Being a DDLG (Daddy Dom, Little Girl) type of Dom I’m not into hardcore, chunky, metallic slave BDSM collars. The type of submissive collar I prefer are softer, smaller and more feminine in nature.
That said, I do own several types of BDSM collars and use them at different times, depending upon my mood. You probably already know what it means when a woman wears a collar, so I’ll jump straight into the different types I use.
1. The D-Ring BDSM Collar with Leash
I own a black leather BDSM collar, around two inches wide, with soft felt padding on the inside for comfort. It has small, small, silver studs around its middle, approximately two inches apart, and three silver D-rings. A weighty, metre long, silver chain clips to the middle D-ring at one end, and has a looped leather strip at the other for holding.
The classic image that is conjured up when you talk to vanilla people about collars is a submissive woman with a wide, black leather collar around her neck attached to a leash, naked or wearing lingerie, on her hands and knees or tied to some piece of furniture with cuffs or rope.
This is basically what I use this collar for. There’s nothing subtle about it. It’s in your face, bold and whoever is wearing it won’t forget they are. Its stronger construction lends itself to rougher play without having to worry about it falling apart.
And that’s why I primarily use it in two situations: at BDSM kink parties where I wish to lead my sub around in public, and during sex at home.
The leash is useful in the bedroom too. I can pull on it when behind my sub either when she is standing or being taken from behind during doggy, useful if she enjoys choking play.
2. The O-Ring House BDSM Collar
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The second type of submissive collar I own is somewhere between the heavyweight BDSM collar above and a BDSM day collar. It’s made of black leather, but is thinner and lighter. It’s about an inch wide and has no padding on the inside. There are few decorations, and the D-ring is swapped for smaller O-ring , displayed on the front.
This collar is more a decorative piece of jewellery. The construction of the collar and nature of the O-ring wouldn’t withstand a leash being attached. The ring is just there as a symbol of submission.
However, because the collar is thicker than a standard choker, it would look a bit odd being worn in the street or as a fashion accessory. For that reason I deem it a house collar, designed to be worn inside, at kinky events, or around kinky people.
That said, it could be used as a day collar, but would attract more attention.
This is the type of BDSM collar I would take on holiday. It’s easy to slip into a handbag or pack in hang luggage than the thicker collar and leash which may attract attention going through airport security scanners!
A house collar can be kept on during sex if desired.
3. The Discreet Day Collar
For me there’s something highly arousing about seeing a collar worn in a non-sexual environment, which is why the day collar is probably my favourite. I reckon it’s the hotness of ‘our little secret’, but also knowing other kinky people might see it and know what type of relationship we have.
As an example, there’s a woman at work who wears a choker virtually every day. Wearing a choker in a work environment isn’t all that common to begin with, but to wear it each and every day is even more uncommon, making me suspect she may be in a D/s relationship and have been collared by her Dom.
Of course, I may be completely wrong. There’s no way of knowing for sure except by asking, and I’m not going to do that in a professional workplace environment. If I’m wrong that’s got HR and sexual harassment written all over it!
I don’t actually own a day collar, instead relying on my sub to have her own collection of necklaces and chokers. Typically they will. I prefer this approach because then I can see the styles they like, and that they feel comfortable wearing it. If they don’t, any high street retailer will sell them, or you can opt for something a little more unique or handmade.
A sadist Dom might insist their sub wear something even if their little doesn’t like it, but that’s not my style. Nothing wrong with that approach (provided consent has been given of course) if that’s what you are in to though.
A fun game is to get your submissive to send you photos of all the collars she owns via text or WhatsApp in the morning, and then pick out the one she needs to wear for the day. That’s the beauty of day collars – they can be worn anywhere, even if you aren’t there.
Discrete day collars I’m particularly fond of are lace chokers with a small dangly piece of jewellery attached at the front, such as a little crystal or cross. Millimetre thin solid silver ones are also nice, but for some reason don’t seem as submissive to me as they just look like a typical necklace.
BDSM Collars I DON’T use
I don’t use submissive slave collars. Technically a slave collar could be any of the three types above, but in my mind a slave collar is a solid, wide, metal collar, with a front clasp allowing a padlock to lock it closed (interested? Read more about training your slave, or how to be a good submissive slave).
As mentioned before, I’m only partially into the idea of having a slave, so this type of collar never appealed to me. Plus it’s a bit impractical to take on and off.
Which type of BDSM collar do you wear or enjoy seeing your sub wear? Let me know in the comments below.
Daddy ordered my FIRST collar just a couple days ago!! It’ll likely be a minute before it arrives, as it is handmade and coming from Czech Republic. I’m beyond ~ecstatic ~… He to COLLAR ME, as HIS. 🤯🤯💅👸👑🔐🥲
Congratulations, Heather! That’s very exciting. Enjoy it 🙂
Just received 2 yes 2 collars!!!! I’m so estatic. I now know to whom I belong to. Thank you
Im curious as to how the sub felt when asked or told they would be collared. I was taken by surprise by my reaction when I was asked. I was ecstatic but also, my breath was shaky like i couldnt breathe. Can’t wait to put my collar on!!!
Hi Lisa. My style of Dom/sub is fairly relaxed, and therefore we didn’t have an official collaring ceremony like some might. And she doesn’t wear the collar often. I ask her to wear her day collar from time to time, or she adds it to an outfit. And we will also use a larger collar during play. But I can imagine it being a big moment for subs because it’s very ritualistic 🙂
My dom collared me two weeks ago and it’s the best feeling I’ve ever felt but now trust issues have risen, how do I talk with my dom and tell him because trust should be really big in this sort of a dynamic but I’ve caught him in lies before to the point it makes me wonder am I really his only sub.? I guess my question here is, do doms usually have more then one sub at a time? He comes of as a player type so I worry he might night be a loyal dom either am I suppose to question this? Does this make me a bad sub ? Sometimes I feel like I can’t really even talk to him, I feel like he brushes it off and it’s starting to make me feel kind of weird about our arrangement because I don’t feel his commitment towards me as his sub sex, rewards and punishments are amazing honestly I just wish we had better communication between us
Hi Rebecca – a D/s dynamic really needs strong communication to flourish, and there’s clearly issues with that here. If it’s important to you that your dom is monogamous with you, then you should have that conversation with him, the same goes for anything else where you want to agree on the rules. Remember, a dynamic isn’t just for the dom, it should be for both parties, and if you’re concerned about your dynamic, your concerns are valid. Don’t make the mistake of letting a dynamic crumble in front of you because you’re too nervous to deal with the issues, and don’t let a fake dom convince you abusive behaviour is a healthy relationship.
TLDR: you’re NOT a bad sub for having concerns about your dynamic – you should try to resolve them with your dom, and if your dom doesn’t take your needs seriously, you should leave them.
I am most definitely going to bring up getting a collar for me that I will wear everyday, I love the idea of that and the idea of other D/s people potentially seeing it and thinking along the same lines. I’ve worn collars/chokers before and this would be an amazing way to step up our relationship 🥹🙊
Sir has ordered my collar soon he is gonna be my daddy.