Cockwarming. You’ve seen it mentioned on an obscure BDSM forum and are intrigued. What is it? Who practises it?
Is it something you should be doing in your Dom and sub relationship?
I must confess I’d never heard of cockwarming (sometimes spelt ‘cock warming’) before I met my sub.
She brought it up as an idea she was keen to try, and her description intrigued me.
Some women are hesitant about giving blowjobs, and here she was offering to suck me for long periods of time, for HER pleasure!
This was something I needed to try.
What is cockwarming?
Doing a quick Google I came across a post on Reddit in the BDSMAdvice subreddit. Clearly another cockwarming fan was keen to share her experiences with the world.
The interesting thing about the responses to this request for cockwarming thoughts was that, like me, most had never heard of this BDSM practise.
If you like this article, you’ll love…
Sensational Scenes
How to heighten arousal, induce Subspace, and have mind-blowing sexual experiences.
And there was confusion as to what it actually was, hence why this person had to edit their original question. It wasn’t clear who was the recipient of the pleasure, or how the cock should be warmed.
Is this something a good Dom does to his sub for his pleasure, or something she does to him for her pleasure?
Cockwarming by a dominant woman
The woman sits on her partner whilst she is doing something else. She might be reading or watching TV. His cock is held in her pussy or ass.
She doesn’t move and continues on with whatever activity she wants. It’s an act of domination because she isn’t allowing him to thrust or get any additional stimulation.
It’s teasing, and she is in control. She gets to see him squirm in pleasure/arousal/discomfort as he is forced to do nothing.
Admittedly I can’t see how this would work for any length of time. Without any movement I’d most likely go soft and slip out.
I guess if you are a submissive man then the very act and power dynamic in itself would keep you hard.
Cockwarming by a dominant man
The man is in charge this time. He places his cock in the mouth, pussy or ass of his sub and holds it there, not moving.
It’s dominant because the man is in a position which allows him to decide if and when he thrusts (although with cockwarming the aim is not to thrust). The sub is there to either be teased, enjoy it as an act of service, be turned on by being used, or love the pleasure of having something in her mouth.
Cockwarming can be done post-sex, pre-sex, or without any sex at all!
Post-sex
You’ve just orgasmed and your cock is still inside her. Ideally, you are in a comfortable position where you can just relax, such as missionary, flat on top, or spooning. You keep your cock inside her as it slowly returns from rock hard to flaccid and falls out of her.
Or you manage to remain rock hard and rest for a moment before going at it again in ten minutes (wish this was me!).
I think a lot of men enjoy the feeling of collapsing on their partner after an orgasm anyway, so I’m not sure this fully counts as cockwarming, because it is overtly sexual and you aren’t doing an everyday tasks whilst your cock is being warmed, but I’ve included it for completeness.
Pre-sex
You’re hard, and read to begin. You push inside her pussy or ass and hold yourself deep inside her. She may be begging you to thrust or move or give her more stimulation.
BUT you hold firm and don’t move.
You might even play with her by clenching your PC muscle to make your cock spring up and down a little bit to tickle her G-spot and drive her a little crazy.
To make it even more dominant, I recommend a position such as standing or kneeling doggy, rather than missionary. If you attempt missionary she’ll want to start kissing you.
The whole point is you are supposed to be relaxing and focussing on other things whilst your partner services you. If you were in a standing doggy position you could be playing with your phone whilst she just has to face away from you and wait, not knowing if you will ever start fucking her, or if you are just going to keep teasing her.
Oral cockwarming
This is my favourite. It is far more practical than vaginal or anal sex, where your cock is likely to become soft as you hold yourself inside her.
In oral cockwarming your sub takes you in your mouth, flaccid or erect, and simply holds still. You are engulfed by her (or as much as she can fit in her mouth), but she isn’t actively trying to make you hard, or keep your hard, or make you cum. Meanwhile, you ignore her (although light hair stroking is always pleasurable) and let her do her thing as she lets you do yours.
When I think of cockwarming, this is what I envision (and how my sub originally described it to me).
It captures (at least in my head) the true essence of what the practise of cockwarming is all about – one person doing a non-sexual activity whilst the other services their cock in a semi, but not overtly sexual way – more of an act of service or duty kind of way.
A user who responded to the original question on Reddit also shares this version as what his girlfriend enjoyed.
She liked to constantly have me in her mouth, she’d want me to read a book or play a video games while she did her thing. At the time I just thought she was just big into oral […] but later on I realized she was just into having me in her mouth far more than actually giving head.
User: allbrokenthings
The key difference between oral cockwarming and oral sex is that during a blowjob you are sucking and moving your head up and down. With cockwarming you are simply holding the cock still in your mouth without any movement (or only a tiny bit of movement).
Holding something in your mouth isn’t usual. It causes your body to produce saliva. Consequently, you’ll have a tough time keeping completely still (this is part of the challenge) and have to move your tongue occasionally.
This sensation feels great for the guy. It punctures the otherwise light sensation of warmth with a quick, but moderate, intensity stimulation as her tongue slides over your shaft.
Soft sucking is allowed, but remember, you aren’t giving a blowjob. As the sub you keep your head still, focus your attention on his cock, and drift off into a meditative, blissful state of subspace.
What’s the point of cockwarming?
From now on I’m only going to be talking about oral cockwarming. As a dominant man with a submissive woman, this is by far my preferred option, because it allows me to fully relax.
She unzips my trousers, pulls down my boxers, and gets on with it.
I don’t want to have to get myself hard (which requires effort), or keep myself hard inside her, or stand (which isn’t relaxing), or necessarily be in private (more on this later).
Instead, I want to be doing an everyday task, and for her to come up to me, ask if she can cockwarm, and I give her permission without having to move. She unzips my trousers, pulls down my boxers, and gets on with it.
The point of it isn’t necessarily to turn me on, although I may ebb and flow between hard and soft states as the activity progresses.
Cockwarming is meant to be:
- An act of submission by your sub
- A way to pacify and de-stress your sub and help her focus (mindfulness at it’s best!)
- A turn-on because of the juxtaposition of her performing a sexual act on your whilst you all but ignore her and carry on as normal
- A light form of foreplay to get you in the mood for sex (although not always)
- Mainly relaxing rather than arousing
- Perfect for submissives who have an oral fixation
The turn on for the sub (if it even is a turn on rather than relaxing) is having their Dom’s cock in their mouth at a time when they normally wouldn’t, and whilst they aren’t receiving any attention back.
And the turn on for the Dom is being able to carry on with normal tasks knowing your sub is performing a somewhat sexual act for you and using your cock as a toy to enjoy herself thoroughly.
A special shout out to littles
Are you in a DDLG relationship, or consider yourself a little?
Cockwarming is PERFECT for you.
Moineau, who would be the first to call herself a little, sums up what cockwarming means to her and why she finds it so alluring.
From the first moment I read about cockwarming I was hooked on the idea of implementing it into my physical relationship. Nursing, suckling, whatever you choose to call it, cockwarming is an under-appreciated fetish but one I most definitely have; just thinking about holding a cock in my mouth makes me salivate.
Pavlovian response? Oh yes 😉
Whilst it has the fun possibility to be sexual and arousing, I find cockwarming more so incredibly relaxing and almost meditative in the calming effect it has to my generally racing thoughts. By centring my focus solely on the cock in my mouth – feeling its weight, texture, and heat on my tongue; noticing each fluctuation of size and shape with my Dom’s arousal – it becomes very easy to slip into my role as a submissive. Add to that some nice head scratches or strokes to my back and I’m fast on my way to the beginnings of subspace!
For me cockwarming checks all the boxes: oral fixation, ddlg soothing (essentially a large pacifier), service submission and intimacy.
What’s not to like?
Moineau
What I love about this quote is the focus on the non-sexual side of cockwarming. Even though it is a sexual act, for her it is soothing, relaxing, and a way of achieving subspace or littlespace.
She does it as much for herself as for her Daddy. She is using his body to calm herself – his cock is a giant dummy.
It’s less an act of service for him, and more method to help calm her (which fits better into the DDLG dynamic a little loves, more than a Master/slave dynamic).
When is the best time for cockwarming?
You can practise cockwarming whenever you want! But personally I love it in the following situations:
- In the morning as I wake up. As I’m snoozing she slides under the covers and takes me in her mouth. It’s a delightful way to start the day.
- At my desk as I work. I might be on my laptop writing this very article at my desk. She’s on her knees under the desk. My fly is unzipped and she’s gently nuzzling me.
- On the sofa as I watch TV (her lying). There’s a show on I love but she doesn’t care for. A perfect time for her to lie on the sofa with her head in my lap, as I sit upright and have my cock warmed. This position allows me to reach over and touch her breasts, pussy and squeeze her ass mindlessly as I continue to watch the TV. This position only works if you have a large sofa and she can get comfortable. You might also be able to work in this position.
- On the sofa as I watch TV (her kneeling). A variation on the above is to have her kneel on the floor in front of you and cockwarm you. You don’t have to watch TV either. You could be on your phone or reading a book. Bonus points if you leave a comment on this article whilst you are being cockwarmed ;). Probably my favourite out of all the cockwarming positions as it is the most comfortable for me and can be done for long periods of time.
- You standing, her kneeling. Not as comfortable as sitting for you, but it can be done. I like this version of cockwarming at kinky parties. You could be standing around chatting to your kinky friends, acting as though nothing out of the ordinary is happening, as she has your cock inside her mouth. For bonus points tie her hands behind her back so she isn’t tempted to start playing with you (although I do enjoy my balls being lightly held during the process).
- Her restrained, you kneeling over her/lying under her. Get out your under bed restraints, strap her down face up, and straddle her face. For a more comfortable position, restrain her face down, then sit at the top of the bed with your back resting on the headboard, your legs over or under her outstretched arms, and her head in your crotch. Be careful with this one as she may strain her neck. You might want to prop her up slightly with a pillow under her chest.
- In public. Getting pretty frisky now aren’t we! I haven’t personally done these (hope to!), but I love imagining the scenarios:
- Sitting in a jacuzzi (hot tub) with a number of friends. Your sub sits on your lap (“to make room”) and you slip your cock inside her. Because there isn’t any movement, no one else in the tub will be any the wiser (although they might have suspicions). It’s not an example of oral cockwarming, but still hot.
- At a kink event. I’m sitting on a sofa chatting with friends as my sub cockwarms me.
- At a restaurant. You know those fancy restaurants with the white table cloths that extend all the way to the floor? Now imagine your sub under said table warming your cock. Also works at weddings ;).
How long should you cockwarm for?
I’ve had cockwarming sessions that vary between five minutes to thirty minutes at the time of writing. It depends on how worked up I get by the whole thing.
I’m not saying thirty minutes is a hard limit. I want to try for longer. Could she cockwarm me for an entire film at the cinema, for example? That would be very fun (and risky).
I don’t know the limits of her body. I’m not sure if holding something in your mouth for that long a time would result in muscle ache, or saliva overload, or some weird adverse reaction.
I guess you’ll have to give it a go and see what your limits are. If you’re both enjoying the act then keep going!
It would be a fun game to incorporate cockwarming into your slave training programme, attempting to beat your previous record each time, or setting her a target of X minutes of cockwarming per week which she has to fit in however she chooses.
Cockwarming as punishment
There are some women out there who love giving blowjobs. The feeling of a rock-hard dick in their mouth, which they expertly milk dry, is incredibly satisfying.
If your sub is one of these people, then having your cock in their mouth is going to turn them on, no doubt.
Now imagine you tell them they can’t move their head, can’t make you come, and afterwards you’re not going to fuck them, even though they will be horny as hell.
They’ll find themselves up to a point where they are begging you to bend them over, but you look them sternly in the eye and say “No”. (You have to be strong enough to resist fucking them though – not so easy once you’ve been nicely warmed!).
Sounds like a form of torture to me, (For you and her!) which makes it a great sexual punishment.
Get warming!
So there it is. The most comprehensive guide to cockwarming on the Internet!
(I don’t know this to be true, but I couldn’t find a good article on it, or many cockwarming stories, so I thought I’d write one and proclaim it as the best). If I’ve left anything out or missed any resources, let me know in the comments.
In summary, cockwarming can be many things. A form of meditation, an act of service by a slave for her Master, a way to pacify a little in a DDLG relationship, a fun BDSM game, or a demonstration of submission by a sub to her dom.
Go give it a try.
My record so far is about 4 hours I’ve also napped while doing so. Usually it ends with him finishing in my throat but there is always at least a couple hours of cockwarming first. It’s my absolute favorite thing.
4 hours of warming sounds divine. I’m not sure I’d be patient enough to hold off that long.
Hi! my gf and i are trying to do it but, although she likes it, her jaw starts hurting after some minutes :/ have you got any tips? thanks!
I don’t know if anyone has responded. I have TMJ (it’s tempromandibular joint disorder, think like lockjaw) and she may struggle with that. If she’s having pain, and it’s consistent, have her see a doctor or dentist for options
Try inserting inside her vagina or anus (if she is into that). If she prefers oral fix. Ask her to flex her jaw before warming. Open her jaw as wide as it will go and closed- like a door hinge.
Well done. My old sub moved OS. Now training a 24/7 with no soft limits and yet to find hard limits. Never tried cock warming intentionally but think my sub would enjoy it.
If not then it will become a new punishment. Thanks for new kinks..
Ms V.
I most definitely hope that you read this as instructed.
Missy enjoys doing this – luckily I also enjoy her doing it! So far we’re not approaching the 4 hours named above. However, she does find it relaxing. It took me a while to get into the headspace that I don’t have to be giving her attention at the same time.
We find the most comfortable position is in bed. I normally read while she does it. Last night she fell asleep while warming me.
Way to go on approaching 4 hours. That’s pretty incredible. I agree with you on the headspace – as a romantic dom it took me a while (and I sometimes still struggle) with receiving pleasure without returning the favour. Getting better at it though. Oh, the things our subs can teach us! I tend to either watch TV, do emails on my phone or browse the internet for more kinky ideas (although that then gets my hard which makes cockwarming difficult). The bed is a good position though.
Hi there chief I really hope you’re able to answer this although this article was from awhile ago. I so badly want to introduce CW to my boyfriend I’m super turned on just reading this article, I had a question that was kind of implied I just want to be sure, is the person receiving the CW meant/expected to go from hard – soft – hard etc. throughout the CW “session”? Could this sexually frustrate the person or is that the point in a teasing way? Just curious. Also asking because I think this would deter my bf from wanting to try it I don’t think he’d be comfortable getting unhard then getting hard again or would feel insecure being soft in my mouth although I think it sounds nice. I just want to understand if this feels uncomfortable for the man to be soft and be in someone’s mouth. Thanks hope you can respond!
Hi Mae. Ultimately there’s no “rules”. You can choose to do it in a way which works for both of you. When we do it, I may go soft to hard and back again, or I may just stay soft for the entire thing. Generally it’s better to stay soft otherwise it’s difficult for the cockwarmer to remain relaxed but that’s not always possible so go with the flow.
When we do it, the purpose isn’t to tease, it’s more often to relax the sub. She sometimes falls asleep doing it. Otherwise times it makes me hard and turned on and we have sex after, it all depends.
The key thing is that it isn’t a blowjob. You’re not actively trying to make them hard or sucking. The cock just rests in your mouth like a pacifier (although you’ll find yourself swallowing every so often which in turn does create a sucking sensation for the guy.
And no it doesn’t feeling uncomfortable being soft in someone’s mouth! It feels great.
See what works for you 🙂
Me and my boyfriend have it where I cockwarm him while I’m doing paperwork and sitting onh is lap, however we have it to where if I ever want him or he wants me we can move
I’d not heard of it before today. But I imagine it’s any means you can employ to warm up your Dom/mate’s cock. As it’s mentioned: mouth, vagina, ass, between breasts, etc. Might please him first, but she gets enjoyment making him happy. BDSM should be enjoyable to both after all.
Before this article, I never knew there was oral cockwarming, neither did I see it as an aspect of BDSM.
For me cockwarming isn’t something sexual. I see it as more of a relaxing activity I’d like to do preferably in cowgirl.
For example, my boyfriends could be playing COD on his PS/Xbox with the boys while I sit on his lap and warm him, as I’m doing my own thing on my phone. He doesn’t have to stay hard throughout, it’s just us relaxing against each other while being intimate. I definitely see myself falling asleep in this position.
Thanks for your definition, Brenda. Hope your boyfriend can still see the screen whilst you are in front of him! :p
Hi everyone! my gf and i are trying to do it but, although she likes it, her jaw starts hurting after some minutes :/ have you experts got any tips? thanks!
Hi Guilherme. I asked my sub how she did it, and her response was along the lines of learning to relax your jaw, and remember that you aren’t sucking necessarily, just holding the cock in your mouth. And obviously it will be more difficult for her if you are hard (which can’t always be helped!). Aside from that, I guess just more practice.
I don’t know if anyone has responded. I have TMJ (it’s tempromandibular joint disorder, think like lockjaw) and she may struggle with that. If she’s having pain, and it’s consistent, have her see a doctor or dentist for options
(Copied from your statement above)
Try inserting inside her vagina or anus (if she is into that). If she prefers oral fix. Ask her to flex her jaw before warming. Open her jaw as wide as it will go and closed- like a door hinge.
(Copied from previous comment)
I like to have his cock in my mouth, not still, but like I am sucking on a large nipple…if he lets me, I fall asleep like that…what would that be called? Is that considered cockwarming?
Whatever it is, I really like it, but I wish I would get to fall asleep like that more often …
That qualifies, yes!
Trans man, soft Dom here! The version of this I love to do is to have him really relaxed laying on his back, get him just hard enough to put it inside me, and then sit over him and touch myself. I love to feel it soft, just to get him a little hard again (a short hip movement, some moans, squeezing him inside or a little groping) and repeat the cycle. There comes a point where every little movement makes him wanna cum, even with his cock semi hard. I know this sounds a lot like edging, it’s a nice mix. Another favorite of mine is when, just after I gave him an orgasm, I put i in my mouth and suck it real slow. This prevents it from getting completely soft, so he can’t relax, he suffers from how sensible it is, and I love the sensation of having it all inside my mouth, so soft and squishy. Normally this ends when he can’t take it anymore, or sometimes we get lucky and it goes up again.
I’m a sub and have been cockwarming (orally) long before I knew what it was actually called. Came across an article about it, a long time ago now, and was like “oh, that’s what it’s called”. I enjoy it as an act of submission and a way to service my Dom in an intimate, but not sexual, way (unless He, on occasion, chooses to ‘turn up the heat’ and lead to other activities 😈). I also enjoy it as a soothing method for myself and getting the occasional head strokes are nice aswell as they show that He still recognises me while he’s preoccupied and is a show of appreciation. He gets to relax and watch episodes of things I’m not interested in watching or his documentaries or whatever He likes, and I can forget all stresses and focus on just the one task and often, but not always, drift into subspace. When performing this, I forget everything from everyday life and I tend to lose track of time aswell so I can do this for long periods of time. I also do it for Him as He gets into bed for sleep to help relax Him and continue until He is fast asleep, and on rare occasions I have also fallen asleep after Him. Cockwarming has also been used as punishment when I’m feeling very needy and horny but not being able to satisfy Him (it’s very hard when you’re all hot and bothered, to try and stay still when you just want to suck His soul out haha) I’m very much a pleaser and absolutely LOVE to please my Dom, I have a cum fetish and LOVE to make Him feel so good with my oral skills, so cockwarming restricts these things and requires a lot of self control and restraint, but also by doing so, shows Him dedication to a lovely act of service and submission and is a great bonding moment for both.
Good article, you covered a lot on the topic and how it can be done in different ways and how it can vary depending on each individual dynamic.
I haven’t slept yet so hopefully my words aren’t too jumbled up with my sleepy brain.
Idk
Cock warming is act of inserting your partners penis in one’s mouth, vagina, or anus; for your pleasure or theirs.
Didn’t see it mentioned, so I’ll add: probably before the term was even coined (~2008) I gave my bf a bj, where he was on his back in bed, and I was on my knees between his legs. After I swallowed his cum, I kept his soft cock in my mouth and curled up right there, on my side, resting my head on his thigh (might be a good position for a sub with neck or jaw issues). I held his soft cock in my mouth, or gently sucked and licked his soft cock and balls, nuzzling and massaging every part of his crotch with every part of my face, while he relaxed, drifting in and out of sleep. At one point I had his balls entirely in my mouth and was gently rolling them around with my tongue. I would say this all lasted about 30 minutes to an hour, though I could have gone on all day. Eventually he became hard again, in my mouth, and I again sucked him to completion and swallowed his cum, my mouth never parting from him or closing since the beginning of the first blow job. So, both post- and pre-sex oral cockwarming? 😊 Can you tell I’m proud? ☺️
I’m still confused on if what I do is actually cockwarming.. I have gone actually 5 or 6 hours. He’s usually sitting up in bed and I’m lying on the bed on my stomach. But I don’t stay still with him in my mouth. I suck like a pacifier, lick, just rolling him around my mouth.. but it’s never the intention for him to get hard and get off. I fall asleep many times. He just loves the feeling of my mouth.. He introduced me to it.. it relaxes him and soothes me..
I would count this as cockwarming 🙂
My little girl absolutely loves cock warming. Doesn’t matter if it my dick or a dildo. Her favorite to use is currently a 9 inch thick dildo, she puts it in her pussy and keeps it there all night, it keeps her nice and wet for me whenever I want to use her. She also cockwarms with her ass, she doesn’t keep it in for quite as Long but she still goes for atleast 2 hours everytime which is perfect for when I want to fuck her ass.
I find cockwarming great for everything you describe in a D/s sense. But cockwarming is good even in a vanilla context. Just have a relaxed evening, watch your favourite show together and stroke her back and hair, while she holds you.