I was disappointed at the quality of BDSM training I saw online.
I wanted more in-depth information. I wanted it to be practical. And I didn’t want it to be overly pornographic.
I wanted something that would have helped me when I started out in this world.
That’s why I created two BDSM trainings in the form of my online courses. The Art of Submission for subs and Sinful Shibari for anyone wanting to learn rope bondage.
But that isn’t always what people mean when they say BDSM training.
I soon realised that people searching for BDSM training aren’t necessarily looking for educational courses.
Sometimes they are researching the topic of ‘BDSM training’.
In other words, ways of a Dominant ‘training’ his or her submissive as part of their dynamic.
If that’s you, then read on.
I’ve got a couple of BDSM training ideas which you can steal and use.
If you like this article, you’ll love…
Sensational Scenes
How to heighten arousal, induce Subspace, and have mind-blowing sexual experiences.
To clarify, I’m talking not about learning general principles of BDSM. I’m talking about the act of a Dominant training a submissive in various ways to satisfy their needs, improve their lives, and generally have a lot of fun in the process.
Any time the Dominant is modifying, correcting, informing, educating, lecturing, or punishing the submissive, I’d argue they are ‘training’ them.
Types of BDSM training
In my dynamics over the years I’ve engaged in the following types of submissive training:
- Anal training. Training my submissive to get used to anal play, and being able to handle rough anal sex. I have to say, this is one of my favourite types of BDSM training. (Read 10 Anal Training Steps for Beginners)
- Slave training. Training my submissive for when we engage in Master/slave type play. (Read Slave Training: A Master’s Complete Guide to Training His Submissive)
- Position training. Training my submissive to adopt various positions when I give commands, such as kneel, site, spread. Each training sessions involves giving the command, assessing how well my partner takes up the position, and providing corrections as needed.
- Inspection training. Training my submissive to keep their body in a condition that suits me, with regular inspections to ensure any rules are being followed. For example, one of my rules is that all pubic hair should be removed. (Read How to Run an Inspection Scene)
- Bedtime training. Enforcing a bedtime which my submissive must stick to ensure they get a good night’s rest. (Read The Enforced Bedtime Kink Explained (Benefits and Tips))
- Punishments. When used to correct unwanted behaviour they are a form of training. As an example, a failure to follow a rule might result in the submissive being disciplined. (Read Submissive Punishments: How to Punish Your sub Like a Pro Dom)
- Sexual service training. Training my submissive to service me sexually in the most pleasurable way. To be honest, this one should go both ways – the Dominant should also be absorbing how to sexually pleasure their partner and listening to feedback.
- General service training. Training my submissive in a 24/7 dynamic to know how I like things done around the house. How should laundry be folded? When should bedding be changed? How should then sit when eating meals? (Read Experimenting with Higher Protocol Service Dynamics)
- Protocol training. You’ve written a BDSM contract that contains a set of expectations about how your dynamic should look. What protocols should be adopted at home? In bed? Outside the home? Under specific circumstances like meal times? Very similar to general service training.
- Pet training. Are you into pet play? Then some of your BDSM scenes might really be acting like you are training an animal. (Read The Basics of Pet Play)
- Phsyical training. Instruct the submissive in stretching routines, strength-building exercises, or yoga sessions tailored to enhance flexibility and resilience for certain BDSM activities, like rope suspension or impact play.
BDSM intimacy training
These are more general BDSM training techniques to improve the quality and intimacy within your Dom/sub dynamic.
- Eye contact training. Foster a sense of intimacy by being able to hold eye contact with your partner. Some people find this practice disconcerting. Google eye-gazing exercises. Aim for 3 minutes. To add a BDSM element, the Dominant can give subtle instructions or ask the submissive to hold a specific posture. Reflect on the experience afterward to discuss any feelings or reactions.
- Journaling assignments. Both people journal their thoughts and feelings following a BDSM scene. Then let their partner read what they have written. Written word can be more expressive than spoken word, and allow you to express feelings and emotions you might not otherwise share.
- Guided touch exercise. The Dominant guides the submissive’s hands over their own body or vice versa, narrating what they like or want. This exercise helps both partners learn what types of touch are enjoyable and fosters direct communication about physical preferences.
- Mindfullness training. The Dominant guides their partner through a mindfulness exercise, meditation session, or focused breathing routines. This type of training helps the submissive clear their mind and stay present, which is especially useful during scenes that require endurance or heightened focus.
10 common Beginner BDSM training mistakes
If you’re just starting out then make sure you aren’t making these common mistakes. I’m guilty of number 3 for sure.
1. Skipping clear communication
Jumping in without discussing boundaries and expectations can lead to misunderstandings and discomfort. Solution: Have detailed conversations about limits, goals, and safe words before starting.
2. Ignoring aftercare
Not providing aftercare can cause emotional or physical drop. Solution: Plan for aftercare after every session to help both partners feel safe and connected.
3. Overloading with too many rules
Too many rules can cause frustration or burnout. Solution: Start with a few manageable tasks and build gradually.
4. Lacking patience
Expecting immediate perfection can damage trust and self-esteem. Solution: Approach training with patience, celebrate progress, and use mistakes as learning moments.
5. Neglecting safety precautions
Skipping safety measures can result in harm. Solution: Always use safe words, proper techniques, and have safety tools like scissors on hand.
6. Using only punishment
Relying solely on punishment can create negative associations. Solution: Balance training with positive reinforcement to encourage growth.
7. Not customizing training
A one-size-fits-all approach can be ineffective. Solution: Tailor training to fit the submissive’s unique needs and preferences.
8. Ignoring emotional impact
Focusing only on physical aspects overlooks potential emotional strain. Solution: Regularly check in on emotional well-being and use feedback tools like journaling.
9. Failing to educate themselves
Assuming they know enough can lead to outdated practices. Solution: Keep learning through books, workshops, and reputable resources.
10. Underestimating aftereffects
Overlooking how training impacts daily life can cause long-term issues. Solution: Monitor both partners’ emotions and adjust as needed to maintain balance.
BDSM Training FAQ
Is BDSM training always sexual?
No, BDSM training can be sexual, but it doesn’t have to be. It can include non-sexual aspects such as service tasks, communication exercises, or protocol adherence to reinforce power dynamics and trust.
I want to do BDSM training but my partner doesn’t
If your partner is dead-set against BDSM training then you should not make them do it. BDSM is all about consent, and building a dynamic where both people are into playing together in a fun way. Everyone involved should enjoy what is happening. Think about what other avenues of BDSM you can explore with your partner. That said, there’s a chance you haven’t explained what you understand by BDSM training to your partner clearly. They may think you want one thing which they are against, when in reality you mean something different which they might actually enjoy.
How do I start training a submissive?
Begin with open discussions to set expectations, limits, and goals. Consent is essential. Start with basic exercises that match both partners’ comfort levels, then gradually build up the complexity.
What’s the difference between protocol training and service training?
Protocol training focuses on the formal behaviours expected in specific situations (e.g., how a submissive should act during meals or in public), while service training involves practical tasks (e.g., chores or preparing items) according to the Dominant’s preferences.
Are punishments necessary in BDSM training?
Punishments can be part of training but aren’t mandatory. They should be consensual, safe, and used as tools for correction or reinforcement – not abuse. Always establish clear rules and safe words.
How can I make training safe and healthy?
Prioritise consent, clear communication, and aftercare. Use safe words and continuously check in with each other’s emotional and physical well-being to ensure the training remains a positive experience.
