You’ve heard about submission, maybe even felt drawn to it, but you’re not sure if it’s really for you. That’s normal. Many people feel curious about submission but aren’t sure how to recognize if those desires run deep, or if it’s just a passing fantasy.
Here’s the truth: submission isn’t one-size-fits-all. It doesn’t always look the way it’s portrayed in movies or in the media. In fact, submission can take on many forms, and the way you experience it might be completely unique to you.
So, how do you know if you’re truly a submissive?
Here are five signs that might resonate with you, even if you’re still unsure about embracing this role fully.
1. You enjoy the idea of letting go of control
One of the biggest indicators that you might have submissive tendencies is the idea of letting go of control–and enjoying it. If the thought of handing over the reins to someone else excites you, especially in intimate situations, it’s a clear sign that you’re drawn to submission.
This doesn’t mean you’re not strong or capable.
In fact, many submissives are highly independent and in control in other aspects of their lives. But there’s something incredibly freeing about letting someone else take charge, allowing yourself to relax into their direction. Whether it’s being told what to do in the bedroom or simply surrendering decision-making for a time, that pull to let go is at the heart of submission.
2. You crave deep trust and intimacy with your partner
Submission isn’t just about power play or control–it’s about trust.
If you like this article, you’ll love…
Sensational Scenes
How to heighten arousal, induce Subspace, and have mind-blowing sexual experiences.
If you find yourself craving a deeper, more intimate connection with your partner, where trust is the foundation, this could be a sign of your submissive nature.
In a Dom/sub dynamic, trust is everything. You’re giving your partner a certain level of authority, which requires a deep sense of security and vulnerability.
For many submissives, this trust creates an unparalleled sense of intimacy. If you feel drawn to the idea of building that kind of connection, where you can be vulnerable and let your guard down, you’re already in line with one of the most important aspects of submission.
3. You find pleasure in pleasing others
A strong desire to please your partner can be another indicator that you have a submissive side. This doesn’t mean that you ignore your own needs or that you’re a people-pleaser in every aspect of life. But in a Dom/sub relationship, submissives often find pleasure and fulfillment in making their partner happy.
Example: Emma and her partner, Rob, have a healthy, equal relationship, but Emma has always felt a deep sense of satisfaction when she can make Rob’s day a little easier. She loves when he asks her to do small things for him–like picking out his clothes for the day or making his morning coffee just the way he likes it. These little acts of service feel fulfilling to Emma because they’re not done out of obligation, but out of her desire to care for him and make him feel good. One day, she realizes that this sense of satisfaction is connected to her deeper desire to be submissive–she feels pleasure knowing she’s meeting his needs and contributing to his happiness.
Whether it’s following their lead in the bedroom, doing small acts of service, or simply knowing that you’ve made them feel good, this desire to please can be incredibly rewarding for submissives. If the thought of serving or satisfying your partner excites you, even outside of sexual scenarios, you might find that submission offers you a deeper way to explore that dynamic.
4. The idea of power exchange excites you
Does the thought of exchanging power with your partner get your heart racing? If you’ve fantasized about someone taking control–whether through giving you commands, setting rules, or guiding you during intimate moments–that’s a big clue that submission might be for you.
Power exchange can come in many forms. For some, it’s simply being directed during sex. For others, it extends into more aspects of their life, like following specific rules or protocols. The important part is that this exchange is consensual and grounded in trust. If this kind of dynamic excites you, you’re probably already in tune with your submissive side, whether or not you’ve acted on it yet.
Examples
In the bedroom, Thiago finds excitement in having his partner, Andre, take control during sex, giving him instructions on how to position himself or when to move. The simple act of being guided heightens Thiago’s pleasure, knowing that Andre is leading their intimate moments. Outside the bedroom, they’ve agreed on certain rituals, like Thiago asking permission before doing something significant, such as spending money on non-essential items. This daily practice keeps the power exchange alive, even in their day-to-day lives, and both feel the trust and connection grow.
For others, power exchange can look like following specific rules or protocols. Omar and his partner, Davi, have created rules for their dynamic that extend beyond sexual interaction. Omar has agreed to wear clothes chosen by Davi when they go out together, or to text Davi for approval before making certain decisions, like who they spend time with. These protocols bring a sense of structure and intentionality to their relationship, deepening the feeling of connection between them as Davi takes the lead in these areas.
For some couples, it’s about smaller, intimate gestures. Niko has agreed to greet his partner, Grave, at the door every evening, kneeling as a sign of respect and submission when Grace arrives home. This routine grounds their power exchange in a loving, ritualistic way, helping Niko express his submissive side daily, even in a non-sexual context.
5. You feel curious but unsure where to start
Curiosity is often the first step on the path to submission. If you find yourself wondering about submission–reading about it, fantasising, or even just feeling intrigued by the concept–then it’s likely that you have submissive tendencies. Many people feel this curiosity but don’t act on it because they’re unsure where to begin.
Example: Mateo had always been drawn to the idea of submission, though he wasn’t entirely sure why. He and his boyfriend, Luka, had a loving and balanced relationship, but whenever Mateo thought about giving up control during intimate moments, it sparked a deep sense of curiosity within him. Late at night, he would find himself reading articles about Dom/sub dynamics, but he didn’t feel ready to bring it up with Luka–what if it changed how Luka saw him? He kept his thoughts to himself, unsure of how to even begin the conversation or how submission might fit into their relationship.
After weeks of turning the idea over in his head, Mateo decided to start small. One evening, while cuddling on the couch, he told Luka, “I’ve been thinking about trying something new. What would you think about me letting you take control more often, even just in small ways?” To his relief, Luka was open to the idea and equally curious about where it might lead. That conversation became the first step toward them slowly and safely exploring submission together.
This uncertainty is totally normal. Exploring submission is a journey, and everyone’s path is different. If you’ve been feeling that pull but aren’t sure how to take the next step, that’s a strong sign that submission is something you’re interested in. The important thing is to start slow and explore in a way that feels safe and comfortable for you.
What’s next? Embrace your curiosity
If these signs resonate with you, you’re not alone. Many submissives start with the same feelings of curiosity and uncertainty, wondering if they’re “really” submissive or if it’s just a fantasy. The truth is, submission is personal, and it looks different for everyone. The key is to explore in a way that feels right for you and your partner.
If you’re ready to dive deeper and explore your submissive side with confidence, The Art of Submission is here to guide you. This course is designed to help you understand your desires, communicate with your partner, and safely explore the dynamics that excite you. Whether you’re just beginning to dip your toes into submission or ready to take the next step, this course will give you the tools you need to navigate your journey.
Click here to learn more about The Art of Submission and start discovering your true submissive self today.
