The world of BDSM and public kink is an exhilarating and often controversial realm that is continually subject to debate and exploration. From humorous incidents involving gimp suits at Shakespearean plays to the potential risks of engaging in public play, our latest podcast episode dives into these intricate and titillating topics.
The incident at Shakespeare’s Globe where a man in a full gimp suit attended a play in front of children and other theatre-goers sparked a flurry of reactions. The debate surrounding the appropriateness of this incident goes beyond mere shock or amusement. It’s an opportunity to discuss the power dynamics in public spaces and the fine line between expressing one’s kinks and respecting public norms.
Wearing a gimp suit to a public performance of Shakespeare is not appropriate, in my opinion. I have no idea the motives behind the stunt (advertising? Stag do? Dare? Sexual arousal), and it doesn’t really matter. A gimp suit is sexual in nature, and anyone of sound mind would be fully aware of its context and the impact it might have on others. I wouldn’t go to the theatre wearing a gym tank top – it isn’t sexual, but it just isn’t classy, and is a little too revealing.
But where is the line? When is it acceptable to wear tight-fitting yoga pants or to unbutton three buttons of my shirt rather than two? What about not wearing a bra? Or wearing incredibly short shorts as a guy that clings to your bulge and leaves little to the imagination?
The answer is…be sensible. Have a little think about what type of event you are attending and who will be there. If you are uncertain, that’s probably a sign that your outfit needs a rethink. And if you are going somewhere where non-adults are going to be present, think extra carefully.
The guy in the gimp suit was parading about outfit which has strong associations with sex in a public space where all ages were present and had not consented to it. Even if his motive wasn’t sexual gratifications, that’s a step too far. And if it WAS for sexual gratification, then yeah, that’s not on.
What public play is acceptable?
The most prudish in society would say absolutely no public play is acceptable.
I err more on the side of ‘public play is ok as long as no one else knows’, and no one else is being involved either knowingly or unknowingly.
Here are five examples of public play which you can get away with if you want to explore powerplay in public.
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1. Hidden wearables
Wear discreet sex toys out in public. These include:
- Weighted vaginal balls
- Remote controlled vibrators
- Butt plugs
- Rope dress
- Chastity devices
- Nipple or clit clamps
If public play excites you then building up a sex toy collection of the above items will serve you well. All of them can be worn under clothing and no one around you will be any the wiser.
The best thing about these toys is that you can use them even without a partner.
No Dom? No problem. Slip in an anal plug on your way to that coffee date or cinema trip with a friend for an extra thrill.
And if you’re a Dom, you don’t have to feel left out. As a female Dom all of the above still apply. As a male Dom the options are a little more limited, but I recommend giving a butt plug a go. Not only will it help you understand what anal sex feels like for your partner, but it feels pretty damn good and can make your orgasms stronger too.
Just beware of vibrating toys. They can be heard if the place you are going is quiet.
2. Visible wearables
Hidden wearables give you that physical pleasure. Visible wearables are less overtly sexual but represent your dynamic and leaning in a psychological way. Examples of visible wearables are:
- Day collars
- Jewellery that represents your role (ring, bracelet, necklace, etc.)
- Not wearing underwear
- Wearing your favourite lingerie
- Wearing an outfit that makes you feel a certain way (e.g. wearing a suit might make a person feel more Dominant)
None of these items seem out of place to an onlooker. They won’t offend anyone and won’t get you arrested (at least not in the UK). But they may still make you feel a certain way because of what they represent.
3. Everyday submissive or dominant acts
Not all dominance has to be overtly sexual. There are many everyday activities you can do either with a D/s spin that make them sexy.
Here are some examples.
- Whispering something dirty in their ear
- Sending them dirty text messages across the table
- Instructing them to go to the bathroom and remove their underwear
- Have them refill your glass of water when it’s empty
- Order food on their behalf at a restaurant
- Have them hold clothes for you in the changing room as you try on outfits
The last few on that list aren’t really sexual. But if you are in a Dom sub dynamic that can be incredibly arousing. And better yet, no one around you is going to know what you’ve just done is part of your powerplay.
4. Play with rules
I’ve written an entire guide about having rules in your Dom sub dynamic. Go and take a look at that article for a full breakdown.
But in summary, having a set of rules which a submissive should follow when you are out of the house is a sexy form of public powerplay.
Again, these can’t be overtly sexual. You can’t have a rule such as ‘whenever we are outside you must be naked’.
But you can have more subtle rules such as:
- You must always walk to my right
- You must not talk to anyone without my permission.
- You should hold my hand at all times.
- When wearing a skirt, you must either not be wearing underwear or have asked for permission to wear it ahead of time.
- When leaving the house I shall have full control regarding what you are wearing.
- At a restaurant, I will choose your food.
- For the next 30 minutes you should not speak until spoken to
- When outside you should be wearing your day collar.
- At work you must wear your O-ring jewellery as a reminder of our dynamic.
5. Trusting your Dom
The final piece of advice I can give aspiring submissives is to trust your Dom.
There can be a temptation when in public to challenge their thinking.
Perhaps you are trying to decide on an activity to do for the day. Your Dominant has come up with 2 ideas but you don’t like either of them. You don’t hate them, you’re just indifferent.
What should you do?
The question to ask yourself is, what’s more important? Doing an activity you really love, or depending on your dominant and submissive relationship.
What I mean by that is that by going along with what your Dom wants to do and not challenging it, you are purposely moving yourself into your submissive energy. It’s being in that energy that will feel good to you, rather than the pleasure of the activity. Doing any activity when in your submissive mindset will be somewhat pleasurable.
Likewise, by allowing your Dominant to lead you are boosting their confidence. They will be far less likely to take charge and lead in the future if they have historical evidence that when they make decisions you challenge them. They’ll be nervous of making the wrong choice.
So for those submissives out there who are wondering how to make their partner more dominant, the trick above is a must. You can give them confidence by subtly reassuring them they are doing great and that you like them to take charge by not criticising their decisions and choices constantly.
An example would be deciding what route to use when travelling to a destination. Does it really matter if you take the bus or train? One might take 15 minutes longer, but in the grand scheme of things, is that such a disaster? If that’s the route he or she has decided on, go with it.
I must caveat all the above by saying this isn’t an excuse for Dominants to be overly controlling or not take the submissive’s points of view into consideration.
For example, I wouldn’t choose to take my submissive to a steak restaurant if they were a vegetarian, even if I really loved steak. I’d choose a restaurant that we both would enjoy. I still make the decision, but I’ve factored in knowledge of my submissive’s likes and dislikes into that.
If your Dominant is making decisions with no consideration for your preferences at all, then that is not okay, and you should sit down and discuss it with them or terminate the dynamic.
Good read