. 

Our society can be a bit hyper-focused on sex, especially penetration. You can have your fantasies fulfilled without crossing into sexual territory. 

It is possible to explore a D/s dynamic where you don’t ever have sex or perform sexual acts if you don’t want to. 

You can explore things like edging and chastity cages, but your dynamic doesn’t need to involve getting off to be fulfilling. Sometimes you just want to get commanded around and get to that sweet, blissful subspace. 

Conclusion

The many preconceived notions around BDSM only serve to limit our creativity. Many of these judgements surrounding kink come from shame. When you unlearn these things over time, you get to explore boundless and untethered fantasy.  

Let us know, what things have you learned in your journey with BDSM?

The Art of Submission. A course for beginner submissives
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