11 reflections on being a BDSM educator in 2023: Looking, learning, and a lot of work

Hey, kinksters.

2023 has been a year filled with ups, downs, and a few sideways glances. I wanted to write down some of my reflections from this year before we head into 2024.

What have I learned in 2023? How has it been as a BDSM educator? And what am I looking forward to in 2024?

Read on to find out…

1. The great workshop venue hunt

Trying to find a space for BDSM education workshops is like searching for a needle in a very conservative haystack. I want to do a talk or run a workshop for KE in 2024 but have yet to find a suitable venue.

The Holy Trinity is a venue that is cost-effective (because I may not sell any tickets!), classy (I don’t want people sitting in an unappealing lecture hall), and liberal enough to allow a workshop where kink is being discussed.

2. The art of running a Discord server

Running a Discord server is like juggling flaming torches while riding a unicycle. It’s a fun challenge, though! With so many channels to moderate and every new applicant needing to be vetted, it feels like I’ve become the digital gatekeeper of a very quirky kingdom.

One of the reasons I only open applications for a small number of days at a time is to be time efficient. I can dedicate a few days to approving new members in one go rather than have to do a handful every single day.

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Still, it’s been wonderful to see the KE community grow to over 800 kinksters. 

3. When your side hustle is a secret

There’s a unique charm in running a sex ed website that only a select group knows about. It’s my little secret garden in the vast internet landscape. Balancing this with my professional life is a delicate dance though. I can’t show my face for fear of it having an impact on my career. So until the day I can run Kinky Events as a full-time business, I’ll remain anonymous.

4. Content creation: The struggle is real

I dream of spreading my wings on YouTube and Instagram, but it’s a time-consuming affair, especially when you’re camera-shy. So, I’m channelling my energy into what I love most: crafting articles and BDSM guides.

I did start a YouTube channel for Kinky Events this year and uploaded some of my podcast episodes to it. If you’re not already subscribed then please do in case I suddenly do get a surge of creative energy and go video-mad.

5. BDSM: A mind game I love

The psychological nuances of BDSM fascinate me more than the physical aspects. It’s like a cerebral game of cat and mouse, layered with trust and consent.

I hope this comes across in my writing, and you get a sense of just how powerful a weapon the mind can be when creating a BDSM scene. I’d love you all to focus on the psychological aspects of kink in 2024 and see how it helps the connection with your partner improve. 

6. The joy of introducing kink (aka my corruption kink)

Helping newbies discover the world of kink is like being a tour guide in a hidden wonderland. There’s nothing quite like seeing someone’s eyes light up with excitement when they realise there’s a whole world of D/s out there and that they can be a part of it if they want.

In 2024 I want to help more people integrate BDSM into their relationships in a consensual, authentic and fun way. Hopefully, that’ll involve the creation of more BDSM courses, more books, and running in-person workshops (if I find a bloody venue!). 

7. In-person over pixels

I’ve learned that online and remote dynamics just don’t do it for me. I crave the intimacy of real-life interactions. It’s about the energy, the connection – something that just can’t be captured through a screen.

I also feel as a Dominant I get a bad deal out of an online dynamic.

Sexting is generally all about the submissive receiving, and the Dominant putting in all the work. As a Dominant I want to experience my sub’s submissive energy, and that’s not easy to do via text. Whereas the sub gets pleasure in being told what to do regardless of whether that is online or in-person. It feels like work oftentimes. So meh. Offline only for me, please. 

8. An introvert’s lack of kink events

I’ve barely been to many in-person kimky events this year. I’d love to go to more but as an introvert, I find them quite tiring. Plus in London events are expensive.

I prefer meeting people in small groups as I find it difficult to talk in loud environments such as clubs. I hope in 2024 to attend smaller, more intimate swing-type events in classy surroundings with friends that end at a reasonable hour.

Is that too much to ask?!

Finding those private parties is the tricky part, especially as an introvert who doesn’t meet many people when going to munches due to my inability to give good small talk!

9. Community cheers

I’m constantly amazed at the people in the KE community. They are so friendly and willing to help. Several people offered to be Discord moderators this year and that’s really helped out. So thank you to all the members who are so active on there. 

10. Navigating the ebb and flow of desire

It’s easy to get into a relationship slump and not put any effort into creating scenes or engaging in BDSM (the same was true in 2022 to be fair). I don’t know if it’s because I’m getting older or because I’ve been focused on my business or both, but my sex drive seems to have been lower this year than in previous years.

In some ways I’m okay with this – it does feel like a natural part of getting older and putting less emphasis on sex.

In other ways, I think about my late twenties and early thirties when I was having lots of sex and wonder if my libido will ever return to those levels (probably not, and that’s okay. It’s still fun to reminisce). 

11. Moineau the Muse

I couldn’t have built Kinky Events into what it is today without the help of Moineau. She’s such a wonderful human being, always there to offer me support, give me feedback on my hair-brained ideas, edit my books and articles, or to record a podcast at a moment’s notice.

Moineau’s insights and perspective as a woman and a submissive perfectly counterbalance mine and one of the reasons people love listening to the podcast.

So thank you, Moineau, for putting up with me whilst I spent all the time in 2023 working on Kinky Events 😉

Concluding my 2023 round-up

There you have it – my 2023 wrapped up in a few paragraphs. From the comical to the contemplative, it’s been a year of growth, learning, and lots of behind-the-scenes action. Here’s to hoping 2024 brings even more adventures and insights.

What’s your year been like?

I’d love to hear about your year and your thoughts. Drop a comment below and let’s keep the conversation going. Here’s to learning, laughing, and living our best lives in the world of BDSM, sex, and relationships!