I love a good massage.
Not in a sexual way.
But in a “wow this feels incredibly relaxing” kind of way.
During a great massage the therapist does two things incredibly well.
Firstly they will always have one hand in contact with your body as they move around the table.
The purpose of this is prevent you being startled as they move around the room.
You can imagine being in a relaxed state of mind, off in your own little world, and not paying much attention to where they are. If they had just been massaging your legs and then afterwards moved to your head you might be startled when you felt a touch there, not realising they had moved.
Secondly they tend to stroke in repetitive patterns.
The first stroke is new. You didn’t know what to expect and your conscious mind pays attention to it.
The second stroke is the same as the first, but you don’t yet know if it is a pattern or just by chance.
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By the third stroke the pattern has been established. Your conscious mind begins to switch off, as it knows there is no danger, and the action being performed is safe.
With each subsequent stroke you can relax deeper. You know what to expect, you know you like it, and you know it’s going to carry on.
It’s no fluke that the hypnotist swings a pocket watch or has you stare at a spinning disc, or that popular music consists of repetitive catchy courses.
Repetitive patterns are hypnotic.
Our brains love them.
Using repetition to enhance moments within BDSM scenes
During a BDSM scene I enjoy using repetitive patterns as a way of helping my partner get out of her head and relax into her submission.
Take spanking for example. A rhythmic spanking is more effective for relaxation than sporadic spanks at random.
(There is a place for being sporadic. If I was running a disciple themed scene I would avoid using repetitive patterns because I don’t want my Sub to be able to relax. I want her mind alert so she pays attention and learns.)
As you spank, keep the tempo and intensity even and below her pain threshold (at least at first) so she gets used to the feeling, just like the strokes of a massage.
Other examples of repetition within a BDSM scene include:
- Oral sex with a steady tongue movement
- Penetration with a steady speed and depth
- Running your hand up and down her body in the same pattern
- Massaging her head
These are all examples of the use of repetition within a specific moment (what I refer to as a Perfect Moment in my book Sensational Scenes).
Macro repetition
Macro repetition is when you combine the a set of Perfect Moments together in the same sequence.
For example, moment one is ten spanks on the bum (using a steady pace), and moment two is leaning in to kiss her neck.
The Perfect Moment chain is formed by these two moments alternating repeatedly.
You spank her then kiss her. Spank her then kiss her. Spank her then kiss her.
You’ve now not only created repetition within the spanking moment but also a macro repetition of spanking then kissing.
As soon as your Submissive recognises this pattern (which she will after just two rounds) she is able to sink deeper into her state of mental submission. As soon as the spanking starts, her unconscious mind is saying “Ooohh this feels really good and in nine spanks time I get a break and a kiss! I can deal with the pain until then”.
The use of macro repetition is particularly useful when you are inflicting physical pain. By establishing a pattern she knows when the pain will end and she will get a break, making the pain more bearable in the moment.
Cross scene macro repetition
Another form of repetition happens across scenes.
Suppose every time you run a scene you always do the same things in the same order.
You always spank her, then kiss her then, fuck her.
You Submissive knows this pattern and therefore knows what is going to happen next.
There are advantages and disadvantages to this.
The advantage is she can prepare herself mentally. A lot of Submissives enjoy structure and rules. She knows what is expected of her, when the moments of pleasure are, when the pain is, and when she gets to pleasure you. It can be an effective way to get her into a good mental mindset fast.
Your BDSM scenes may become ritualistic and take on an additional sense of importance in both your minds.
The disadvantage of cross scene repetition is it can become boring. There’s a certain thrill in the unexpected. It builds anticipation and a sense of excitement, which is good if you are running an arousal themed scene. If you always do the same thing you won’t be able to take your Submissive on these types of journey.
The perfect amount of repetition
As you engage in BDSM scenes you’ll get a feel for the amount of repetition which feels right for you and your partner.
I highly encourage talking after the scene and asking what felt good and what needs improvement, and then incorporating the feedback into your next scene.
For me I really believe in the power of micro repetition, especially when spanking.
I also believe macro repetition works best in Discipline and some Play scene themes. These types of scene lend themselves well to a more formal and rigid structure (Learn more about the Big 5 Scene Themes)
I also love the idea of macro repetition to create a D/s ritual to engage in once a week (not every session). At the time of writing I don’t have any rituals set up with my Sub. I suppose these would be easier when living with a partner and seeing each other every day.
The rest of the time I do as the mood takes me, including repetition when it feels appropriate.
Conclusion
Using repetition within a BDSM scene is a powerful way for a Dominant to allow the Submissive to enter a more relaxed, meditative state and approach subspace. The brain can switch off knowing it doesn’t have to pay much attention to the repetitive patterns.
Try using both micro and macro repetition in your BDSM scenes and let me know what happens in the comments below!
Up until now, I have been a random spanker. I start gently and gradually get harder at random until I hear the sharp intake of breath that lets me know it hurts just enough. I will have to try your method and see which she enjoys more.