In October my journey with this blog began. I attended three kink related events and skimmed another one (more on this in a bit).
The events I attended were:
- Better Sex with Fantasy and Taboo (Talk)
- Klassy Social (Social)
- London Talks Sex (Talk)
I also logged back in to Fetlife to revamp my profile. I created one around three years ago, but never did much with it. I’ve come to realise that it’s the Facebook of kinksters. At kink socials you may get asked for your Fetlife username, so I thought I better update it just in case.
Cheeky Swerves
I mention in my about page that I go to these events primarily in the hope of meeting someone special, and learning new things as a secondary goal.
Having logged back in to Fetlife I browsed their events pages and noticed a couple of munches on last week. Munches are social events for kinky people, where you meet up in a pub (typically) and just chat about normal things. I want to meet people, so it seemed a perfectly reasonable place to start, and I planned to attend both an afternoon munch and an evening munch on Saturday.
I dressed up a little bit (nothing kinky, but put some effort into wearing a shirt and jacket) and headed to the first London venue. The profile page of this particular munch had given a description of what to look for to find the people at the venue.
I’m ashamed to admit it, but as soon as I saw the group, I was disheartened. It was everything which I had hoped it wouldn’t be, but secretly believed it would be. A group of 7 guys and 1 girl.
First of all, this wasn’t going to fulfil my first goal of meeting someone special. Secondly, the group looked a little social awkward. As I say this, I feel bad. I’m sure they are absolutely lovely people and I didn’t give them a chance, but you know when you just don’t get a good vibe. I really didn’t want to several hours on a Saturday making small talk. What I wanted was some cool guys to hang out with and some attractive women to flirt with.
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And for that reason, I walked straight past the table and left.
Yes, I’m a terrible, judgemental person.
It also put me off the evening munch, so I spent the night alone on the sofa instead.
I spoke with a female friend I’ve known for around a year who had attended a few munches in her time. She had similar experiences of them being sausage fests, and not the most exciting people to interact with.
Now, I am 100% sure not all meetups are like this, and I will give another one a go. But it really doesn’t do much to alleviate this belief I have that if you are a high value woman (who is monogamous – I appreciate many poly people go to these events and it doesn’t matter if they have a boyfriend), you don’t need to attend these kinds of groups to meet a guy to have a relationship with. So what are my chances of meeting someone at them?
And at the same time it absolutely makes me self-reflect. If I really was a good catch, why would I need to attend such events? The answer is probably no, and I need to work on myself and my life, in particular building a larger social circle.
Anyway, I’ve gone off on a tangent. Back to the events.
October Review
Of the three October kink events I went to, I liked the ‘Better Sex with Fantasy and Taboo‘ talk the best. It was informal, informative and I spoke with a very attractive woman who attended the second talk with me.
All in all, a good start.
November Lookahead
This month I’ve already booked tickets to:
- Women on Top: Leadership from Bedroom to Boardroom
- Feeld Social: Fluid Identities [Panel, Installations & Screenings]
- Modern Panic X: Panic Sermons Act 1
Women on Top
I know what you’re thinking. Chief, why are you attending an event clearly aimed at women? I did wonder the same thing when my friend I met at one of the October talks sent me the link. I was concerned it would be a bit creepy turning up to an all female event (although I’m going with her so it’ll be less creepy).
But I am interested in power dynamics between men and women, and also how this plays out in a non-relationship environment such as work. Plus I believe it is very important to understand the perspective of a group to which I don’t belong, and understand the challenges they face.
I also needed more material for the blog! So I booked a ticket and will report back soon.
Feeld Social
Update: Read my review of this Feeld kink social.
Feeld (formerly known as 3rinder) was an app originally designed to help couples find a third for threesomes (or a single person to find a couple). It the three or four years since launch, it has now evolved into more of a dating app for hookups, threesomes, but also kinky people looking to date.
I was on it with my ex-girlfriend a couple of years ago, and we met up with another couple who contact us for a drink. This led to being invited to an orgy and was my first foray into group sex, a key turning point in my life. So I have a lot to thank Feeld for.
However, as a single guy, the app has the same disadvantages as traditional dating sites and apps. It’s guy heavy, girl light. Women on it tend to be looking for couples, and couples are looking for single women. Any single girls who are looking for a single guy have their pick of the numerous guys, so us average looking dudes are left out to dry.
My rational for going to the Feeld event is twofold. One, I tend to do better speaking to people in person, than being judged instantly on a couple of photos. And secondly, there are exhibitions and talks at the event to watch and listen to (remember, one of the goals of this blog is to learn more about kink and understand other viewpoints).
Modern Panic X
I was alerted to this event due to being on the Torture Garden mailing list. I’d never heard of Modern Panic, but it appears to be an art installation which happens ever year, showcase art too graphic for normal galleries.
Sounds right up my street.
I perused the event page and discovered they have artists performing in the evenings, as well as the traditional gallery installations. I booked a ticket immediately and am looking forward to it, although some of the descriptions of the acts do sound VERY graphic.
I’m all for public nudity, sex, etc. but some of these artists hint at self-harm which turns me off, and makes me feel a little squeamish. I’m going with an open mind, but may have to hide behind my hands.
Summary
So there it is. One month in and I’ve met some interesting people, and been to several thought provoking events. If nothing else, it’s got me out of the house and stimulated my brain.
