The One Thing Your Submissive Craves

To the completely untrained eye, it can appear as though us submissives crave violence. It can definitely seem that way if you are only familiar with D/s roles through movies or porn.

There are big box office movies that show women getting spanked and tied up like a cherry stem. If you search any popular porn site for BDSM content, you will find a more extreme version of the former.

These scenes can be fun and sexy if you like impact or restraint play but can leave some pretty lost.

It still doesn’t answer our question: what do submissives want most of all? (other than a sparkly new princess plug).

What do subs REALLY want?

A true BDSM master might offer that what submissives really want is in the name: they want to submit. This is more accurate and leaves so much room for exploration.

We like to have rules to follow. Even if we don’t actually do what our Dom tells us sometimes.

Submissives crave the beautiful and warm mind space of complete submission. To put complete control of your body and choices in the hands of a trusted Dominant is a dream.

With intimate obedience comes a stillness in your mind and a rush through your body.

I know what you’re thinking, “Submissives crave submission? Groundbreaking. Truly”.

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And here is where we get to the good part.

This is only one piece of the puzzle, and it isn’t very action-able so far.

How do you give Domination to your submissive in the way they crave?

• Is it by commanding her in the bedroom?
• Helping her in the day-to-day?
• Making a list of rules to follow?

These are almost the answer and probably things you have already tried before with mixed results. 

The one thing your submissive truly craves is instructions.

We want the smallest of details clearly laid out and we want to live up to those expectations. Part of the sub-space we crave comes from complete freedom of decision fatigue. Every day is full of choices and countless possibilities. It may sound counter-intuitive but being completely submissive is to be free in its own way.

 Ideally, the instructions you give as a Dom should be as detailed as possible and broken up into small and manageable parts. Imagine that you are writing an instruction manual for someone that has never performed this task. Your imagination is key here. Remember, your submissive loves instructions!

Good and bad examples of using instructions

Let me paint two scenes for you, one with basic Domination and one with explicit and detailed instructions. When I say explicit here, I am referring to the level of detail. Although your instructions can also be sexually explicit.

• Scenario 1: You are hungry and enjoy a 24/7 dynamic with your partner. You instruct her to make you dinner. She comes back with some leftovers she heated up. You eat and can’t complain because she did technically follow the rules. At least the pot roast is better the second day.

Now let’s imagine this scenario with explicit and detailed instructions.

• Scenario 2: You are hungry and enjoy a 24/7 dynamic with your partner. You call her over and give her a detailed recipe of the sandwich you want. Mayo on only one side, mustard on the other. Four slices of turkey and the thinnest slices of tomato she can whip up. 

I can guarantee you that your submissive will be giddy with excitement with every part of the sandwich coming together.

Here is the twist, she will enjoy this even if she is a brat. (Learn about the types of submissive here).

This is because, with so many instructions, she can put her brattiness into the one she chooses.

• Maybe she puts mayo on both sides, knowing she’ll get spanked.
• Maybe she doesn’t put tomatoes at all.

Who knew sandwiches could be so naughty?

Detailed instructions also reflect your level of attention and care as a Dominant. 

This could mean the difference between a basic Dom and an active Dom.

When you give simple and broad commands, it can fall flat. It is difficult to feel the effort and attention with instructions such as “suck my cock”. However, turn that into “get on your knees in front of the mirror. Open your mouth for me and stick out your tongue,” and now we’re really getting somewhere. 

Remember to throw in feedback (or punishments) when your instructions are followed or ignored. This is the reason instructions are so tantalizing to submissives. As soon as you give them, we are imagining the result. A simple “that’s it” or “good girl” does wonders if we have followed everything. 

If your sub is being bratty, things can take a different path. Every ignored or incorrectly followed instruction ignites the part of our brain that is waiting for punishment or push-back from our Dom. Your brat is getting hot and wild with every little ignored order.

An example of instructions for your submissive 

If you are worried about where to start, here are a few simple yet detailed instructions to guide you:

• Get on all fours. Now look back at me. Smile for me and don’t break eye contact.
• Go into the bedroom and put on that lingerie I just bought you. Lay on the bed and start touching yourself. Look at me when I come into the room. Don’t stop no matter what happens.
• Go into the bathroom and take off your panties. Send me a sexy selfie. When you come back, give your panties to me. 

 If you are still having trouble thinking of small, detailed instructions, imagine that your submissive is your very own sweet little android. They want to do everything they can to please you, but they’re an android so they don’t know what to do. It is up to you to teach them. You must provide them with the programming. 

Even if your Domination style is more brutish, sprinkling in detailed and explicit instructions will give your submissive butterflies in all the right places. After all, I’m sure you can easily think of a few details you want sorted out.