E37: Professional Dominatrix Miss Mae Ling shares her secrets

Conversations with a Dom BDSM podcast

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Chief and Moineau chat with Miss Mae Ling, a professional Dominatrix living in Los Angeles. How did she come to be a pro Domme? What excites her most about her job? What tips does she have to help women feel more dominant? And what advice can she offer to couples who want to introduce dominance and submission into their relationship? Find out in this episode of Conversations with a Dom.

Warning: This episode contains a brief discussion of sexual assault at 3:53.

Find out more about Miss Mae Ling: https://missmaeling.com/.

Miss Mae Ling, a professional Dominatrix based in Los Angeles

Transcript

[00:00:00] Chief: Hello and welcome to another episode of Conversations with a Dom. We are joined today by Miss Mei Ling. Welcome, Miss Mei Ling. We’re going to call you Mei Ling from now on, but Miss Mei Ling is your official dominatrix title yes. Thank you. Thank you. You’re a dominatrix based in the US.

Tell us a little bit about yourself and your work. 

[00:00:45] Miss Mae Ling: I am based in Los Angeles and I travel quite a bit around the U. S. Started about four years ago doing this professionally with seven years of lifestyle experience before I went professional. And I think that was a very humbling route to build all of this.

Connection and beauty and then make money off of it to be like, okay, I’m centered and grounded and not just chasing the money. So I feel really grateful for that path. And yeah, it’s helped me so much with. My past traumas, not to say that it will heal your traumas or anything like that, but it has helped me in that sense and I just love to give back and really hold that space for others to do the same.

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[00:01:50] Moineau: That’s really nice. Have you always been on the dominant side then or have you played with submission? 

[00:01:58] Miss Mae Ling: I Actually started out with two years of submission, and it wasn’t until I was traveling around the world that people were like, Oh, can you try doing this to me? And I was like, yeah, sure. And of all places, it was actually Nepal um, that I actually really harnessed in my Dominant persona and built the confidence to play that role.

And now I’m just so much more comfortable being on the top side that I rarely ever submit now, but yeah. 

[00:02:39] Chief: What was it about Nepal? Oh 

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[00:02:42] Miss Mae Ling: my gosh, that was weird. I just, uh, found a lot of expats who are there backpacking and trekking around. So we kind of banded together and became weird kinky friends. I would host parties called no pants parties.

Everybody had to take off their pants, come in and like, we would just have dinner and chat and things would get weird. And I also met some locals there who I’m sure it was difficult to find this type of unique experience elsewhere or kind of be shunned about with their cultures and traditions.

So they found me off of FetLife and I would just host these unique experiences per se. 

[00:03:38] Chief: How amazing. How amazing. I’d love to, I’d love to go back to the, you mentioned you’re in the lifestyle for seven years before you became a professional dominatrix. I’m curious what led you into that lifestyle to begin with?

[00:03:53] Miss Mae Ling: How I got into lifestyle? Yeah.

Trigger warning slash a little backstory about me. I was raped at the age of 15 and that’s how I lost my virginity. 16, 17 held hostage by a family friend and sexually assaulted. And a part of me was kind of like, I kind of twistedly like this. And I felt I was, like, so messed up and nobody could understand me and I was broken.

And then fast forward a few years and I met somebody who was doing a rope workshop. And I was just like, this seems cool. This seems safe. There’s lots of people around and so I did that and I asked the woman who tied me up if there was more something along the lines of this and a couple days later, she took me to a dungeon and I was like a kid in a candy store.

I was like, wow, this is exactly what I want, but in like such a loving manner. What a beautiful, like, It’s the moment that clicked for me where I like found my tribe of like these are my people these are the people that I can trust and Then went on the healing journey and all of that. So yeah 

[00:05:20] Moineau: So did you play mainly in the dungeon space then to when you got started?

Was it like a like controlled settings like that? 

[00:05:28] Miss Mae Ling: A lot of play parties in the dungeon and then from there I would just connect with people and do individual things with those people as well. Yeah, so I was, and I kind of jumped in full force. The parties were only about every other week or so, or every week.

And I was going for every other day because I was just like, so in love with it. I was just like, this is my life now. 

[00:06:02] Chief: Amazing. It sounds like, so BDSM has, has helped you overcome some of those things in your past. Very much so. You’ve, it’s been a Yeah, a healing force in your life, I guess, from what, from 

[00:06:16] Miss Mae Ling: what you’re saying.

Yeah. It gave me a lot of perspective and self acceptance and just beauty for who I am and yeah. Stop being so critical and harsh on yourself. 

[00:06:34] Chief: Yeah. Amazing. Which is easy to say. Yeah. Yeah. A lot easier said than done. So you’re in, you’re in the, you kind of were doing this for, for many years. And then in Nepal, you, you suddenly were like, Oh, actually it’s people now want me to be the dominant one and dominate them.

And then you realized that you could turn this into a career. Is that, is that kind of the journey? 

[00:06:56] Miss Mae Ling: Yeah. In Nepal, someone had Basically set me up in like this really nice apartment and took me out and whatnot and showed me the country. That’s actually how I traveled. I just went around and went to all this.

PDSM kink parties, meet people and they would just like show me their country and I was like, this is incredible. aNd after four years of traveling, I went back home and I was just like, okay, I can’t work for anybody else. Like I don’t, I haven’t worked in four years. Like I’m not gonna. Do an office job.

And so I just looked up online to see if I could do what I was doing and make money off of it. And that’s when I started my business. 

[00:07:44] Moineau: That must have been incredibly difficult or it sounds incredibly difficult to get started. So how did you find the, I don’t know, the, the courage or the, the gumption to, to switch over and to make it into what you’re doing as a profession?

[00:08:02] Miss Mae Ling: I actually started out, I moved to Vegas because it’s close enough to LA, but not like and I was like, okay, I’m going to audition and be a dancer and we’ll see if I can get some lines that way from the club or something like that. And after the first day of auditioning at three different clubs. I was just like, Oh my God, I can’t do this.

This is not for me. You have to have such thick skin because people have so easy access to you and you’re hustling so hard to get people to pay. And I was just like, okay, I want like this barrier where people have to jump through my hoops to get to me. And so. A week later from that audition, I started my own website and ever since then, I never looked back.

Wow. Yeah. If you want it, you make it happen. 

[00:09:06] Chief: What do you like best about being a dominatrix?

[00:09:14] Miss Mae Ling: So many things. One is Just being celebrated for my authentic self um, attracting people who truly want to make my life better and happier. People who aren’t there to bring you down, but really support you and lift you. Yeah, it’s just given me such a complete different perspective on men specifically to help heal my past and stuff.

So, yeah, it’s given me so much color and freedom in my life to travel and do whatever I want and I love that so much that, yeah, I can just travel and be like, okay, next from January to February, I’m taking it completely off and I’m going to Asia, going to Thailand. And guatemala and Mexico to attend some circus training and these really hippie festivals to really broaden my mind and open myself up to unique and other experiences that I am not an expert in. And the ability to take time off and not ask and request that and not have to answer to anybody. feels really good.

It does, it 

[00:10:40] Chief: does. I’m sure all business owners can can relate to that one. Yeah. You mentioned that Your work has changed your perspective on men. I’m curious to hear more about that. 

[00:10:54] Miss Mae Ling: So, coming up with my past traumas, of course, I was very, you know, all men sack, they’re here, and they’re evil, and they’re trying to get something from you, blah, blah, blah.

Fast forward to having submitted. to men and feeling like they respected my boundaries. They listened to me. I felt heard and safe. And then to now where I am holding space for men to feel that the other side, right, where they trust me to. Really hold that space for them and to see them cry, you know, that is just so Special to see a man cry like sure women cry but to see a man cry, I feel like is so precious and So human and so lovely to be able to realize that everyone is so human and has these special emotions and to be the one that drew those emotions out from someone is like so powerful.

So yeah, it’s the complete opposite of what I viewed men to be previously. 

[00:12:29] Chief: Yeah. Yeah. That’s lovely because it might, you might be creating a space to allow them to do that, that they, they, they don’t have the opportunity to do anywhere. They don’t feel comfortable doing it in regular life as it were.

So that’s, that’s lovely. It sounds 

[00:12:45] Moineau: like your sessions are really special. So what type of things do you do, like, with the, with the submissive who comes to you? What does that look like? 

[00:12:57] Miss Mae Ling: I get a lot of beginners. So sometimes I have people who have never spoken to anybody about their kinks and fetishes before and I’m the very first person and to see them just Have this weight lifted off of them to be able to share and connect with someone It’s just oh so precious.

I just want to hug them Because they’re not alone, you know, and I think In the array of things that I do, which is a lot of things. So bondage, diapers, CBT, financial domination toilet. Yes, you can do all these activities, but it’s not about the activity. It’s about getting to the core thing. Even if they list, this is what I want to do in my activities.

I could do none of that and still make them cry because it’s getting to the core of how do you want to feel? And if you can get them to feel that way before, during and after, then everything else is just, you know, bonus points. So, yeah, and a lot of my clients have told me that I’m just. A, really easy to talk to and get to know.

There’s like a human sense to me, right? There’s not like a barrier or wall. I mean, there are once you jump through them, then you get the real me. And then after that for me, aftercare is really important. So it doesn’t matter how much time they’ve booked. I will not let them go until I feel like they are ready to.

walk out of here in a sense of like feeling re grounded and centered. Yeah. So I really hold that space and put an emphasis on making them feel accepted and heard as well. Because that’s what everyone wants in this world. Definitely. Lovely. 

[00:15:08] Chief: Yeah, you touched on something that I Fully agree with which it’s not necessarily the activities that you do.

It’s it’s the Structuring a scene in a way that gets them to feel the way they want to feel To make I think you said to their core. What what do you do? To to figure out what it is that they want to feel.

[00:15:33] Miss Mae Ling: Well, it’s pretty easy. I have a cheat sheet. It’s called my applications.

They have to fill out this application to book a session with me and under one of the main questions is how do you want to feel? Which of course they will just write whatever but in the moment once they meet me I asked them again has this changed because when you fill out a form and When you see them in person so many things Have happened in the time between, um, and on that day they could feel completely different.

And so it’s checking back in with them to see, how are you feeling in this moment? And another thing that I really like to do is ask them the same question three to four times. When you ask someone a question, they’ll give you a, whatever, this is just my answer. When you ask them the same question the second time, they’ll think about it a little bit more.

Third time, they’re like, okay, I can’t lie to her, like she clearly sees through me, and then they’ll give you the, whatever secret it is inside of them. 

[00:16:42] Chief: You laughed and said, Oh, I, you know, I asked them, I asked them effectively in their application process and it’s just interesting because how many regular couples have ever sat down and asked one another, how do you want to feel during play?

And I suspect 95 percent of people have not done that. So for anyone listening, that’s the, that’s the secret really. Figuring out how. What the other person wants to feel and it sounds like, you know, you’re doing exactly that. 

[00:17:11] Miss Mae Ling: All the other skills and all the other, you know, perks and ribbons and, you know, confetti of the skill set of the dominatrix, right?

Comes along after. All of that, because you can have all these skills. Oh, I can do bondage and mummify people and blah, blah, blah. But I’m like, what if that’s not what they wanted? And then you just like, flop. So, yeah. 

[00:17:42] Chief: It’s so true. And I see beginner doms who’ve, who are learning all these things and they’re like, Oh, yeah, I can do all these knots.

And he’s just like, okay, but You can do it in a really, really sterile way that, that just doesn’t translate. The energy is not translating into how, into the feeling. And so someone could be tied up by one person and by another, they could use exactly the same ties and it would feel totally different because it’s all about the energy of the person and, you know, bringing that to the scene as well, not just the activity.

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[00:18:17] Miss Mae Ling: There’s an art to getting someone out of their head, right, and making them feeling fully embodied. There’s an art to making time stand still and also as if it was endless, um, at the same time, where there is nothing else that matters but just the two of you.

And if you can do that, then, you know, everything else is just bonus. 

[00:18:48] Moineau: That’s really nice. I’m wondering how you have felt, like, as you’ve been doing it professionally. I assume that it’s really rewarding, but have you, like, projected into the future? Like, have you been affirmed in that decision that you made that you’re on the right track? Is this the place that you’ve come to that’s right? I definitely 

[00:19:12] Miss Mae Ling: feel like everything feels right right now. Everything feels like it’s meant to be and it’s what I want. I Feel like I’ve done a lot of. Meditation and self work.

And so I’ve been attuned with there’s a sense of, like, feeling agitated or antsy, right? Doing things that you don’t really want to do. And no, I quite enjoy everything that I do. And if there’s something I don’t want to do, I hire an assistant. To cover that admin side. But, yeah, everything just, it’s just so rewarding.

And there’s so many different aspects to the work that I do and that if I wanted to change, I could just do another aspect. So some have gone the educational route teaching other doms. Some go the. Online route where they just do clips and online sessions right now for me in particular, what I’m really called to is in person stuff.

Having done all the online stuff during the pandemic. I’m just like, give me human touch. I don’t want the human connection right now. So yeah, and that can change people go through phases, but knowing that there’s other avenues and whatnot. Also makes me feel a little less trapped, in a sense. 

[00:20:37] Chief: How does being a dominatrix affect your dating and relationships?

[00:20:41] Miss Mae Ling: So right now I have a partner, my primary partner, and he was my friend for seven years before we started dating. So he’s seen my journey across time of me being submissive, being dominant, and before I was even kinky. And so he’s really accepted me as, you know, me as a whole, me dating as a dominatrix.

Oh my gosh, people just want to quote unquote, put it under their belt as, Oh, I’m getting this for free and everybody else has to pay for it. Blah, blah, blah. And it’s so off putting because it objectifies. my work. It doesn’t make me feel seen or heard as an individual, but instead just somebody wanting something from me.

And so yeah, a part of me is kind of like, okay, do I tell people then? But it’s such a big part of me that I would not want to hide it at all. So I’m still navigating how to go about that. 

[00:21:55] Chief: I Mean, do you, do you engage in power play with your, with your current partner or is it, you know, a traditional relationship and you just save the power play for your work?

[00:22:09] Miss Mae Ling: would definitely say it’s an FLR, a female led relationship, but it’s a lot more of a, He’s kind of a brat when I’m trying to assert. And so like he’ll put up a challenge and I normally hate brats, but because it’s my partner, I’m just like, Oh, I respect you even more now because you’re standing up to me.

A little 

[00:22:38] Moineau: push and pull. 

[00:22:39] Miss Mae Ling: Yeah. Yes. And that’s what makes it more fun for me. But if a client were to come in and be bratty, I would just be like, I’m not the right dog for you. Interesting. Yeah. 

[00:22:54] Moineau: Special bratting privileges for partners. Yes. 

[00:22:59] Miss Mae Ling: Love it.

[00:23:02] Chief: What advice would you give to women who want to step into a more dominant role? Ooh, 

[00:23:13] Miss Mae Ling: first of all, I think the key thing in building up confidence is you can biohack yourself, look in the mirror and wear clothes that you feel really confident in.

And it doesn’t have to be, you know, the latex, the leather, the blah, blah, blah. That’s yeah. Sure. Media says this, but also if there’s a pair of shoes, there’s a pair of whatever that you feel really dominant in. Put that on and then stand in a mirror and do some power poses like standing straight up. Ballet has really helped me with this which is holding yourself in this upright posture and elongating everything and keeping your chin up and you know, putting your arms at your hips and whatnot, and just look at yourself in the mirror.

And if you cannot see a dominant person, then, or are working towards that, then wait until you do, and also put on like, sultry, sexy music, whatever music that makes you excited about. Dim down the lights or whatever. And then, from there, Practice it with yourself in the mirror. I love dancing by myself and looking myself in the mirror.

It’s kind of like self seduction, right? Self tease. And once you feel comfortable with that… Go ahead, bring in another partner, bring in another friend or whatever lucky sub and then try that out and you will see how easy it is to make someone kind of goon at you and they’ll just be like, wow, they’ll just fall head over heels for you.

Their jaw will be a gate, their eyes will just kind of glaze over and yeah, it’s really. The first step is always self confidence, though. And once you master that, everything else is far easier. 

[00:25:22] Chief: Are you tempted? Are you tempted to give AK? 

[00:25:24] Miss Mae Ling: I don’t know. 

[00:25:27] Moineau: Maybe, maybe once in a blue mood I could be possibly tempted had I worked myself up, get a nice playlist going, some powerful ballads definitely channel the Lady Gaga energy or something, I don’t know.

It’s not, dominance really isn’t for me, but I Do you like the idea of like biohacking yourself and I can see that being useful. I’ve done it occasionally where if i’m feeling In a low mood and I need to get myself energized and up and ready for work or something then it’s like put on a smile look myself in the mirror and be like You know, I’m happy today and I’m going to go out and smash it.

And even though I think that’s a lie that I’m telling myself, the fact that I’m saying it out loud, then I can just, you know, just fake it until I make it, right? Like that, that, what I’m telling myself then becomes true. So I can totally see that working. In terms of building self confidence for a dominant space.

Definitely. Yeah. I like that. 

[00:26:30] Miss Mae Ling: Definitely. And all of this doesn’t have to lead to being a dom. You can be a submissive and crush it in your business role. Right? So all of these things you can take along with you. outside of the realm of BDSM, right? So doing all of this and walking into a meeting and making people hear you and see you, it’s hot.

You can dominate the meeting room, but then when you come home, you know, you’re like, You don’t have to. 

[00:27:04] Chief: There’s definitely a market, I reckon, for teaching women how to dominate, corporate dominance. Yeah. 

[00:27:12] Moineau: Next, next book. Ready to go. 

[00:27:15] Miss Mae Ling: So many female led businesses nowadays. And I love that. 

[00:27:20] Chief: Yeah. A hundred percent.

Do you have any. Advice for couples who want to incorporate power play into their relationship, but again, they’re kind of, they know they’re probably both into it, but they’re not sure where to start. What advice might you give them? 

[00:27:39] Miss Mae Ling: First of all depending on their communication styles, that’s going to be a big thing.

Communication negotiations, all of that. And Some people kind of freeze up when you ask them a question, right? And so my key tactic is to have them individually journal. You write down one, like, on your own thoughts, so you’re not, like, kind of saying or doing whatever in response to the other, right? So this is your, like, own truth, your authentic desires.

What do you fear, what do you love, and what do you desire? Write all of those down, and then have the other person write it down. Take your time, there’s no rush, you can always go back and edit it. And then, come together. and talk about it. And again, if you’re nervous to talk about it, it’s already written down.

You can just read what you wrote or even just share each other’s journals. And I think that’s really beautiful. But once you have all of that there, You can see what you have in similar, or in common and from there you can work off of okay, this seems aligned with my blah blah blah, so how about we just focus on this, and we’ll continue on, try it out, and if it works out, maybe I’m more open and curious to trying other things Don’t ever pressure anybody into it.

That’s a no no. Always leave it open for curiosity. And just be patient with one another. And also be open with the idea of, Hey, I understand that this is not up your alley. How would you feel if I were to satisfy this from elsewhere? And it’s not a… You’re not a nothing. There should be no insecurities about that.

It should be like a, I’m happy for you and I’m happy that you. get to experience this with somebody else because I just don’t have the energy or the space or whatever, the skillset to do this for you. And more often than not, it just strengthens that couple. 

[00:30:07] Chief: So, yeah, I definitely, I definitely feel like it might just be because we discuss it a lot.

Non monogamy is becoming. In society, it feels like more people are into it than were, but I don’t know whether that’s just because it’s, it’s, it’s slightly more socially acceptable to talk about it now. I can’t, I can’t decide which it is. Yeah, it was a great tip about writing stuff down. There’s something really powerful about writing something and then it’s a lot easier to convey it to your partner.

In fact, we did this last night and it makes me as well because I wrote my list. And then I asked you to write yours and you were in a different headspace or you didn’t want to say you’re just like, Oh, just give me your list. And I’ll read I’ll read that and see if I like them. And I’m like, No, that’s not how we’re meant to do this.

[00:30:56] Moineau: He came pre prepared with the list. I didn’t know we were going to be making lists. Otherwise, I would have had time to think 

[00:31:01] Chief: about it. Yeah, it was I didn’t I think he 

[00:31:04] Moineau: had his written for hours before he presented the list to me, if I knew I was supposed to come to his house with the list fully written out, I would have thought about it.

But he just like, was like, here, here’s this list that I’ve written. I’m like, Oh, great. I need to have hours to think about writing something down 

[00:31:24] Miss Mae Ling: from I’ll caveat 

[00:31:25] Chief: though, I didn’t just, I didn’t just launch my list upon you. We did say we’re going to talk about my list in and I 

[00:31:31] Moineau: thought it was just going to be, we talk and catch up every once in a while and make sure that we’re on the same page about our dynamic.

So the written element was a… A fun little surprise to come to, but it is nice to have it written down and I will write down a list because I agree. I think it’s really useful to, to write it down because sometimes you surprise yourself as you’re writing. You’re like, Oh, whoa. I didn’t think that’s how I thought about it.

And you keep on writing and you discover things about yourself. I assume, do you do writing for your own relationship and do you also use writing in your relationships as well, like as for yourself, getting feedback. 

[00:32:16] Miss Mae Ling: I love writing. It’s just a creative avenue that I just. get everything out of my head.

And it’s a beautiful way to create stories, which is how a lot of us connect, telling stories. And everybody has their own interpretation of stuff. So even though there are two individuals doing something together, there is one side and the other side. And so, yeah, it’s very helpful to have all of that down.

I also think it’s really important to write it down rather than type it out. Because seeing the words in your own writing come out, you’re just like, Oh, it’s coming to life. And having spent so many hours in front of a computer already, the last thing I want to do is look at a screen. Yeah, and there’s also so much beauty in a sense of uh, the idea of, burning things and freeing it and letting it go.

So my friends and I will have little pond fires and just burn up some stuff. And it’s really cathartic to watch, you know, the past you, or, you know, an old chapter or something that you really want to let go, just go up in flames. Yeah. Or another sense of keeping something and framing it and looking at it every day.

So yeah, it’s very, so many things you can do with that. 

[00:33:53] Chief: Yeah. Have you burned anything? 

[00:33:55] Moineau: Yeah, I, I like to burn things at the new year. I’m I’ll burn the, the old year and before. Manifesting the new year. So yeah, I’m all for burning. Bonfires galore. I have a little cauldron specifically for 

[00:34:12] Miss Mae Ling: burning, so.

I love that. Yeah. 

[00:34:15] Chief: What other advice would, might you give to anyone about anything to do with BDSM kink? I know that’s a very open ended question, but I wanted to allow you to take the floor and share anything that you feel would be useful that you haven’t, that we haven’t specifically asked about. 

[00:34:36] Miss Mae Ling: I would say there’s a few advice is one of them is thanks to the pandemic and internet and media.

Nowadays, there’s so much educational material out there. Now uh, it used to be, you know, everyone kind of learn on their own and, or have their own mentor. But now there’s so much content online. And to take advantage of that, you know, that ease of access another one would be to

Before jumping into these things with other people, it would be to find a sense of self and ask why you want to do this. with others because it’s easy to be like, I want this and that and this and kind of take from others for your own enjoyment, but it’s not about taking it’s more about experiencing together and once you figure out What it means to you.

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I feel like they will have a much more meaningful experience rather than just trying to get their needs or met or whatever it’s scratched. Yeah, because it could be a lot more beautiful once you’ve done the work on yourself and. Go into it with an open mindset. Yeah, I also have some questions for you guys.

Yeah, please Yes What are your favorite rituals to do? 

[00:36:27] Moineau: We don’t have any like Concrete rituals per se that we do A lot of it is kind of going off of each other’s Vibes or energy. I think it’s tends to be a little bit more of a of a dance in flux than it is that we have like set rituals 

[00:36:49] Chief: Because we don’t live together that’s it makes it can make it a little bit tricky.

We have a few things like I’ll occasionally just get you to, to kneel and meditate and I’ll tell you how long to do it for if I know you’re stressed or after a day’s work, and that can be done remotely as well. So we do that a fair amount. Cock warming. Does that count as a ritual? I don’t know.

Favourite activity. Like I’ll be on the sofa watching TV or whatever and, and you’ll be. Or 

[00:37:21] Moineau: something that we do. I don’t know how much of it is a DS thing, but it, it… Ends up adding to it subtly if we’re eating dinner, oftentimes chiefly sitting on the sofa and I just naturally kneel by the coffee table, so next to him, but I’ll, I’ll kneel with my plate and he’ll have his as he’s sitting down, so yeah.

Yeah. I’ll grab things and get all the cutlery and everything. So it’s really small and subtle, and it goes more into, I mean, it’s just eating. You know, it’s not, it’s not overtly sexual, but it’s, I think, still honoring that power dynamic that we play into anyways. 

[00:38:08] Chief: Yeah. We do do a few of the sort of trad wife, traditional wife, 1950s housewife type stuff anyway, like you will make the beds and you’ll cook meals, although I cook today, but you’re cooking dinner.

But yeah, I guess throwing it back to you, what, what rituals do you know of, or would you suggest that we could incorporate that you’ve heard of that are good? Do you have any suggestions? 

[00:38:37] Miss Mae Ling: Growing up with a martial arts background, there was something that we always did when we stepped into the dojo, which is you bow to each other.

And so now I have everybody It doesn’t matter if you’re holding stuff in your hand, you are in my presence now, and you see me, and I want you to take the time to be present with me and just bow. I love that. Yeah. Yeah. And same thing when you exit. It’s kind of like kind of sealing the deal, right?

It’s the first and the last thing that you do. You bow when you come in, you bow when you exit. And it just creates this beautiful container that I really enjoy. 

[00:39:21] Chief: And is that just, just to what, another question on that, is that, do you do that in your personal life as well? Or is it just for the professional?

[00:39:34] Miss Mae Ling: This is for my personal. It’s kind of hard because I live with them. So we don’t bow every day. That’s not a thing with my personal. live in. What I do is that every morning we wake up, he makes me a smoothie and a latte every morning. And it’s just like, this is what I want. This is exactly how I start my morning.

And every night he kind of gives me like a mini massage or like rubs my feet. And 

[00:40:07] Chief: Yeah. Yes, foot massage is for the win. We did have one rule that if I put my foot into your lap, you will start massaging 

[00:40:17] Miss Mae Ling: it. Yeah, that’s a good rule. 

[00:40:19] Moineau: And I’ll fill up your water bottle, you know, when you ask or if I see it and try to always keep you hydrated, so, but did you have another question? 

[00:40:29] Miss Mae Ling: I Guess another one would be how do you deal with new partners and like the insecurity of new partners?

In play. I feel like for me, with my work, it’s expected because it’s my work. And so there’s a clear division of like, this is work and this is my personal. 

[00:40:53] Chief: Hmm. Well you, so, you haven’t really dated anyone since we’ve been together. So I’ve not had to… Deal with that. I think I hope I’d be all right with it But I don’t know until it happens.

I guess we’ve been to sort of play parties and we’ve had people spanking you But we’ve not it’s not like you’ve been on a date without me. So 

[00:41:22] Moineau: yeah, I I think it’s I don’t know I wonder if it’s just like a dominant and a submissive thing. I think It feels, for me, easier to accept you having other partners that are, you know, submissive to you or that you’re playing with than for me to take on a partner who is, I mean, you’re already my dominant and it’s serving two masters or trying to, trying to have another relationship in that when we’re already in a relationship.

relationship where there’s a power imbalance in play that we both choose. I don’t, I think it would be really challenging to try to deal with that. And also, if I’m not feeling satisfied with whatever it is that we’re doing, I’d… Come to you about it first and say, you know, this is something that I’m struggling with, you know, can we try to work it out rather than trying to find someone else to satisfy that need because you’re, you’re my dominant, but we have had, like, you’ve had other partners that come and go or, or, or more casual And, I think, going back to what you were saying earlier about satisfying needs elsewhere, I, I like that idea of not everyone can be everything for someone.

So, if you can have a really lovely, enjoyable time or a nice relationship with someone else, then I want to be able to. Be supportive of that because that’s only, it’s only doing good things to you if it’s, if it’s a good, beneficial relationship. I want to be able to encourage that. Like, yeah, go enjoy some time.

It’s nice to have that separation and then come back together and reconnect. Mm-Hmm. Yeah. And 

[00:43:21] Chief: And yeah, we do have, like, we do wanna do things where I am. Allowing other guys to use you because that’s one of your fantasies, but we haven’t found the right people yet. So Yeah.

Again, and again, I don’t know how I’d feel it if I was, was seeing that or present to that. We’ll only find out when it, when it happens. When we actually find someone to, to do that. Yeah. But no, it’s a, how about yourself? How do you? You and your partner cope with 

[00:43:54] Miss Mae Ling: that. I am surrounded by so many people, which I love, but also I truly appreciate it when I have some alone time.

So when my partner goes off with another uh, partner or play partner, I’m just like, oh, yes, I have quiet time. This is me time. So that’s how I see it. I, I. Need to spend more time with myself and work on that relationship. I get to 

[00:44:25] Moineau: watch whatever show that I want to watch. I can eat whatever I want for dinner.

It’s a nice little self date all of a sudden. 

[00:44:32] Miss Mae Ling: It’s so good to just kind of do whatever you want and having that privacy and that alone time is I guess quote unquote rare, you know these days if You’re in a relationship or if you’re in multiple relationships per se. 

[00:44:52] Chief: Yeah, yes, it’s it’s almost too much like managing multiple relationships at some point.

It’s like, you know, because I’m the same I’m quite introverted and I like my quiet time. So it’s almost like trying to trying to organize multiple dates It’s like I just can’t be, I just can’t be bothered. There’s the benefit does not outweigh the The energy and, and mental expenditure that I’ve got to put into this.

[00:45:17] Moineau: Yeah. To answer your question, when, when it ever happens, we’ll let you know. 

[00:45:22] Miss Mae Ling: You know, 

[00:45:25] Moineau: not opposed to having other people join in. And it’s just a matter, if it happens, it happens. 

[00:45:31] Chief: Yeah. And we have, we’ve had sort of threesomes and things, but again, we’re still, ultimately we’re looking for someone to join more permanently, I guess.

But everyone so far has been quite. Fly by night as it were. Yeah. 

[00:45:45] Miss Mae Ling: Yeah. And the dating realm is just so exhausting now. It is. 

[00:45:51] Moineau: Yeah. I really feel for anyone who’s trying to date in this day and age, I think from what I’ve heard, it’s so much more difficult, even, I don’t know, even in the past five years or the past three years, it’s just.

a nightmare out there. So I, I do feel for everyone, everyone out there trying to have a relationship 

[00:46:15] Miss Mae Ling: now. Yeah, 

[00:46:16] Chief: it’s definitely, the apps are definitely getting better at allowing, you know, all the different genders and allowing you to specify I’m non monogamous, which Again, five years ago, you wouldn’t even be allowed to put that option there.

So they, I think they are evolving and making it slightly easier, but, but it’s 

[00:46:31] Moineau: still harder to find actually and to meet people. 

[00:46:35] Chief: It’s just a smaller circle, isn’t it? You know, finding someone who’s non monogamous and kinky. and into the same type of kinks you are and okay with you having another partner it’s it’s it’s constantly narrow and lives relatively close you know you’re constantly narrowing this funnel until you get a portion of you know 10 people and then you’re like well you’ve got to actually fancy them as well so yeah it’s it’s not easy it’s not easy i don’t know what’s the dating scene like in in l.

a slash vegas oh 

[00:47:07] Miss Mae Ling: Both cities are very transient cities So people are coming in and out all the time and they will show high and extreme interest in you in the hopes that you will show them the city. So yeah, at this point it’s just kind of doing. My take on dating now is screw the apps. I really don’t want to look at another screen.

Go out and do what I want to do anyways, my hobby, whatever it is. And. Trying to go back in the day where everything was much more simpler in a sense of finding that organic connection and you know starting off as friends or something like that and you know easing into it rather than looking at every potential person that you swipe on as This could be the next partner.

[00:48:04] Chief: Yeah. Completely agree. Completely agree. We just 

[00:48:08] Moineau: need to broaden our kinky friend circle. Because that’s, that’s definitely how I get attracted to people. Is always to people that 

[00:48:16] Miss Mae Ling:

[00:48:16] Chief: know. Yeah, you never fancy people at first. And then a year later you’re like, Ooh, actually, I feel something for them now.

I’m 

[00:48:23] Moineau: demisexual. It’s like, I want to have a connection with someone and I need to have a connection with someone before I’m ever going to be interested in them. And that unfortunately means that throughout my life, it’s, it’s all of a sudden that friend that you’ve known for years, all of a sudden it’s like, Oh, you know what?

I kind of maybe. I can’t see them. On the 

[00:48:42] Chief: opposite. Like, I can see someone and be like, yep, I would sleep with you. And then as you get to know them, it’s like, no, I’m becoming less and less attracted. Five minutes 

[00:48:50] Miss Mae Ling: later, as soon as they open their mouth, it’s 

[00:48:52] Chief: like, no. You talk to them for an hour and I’m like, no.

[00:48:56] Miss Mae Ling: That’s exactly how I am. Yeah. Instant attraction. Oh, wow. And then they talk and I’m like, oh, okay. 

[00:49:05] Chief: Yeah, how anyone meets, I don’t know, everyone’s so different, aren’t they? I do 

[00:49:10] Moineau: like the idea of an organic connection though, because you’re more likely to enjoy someone’s company if you already know that they’re really excited about whatever it is that you’re interested in and you already have that connection there, whatever it is.

So yeah. 

[00:49:27] Chief: Yeah, yeah, I totally 

[00:49:29] Moineau: agree. Old school. Old school way. Just like us, we’re getting quite old. old. Rapid 

[00:49:37] Chief: fire. I am, you’re still a youngster. 

[00:49:40] Moineau: Yeah, no, I’ve been, I’ve been called an old soul since the age of like five. So with your cauldron. Yeah, 

exactly. Anyway. 

[00:49:49] Chief: Is there anything that you would like to leave the listeners with a closing thought, a closing quote?

[00:49:55] Miss Mae Ling:

I love saying that, if you’re not having fun doing it, either, Don’t do it at all or change it so that you are having fun doing it. Life is way too short to take anything seriously. yeAh, so have fun. And I feel like along with that comes a lot of people thinking like of the shame and guilt that doing this comes with. And it’s like, okay, but like you only have X amount of years to live.

Don’t you want to experience it? Who’s going to care? 

[00:50:35] Chief: You 

[00:50:35] Moineau: agree. Yeah. It’s not like on our gravestone, we’ll be rich in every single thing that we’ve ever done, you know, this person had a threesome and went to this party, like at the end of the day, like. Who cares? 

[00:50:49] Chief: Yeah, everyone’s so wrapped up in their own lives as well.

They will probably not even realize you’re doing this stuff and or forget. 

[00:50:57] Miss Mae Ling: Majority of the time you’re at a play party and you’re so wrapped up in doing what you’re doing that… Other people will be like, you, how did you miss that? How did you not see blah, blah, blah? And you’re like, well, you know, honestly, it’s fine though, because I was present in the moment doing my own thing.

So yeah, people are definitely wrapped up in their own things. 

[00:51:18] Chief: So Mei Ling, where can people find out more about you if they’ve liked what they’ve heard? 

[00:51:25] Miss Mae Ling: They can find everything on my website, which is missmayling. com, M I S S M A E L I N G. From there, you can go down several rabbit holes. 

[00:51:39] Moineau: How exciting.

[00:51:41] Chief: It’s been a pleasure to talk to you and appreciate your time. I hope you’ve enjoyed it too. 

[00:51:46] Miss Mae Ling: Yeah. 

[00:51:47] Moineau: Yeah, it was lovely to meet you. Thank you. 

[00:51:50] Miss Mae Ling: Thank you so much. It was a great start to my day. 

[00:51:53] Chief: Thank you once again for joining us and as always lots of love and spanks from myself and Wano and Mei Ling today. Bye. Bye. Bye. 

The Art of Submission. A course for beginner submissives
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