Being collared sexually is when a Dom (dominant) collars a sub (submissive) to signal that the sub belongs to the Dom in some way. To what extent depends on agreed upon boundaries and the type of submissive you want to be in your BDSM relationship.
Collaring someone sexually is a BDSM practise done to highlight the power exchange that is taking place. The person who has relinquished control wears the collar as a symbol of their position. It’s a sign they are the bottom in the relationship.
Do I have to be collared sexually as a sub?
No.
When and if you want to be collared sexually is up to you.
Some submissives don’t care for it (and that doesn’t make you a bad sub), whereas others love the idea and can’t want to be presented officially with their collar during a collaring ceremony.
For example:
- Some subs may only want to wear a BDSM collar in the bedroom. A Dom would collar his sub before the start of the play session (referred to as a scene) to indicate from that moment on she must follow their agreed upon rules. Once the scene is over, the collar is removed.
- Other subs may want more 24/7 style of BDSM relationship, where they always wear a collar. Their Dom would collar them during a collaring ceremony when they have proved loyal and up to the task. From that moment on the sub would wear the collar. This is typically reserved for higher protocol Master/slave dynamics.
What types of sexual collar are there?
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Just because a Dom has collared his sub, it doesn’t mean they must wear the same one everyday.
Many choose different BDSM collars for different settings. You might wear a subtle lace choker as a day collar in public which goes with your outfit and wouldn’t draw unnecessary attention to yourself, but still holds significance for you and your Dom.
In private you might opt for a more conspicuous leather BDSM collar with the classic D-ring (for leash attachment). And during a BDSM scene you might were an even more restrictive collar, designed to only be worn for a short time.
The choice is up to you and your Dom (probably your Dom to be fair if you’re submissive ;)).
What’s the benefit of being collared sexually?
Wearing your collar should make you feel happy as a sub, knowing that you are pleasing your Dom, and that your Dom wants to own you, hence has taken the time to provide you with a collar.
If the ideas of being collared doesn’t excite you, that’s fine too. Just don’t include it in your dynamic.
Remember, Dom sub dynamics are supposed to be fun! You should create the type of relationship YOU want with your partner, and that both people have consented to.
Why are guys sexually aroused by collars?
Not all of them are! Some men are, some aren’t. Just like some women are, and some women aren’t.
Personally I do find collars sexually arousing. For me a collar:
- Reminds me of kink and powerplay, which I find exciting.
- Draws the eye to the neck, which is traditionally a sexual part of the body.
- Can complete an outfit, which makes the person appears sexier (wearing a sexy outfit has that effect).
- May indicate that the person is into BDSM, which makes them more appealing.
Is everyone who wears a collar into BDSM?
Absolutely not.
Thin collars and chokers have become a popular fashion accessory as fetish wear has bled over into mainstream fashion in recent years. Therefore you cannot assume that someone on the street you see wearing a collar is kinky.
There is no way of knowing why someone is wearing a collar without speaking to them.
That said, type of collar and context can give you clues.
For example, if you are at a BDSM munch or play party and someone is wearing a collar, you can most likely assume they are into BDSM and a submissive.
Concluding
So ultimately, what does it mean when a Dom collars a sub?
It means they trusts you enough to carry out your duties, and they are pleased with your ability to serve. For some this might be the highest honour, whilst for others it’s just a novel thing to try in the bedroom.
Either is fine.
I gave a collar to my sub last week. We are still working on some of the details as it was a surprise gift – one that I was fairly confident would be accepted in the way it was given. It was to be worn during our private time only. I was also clear within myself that if it was problematic in anyway for my sub, we would postpone, negotiate, or let slip away. The collar was a cheap but sturdy dog collar from a dollar store. It was a beginners item purchased with an eye t the future. I will use the collar as an acknowledgement of our movement forward along our chosen path. Next, hopefully without too much complication, we will identify the indicators we will be using to inventory our relationship and it’s progress. We will consider key spots for new and improved collars along the way. As the relationship grows, we will retire the old collars and together decide on the next one until we reach “the final collar.” I am beginning to keep my eye out for that ultimate goal of a collar already. I look forward to seeing a succession of collars on our playroom wall and the “final collar” around my sub’s neck.
An she will wind up like me, his little petgirl with a collar locked on an youell keep the key, karen
Im so glad I read this. I have several friends in this lifestyle and was having a hard time explaining exactly why a collar is so importaint and shouldnt be taken lightly. My friends Dom revokes the right to wear the day collar as a punishment to make his submissive feel insecure. This has helped me show his submissive how that isnt okay.
That’s such a cruel thing to do to a sub! I hope she’s listened to you and talked it over with her Dom.
For me, my collar is an incredibly important signifier of my Dom’s trust in me. I’d be broken if he removed it. It really shouldn’t be used as a method of punishment, in my view anyway. Thank you for looking out for your friend!