E36: What sexual fantasy could you never tell your partner about?

In this BDSM podcast episode, Chief and Moineau discuss a Reddit thread titled ‘Wives of Reddit, what is a sexual fantasy you could never tell to your husband?‘. The episode includes tips on taking about kinks with your partner, how Chief and Moineau’s limits have changed over time, forced orgams, and getting kicked out of a club for having sex in the toilets!

Transcript

[00:00:00] Chief: What was that, the intro? What is that? That did not sound music. I thought it was like mission impossible. Do

[00:00:14] Moineau: do.

[00:00:15] Chief: Oh, the, um, do, do.

[00:00:17] Moineau: Not that one. Do do. Oh, please don’t get that stuck in my head. I used to have that song stuck in my, oh my goodness. No. Oh, I sang that song all the time. As a tween. I was so annoying all the time.

You’re still

[00:00:31] Chief: a thanks . Don’t anymore. But you’re still annoying.

[00:00:36] Moineau: I thought you were really, I’m still a tween. No,

[00:00:39] Chief: she’s still annoying. Thanks. Appreciate it.

[00:00:43] Moineau: Um. So mean! Is that how you’re starting this

[00:00:45] Chief: recording? Oh, I thought we wanted some sadism and humiliation play.

[00:00:51] Moineau: I don’t like humiliation. I know you don’t.

I like. No, I don’t like degradation. I don’t mind a little bit of objectification that veers onto humiliation, but I don’t want to be degraded.

[00:01:05] Chief: Degraded? Yes. I won’t degrade you. Thanks.

[00:01:34] Chief: Hello, and welcome to this episode of Conversations with a Dom, where we’re going to be talking about another Reddit thread. I discovered this Reddit thread, and the title was, Wives of Reddit, What is a sexual fantasy you could never have imagined? Tell your husband and I was intrigued by this. I love looking at the Sex subreddits as some of you may know from listening to previous episodes Just because I think we’re in a bit of a bubble in that we obviously talk about sex a lot of a lot of the time So I quite like to see what normal people Like think of as kinky Yeah.

And where their boundaries lie, because I’m not sure I have many boundaries. So it’s always good to see when they’re like, Oh yeah, I could never tell her I want oral sex. And it’s just like, Oh God. So yes, that’s what we’re doing. Um, I’ve read a few of these and we’re just going to scroll through, see some of the answers and discuss them.

All

[00:02:30] Moineau: right. Yeah.

[00:02:32] Chief: Yeah. Yeah. You don’t seem that. No,

[00:02:35] Moineau: no, it’s, uh, I always wonder if. Answering reddit questions is a cop out method.

[00:02:40] Chief: Well, yes, we did discuss this and we asked it on our discord server and they were like, no, we actually quite like those episodes. I

[00:02:47] Moineau: mean, I like thinking about reddit questions and, and scrolling through subreddits myself, but I do wonder, I’m like, is it just the easy?

Is it just the, the easy content? Like reaction

[00:02:59] Chief: channels? Yes it is, it is, but we’re going to give our thoughts about it. It’s a way of prompting discussion. Yeah. It is a massive, I’ve learned so much off Reddit though. That’s true. Not just sex, just in general. I think I, I, I really love it. I know it’s super nerdy, but I really, I really like it.

It’s my social media. It’s the one I waste the most time on. For sure. For sure. Um, but it’s more educational than these others, that’s what I’m going to claim. Perhaps. Yes. Yes. An educational bubble. Girls Gone Wild is very educational. Yes, I’m

[00:03:27] Moineau: sure.

[00:03:29] Chief: I’ve learnt a lot. Um, right, so one of the first answer, or one of the answers, uh, I just want to watch him masturbate or even hear about it later.

I think he feels embarrassed about it though. What do you think? Watching, watching your partner masturbate, hot or not? Hot.

[00:03:49] Moineau: Um, but also like, I’d feel like I’m intruding in a moment somehow, like, I don’t know, if I were to just like, watch you masturbate, does that not make you feel put on the spot?

[00:04:03] Chief: And like, are you looking like, are you hiding in the cupboard while I’m doing this

[00:04:07] Moineau: or?

I don’t know. Well, I don’t like, like mutual masturbation is the thing, but it’s weird to touch myself. Like, you do a better job of touching myself than I do of touching myself when we’re together. But perhaps it’s not true, like I, I, I’m very well versed at getting myself off, but when I’m with you, I don’t want to be getting myself off because that ruins, like, it feels nice.

So nice and novel to have you touching me because then I’m it’s it’s every every sensation is unexpected and it’s going to be with your rhythm, which is really nice to connect with and not like my own habit. Anyways, that’s mutual masturbation.

[00:04:50] Chief: Yeah, but what about the It, I’m thinking of going into the kind of, um, your, it’s, it’s a not begging, but begging.

So it’s like, um, I’m withholding my cock, so it’s like, Oh, I get to play with it, but you just have to watch.

[00:05:08] Moineau: Yeah. You’re not allowed to touch. I’ve kind of played with that before. And it’s like, it’s, it’s, I mean, it’s attractive watching you, uh, play with your cock, but it also. After a while, it’s not because I’m not a very visual person or like I am, but I want to be involved in the story and in the, I want the mood to be, to be set.

And I know that men are generally more visual and more visually oriented and just how I would probably read porn more than I would watch porn. I think it’s the same sort of thing, like watching my partner. Masturbate. Like, yeah, it looks alright, but like, I want to be, I want to be involved, and if anything, it’s more frustrating and annoying.

I’m like, for fuck’s sake, just let me, let me touch it!

[00:05:59] Chief: So maybe, well, that’s kind of what I was meaning, if it’s a bit of power play, like, you know, you have to just kneel there and watch, and you can’t… Because sometimes I put my, my cock quite near your mouth, and I hold your hair so that you can’t get it.

I know it’s not quite the same as what they’re talking, you know, they’re not really talking about kink here, but, um… Oh, I guess it could be, though… She’s also said, hear about it later. Yeah. So, me describing myself playing what I did. I’d feel awkward doing

[00:06:28] Moineau: that. Exactly. I wouldn’t mind hearing about it.

And I think it would be a fun way to connect. But

[00:06:33] Chief: I’d be like, as a guy, it’s just like, Well, yeah, I just lay there and I stroked it a few times as I came. Like, what do you want to

[00:06:38] Moineau: know? Well, I think it’s the same my way around. Like, yeah, I was rubbing myself through my panties and it took about… 15 minutes and it felt nice and then my toes curled and then I went

[00:06:48] Chief: to sleep.

I think it’s what you’re thinking about. Yeah, that’s what I would want to know. You

[00:06:53] Moineau: want to know about the fantasy. Like,

[00:06:54] Chief: yes, yeah, the act of touching yourself. Well, actually, it’s vision. Like when I see it, I like that. I like to know it is hot, like seeing someone play themselves because. It’s the, for me, it’s not the act itself, it’s the knowing that they are sex positive enough and open enough to be comfortable with that.

That’s the turn on. Yeah,

[00:07:20] Moineau: I think it, I don’t know if you’ve ever, like, or, you have. told me before to like touch myself but generally within a scene and after a couple of seconds I generally stop because I’m like too slippery or like I’m exhausted because it’s after we’ve actually had sex and you’re trying to get me off but it’s like by that point my My arousal isn’t what it was, or I’m not, like, my body’s not going to be wanting me to touch myself when I’m with you.

Yeah. Anyway, I don’t know, but also it’s like being put on the spot, like, it’s going, I’m going to find it really, really difficult to try to touch myself to orgasm if you’re just like there watching

[00:08:00] Chief: me. Yeah, I think if you, if you said, oh, you know. Play with yourself. I’ll watch and you weren’t if you’re just sitting there fully clothed.

I would I would struggle. Yeah, I think

[00:08:08] Moineau: yeah Like what am I supposed like am I trying to go into my fantasies? And then then are you part of those fantasies? and if you’re not then that feels awkward almost and then I am I going to have to Try to put your voice in like I don’t

[00:08:23] Chief: know. Yeah, so it’s probably not one we do but we I we do do I will tell you to play with yourself over text.

Yeah. So we’ll do that kind of thing. That’s more fun. Because there’s less pressure because I can’t see you. And I don’t think we’ve done it over like, video chat.

[00:08:38] Moineau: Like video chat. No, but think about the chin angles. I know.

[00:08:42] Chief: Like when you’re lying the best angle. I have done it in the past, but it’s, yeah, it’s a bit uncomfortable.

It’s not uncomfortable. It can be quite hot. I think it can be quite hot. You know what?

[00:08:51] Moineau: We actually did do it over video like once way early in the pandemic, um, lockdown times. And I remember like, I don’t think we showed faces. It was just like chests and like you could see the hands were moving, but that was about it.

Yeah.

[00:09:09] Chief: Okay. But in terms of. But again, this is the thing, we’re not, we’re not absolutely, I wouldn’t even say this is a kink, and we’re not, um, being disparaging of this. Like, this is absolutely something that if you, if you want to do it, you should speak to your partner about it. I’m sure your partner would be excited.

Yeah, yeah, and, um, I would, if you said it to me, I wouldn’t be like, Oh my God, that’s disgusting. No, I’d be, I’d certainly be open to it and I would probably do it. Give it a go. Yeah. Flattered. I think any guy would be very flattered about it. Um, I just

[00:09:42] Moineau: immediately jumped to logistics with things like this.

So my apologies,

[00:09:45] Chief: but she, but it’s cause it’s normally the other way around. It’s normally man wants to see the woman. That’s. That’s kind of generally how we think. So I think this person would be very flattered if she said it to them. So on the kink scale, I don’t think this is very high up. Uh, it’s not even talking about anything too explicit.

So yeah.

[00:10:03] Moineau: Are we rating this on the kink, on some

[00:10:06] Chief: sort of kink scale? I was going to rate it on like, how extreme is this request for, from her to him? And I’d say it’s like a 2 out of 10.

[00:10:15] Moineau: Yeah, on our scale, I’d say this is very,

[00:10:18] Chief: very low. Yeah, yeah. But it can be quite… One of the reasons I wanted to go through this thread is because there will be more extreme things, but but it’s nothing to be embarrassed about, nothing you, um…

In fact… She actually says, I think he feels embarrassed about it, so I don’t know if she’s asked him and he’s kind of felt embarrassed about it, but, uh, you shouldn’t be embarrassed or worried. You should be able to talk about these kind of things to your partner, ideally. Definitely. Ideally. And if they say, no, I’m not into that, that’s fine, but it’s more the, being able to have that conversation I think is, is important.

Yeah. Um, alright, let’s look at another one. Um, I want to hear him moaning and saying stuff while he’s fucking me, and I want him to be spontaneous. So I’ve heard this a lot, that moaning is a thing. Women want to hear guys moan.

[00:11:15] Moineau: Not moan so much as a, like, groan.

[00:11:20] Chief: What’s the difference between a moan

[00:11:22] Moineau: and a groan?

A moan is, uh, or, mm, uh, and a

[00:11:27] Chief: groan is A female moan. A feminine

[00:11:29] Moineau: vocalisation. Uh, I can’t do a groan.

[00:11:34] Chief: Like an animalistic

[00:11:35] Moineau: growl? No, not a growl, a groan. Like you groan sometimes during sex, where you’re just like, ugh. Like, like.

[00:11:43] Chief: Okay, so it’s like, ugh, or ugh. That’s the difference

[00:11:46] Moineau: between a moan and a groan. No, I just think that a moan is more like, you’re, it’s like.

It’s like the stereotypical woman eating yogurt on a commercial that’s going mmm, mmm, and that like, I’m like, I’d rather hear a little bit of, you’re so, you’re finding whatever we’re doing so, um, physically enjoyable and so arousing as a sensation that it happens to be vocalized. Yes. Well, however, that vocalization comes out, I suppose.

But if you were to say something, I might, yeah, depending on the vocalization, I think your response would be, um,

[00:12:29] Chief: But it’s definitely something I’ve seen in a lot of threads, not just this thread where women are like, Oh, I wish he moaned more. I wish he made more noise.

[00:12:36] Moineau: It’s validating, right? To have a partner saying, like vocalizing their

[00:12:40] Chief: enjoyment.

Yes. It’s like when women, men want to hear the women moan because it means we’re doing a good job. Yeah.

[00:12:47] Moineau: And actually I think over time I’ve Become a little bit more free with my vocalizing when we’re having sex at the beginning. I was very silent and couldn’t even say anything now like if something feels good.

I it’s not like I’m trying to make the sound but I feel like My voice is almost liberated, like I can, if I do want to make a sound, but I’m not trying, I’m trying to, but I’m not trying to like force out the sound, and I’m not trying to like fake moan, but the moans come out way more freely than they did before.

When we first started having sex. So

[00:13:27] Chief: I remember reading a theory about why women make more noise during sex. Do you know this? No. Um, I don’t know if it’s a theory or there is evidence, but some evolutionary biologists, um, it’s called involuntary copulatory vocalization. And it is because as a woman, you want the best, uh, genes and DNA.

And this is in the animal kingdom. And they see that all. female species tend to make more noise than the males. And it’s, it’s to attract other males. I was wondering, is it like a… To alert that you’re having sex. Yeah,

[00:14:02] Moineau: to let others know that, by the way, this is happening. Yes.

[00:14:06] Chief: And they can come and fight off the male that is currently with you.

But also,

[00:14:10] Moineau: whatever’s going on. is quite, I would think that it’s, it’s quite good. So like, can, it’s, it’s both announcing that you’re having sex and maybe like a challenge, like, can you do better? Can you make me

[00:14:25] Chief: more noises? Yeah. It’s to, it’s to attract the other males so that the strongest one will knock the other one out of the way.

[00:14:32] Moineau: Can you imagine? I mean, obviously this is taking a biological component. And if I’m going back to like very early Homo species or whatever, but like how annoying if you’re sitting there like in your cave Currently like getting a really nice. You’re almost about to come and then like Gogg like bashes your boyfriend Over the head with a club and you’re like for fuck’s sake I was 10 seconds away from coming He doesn’t care.

Oh, that would be annoying. Yeah, like you better do better You know if you think you can go ahead and push off this guy. Yeah, you better do better. Yeah

[00:15:09] Chief: Yeah, so that’s the theory. I think it was, it might have been Sex at Dawn, that book, although, um, I read some other studies that debunk a lot of what’s in Sex at Dawn, so, you know, take it with a pinch

[00:15:19] Moineau: of salt.

I’ve heard that there’s just different theories that are approaching the same thing from different angles.

[00:15:23] Chief: Yeah, it does make sense. I mean, women definitely make a lot of noise, and sometimes they don’t even know it. I, I remember I had, I was dating someone for a little bit, years ago and they made so like, like screams, like shrieks.

Yeah. And it was, I can’t even replicate it. It wasn’t a moan or it was just a, it was just like a piercing scream. And, uh, I couldn’t deal with it. I was just like, literally waking up at least four neighbors away.

[00:15:55] Moineau: See, that I think is. I think that there’s a lot of repressed sort of, if you, if you start touching yourself, like when you’re first discovering your sexuality, you have to keep it quiet because you’re not wanting other people to hear it anyways.

And so sometimes a lot of that like sort of stigma or guilt then, then transfers over as you mature.

[00:16:20] Chief: I think most people want. don’t want other people to know they’re having sex, I’d say, on the whole. But I, but again, I’ve had other partners who they would open all the windows. Yeah, they want everyone to hear and they want to, they make a lot of noise on purpose because part of their kink is having other people hear.

[00:16:37] Moineau: When I watch porn, I watch it on mute because there’s nothing as off putting as hearing fake moans or whatever. Like it’s, The sound of the people having sex can totally put me off. So even though the movements might be really arousing and I can like imagine myself in a similar scenario or try to use that as part of my fantasy, the moment one of them opens their mouths to speak or say something in line or just start a Yeah, moaning in, whether it’s real or fake, I don’t want to hear it.

So porn is on mute almost all the time.

[00:17:12] Chief: Agreed. So, um, this one again, I think more guys should make noise. And, um, they also mentioned, uh, saying stuff. So I’m assuming they mean dirty talk. We talk about. This, we’ve got articles on this and courses on how to dirty talk. So I

[00:17:30] Moineau: love, by the way, I, when, when you make noise during sex, it’s really hot.

It’s definitely, it’s definitely a turn on, especially when you say like phrases, um, either praising me or saying how much you’re enjoying yourself or how good I feel.

[00:17:47] Chief: I need some new phrases because I feel like I use the same ones a lot. I’m like, I’ve said this, I’ve said this.

[00:17:51] Moineau: They work. You don’t. I’m like.

Good girl will always work. And saying how good I feel or how much you’ve missed this,

[00:18:00] Chief: that always does… Well, that plays into the objectification as well.

[00:18:03] Moineau: Yeah, but also, like, you’re just enjoying our time together, which is validating and makes me think that. Like, oh good, you know, like, phew.

[00:18:11] Chief: But we blur the lines between praising you but also then praising your body parts.

So I’ll be like, Oh, you know, taking, being able to take my whole or whatever. I’m like objectifying you and claiming like it as well.

[00:18:25] Moineau: And claiming me in that process. Yes. You know, it, it does good things for me. So yeah, keep

[00:18:31] Chief: it coming. Yeah, so, literally, so yeah, guys, more noise and, um, again, I don’t think this is, this is again like a 2 out of 10.

I

[00:18:41] Moineau: wouldn’t say this is very kinky,

[00:18:43] Chief: no. Well, it’s not about kinky, it’s about how difficult would it be to ask your partner for this. I don’t think…

[00:18:48] Moineau: No, I think you would just come up with that struggle of people being perhaps a little bit self conscious about

[00:18:56] Chief: it. So I’ve got some tips. This, if you want to, if you’re, if you want to make your partner talk dirty to you, write down some phrases and give a bit to them.

And say, I want you to say these to me, rather than getting them to come up with the phrases because they, especially if they’re quite vanilla, they may have no clue, they don’t know what you like. Again, there’s so many different words that can be offensive to some people, like slut, a lot of people don’t like that.

But they go crazy for whore or bitch, they hate and whores they like, it’s so varied. So you write the phrases, you give them to him and say, look, here’s the list of words. Well, it doesn’t even have

[00:19:31] Moineau: to be words. Um, easy, dirty talk. Explain what you’re doing, or what, what sensations

[00:19:38] Chief: you’re liking. I’m now inserting my penis into your vagina.

You

[00:19:42] Moineau: laugh, but then some, goodness, some horrible, um, erotica writers write like that, and then that totally turns me off of their book.

[00:19:50] Chief: Well exactly, it turns you off, so this is what I’m saying, get your partner to write you the phrases that they want to hear. I’m,

[00:19:56] Moineau: I’m just, an easy dirty talk phrase is something like…

Um, Ooh, that’s like, that feels so nice. Who doesn’t want to hear that? You know, like you can just say how you’re feeling, like what you’re enjoying. And if you’re trying to get your partner to respond, you can ask questions. You can be like, um, what does it feel like to you? Imagine, like if you’re trying to get your, the guy to say something about, about the sex that you’re doing, you could ask him in, in the sex act, be like, um, you know, how does it feel?

Mm-Hmm. Or, um, yeah, you can tease it out of them. Yeah. How, how wet am I? Or I don’t know, you, you know, and then like that they could respond. Don’t try to have a very analytical Yeah. Like very, yeah. Very, it’s a

[00:20:46] Chief: fine line when people do that. ’cause they’re like, they’re like, you can’t think in the moment.

How hard does my pussy make you? And you’re like, very hard. I mean, what, what? You can only say very, like there’s literally nothing else you can say. And it’s like, do I turn you on? No. I mean, you’re being like forced down this. You

[00:21:02] Moineau: have to be careful with the questions, but I think you can ask open questions, ask open ended questions that are not.

Extremely complex to answer. Yes. You know, just, how does it feel? Yeah. Does it feel good?

[00:21:15] Chief: Agreed. There you go. Agreed. Um, but yeah, just, I mean, look, just say to him, look, I want you to talk dirty to me more and here are some ideas.

[00:21:26] Moineau: Say it over ice cream, you know, be on a, out on a date or something and be like, I want to hear more dirty talk and I don’t think you’re going to get it.

[00:21:35] Chief: Yeah. What else have we got? I’d like for my husband to initiate in a public place a bit of under the table action before leading me to the bathroom or secluded place, and he takes me from behind without a word exchanged and then we carry on as if nothing happened.

That’s fun. The less control I have, the better.

[00:21:52] Moineau: Oh, that’s really fun. Let’s

[00:21:53] Chief: do it. And then someone’s put, this backfired terribly for my wife and I when we were dating. We absconded to a bathroom at a house party, hopped in the shower, closed the slider, proceeded to start to get sexy. As it turns out, one of us failed to lock the door to the bathroom.

In the middle of sexy time, another partygoer came in and spent ten minutes grunting out a number two while we stood still, desperately trying not to burst out laughing. Oh no. Yeah. So

[00:22:20] Moineau: there we go. Locked the door. How long do you wait after that to leave the… bathroom to make it not look like you were all in there

[00:22:27] Chief: together.

Uh, yeah, but um, public sex, so obviously there’s some rules against indecent exposure, so be careful. But

[00:22:37] Moineau: under the table play, fun. Yeah. We haven’t done much of that. We could do more. I wouldn’t be

[00:22:44] Chief: opposed. Yeah, it’s tricky because you’ve got to sit next to them, generally. Or at a, like, um… At a corner. A corner where you’re on two sides of the…

[00:22:53] Moineau: And it needs to be dark enough that no one’s going to see and crowded enough that no one’s going to notice and possibly a tablecloth or not. Depending on the height of the table and where you are.

[00:23:03] Chief: Yes, um… No underwear. If you go out wearing no underwear and a skirt, it makes it a lot easier. You can

[00:23:09] Moineau: do it with underwear though.

And in fact, so guilty, guilty confession here. You prefer underwear. Well, that’s not, I think everyone knows that. If you don’t, by the way. I like the friction of underwear. No, but, uh, a nice little porn, um, subject is. It’s not even, it’s not even a theme of porn really. It’s just in certain porn that I watch, they use the underwear to like restrain the thighs together by just pulling it down ever so slightly and then you can’t pull your legs apart.

And so having your legs like firmly like you’re tied to it ends up being like Bondage almost, or being restrained with your panties, which is super hot and also the idea of you putting your hand down my panties that I’m wearing feels more taboo than me going without panties. You know, it’s the idea that I’m wearing panties, so it’s the social ideas that I’m not about to be having sort of.

Yes,

[00:24:20] Chief: it’s just the logistics because if, if, if they’re there, if you’re like wearing jeans, you can sort of get in the top, but if you’re wearing a skirt and underwear, it’s really tricky to get around the side. You can figure

[00:24:31] Moineau: it out. Part of it is the like the tightness and the friction and like, how are you going to slip?

My panties to the side, or are we going to stick your fingers underneath

[00:24:43] Chief: in some way? Yeah, and then you get wrist ache, because your wrists at like a really weird angle. Well, that

[00:24:48] Moineau: sounds like a you problem, not a me problem.

[00:24:51] Chief: Yeah, so train your wrists at the gym guys, wrists and forearms, because it’s like a weird angle.

Those wrist gripper things. Yeah, yeah. Um. Yeah, public play is, is fun. Um, but they’re talking about full on sex as well, so… Or are they just talking about getting to see… So the thing with me is, bathrooms are always pretty gross. Yeah. And they don’t… Well, they

[00:25:10] Moineau: said

[00:25:10] Chief: secluded space as well. They said secluded space, yes.

But, I mean, in London, it’s very rare to find secluded space. If you’re like, maybe if you lived in the country, you could go around the side of the pub and no one And it wouldn’t smell like piss. Yeah, but in a bathroom, like, I don’t like to touch anything in there as it is. Um… I did get kicked, I don’t think I’ve told you this, I did get kicked out of a women’s bathroom for having sex in it once.

No! I was so drunk. Oh god! I don’t really remember it but I know that I’d been out with a friend who I was not dating but sort of casually seeing. And then we both really got drunk and I led her into the women’s bathroom. Now normally I would never do this because I’d be like… One, everyone’s going to see us, and two, there’s a queue, but from what I remember I just walked, like, took a hand, walked straight into the stew.

You were so drunk. I was so drunk. I don’t drink anymore, but I was so drunk, and then we just went in the stall, and then, um, we had a knock on the door going, Excuse me, sir! Yeah, before I could even do anything. Now, I don’t know… I don’t know if they thought we were doing drugs, or how they’d even found us, or, because obviously there was a line outside.

You probably literally just

[00:26:23] Moineau: wandered in past everyone and were like,

[00:26:25] Chief: yep. Yeah, but then they would have had to go upstairs to get a bouncer. Or, I don’t know whether they, we were in there for a long time, we might have been, I don’t know, or they thought we were doing drugs. Were

[00:26:34] Moineau: you in the middle of having sex?

Yeah. Oh, damn.

[00:26:37] Chief: Yeah. I mean, it was only, like, quick from what I remember, but, um… It’s really

[00:26:42] Moineau: funny, how old were you?

[00:26:44] Chief: Uh… This was four… five or six years ago, maybe. Oh,

[00:26:53] Moineau: you weren’t young.

[00:26:55] Chief: This was, this was like, I’m 41 now. So this is, this is late 30s. That makes it worse. This is all the stuff I was making up for that I didn’t get to do in my teenage

[00:27:05] Moineau: years.

But that, that makes it worse. Cause I can excuse that behavior from like a 23 year old or something like from a

[00:27:12] Chief: 35 year old. It’s the first time I’ve ever done it. First time I’ve been kicked out of a car. Place. Oh man. Were you I was super embarrassed. Uh, well, no, because pissed, I couldn’t see straight and I was super drunk, so, but Yeah, no way I’d do that sober.

No way. I’d be too worried about everyone seeing and hearing. So yeah, that was fun. Wow. Um, but yeah, and it’s gross. So it is gross. I like the idea of it. It’s hot. I like the idea of. public sex and having a quickie somewhere. But again, a lot of these practicalities make it difficult.

[00:27:48] Moineau: It would be nice to go to a party that’s not necessarily a sex party, but it were, if it were a party that people, everyone there agreed that if sex happened, it would be okay.

So then you could go in a secluded corner when you want to and have a nice little against the wall sex. It would be great. You know, that would be nice. And you know that there are people in the other room, uh, but…

[00:28:14] Chief: It’s kind of like Torch Garden, but without the kink, without the fetish we’d want it. Yeah, and then you got people with phones nowadays.

That’s the trouble, like, nowadays people would be filming over the top of it, and so yeah.

[00:28:29] Moineau: So it’d be a no phones allowed party. We can make it happen. We

[00:28:32] Chief: can, we can. Um, so yeah, again, I don’t, I can’t think of a man that would be… Not turned on if you said this is my fantasy. Like, again, I’m, I’m obviously, I can’t speak for all men, but I don’t think this is something that…

[00:28:50] Moineau: It sounds like a compliment, that you

[00:28:52] Chief: want to… Yes, yes, it’s like, I want you to take me so much that you can do it anywhere. Yeah,

[00:28:57] Moineau: yeah.

[00:28:58] Chief: And, and it’s the less control I have, the better. So very, you know, DS type thing here. Yeah, yeah. Well done, you. Yeah, but she hasn’t told him, so. Oh, well. No, well done, you. Go and tell him right now.

Don’t shame. I’m not shaming. No, I’m not shaming. But, again, not, I don’t think this is particularly uncommon. When I first saw the title, I thought this was going to be like, yeah, I really want to, like, fist him in the arse, and I thought it would be, like, super extreme. Yeah. And it’s, it’s

[00:29:26] Moineau: it’s just people saying that they want to have sex more with their partner in all sorts of

[00:29:31] Chief: ways.

And they really fancy them. Which is great. It’s very lovely. Ooh, getting fucked while also giving him head. But duplicate himself. I don’t want to threesome with anybody else. So basically she wants to duplicate him. Uh,

[00:29:45] Moineau: yeah, the, the, the twin cest. Yes. Uh, not twin cest, it’s, it’s self. Oh, what’s the term?

There’s some term in fanfiction for this exact Well,

[00:29:54] Chief: she’s not cloning herself, she’s cloning her husband. No, I know,

[00:29:56] Moineau: but there’s, there’s a, there’s a term for that. That’s, it’s, it’s a very common fanfiction trope. Who wouldn’t want that? Well, but then sometimes It ends up where you have to end up killing your clone.

It gets dark. Yeah.

[00:30:13] Chief: Uh, yeah. Um, yeah, obviously that one’s not possible. I mean,

[00:30:17] Moineau: like, having your partner doubled? Yeah, totally. Yeah. Think about all of the things that you’d be able to do and it would be drama free as well. All threesome scenarios would all of a sudden be less drama. Yeah. Yeah, sounds great.

Let’s do it.

[00:30:35] Chief: Come on, uh, Elon. Create a cloning device. Please don’t. Don’t go Elon. Alright, if you had an identical twin, or if you had an identical twin, would you…

[00:30:45] Moineau: No, no, no, that gets really dark and that gets into actual, like, fucked up incest

[00:30:50] Chief: real quick. I’ve seen porn where the porn stars are identical twins and I’m like, is that legal?

It’s not legal. They’re not really touching each other. No,

[00:30:59] Moineau: it gets into… Actual incest is frowned upon for reasons. Yeah, of course, of course. This and twin cest is part of that. But

[00:31:07] Chief: they’re not, they’re not having

[00:31:08] Moineau: sex with each other. That doesn’t, that doesn’t matter. Imagine if your mum were in the room with you having sex and encouraging that.

[00:31:13] Chief: Okay, well. There you go! If, no, but if, sorry, but if, if I was with someone and they had… An identical twin and they both wanted to have sex with me. I would not say no, that’s incest. I would say yes, bring it on. Okay.

[00:31:27] Moineau: If you were with someone and they wanted to pull in one of your siblings. How would you feel

[00:31:35] Chief: about that?

Well, I, I think if my sibling was identical and thought exactly like me, then I think it would probably be right. But identical

[00:31:41] Moineau: twins don’t think alike. They’re not clones. Yeah, but I’m This is insulting to all

[00:31:46] Chief: twins out there. No, no, no, but if I’m pretending that the clone is, no, I’m pretending my twin thinks like me.

[00:31:53] Moineau: Yes, okay, still. I mean, actually, on this note, I did read a really interesting, um, tabloid type, article about, uh, a set of twins who are in a polyamorous relationship with the same person and they are living their life and they coordinated their pregnancies and everything. Yeah, no, that’s not, I don’t Super, um,

[00:32:19] Chief: bizarre.

No, that’s not really a turn on.

[00:32:22] Moineau: But yeah, let’s keep actual incest out of things and keep

[00:32:25] Chief: it to the fantasy. Alright, um, actually, I’d love it if my partner would go down on me more often. You’ve said that.

[00:32:32] Moineau: I have said that. And, um, it’s worked. Went down on you last night. It’s, my feedback has been taken into consideration and has been acted upon.

[00:32:42] Chief: Yay. Yeah. Uh, be more, love to go down on me more, be more rough, slap my ass, talk dirty to me, fuck, face fuck me, just being more kinky. This is

[00:32:52] Moineau: getting more into the realm of, I can understand why they would struggle to tell their husband

[00:32:59] Chief: this. Yes. It’s a lot harder to say to someone, I want you to fuck my face or be more rough with me.

Yeah, definitely.

[00:33:08] Moineau: Yeah, you never know how it’s going to be received. Mm.

[00:33:11] Chief: Mm. We do have some tips on how to do this though. Loads. In the course. Multiple guides as well. The art of submission. And in the subs menu. Full course for subs who, uh, And if you go on kinkyevents. co. uk you can search for, I think like, Make him more dominant or make my partner more dominant and there’s lots of tips there as well.

And

[00:33:29] Moineau: there’s also the guide of how to have kinky conversations or talk about your core desires as well, which is also very useful for the same thing. Sometimes you may struggle to voice what it is that you want to explore, but you can try to pull out the core essence of what it is that act is and explain that to your partner and then let them kind of fill in the

[00:33:53] Chief: blanks.

Yes. I love that this has 69 replies as well, this one. Stop replying,

[00:33:59] Moineau: everyone.

[00:34:01] Chief: Um, yeah. And then someone’s replied, all things I didn’t find out about my girlfriend for months because she was too shy to admit it. She also later requested light choking, biting and hair pulling. Our sex life has never been better since she opened up to me about these things and a few others.

Congratulations. So yeah, again, I don’t think, I think, I’ve, I think men are far filthier. Like the kind of things we think about. I think women would be quite disturbed. I

[00:34:33] Moineau: disagree based off of my own mind. Okay,

[00:34:35] Chief: okay. I’ve had some talks with women. No, but you actually want to do. Yeah. Okay. Because I don’t think, I don’t think this stuff is, I think they would have thought about this.

Most men would have thought about this kind of stuff, about being more aggressive

[00:34:51] Moineau: and dominant. But even then, are they talking to their partners? It’s the same, like, how do you talk to

[00:34:56] Chief: your partner about this stuff? Because I, because it’s hard to bring up, and because you don’t know what they’re going to say.

Yeah. And. I’ve had it in relationships. You can’t bring it up because if you’ve started the relationship in a kind of vanilla way on a classic dating site. You just, it’s just scary to bring this kind of stuff up, or it certainly was when I was younger, and it’s, it’s harder now,

[00:35:18] Moineau: for sure. I think any conversation, any conversation about sex has a level of difficulty with your partner, and it’s, like, any conversation you can have is something to feel really proud of.

Like, I applaud anyone who can go out and have these conversations, because they’re not easy, even though we talk about this all the time, there’s still things that, like, We struggle to say to each other or like you want to hedge around the issue or you think that they’re going to judge you even though you have said it, you think that they’re still judging you and it takes a lot of guts and a lot of courage to have these conversations.

So I

[00:35:57] Chief: mean, it’s not easy. I’m not saying it’s easy. Yeah,

[00:35:59] Moineau: I really feel for everyone who’s Just trying to have these conversations

[00:36:03] Chief: with their partner. But you can practice it, and it is a skill that you can learn. Yeah. Mm hmm. Yeah. Um, and yeah, tips if you’re gonna have these kinds of discussions, don’t, don’t judge what they’re gonna say.

Uh, don’t judge what they say. Even if it’s something you’re not into, that’s okay. You just say, no, that’s not for me. But you don’t shame them for having. Those, thinking those things, because if you, normally, the way someone will go about this is they’ll hint at it, or they’ll say the mildest version of it, so in this case she wants to be face fucked, so she might say, um, I’d really like to do, you know, a bit more oral, but could you, could you like, maybe, I want, I want you to go deeper, and then they will see your reaction to that, and if you’re like, Oh no, like, why would you want to do that?

She’s not going to then reveal everything else and it’s immediately going to shut it down and then she’s going to feel really bad. So, don’t do that, just say, oh that’s interesting, um, tell me more about it. And again, you might not be into it, but you can say, look, that’s, I’m so glad that you were able to share that with me.

I think it must be real, really difficult. Um, it’s really great that you, you tell me. Um, it’s not really my thing, but, um, maybe we could try… This variant. Or, yeah. And

[00:37:22] Moineau: you might find over time that your limits that you previously set, um, have changed. Yes. Or, you know, become a little bit more flexible. I know that some of my soft limits have already changed and some of my hard limits are no longer hard limits.

[00:37:39] Chief: What’s the hard limit that’s changed?

[00:37:41] Moineau: I think like temperature play. Um, I know I had that as a hard limit because of the, the sensations. Generally my body feels Pain and my muscles lock with, um, cold sensations and the idea of my muscles locking and being in pain, uh, made it a hard limit.

But you’ve touched me sometimes when your hands have been cold or like when your tongue has been cold because you were drinking a Diet Coke right before. And it’s a pleasant sensation. So like. Obviously, I’ve, you know, I’ve learned that there are some things that can feel good, it’s just a matter of finding the variant that is still workable.

[00:38:22] Chief: Yeah, yeah, I’m trying to, I’m just trying to think.

[00:38:25] Moineau: Like rough anal, I don’t know if I ever had it as a hard limit, I think at the very beginning I might have said that anal was a limit and now it’s one of my favourite

[00:38:33] Chief: activities. I’m trying to think if I’ve got any, I mean my hard limits are all generally around, Like needles, medical blade cutting, that kind of stuff.

Uh, and I don’t think that’s changed. I don’t think, I’m not sure if any of my heart, I don’t think those have changed.

[00:38:50] Moineau: I’ve definitely had a lot of self limits that have changed though, and the more I learn about a kink, the less intimidating it feels. So I think that’s something to keep in mind. Um, and even if that’s something that stays in my fantasies, all of a sudden I’m like, Ooh, somehow this writer, this writer was able to make this kink that I thought, was unappealing, suddenly appealing, in how they wrote it.

And so that makes me question that whole kink altogether. Like, oh, um, feet. I don’t generally like feet, but you really like to get your feet massaged. And so I started learning how to

[00:39:29] Chief: kink, it doesn’t turn me on. No, no, no, no. I feel like I always have to clarify that. I don’t have a

[00:39:33] Moineau: But, but, I had like a fit aversion.

And I started learning how to massage your feet until I really enjoyed giving you a foot massage. And then I, I read, yeah, I don’t like feet. I used to not like feet at all. And so it was really like, but I wanted to give you a foot massage cause I knew how much you liked it. And then I actually read a couple of literaticas about.

Foot fetishes and how they were described about like kissing the toes or like worshiping the feet and, and it was really appealing to me and I was like, Oh, that does actually sound quite nice to get like my toes sucked

[00:40:12] Chief: or reframing it, isn’t it? You’ve reframed. That activity into a, maybe a worship activity and worship plays into the power play.

So

[00:40:22] Moineau: perhaps the whole idea of, of using, of like playing with feet in a sexual setting and like sucking on toes or something where previously I would have been like. That’s repulsive. And now I’m like, oh, I can actually see the appeal to that. It’s not

[00:40:37] Chief: repulsive. I’ve sucked on Freshly washed foot. Yeah.

I’ve sucked on toes. I don’t, again, it doesn’t really do anything for me. But it feels good to the

[00:40:46] Moineau: person getting their toe sucked.

[00:40:47] Chief: For some, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it can be like, like if you’re So if you are, if the, again talking heterosexual relationship here, if the woman’s on the back with the, the man’s kneeling on the bed and their legs are over.

If your legs are over my shoulders and you’re fucking them, the toe is just there . It’s right. So like ripe and ready for the tape. You’re just like, okay, I’ll try this, I’ll try this. Oh yeah. It doesn’t taste too bad. Um, it just tastes like finger. I guess it’s the same as it tastes like skin. Yeah. Yeah. It tastes like skin.

Yeah. I think people, a lot of people though, have. don’t like feets. They don’t like their own feet. They didn’t like the way they look. They think it’s weird. I don’t know if this is, it must be a, I think there must be some biological reason why it seems to be women that, again, I know I’m stereotyping this, but a lot of my female friends don’t like feet for some reason.

I think it goes to

[00:41:37] Moineau: like footwear and especially like open toed shoes. And then you just think about how unsanitary it is. And like, there’s a lot of thoughts. It’s a lot to unpack. But I

[00:41:45] Chief: think more men. Yeah, I think we’ve talked

[00:41:49] Moineau: about this before in a previous

[00:41:50] Chief: podcast.

[00:41:52] Moineau: No, because where your fit neurons in your brain are located, it’s right next to the Genital neurons in your brain and in a lot of brains, there are

[00:42:05] Chief: crossfires neurons in my head.

[00:42:08] Moineau: Yeah. Yeah, you do. And they’re right next to the fit neurons and sometimes it, it, it, that sensation, any sensation that’s felt in the genitals, it goes to the brain where you feel the sensation. And so basically your feet are right next to the genitals, like in.

[00:42:26] Chief: And this is reflexology almost,

[00:42:28] Moineau: right? No, but this is like where the sensations are felt in the brain when they’ve like done like the tests or whatever.

Anyway, but it’s actually it’s a, it’s an area of the brain that it’s really easy to have crossed sensations. Yeah. And that’s, that’s apparently part of the fit fetish. So it doesn’t go to some Freudian thing. It’s like literally just like, where is it mapped in the brain?

[00:42:53] Chief: But that doesn’t explain why more men have foot fetishes than women.

Maybe they have more of their wires crossed, I don’t know. I’m making this, that up, but I’m pretty sure that… Yeah, one, one psychologist I went to talk about was saying they think it’s because… Uh, the mum obviously takes care of the kids and so the kids are always, uh, because if you think about it, more men have like stocking fetishes, feet fetishes, and why is that?

No one, who has a hat fetish? Very few people, because the babies are crawling around, they’re looking down at their mum’s

[00:43:22] Moineau: feet. Once we start getting into Freudian stuff, like, no, Freud doesn’t have an answer to everything. No, alright. But

[00:43:29] Chief: there are interesting things. It makes logical sense, but I can,

[00:43:32] Moineau: it’s not scientifically backed.

Feet are a very sensitive part of the body, with a lot of, a lot of sensations built in. So I can see why, um, people want to feel that in a nice way, and that pleasant sensation turns into a sexual sensation.

[00:43:46] Chief: Yeah. Changing the topic slightly, away from feet. Well, it’s a related topic. I found, and I think also Esther Perel talks about this, who wrote, um…

Come As You

[00:44:00] Moineau: Are. Nope. No, sorry.

[00:44:03] Chief: That’s Emily Nagoski. My apologies. Yeah, she’s done a great TED Talk and she, um… Mating in Captivity. Mating in Captivity, yeah. And she was, she always talks about, as you get to know someone, you… You kind of fall, you can fall out of attraction with them because you, you, you become more intimate and intimacy kills that attraction.

But what I’ve also found is the more, you know, someone, the more, in a way, it’s more difficult to admit or share what you enjoy sexually, because there’s a higher risk of. Um, there’s more, if they did leave, it’s a higher cost. So if you’re on a, if you’re on like date number five with someone and you, and you got the courage up and he’s like, Oh, I really want you to fuck my face.

Or it’s a one night stand. You’d be more in some ways willing to share that information with a complete stranger, because you know, you’re never going to see that with them. And even if they think you’re. a horrible person. There’s, it’s a, it’s a low cost. Who cares? Whereas if you’ve been going, if you’re married and you’re going out for this person for 20 years and you suddenly say it to them, if they were like, who is this person?

I want to, I want to leave you. That is a huge cost. And I, I found that a little bit with us as well. Like some of the, when I’m dominating you, there’s part of me that’s like, this is, it’s, it’s harder because. I see you more as a human. Does that make sense? Like, I know that’s, do you know what I mean? I don’t mean that.

It sounds

[00:45:32] Moineau: awful, but I bet it

[00:45:33] Chief: makes sense. Yeah, like I know, I know more of your personality, I know your values, I know you’re more of a human than if we were on our fifth date, where I only know parts of you. No, it’s, it’s,

[00:45:45] Moineau: you care more about my feelings. Yeah, yeah. You know, than you perhaps would have at the beginning.

[00:45:51] Chief: Yeah, and it’s weird because it’s, it’s easier to talk about, like, really filthy fantasies with someone you just met. Yeah. And…

[00:45:59] Moineau: I don’t see that as weird, because…

[00:46:01] Chief: No, but the, my, my question is, how do we… How do we… Overcome that. Overcome that, yes.

[00:46:06] Moineau: Yeah. Unfortunately… Um, I have heard some really sad stories about people within our own community who they’ve shared their feelings, uh, with their partner, with their husband, you know, of multiple years or whoever.

And that relationship has broken down to the point of, uh, divorce and, um, uh, splitting of lives. Uh, apart, you know, and it’s, it’s, it’s sad to see and it’s, it’s happened multiple times. Yeah. This is definitely an issue that people are

[00:46:39] Chief: facing. Well, it’s also why, if you, why you want to talk about this stuff as soon as possible and make it a part of your relationship from the start.

But

[00:46:46] Moineau: how you can try to avoid that sort of rupture. I think it has to come with having more conversations that are kind of like stage one. You know, like you, if you were to go to someone and, and blurt out your dirtiest fantasy, if they didn’t understand the why behind that fantasy, I think they’d be much more likely to judge it as being something harsh or disgusting.

And imagine if that person didn’t know anything about pink and didn’t know. Like. So you’re just there with their preconceived notions, and of course there’s going to be judgment there. So if you’re trying to tell someone who’s been miseducated or misinformed about a kink and seeing it as like morally wrong, then of course the likelihood of them rejecting you is much higher.

[00:47:36] Chief: Yes, I agree, but I’m talking about specifically the situation where you know your partner is Okay, talking about this kind of stuff, right? And it’s still, it’s still as you get to know them. Do you not find that? Like, it’s, there

[00:47:50] Moineau: are some things that are hard to tell you. Yeah, because I don’t know, because I’m still worried in the back of my head that if a rejection happens, then that’s me.

Yeah.

[00:48:02] Chief: But would you tell? Yeah. I totally would. Exactly. And this is what I don’t like. Because I

[00:48:08] Moineau: do it as well. I have to tell a stranger, like, it’s so easy to go to some stranger psychologist and blurt out your entire life story because it can be so blasé about it. So how do we fix it? It can be like, oh, here’s all the trauma from my past.

And I am always very comforted in the fact that I’m never going to see this person again.

[00:48:23] Chief: Yes. Because the stakes are higher. Yeah. So my question, back to my original question, how do we, what strategies? I think you

[00:48:30] Moineau: have to build a reassuring, loving environment full of affirmations. Yeah, but we have that.

No, no, no, but actually, like, if I’m, if I’m going back to my stranger, talking to like a psychologist or whatever, I’m always comforted the fact that they’re not going to judge me again in the future because I’m never going to see them again. That lets me be more free. And I think. If I were to want to share something with you, I’d have to ask you be like, I want to share something that’s really vulnerable to me and can I get some reassurance before I even tell you that you’re going to take this with, you know, an open mind and, and I also want you to please give me some words of encouragement and also let, and give me some validation as I’m telling you that way.

I don’t feel like I’m in a flight or fight sort of Mentality, you know? Like I’d really want you to be like, affirming me the entire way and being like, well done, or like, I don’t know. Does that

[00:49:31] Chief: make sense? Yeah, yeah, I think that’s a good strategy, for sure. Because it definitely does happen, even during sex, it’s like, some of the more extreme things we do, it’s like, it’s, it’s, weirdly it was easier to do at the start.

Yeah. Because now, well I guess we also spend more time together, so the switch, and I still find it difficult, the switch from everyday life. Into DS and where that boundary is, um, beyond like setting a date and going out at this time, we’re going to go and have sex, you know, just the more of the 24 7 power play.

It’s always in flux, isn’t it? Yeah, yeah. Anyway, just a thought I had.

[00:50:12] Moineau: Interesting.

[00:50:12] Chief: Mine aren’t really sexual, I want a really nice massage. And to be held like a baby until I’m 40. Oh yeah, don’t we all. The reply, bunch of dirty cuddle sluts in this thread. And it’s pretty adorable, really.

[00:50:28] Moineau: We just want to be told that we’re loved and appreciated and held.

That’s like, top um.

[00:50:34] Chief: I like this one. I just, I want him to sneak up behind me, restrain me, and then make me cum repeatedly for an hour straight. For

[00:50:40] Moineau: an hour? I mean like, yeah, cum repeatedly. That sounds hot and make sure you hydrate first. Yeah, how far can you go? You’ve never taken me to my breaking point yet as of yeah Even that one time that I wanted you to make me cry and we

[00:50:57] Chief: didn’t cry didn’t get cry twice I mean, oh,

[00:50:59] Moineau: no, no, no, not like not cry.

Sometimes the sensation is overwhelming and I do just cry Recently, but I mean like when you were teasing me with the vibrator and I wanted to be Begging you to stop, but I wanted you to still go further. Mm-Hmm. Because that’s playing into the, like you are the dom. Like you can take me to places that I cannot go Yeah.

On my own. Yeah. Or I cannot go alone. Like without you forcing it. And it’s the idea like, well,

[00:51:30] Chief: after you’ve come, just keep it. Just keep it on it. Just keep

[00:51:32] Moineau: going. Mm-Hmm. Just keep going. But the thing is. I think your endurance ran out because we were, yeah, we were in an awkward position. And so it requires a sit down, maybe in an armchair, but at some point it would be nice to be just like absolutely steamrolled with sensation and just like forced.

It’s the post orgasm torture that I’m really interested in, but again, it’s

[00:51:58] Chief: logistics. Yeah, it’s possible. It is possible. It’s not out of the question, that one at all. No. I mean, I’ve, yeah, we’ve tried a bit, but I can, I guess I’ll have to go for that the next time.

[00:52:08] Moineau: I’m not complaining

[00:52:09] Chief: of what we have done.

No, not at all. And again, I think this is the other thing when you, sometimes when people say what they want to their partner, they think their partner will, they’re worried their partner will interpret it as criticism. Or if you do get feedback from your partner, you, you, you base, what you’re hearing is you’re not good enough.

I want you to do better. But. Yeah, that’s not how that came across to me. Okay, good. Not at all. No. Uh, I like it. I like it when we have new ideas and things to try because it’s, how else do I know?

[00:52:39] Moineau: We haven’t even done all the things on our list of things that we’ve discovered that we want to try,

[00:52:44] Chief: you know?

I’ve got a list, that’s why I made a list last night, I’ve got it downstairs. We

[00:52:47] Moineau: have, we have a running list of things that at some point in the future when the timing is right and when all the stars align, we would like to do. Oh, I know, that’s,

[00:52:54] Chief: that’s why I want to talk about them. Yeah. I think the moral of the story is… yEah, you should be able to talk about your partner about these things. Perhaps the thing that you’re thinking is super extreme and you could never talk about, actually, your partner has done it before or, uh, really wants it too, and you could be saving a lot of time by admitting it now than, or not even admitting it, by telling them now than, than in five years time.

Um, and even that thing that you think is way extreme and they’ll ne there’s not a chance they’d ever want to do that. Maybe they don’t, but it will feel better for you once you tell them and then you would know and there’s a 50 50 chance you’ll get what you want.

[00:53:37] Moineau: Oh dear, is that encouraging?

[00:53:39] Chief: No, maybe more than 50 50, but either way you’ll feel better because it’s not a secret anymore that you’re hiding.

Um, of course there are still, I’m sure there are people that are in. The wrong relationships, and, uh, there will be repercussions if they said something like that, but, you know, ultimately it’s about choosing a partner that is right for you, from the start, and that you’re sexually compatible with, not everyone was able to do that, so, yeah, some people, like you were saying, will end up getting divorced when they finally figure out that they are into this stuff, and it’s a big part of who they are.

[00:54:12] Moineau: I think you have to choose, at the end of the day, what is more important, is it sexual compatibility, or are there other things? That’s more or equally, um, pleasing and beneficial about the relationship. Sex isn’t everything. It isn’t. And sometimes I think people forget that in their joy of discovering this whole new world that they want to all of a sudden explore all these possibilities.

And at the end of the day, maybe it is worth keeping the relationship that has brought value and it’s just missing that one component. So you have to really measure that

[00:54:46] Chief: up. Yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. Great. Well, thank you, good discussion, hope you have enjoyed it out there, don’t forget to go to kinkyevents.

co. uk, lots of articles on how to talk about this stuff to your friends. Um, your partners, if you are more on the subby side of things, we’ve got the art of submission course, which teaches you some of how to do this and how to find a partner that’s right for you, uh, how to explore what you’re into, because you may not even know you, we may have talked about some of this stuff and you’ve never even thought about it and you actually quite like the sound of it.

So we’ve got some exercises that will help you figure out what it is that you’re into. Um, but yeah, that is it. Thanks for listening. Lots of love

[00:55:28] Moineau: and sphinx everyone. Bye.